tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-50932053281187559632024-02-19T03:31:16.725-08:00A Walk on the Wooly SideBecause sometimes you just need to clear your head of reality.Zoyciteyoumahttp://www.blogger.com/profile/18406447197292141386noreply@blogger.comBlogger273125tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-5093205328118755963.post-9159132442921301352023-09-21T18:57:00.006-07:002023-09-22T12:24:56.609-07:00Pat Benatar: Rated X<p>Well, that's certainly a misleading title. But since nobody really finds my blog anyway (hell, I haven't even posted in over a year) I figure I'm not going to start a controversy.</p><p>Pat Benatar's good name has been making the rounds a couple of times this year. First it was failed personality Ted Cruz doing his depressingly very best to roast the libs with the one Benatar fact he sort of knew. Now it's in conjunction with the comments from the Rolling Stone co-founder...whose name eludes me at the moment; let's just call him Samuel J. Snodgrass for simplicity. Snodgrass's statement in question was economically sexist and racist, enough to oust him from the Rock & Roll Hall of Fame Foundation; a club whose target audience have oft cited the curious omission of Rock Icon Pat Benatar.</p><p>It's never simple to pinpoint what elevates a particular performer into iconic status. MTV may have had a role in that we all know her video "You Better Run" was the second music video ever played on the channel. Considering it followed the prophetic "Video Killed the Radio Star" by the Buggles, which was visually stylized and filtered, Benatar had the first clearly visible face of MTV, staring directly at the audience with an attitude that said 'this is your decade'.</p><p>It was also significant, even though we didn't realize it, that Benatar was an outsider to rock. She had been classically trained as a coloratura (which is a fancy word for singer) and earned her stripes performing Judy Garland songs at various nightclubs. The shift came on Halloween of 1977 when she entered a contest as a character from Cat-Women of the Moon; the spandex would carry into her rocker persona.</p><p>Perhaps it was the case that coming into rock music post-night club career allowed and/or required Benatar to dissect the form in a way most rockers had never thought to do. She had to retrain her voice in order to sound less like Julie Andrews, adopting the rasps, growls, and screams rock depends on. Indeed you could look at Benatar's output and recognize that rock has a certain ugliness to it, not in an off-putting way but leaning into its imperfections. If it doesn't retain its rawness it becomes something else. And Benatar seemed to figure out exactly how much to process the ore before letting the compositions stand as 'done'.</p><p>Which brings me back to this post's title. In honor of the treasure that Pat Benatar is, as well as Snodgrass's journey to the guillotine, I've taken ten songs (X) from her catalog and arranged them as a primer for anyone who may not be as familiar with her work as they'd like to be. These aren't in an ascending or descending order of favoritism, but instead presented in album form, in much the same way her debut album In the Heat of the Night weaves through its ten unrelated songs and somehow feels like singular a journey.</p><p><br /></p><p><b>1. Heartbreaker</b></p><p><i>"Your love is like a tidal wave"</i></p><p>You KNOW this song. It was the first track on In the Heat of the Night in 1979 and through the gate establishes Benatar's identity as a singer. But you might be surprised to learn that it was a cover of the version Jenny Darren had released the previous year (written for her). Darren's is equally hard rock, but there are some interesting differences. The instruments on Benatar's record do this high paced call and response to each other that requires careful timing. It also has a theatrical flare in that you can envision the song being animated by Fantasia's artists; the tidal wave metaphor of the first line accurately describes the way the music gets progressively rougher then backs off before its final violent eruption. And then of course there's Benatar in the middle of it with her voice that sounds like youth that's been forced to grow up too fast. It becomes a character staple that Benatar occasionally holds a high note in coloratura vibrato amidst the thrashing around her, like a dolphin leaping out of the ocean. For an even better illustration of this technique, visit "We Belong" which I alas didn't include here.</p><p><b>2. Sex as a Weapon</b></p><p><i>"How much affection can you destroy?"</i></p><p>Perhaps the spiritual successor to "Love is a Battlefield". Between 1979 and 1985 Pat Benatar released an album every year, which seems to be the arc for most creators; you get a wave where you pour out content and then you subside (by the way, it's been over a year since I last blogged). As consumers we tend to think in terms of 5-6 year brackets and then we start looking for the next console. Suffice to say, MTV was changing and Benatar was in her senior year of the old guard when this video hit which essentially served as her swansong on the channel. And it was risqué. It was 1985, a lot of music was about sex but we didn't really admit to it by saying the word out loud. But like most Benatar songs, this wasn't about one thing, or one emotion (and more about manipulation than sex). The lyrics indicate a relationship that has good and bad in it, and she's demanding her partner abandon a certain pettiness. If I had to nail down a theme for Pat Benatar it's that she's always siding with love and empathy.</p><p><b>3. My Clone Sleeps Alone</b></p><p><i>"She won't go insane. Not ever."</i></p><p>We're back to 1979 with one of the three songs on the album that isn't a cover, which curiously I happened to put all three on this list. I'm not really clear what it's about on the surface; one article suggests it's literally a future dystopic world involving androids (although Dennis DeYoung may have written that one). The subtext is equally ambiguous but more interesting, in that the way Benatar sings about the idea of clones provokes mixed emotions in her. Does she envy the hardships that a clone doesn't have to experience? Is she horrified by the idea? Is she her clone? Is this all about the Stepford Wife public face she has to wear on a daily basis? We don't know. And it may not matter that we don't, because what we CAN definitely draw from the song is something in her that gets progressively more anxious trying to tear its way to the surface. My sense is it's a repressed humanity. Maybe the next song will give us answers.</p><p><b>4. We Live for Love</b></p><p><i>"I never planned to win the race"</i></p><p>Same album and this song 'technically' follows the previous one in a way that it's always felt to me that they belong together. On album you have to flip the disc over between the two, and interestingly on CD the "We Live for Love" track tacks on about five seconds of silence before it starts playing, as if the engineer felt it was important. We've already established love as Benatar's defining motivator, but this seems to be about a kind of love not based on attraction or the butterflies but choices that overcome things like monotony. When you're used to living in pain or isolation or the ever-present negativity that the world produces, love can start to feel like an illusion when it may not actually be. In movies, love is that thing people find, to great fanfare. In reality, we don't get the benefit of fanfare so we have the added challenge of recognizing it. When you pair this song with its predecessor it seems to provide a hopeful resolution. Pretty mature stuff for a debut album.</p><p><b>5. Strawberry Wine</b></p><p><i>"How nice to go through life oblivious and free"</i></p><p>1997's Innamorata is a VERY hard album to track down but it's worth the effort. It's still a rock album but there's much more spotlight on the acoustic guitar. These are songs of adulthood in that pushing forty area where time no longer seems endless. "Strawberry Wine" is one of the all-time great breakup songs, although at first it may not seem like it. Most breakup songs lean into the immediate emotions of anger, betrayal, helplessness, and grief. These clearly have value or there wouldn't be so many of them. But what makes "Strawberry Wine" unique is it exemplifies the long term feeling of being changed permanently by a failed relationship. Sometimes wounds heal, but scars remain, and some memories still hurt even after you've moved on. There's a certain power to an understated line like "Loving you has been an experience" when it's holding back a bitterness that will never have resolution.</p><p><b>6. So Sincere</b></p><p><i>"But I'm gonna smother if somebody don't move. Move."</i></p><p>Once more to the first album. There are several songs on In the Heat of the Night that Benatar sings in her 'pretty' voice, whether by choice or from still getting used to abrasive tinges, and this is one of the most effective. It starts with an almost bratty level of sarcasm as she's dealing with a lover who's insecurely possessive; it's impossible not to hear the mocking tone as she repeats "plead and plead" (or 'bleed', the lyric sites don't always agree). But as with most relationships in her songs it's not purely a good or bad one, but elements of both. After the bridge her voice relaxes and the mockery dissipates, leaving a kind of honesty that her 'character' may not have expected. Actual sincerity creeps in, albeit a tough one. We never find out the result of the conversation, but it's wonderful to see that the song ends up in a different place than it begins.</p><p><b>7. Invincible</b></p><p><i>"We've got the right to be angry."</i></p><p>You ever hear a song for the first time and just know it's perfect the way it is? The first time I heard "Invincible" beyond a chorus clip was around 2003. At first I thought it was some kind of a remix because I didn't remember anything from the 80s sounding quite so timeless, but no, it was always that good. The song is a war cry from the underdogs who've been backed up against a wall. There are plenty of war cry songs, but I can't think of any that quite capture such a sense of desperation. Sadly The Legend of Billie Jean (for which "Invincible" served as the theme song) never seemed to find a cult identity like The Warriors did, and the song was fifteen years too early for Chicken Run. But mark my words, it's inevitably going to get a resurgence in a movie that does it justice.</p><p><b>8. Suffer the Little Children/Hell is for Children (live)</b></p><p><i>"Tell grandma you fell off the swing."</i></p><p>You know the immortal four notes of Beethoven's Fifth Symphony? That's called a motif. It's easily recognizable, and in those rare circumstances may be able to produce an emotion with no other context. I would argue that the opening guitar line in "Hell is for Children" is one of the most powerfully horrifying motifs in music. It announces that something's up. Something bad. And not fun-bad like an Alice Cooper album but genuinely bad. "Hell is for Children" gave a voice to the experience of child abuse that so many have endured, and I imagine hearing Benatar perform it live is a healing catharsis for the bulk of her audiences. And pairing it with an introductory verse of the lesser known "Suffer the Little Children, it creates a chilling effect. Listen to the audience reaction on this (appropriately) 13th track of her Best Shots cd. They're already cheering for her during the intro, whether or not they recognize "Suffer the Little Children". But then the motif of "Hell is for Children" starts. And the auditorium screams in what can only be described as anguish finally released.</p><p><b>9. All Fired Up</b></p><p><i>"The deepest cuts are healed by faith."</i></p><p>As dark as the last song went, now it's time to heal. Sometimes you're just not in a place where the light can reach, but it's always there. Benatar's songs of experience aren't promising that everything will be okay in the end, but all things have a cycle. Pain evolves. It's okay to feel good about small victories. And once in a while the zone comes to you, and reminds you that the struggle is worthwhile. Life will sucker punch you, but you can roll with it. So says the goddess herself.</p><p><b>10. River of Love</b></p><p><i>"You don't have to be afraid"</i></p><p>"All Fired Up" is a nice note to end on and release everyone back into the world, but I've got a tenth song and I'll let it serve as a sort of self-contained encore. I had the pleasure of seeing Pat Benatar perform live right around the time that Innamorata was coming out or released (I can't really remember). Sadly I was only able to stay for an hour because of how much smoke there was, but aside from my lungs and eyes it was an hour in Elysium. "River of Love was the song that sold me on the album. I suppose you could take it at face value and enjoy the unbridled rock n' roll passion of a song that sounds like the rebirth of a water phoenix. <i>Or </i>you could do what I do and imagine it as a villain song of a siren luring you to your death. In either case, the song feels like something out of myth and sums up everything you need to understand about a rocker like Benatar. While she may run with the shadows of the night, she's not one of them. Like all divine voices, Pat Benatar is the light; beckoning you, perhaps even daring you, to follow her through thick and thin, defeat and triumph, despair and conviction. She's the angel of wisdom who knows the battlefield of love isn't something won or lost; merely made into an experience.</p><p>Fire away.</p>Zoyciteyoumahttp://www.blogger.com/profile/18406447197292141386noreply@blogger.com0tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-5093205328118755963.post-71107318186606646662022-07-18T14:13:00.000-07:002022-07-18T14:13:01.924-07:00About Me Questionnaire Reanimated<p>Over the years I've amassed quite a collection of those 'tell-us-about-yourself-so-we-can-hack-your-passwords' questionnaires, because they just beckon me (<a href="https://zoyciteyouma.blogspot.com/2018/03/semi-annual-extended-questionnaire.html">see the most recent one here</a>). I came upon this one a few months ago and stuck it in my saved folder, and then came upon it again while going through my saved folder to find something else (that's a GREAT story).</p><p>Anyway, my writer's block may be a permanent addition to my already unreliable cranium, but I thought I'd give this jump-start a shot. I usually try to answer in mostly snarky responses but a lot of these questions seem a bit more interesting to me, so I think I'll aim for a balance.</p><p><br /></p><p><i>1. If someone wanted to really understand you, what would they read, watch, and listen to?</i></p><p>Me. There. That was easy. Okay, less wise-assed...reading my blog wouldn't be a bad idea, although I admittedly get to control the narrative. And I'm sure my therapist takes notes, so you can try breaking into her office. Probably the most accurate picture of me is what I write in the Dysthymia support group. I don't really have those Aha! moments where I'm reading someone else's words and thinking "This person gets me" but then again I have a really sour relationship with reading. Watch classic cartoons. Listen to the Pandora's Box album.</p><p><i>2. Have you ever found a writer who thinks just like you? If so, who? </i></p><p>No. The writers I've found have all figured out how to be successful.</p><p><i>3. List your fandoms and one character from each that you identify with.</i></p><p>I'm not going to do that, there's way too many of them. I'll repeat the Facebook challenge from a few years ago where they asked you to sum yourself up in three characters. I chose Gonzo the Great, Dr. Bob Hartley, and Linus van Pelt.</p><p><i>4. Do you like your name? Is there another name you think would fit you better?</i></p><p>I'd say I've gotten used to my name. I've never really given it much thought as to how I feel about it. I can't think of anything I'd rather be called instead. Fun fact, I refuse to wear my nametag at work because I hate hearing it from the mouths of strangers.</p><p><i>5. Do you think of yourself as a human being or a human doing? Do you identify yourself by the things you do?</i></p><p>Being feels like wasting (a human wasting?). For example, I'd rather be doing this questionnaire than just sitting here existing (and those are literally my two options). I'm a creature of story, and story has to have a plot.</p><p><i>6. Are you religious/spiritual?</i></p><p>Very much both, although my relationship with religion has been tenuous. I find God in many places, but it's very rare that a church is one of them.</p><p><i>7. Do you care about your ethnicity?</i></p><p>Do I what? Up until about 2016 I would have said no. But then a bunch of people who look like me sold their souls to maintain their power and it's no longer possible to not feel something about it. Resent is a type of care isn't it? In terms of heritage my Irish quarter is about the only one I have an affinity for.</p><p><i>8. What musical artists have you most felt connected to over your lifetime?</i></p><p>I have quite a few. My all time hero is Weird Al. Just a step down from him are Ann and Nancy Wilson with their fiery passion, and the equally passionate but more of a water element Roxette. Another step is Alice Cooper, Pat Benatar, The Offspring, and the perpetually audacious Jim Steinman. There are a lot more artists that I love and respect, but those are the ones I feel would cover my life's soundtrack.</p><p><i>9. Are you an artist?</i></p><p>By nature, yes. I'm a comedy writer, which isn't the first outlet people tend to think of as an artist's medium; but I can think of many examples where comedy crosses into art, and that's a spot on the Venn Diagram I'm always aiming for. Whether or not I get there is probably not up to me.</p><p><i>10. Do you have a creed?</i></p><p>No, should I get one? I had to look it up to see what exactly that meant, and apparently it goes back to the religious question. Basically I believe regardless of what faith we do or don't subscribe to, we all go to the same place when we die. I call the essence of this place God because I was raised in a Christian environment, but I don't think any particular religion has it right; we'll know when we get there. My personal relationship with God is through comedy, where pain can transform into connection.</p><p><i>11. Describe your ideal day.</i></p><p>I wake up uncharacteristically early and just feel good. The temperature is going to be between 50 and 70 degrees all day. I make a run out to McDonalds to surprise my wife with an Egg McMuffin. The morning is laid back, and I spend a couple of hours writing because I've had a creative spark. We grab a light lunch and then meet some friends at the state fair; ride most of the rides, pet some large quadrupeds. Then we grab a pizza and head over to someone's place to watch a movie, and get into a deeply existential debate about whether or not reality is an illusion. At that point there's an indoor thunderstorm and a pod controlled by our future selves arrives and takes us on a most excellent adventure to save all of humanity and form the ultimate band. Then maybe ice cream.</p><p><i>12. Dog person or cat person?</i></p><p>I was raised around dogs, and those floppy ears are just so cute, but I've also developed an affection for cats. I really want a pet fox, kind of both species combined.</p><p><i>13. Inside or outdoors?</i></p><p>I am not a fan of sunshine or insects.</p><p><i>14. Are you a musician?</i></p><p>In a very loose definition of the word. I don't seem to have the coordination to learn an instrument; I've tried cello, piano, and guitar. But I'm a singer and I'm fascinated by music theory, and I actually have written a handful of songs. I'd need a hell of a lot of help translating them to recorded form, but I'm comfortable adding songwriter to my list of hyphens.</p><p><i>15. Five most influential books over your lifetime.</i></p><p>As I mentioned before I'm not a heavy reader. The authors I've gotten the most out of are Lewis Carroll and Edgar Allan Poe, so let's go with Through the Looking Glass and EAP's Complete Works. The writing style I aim for is a combination of Richard Matheson and Gemma Halliday, so for them I'll pick The Legend of Hell House and Alibi in High Heels. And for the fifth, maybe one of the books on the history of Monty Python.</p><p><i>16. If you'd grown up in a different environment, do you think you'd have turned out the same?</i></p><p>I'm sure I'd have about the same mental health issues, but perhaps different stories of guilt for my therapist(s).</p><p><i>17. Would you say your tumblr is a fair representation of the "real you"?</i></p><p>I mean...I CAN, if it means that much to you. It's not true though. In fact I don't have a tumblr account. And off the top of my head I don't think I've ever been to one.</p><p><i>18. What's your patronus?</i></p><p>I had no idea what the hell you were talking about. A quick Google search later, it's the animal I call upon for protection. I'd want something large to block out the assault, but gentle enough to de-escalate the conflict. The Snuffleupagus.</p><p><i>19. Which Harry Potter house would you be in? Or are you a muggle?</i></p><p>Even back when Rowling's fans were lining up around the block for a chance to lick her I never gave a damn about the series. I'd be trying to get into Xavier's School.</p><p><i>20. Would you rather be in Middle Earth, Narnia, Hogwarts, or somewhere else?</i></p><p>Middle Earth and Hogwarts both have giant spiders, so that's a big f**k no to both. Narnia will at least dump me back into my life where I left it, so that's got an appeal. I think I'd get on better as an ambassador to the Moors in Maleficent.</p><p><i>21. Do you love easily?</i></p><p>Others, yes. Unfortunately I also get drained easily, so you're going to have to buy me dinner first.</p><p><i>22. List the top five things you spend the most time doing, in order.</i></p><p>Working, sleeping, monkeying around on the internet, driving, daydreaming. A couple of those aren't of my own volition, and I guess it explains why my writing output has been in such a drought.</p><p><i>23. How often would you want to see your family every year?</i></p><p>So we're specifically referring to the type of family that we don't already see year round. Ideally I'd get back to my childhood home twice a year, and not have to drive it.</p><p><i>24. Have you ever felt like you had a "mind-meld" with someone?</i></p><p>Nothing quite that defined. I've been on the same wavelength as others, but I don't think I've ever fully gotten in someone else's head. Or let anyone else in.</p><p><i>25. Could you live as a hermit?</i></p><p>Not for very long. If I'm stuck in a world of small talk I'd rather be by myself, but I have a need for a creative or philosophical conversation or I'll lose my damn mind.</p><p><i>26. How would you describe your gender/sexuality?</i></p><p>I'm Gen X, so for the longest time I wouldn't have given this any more thought than heterosexual male. I will say I wouldn't be surprised if a full genetic test identified more of a female brain in me based on where a lot of my interests are, who I tend to relate more to, and which Soulcalibur character I play (Ivy is the best). My sexuality is more accurately heteroromantic/demisexual ace. And for reasons I can't explain it's still kind of a sore subject.</p><p><i>27. Do you feel like your outside appearance is a fair representation of the "real you"?</i></p><p>Again I'm assuming this is more related to the previous question than whether or not the Scooby-Doo t-shirt I throw on every day is indicative of who I am (it is). I guess, more or less? I'm not exactly sure what the "real me" is referring to. Perhaps in a fantasy setting I'd see myself as kind of a Puckish type, if that helps. It doesn't? Oh, okay.</p><p><i>28. On a scale from 1 to 10, how hard is it for someone to get under your skin?</i></p><p>In the shallow end of the pool, very easy. It's much harder to get me to admit to it, but I find a lot of little things nerve grating. But underwater (I'm talking metaphorically by the way) I can tolerate just about anything.</p><p><i>29. Three songs that you connect with right now.</i></p><p>"Stars" by Roxette is my favorite song of all time; I've never heard loss conveyed so hopeful and remorseful simultaneously. "Dog & Butterfly" by Heart is about the purity of simple joy; I want it played at my funeral. And perhaps one day I won't connect with "Ravine" by Ace of Base, but I'm still not there.</p><p><i>30. Pick one of your favorite quotes.</i></p>“What we are is God's gift to us. What we become is our gift to God.” -- Eleanor PowellZoyciteyoumahttp://www.blogger.com/profile/18406447197292141386noreply@blogger.com0tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-5093205328118755963.post-25483085877755432982022-07-09T10:40:00.001-07:002022-07-09T10:40:14.577-07:00Cowbania's World Games League<p>In case you haven't surmised already, this blog is approaching its twilight. I'm not sure how any more posts I'll be adding to it as I'm looking for a new social media outlet with (hopefully) an actual audience. But The World Games are coming to Birmingham this summer and are close enough to where I live to be both a traffic obstruction and a reminder that The World Games are in fact a different entity than the Olympics. As I'm told. Suffice to say after the <a href="http://zoyciteyouma.blogspot.com/2016/08/cowbanias-fantasy-summer-olympic-league.html" target="_blank">2016 Summer Games</a> and the <a href="https://zoyciteyouma.blogspot.com/2018/02/cowbanias-fantasy-winter-olympic-league.html" target="_blank">2018 Winter Games</a> I was hoping for one final visit to the undefined land of Cowbania.</p><p>What is Cowbania? I imagine it's a place where fictional characters agreed to claim for themselves as a nationality for whenever they needed an excuse to enter a world competition. It's grassy, hilly, and has a flag drawn by Gary Larson.</p><p>So pretty much anything goes in selecting the nation's competitors, but I'm going to enforce a rule that nobody can compete in The World Games who's already been in either of the Olympics; which disqualifies the following:</p><p class="MsoNormal">Apollo Creed, Ashitaka (Princess Mononoke), Barbara Gordon, Bugs Bunny, Carmelita Fox, Charlie Brown (yes, seriously), Condorman, Diddy Wishingwell (The Weebles), Dirk the Daring, The Doctor, The Expendables, Frank Martin (The Transporter), Genaa (Below the Root), Harpo Marx, Indiana Jones, Ivy Valentine, Jason Voorhees, Kronk, Lara Croft, Lilith Aensland, Linus and Lucy Van Pelt, Luke Skywalker, Marcie, Mary Poppins, Meggy Swann, Michael Myers, Morrigan Aensland, The Murray, The Prince of Persia, Princess Daisy, Princess Peach, Princess Zelda, Rocky Balboa, Sarge (Toy Story), Scrat, Sly Cooper, Sydney Lotterby, Sydney Lotterby, Sydney Lotterby & Sydney Lotterby, Tiny Kong, Tom (Tom & Jerry), Wadsworth, and Zorro.</p><p class="MsoNormal">I'm going to be ignoring the the invitational sports like Flag Football and Wushu, as well as the handful of events that appear in the Olympics as well (Archery, Rhythmic Gymnastics, Trampoline Gymnastics). I'm also inclined to combine a few events into one. I know Ju-jitsu, Karate, and Kickboxing are fundamentally different things, but at the core it's two people trying to hit each other and that's as much research as I'm willing to do on the subject.</p><p class="MsoNormal">In fact let's get that one out of the way.</p><p class="MsoNormal"><br /></p><p class="MsoNormal"><b>The Combo Menu: </b>Combined challenges owing to my own laziness</p><p class="MsoNormal"><b>1. One on One Kombat: </b>(the aforementioned and Muay Tai)</p><p class="MsoNormal">For my last go-round it's a bit boring to select someone obvious like Bruce Wayne who allegedly knows all martial arts. Likewise I don't really want to get any boring old Street Fighter; I need a wild card. For this series of fighting styles I'm recruiting Nathan Drake. Nate's not the most skilled fighter; he can hold his own against street criminals but he's not exactly tournament ready. However he's got two attributes that give him an edge in four different events: he can take a hell of a beating, and he's got an otherworldly luck meter. Nate's luck runs out when he's under a constant barrage but tournaments have a lot of start and stop, allowing him a replenishment. The others don't have that, and I highly doubt any of them are as funny.</p><p class="MsoNormal"><b>2. Wheels on Heels: </b>(Track Speed, Road Speed, and Artistic Roller Skating)</p><p class="MsoNormal">So for this I need someone fast with stamina and a natural sense of grandstanding; the ability to skate is secondary. I need Spike Spiegel. He's obviously got the balance and the adaptability to different terrains, and as much as he smokes I've rarely seen him out of breath. Can he skate? It doesn't matter. Once he finds his footing he can dance his way through any combat situation. Here he only has to appease his own ego.</p><p class="MsoNormal"><b>3. Tumbling Cycle: </b>(Acrobatic, Aerobic, and Parkour Gymnastics)</p><p class="MsoNormal">It's not hard to find someone in Cowbania who can excel at any one of these, but all three together and we need strength, dexterity, charisma, and perhaps a little insanity. Harley Quinn seems obvious, but truthfully she's more likely to bust on every event than actually complete them. I need someone who's going to land on her feet. Get me Bloodrayne. As a dhampir she may be the first successful gymnast to perform entire in six inch heels. We know she can do flips, cartwheels, and pole swinging. She skates on cables and she can land like a cat after falling several stories. Now just take away the armies trying to kill her and let her work it all into a series of routines and you've got a winner. Preferably when it's cloudy.</p><p class="MsoNormal"><b>4. Know Your Roll </b>(Bowling & Boules Sports)</p><p class="MsoNormal">Okay, I don't know what Boules Sports are; I've looked it up and I still can't explain it. Apparently you roll a metal ball and try to get it close to a target, or some shit (I'm guessing it's the downgraded version of Curling). In any case, throwing a ball at a target sounds an awful lot like Bowling, so I'm using the same athlete for both. I think I may have found someone good at rolling things. His nickname is Buddy and he's kind of a cross between Chewbacca and a sasquatch. He's the sidekick of the 1991 Nintendo-hard video game Another World, and while he isn't personally shown rolling grenades all over the place his species demonstrates a knack for it. And if things get hostile, Buddy's got a great set of 16 bit punch sound effects. Wa-tu ba!</p><p class="MsoNormal"><b>5. You Do the Hockey Saki </b>(Floorball and Inline Hockey)</p><p class="MsoNormal">The differences here are skates or no skates and a puck vs a wiffle ball. But when you get past those very noticeable variations it's a team of five (including a goalie) batting something around with bent sticks, and I don't know that I'll be able to find two separate teams of five with that skillset. The best I can come up with (without bingeing a bunch of 2000's Cartoon Network) is Team Mulan, joined by Yao, Ling, Chien-Po, and Shang (who taught them how to destroy vases with sticks). The inline skates may prove to be a challenge but mastering them in a few weeks isn't out of the question.</p><p class="MsoNormal"><b>6. Bouncing off the walls </b>(Racquetball and Squash)</p><p class="MsoNormal">Okay here's the deal. I obviously want contestants who stand a chance at winning their events, but one) I don't want them to be impossible to beat (hence no Superman on Powerlifting) and two) I want Cowbania's participation to be as entertaining as it can be. And that's why I've chosen Mr. Linea as my racqueteer. If that name doesn't ring a bell, he was the central character in a series of Italian cartoons involving a single white line against a (usually) blue background. The animator's hand would trace the line around the outline of Mr. Linea and turn him loose to face whatever the obstacle of the day was. Mr. Linea was exceptionally versatile, instantly mastering whatever activity he encountered for the first time. His demise was often his own doing, but I expect with a clear opponent his focus will be much better.</p><p class="MsoNormal"><b><br /></b></p><p class="MsoNormal"><b>Teamwork Makes Us Scream Jerk: </b>Team sports for teams, by teams, a direct result of teams</p><p class="MsoNormal"><span style="mso-spacerun: yes;"><b>1. Beach Handball</b></span></p><p class="MsoNormal"><span style="mso-spacerun: yes;">You know how the rest of the world calls soccer football, and the rationale is actually pretty unshakable (you're using your feet)? Well take the same game but throw the cantaloupe-sized ball around with your hands and you've got handball. Or better yet, play basketball in the sand with the hoops four times the size on the ground. A team of four that can throw and catch. Simple. The Flying Karamazov Brothers. Since I need four exactly, we'll go with the originals: Dmitri, Ivan, Alyosha, and Fyodor.</span></p><p class="MsoNormal"><b>2. Canoe Polo</b></p><p class="MsoNormal">So now let's take soccer and put it on a lake and give everybody a double-bladed Nerf lightsaber. The important thing is each team has five players and they need to be able to paddle. Well that gives me a hell of a lot to work with. So a group of five characters with really good arm coordination and don't do much from the waist down. The Electric Mayhem. Now this can go two ways. In-universe, Dr. Teeth, Floyd Pepper, Janice, Zoot, and Animal (and Lips if we need a sub) are all very accomplished musicians, and while being able to play the saxophone doesn't directly translate to rowing skills Muppets are known for versatility. From a fourth wall perspective, Muppeteers can give Oscar-worthy performances with using their hands and I imagine any one of them would mop the floor with the other contestants in an arm wrestling competition.</p><b>3. Fistball</b><div><p class="MsoNormal"><o:p></o:p></p><p class="MsoNormal"><span style="mso-spacerun: yes;">I'm learning a lot today. First, take volleyball but keep your fists clenched. And that's it. Real quick, I've just invented a new sport; it's called Bochery! You plant an arrow in the ground and use the drawstring to launch your bow into the air; last archer to lose interest is the winner. So a team of five fistballers. I need a group that can coordinate with each other with strength and accuracy. This took some out of the box thinking but I've settled on Team Johnny Five from Short Circuit. Out of the group of military robots only Number Five is alive, but he reprogrammed One, Two, and Three in mere minutes, and Four can be given instructions of defense. It's a solid team; no disassemble.</span></p><p class="MsoNormal"><b>4. Flying Disc</b></p><p class="MsoNormal">Did you know the word Frisbee is trademarked? Anyway. The Flying Disc competition is composed of *checks internet for 23 minutes* seven players. So I need to find a team of seven that's good at throwing things at each other; that should be really fun for me. I think I've got the answer, Team Koopaling. I'm going to have to make a few assumptions about the overall skills of Bowser's children/high ranking minions (depending on the guide book). Larry, Morton, Wendy, Iggy, Roy, Lemmy, and Ludwig tend to split between lobbing projectiles and just pounding through blocks, but I expect they all have at least the ability to catch a saucer. And if this proves to be a massive continuity issue we've got Pom Pom and presumably others to tap in. And each can clearly take two major hits before going down.</p><p class="MsoNormal"><o:p></o:p></p><p class="MsoNormal"><b>5. Korfball</b></p><p class="MsoNormal">Okay without looking, what do you think Korfball is? Got an image? Good. It's not as cool as that. It's basketball with no touching, and pretty much no moving. A team consists of four men and four women and the additional rule limitations look like they were designed by Milton Bradley. I'm going to take a calculated risk and bring in the core cast of Ranma 1/2; boys and girls respectively: Ranma, Ryoga, Mousse, Kuno, Akana, Ukyou, Shampoo, and Kodachi. Yes, I know they don't get along and there's bound to be internal scheming that I can't do anything about. But they're all martial artists, and begrudgingly obedient to the technicality of the rules. I just expect the court will be demolished by the end of the tournament.</p><p class="MsoNormal"><b>6. Women's Lacrosse</b></p><p class="MsoNormal">As the World Games only features Men's Lacrosse in the invitational sports I'll only be supplying the team for the Women's version. This is the sport with that weird catcher's glove stick you've seen pictures of but never experienced in gym. Women's Lacrosse differs from Men's Lacrosse in that the only player contact allowed is with the stick, and the team includes a whopping twelve athletes (where in the hell am I going to get this crowd from?). Anime is probably going to be my best bet again, and literally the only team I can think of is the Sailor Senshi; Moon, eight planets (including Pluto, science jerks!), and the Starlights, who qualify post transformation. Damn it, I was saving the senshi for the softball team. *See below. Like right now.</p><p class="MsoNormal"><b><span style="mso-spacerun: yes;">7. </span>Softball</b></p><p class="MsoNormal">We all know what softball is, it's baseball with fewer amusing injuries. And I don't see anything jumping out at me on the Wikipedia article that says the team has to be all the same gender, so I'm going to stop looking. So I need a team of nine, a ragtag bunch of misfits with differing skills but capable of overcoming stacked odds. And something I give a damn about, so not Firefly. I'm going to go with the full cast of Gene Roddenberry's Andromeda. In their prime (before Tyr left and Sorbo rediscovered the Bible) this show was great. And they could be just as great on the softball field. Use the first season lineup, throw in Rhade and Doyle to round out the team (I guess, I stopped watching when everybody else did), and go nuts.</p><p class="MsoNormal"><b><span style="mso-spacerun: yes;">8. </span>Tug of War</b></p><p class="MsoNormal">Look, I'm not trying to be that guy but this really made it into the World Games as its own event? Not like one part of the Summer Camp Triathlon with Blind Man's Bluff and Tetherball? Well, okay. So a team of eight that can drag something heavy. Man, I want to say Santa's reindeer but I feel I need to draw the line at quadrupeds. Well...maybe I'll take one. A donkey named Eeyore. And the rest of the song: Kanga, Roo, Rabbit, Piglet, Owl, cram in Tigger somewhere, and Winnie the Pooh. I know they aren't exactly Fraggle Rock's rescue squad but it's kind of their collective M.O. to all band together in the end to accomplish a large but simple task. And it's a nice life's lesson; when we all pitch in we can make any other country's team go home in defeat.</p><p class="MsoNormal"><br /></p><p class="MsoNormal"><b>The Dual of the Fates: </b>Three for two</p>
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<p class="MsoNormal"><b><span style="mso-spacerun: yes;">1. </span>Dancesport</b></p><p class="MsoNormal">Ballroom dancing is now recognized as a sport, and I have to say I find this exciting. Dance has often been ignored by Olympic-styled competitions, and I really hope to see pole-dancing on the gymnastics roster in the near future. Now I could pick just about any acrobatic couple for this event, and I've actively tried to steer away from superheroes as much as possible (since they're such obvious choices). But here I'm going with Bruce Wayne and Selina Kyle, preferably while they still have some antagonism between them. Bruce is stripped away from the Batman guise, but he's still got his athletics and strength, and Selina was made for this, and they're also not afraid to put each other in danger. Their dance would be one hell of a show.</p><p class="MsoNormal"><b><span style="mso-spacerun: yes;">2. </span>Canoe marathon</b></p><p class="MsoNormal">Two person kayaking for at least six miles. That's it. That's the event. The strategy here is to put the dumb one in the back and give him a carrot to chase. The one in the front is that carrot, who keeps the boat pointed towards the goal. And thusly we have the canoeing team of Red and Wolfie from the censored 1943 classic Red Hot Riding Hood; a cartoon that's managed to become both not a big damn deal to modern audiences and somehow even worse. I'm not making a judgment on the cartoon here, I'm just taking advantage of it for my own benefit. What's more Hollywood than that?</p><p class="MsoNormal"><b>3. Water Skiing</b></p><p class="MsoNormal">A quick glance at the rundown on this event shows both men's skiing and women's skiing events, and for that I'm calling this a couple's event, as whichever one isn't skiing will invariably be driving the boat. I only have a passing familiarity with Kim Possible but from what I've seen I feel justified in handing this one to her and Ron. Apparently they get in high stakes situations across the globe (and off it), I think waterskiing is something they can handle.</p><p class="MsoNormal"><br /></p><p class="MsoNormal"><b>One is the Looniest Number:</b> An extreme case of individualism</p><p class="MsoNormal"><b><span style="mso-spacerun: yes;"></span>1. Air sports</b></p>
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<div>Air sports is a catch-all term for bungee jumping, paragliding, wingsuit flying, anything that involves going from a high place to the ground without dying. I don't know what specifically The World Games has in store for this event, and I don't really feel like looking it up, so I'm just going to pick an athlete who can fall and not die; Chell from the Portal series. Even without the portal gun, she's a master of walking away from a fall. Anything else in the event is just thinking on her feet -or...well...in this case not.</div><br />
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<p class="MsoNormal"><b><span style="mso-spacerun: yes;">2. </span>Billiards sports</b></p><p class="MsoNormal">Can we really justify calling this a sport? Yeah, I get that it requires hand-eye coordination, but so does air hockey (and your incisors are taking a much bigger risk). I was hoping for someone a bit more obscure than Link but I think I'm going to settle for him. One, he uses a variety of weapons for a variety of reasons, and precision stick poking is in his arsenal. Two, in billiards (and whatever the hell else qualifies as any of its other sports) you're not in melee combat, which gives him ample use of that red dot his hookshot uses to aim. Three, it's too delightful imagining him screaming "Tey-yah!" as he calls his shots.</p><p class="MsoNormal"><br /></p>
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<p class="MsoNormal"><b><span style="mso-spacerun: yes;">3. </span>Finswimming</b></p><p class="MsoNormal">Like I say, it feels like too much of a cheat to put Ariel in this so let me find somebody land based with a whole lot of leg power. Or I should say a particular kind of leg power; someone good at hopping, since finswimming requires your legs be strapped together. Someone like Q-Bert, but not him since we also need arms. This one was hard, but I'm going to go really old school. Ludwig Schlemmer; bringing the total of competing Ludwigs up to two. Who the hell is that, you ask? Why, none other than Bobby Van's character in the 1953 MGM musical Small Town Girl. Ludwig did the famous 'Jumping Song' less but more accurately known as "Take Me to Broadway", the number where Ludwig jumps across town to the beat of the music. See Peter Wolf's "Come as You Are" music video for a fairly accurate recreation.</p><p class="MsoNormal"><br /></p>
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<p class="MsoNormal"><b><span style="mso-spacerun: yes;">4. </span>Lifesaving</b></p><p class="MsoNormal">This is a variation on swimming but with a focus on some obstacle course elements and an ability to carry a victim. Does that sound like anybody in Cowbania? Why, yes it does! Old DK himself. The bulk of Donkey Kong's gameplay is obstacle course runs, many of which are underwater; and the ape can hold his breath indefinitely. He's also notorious for carrying things; barrels, other Kongs, etc, and if he's anything like his gramps he knows how to ape-handle a human.</p><p class="MsoNormal"><br /></p>
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<p class="MsoNormal"><b><span style="mso-spacerun: yes;">5. </span>Orienteering</b></p><p class="MsoNormal">Orienteering is apparently a race against time where you're dumped off in a random place and have to get your bearings and haul ass across uneven terrain; you know, day one of every University semester. This was an easy one. Aloy, from the Horizon series. Being able to plot a course on a mental map is kind of her whole gameplay, and she can travel through any climate at constant speeds.</p><p class="MsoNormal"><br /></p>
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<p class="MsoNormal"><b><span style="mso-spacerun: yes;">6. </span>Powerlifting</b></p><p class="MsoNormal">It's no fun to call in a legitimate weight lifter. Naturally we need someone who can accomplish the task, but we also need a bit of drama to break up the...let's say predictability of it. My underdog is going to be Donald Duck. Obviously he's going to be way outside his league and he's going to fail several times and get severely hurt, but we all know that the tantrum is going to come. The angrier he gets, the more his adrenaline goes up, and when that gasket finally blows he's got the strength of the Hulk. For a few seconds anyway. For Powerlifting, it's all you need.</p><p class="MsoNormal"><br /></p>
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<p class="MsoNormal"><b><span style="mso-spacerun: yes;">7. </span>Sport climbing</b><o:p></o:p></p><p class="MsoNormal">I like seeing this one on the list. Rock/wall climbing has always struck me as potentially fun from my lack-of-upper-body-strength distance. I've got a whole mob of characters who can climb but I'm going to go with an unexpected choice. Wile E. Coyote. It's part of his identity to lose, but this only seems to apply when it comes to catching prey. In reality he's a hell of a climber, apparently with a determination to lug all manner of objects heavier than him to higher venues. And if he falls? We know what the scrawny guy can take.</p>
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<p class="MsoNormal"><b><span style="mso-spacerun: yes;">8. </span>Sumo</b></p><p class="MsoNormal">Last one. I have literally nothing to say about Sumo apart from the mundanely self-evident. You've got to be big, strong, and able to push people around. Bowser. Because he's big, strong, and he pushes people around. And he has the ability to get bigger, stronger, and pushier as the situation calls for it. So, yeah. Anticlimactic ending. How sad.</p>
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<p class="MsoNormal"><br /></p><p class="MsoNormal"><b>The Closing Ceremony</b></p><p class="MsoNormal">And thus we come to a bittersweet farewell. Medals are given, careers are over, and ultimately everyone is a loser since we're playing outside in Alabama in July about a year away from irreversible climate change. Ordinarily the city hosting the event gets to decide who performs at the closing ceremony, but Cowbania doesn't spectate. Well start off with Ulala and Pudding recreating their guitar duel, leading to a brief appearance from Michigan J. Frog's "Michigan Rag". Willy Seltzer the singer of the Outlaw Golf/Tennis intros refocuses the crowd, followed by an appearance from Trip Cyclone (see Shivers 2) with "Was I Even There". GiGi from There is No Game: Wrong Dimension performs her melancholic ballad, and the Chipettes and Chipmunks do a live performance of "The Girls of Rock 'n' Roll". Then The Hex Girls perform a few of their big hits interspersed with "Parade Float" for Daffy Duck to appear inn the audience with his monster truck, and ending on Splashdown's "You Can Always Be Number One" (joined on stage by Goofy). Ulala returns as a bookend to lead the acapella climax of her first game as the conclusion. And finally GLaDOS descends to tell everyone to cram off with "Want You Gone".</p><p class="MsoNormal">Bringing our final roster of Cowbania World Games talent to 105 (83 athletes, *22 musical performers):</p>Aloy<br />Team Andromeda (9)<br />Bloodrayne<br />Bowser<br />Bruce Wayne/Selina Kyle (2)<br />Buddy<br />Chell</div><div>The Chipettes/Chipmunks* (6)</div><div>Daffy Duck*<br />Donald Duck<br />Donkey Kong<br />The Electric Mayhem (5)<br />The Flying Karamazov Brothers (5)</div><div>GiGi*</div><div>GLaDOS*</div><div>Goofy*</div><div>The Hex Girls*<br />Team Hundred Acre Woods (8)<br />Team Johnny Five (5)<br />Kim Possible/Ron Stoppable (2)<br />The Koopalings (7)<br />Link<br />Ludwig Schlemmer</div><div>Michigan J. Frog*<br />Mr. Linea<br />Team Mulan (5)<br />Nathan Drake</div><div>Pudding*<br />Team Ranma (8)<br />Red/Wolfie (2)<br />The Sailor Senshi (12)<br />Spike Spiegel</div><div>Trip Cyclone* (5)</div><div>Ulala*<br />Wile E. Coyote</div><div>Willy Seltzer*</div><div><br /></div><div><br /></div>Zoyciteyoumahttp://www.blogger.com/profile/18406447197292141386noreply@blogger.com0tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-5093205328118755963.post-61199154458378122712022-02-07T08:12:00.003-08:002022-03-10T11:18:09.046-08:00Fraggle Rock Retrospective (Part Two): And the Rock Goes On and On<p><i>If you missed part one, click <a href="https://zoyciteyouma.blogspot.com/2022/01/fraggle-rock-retrospective-part-one.html">here </a>before the guilt overtakes your whole life.</i></p><p>The early reviews of Fraggle Rock: Back to the Rock are in and it sounds like the critics are embracing the show. I'm particularly impressed with the way the reviewers are able to separate their childhood nostalgia from viewing the new show on its own merits; I myself have not had the chance to try it on and I expect I'll be going through a bit of a transitional period, but I have to say I'm enthusiastic.</p><p>If the show proves to be successful I think we can all expect a wave of negativity from the voices who can't, or won't, separate that nostalgia (I observe this all the time on the Scooby-Doo threads). I GET the emotional attachment, the original show was a kind of lightning in a bottle on par with Batman: The Animated Series. But let's also be fair, not all the original episodes were home runs. For every boat ride about white birds and death there was some jazz about the Gorgs' soufflé that just feels like hole filler.</p><p>So as a contribution to the cause I've selected thirty of the ninety-six episodes as my personal Fraggle pond for you to dip your toes into. "THIRTY?" you say, "That's a lot! That's three times the usual top ten list!" I KNOW that boulder-brain, I'm being nice. What I've done is taken each of the main Fraggles and the selected the five best episodes that showcase them, demonstrate character growth, or are just kind of awesome in some way; you can pick your favorite. And I've also included a selection of episodes that don't really settle on which Fraggle is the protagonist but are too good to ignore.</p><p>So grab your postcards and hold onto your radish bars because it's about to get a little bit silly in here.</p><p><br /></p><p><b>Gobo's Decisive Top Five:</b></p><p>I've often wondered if statistically Gobo is the Fraggle least likely to be a kid's favorite. As the 'leader' his personality has fewer of the fun quirks the supporting cast gets and he tends to start out with an advantage as the voice of reason. But serving as the audience's surrogate, you're pretty much guaranteed to find Gobo at the center of any story that advances the overall mythology of the Rock. His weaknesses are usually his strengths not kept in check; confidence becomes arrogance, determination becomes stubbornness. And a lot of times his mistakes are the ones that have the most impact on others.</p><p><b>5. The Honk of Honks (season 5, episode 12)</b></p><p>I hate to direct you to the penultimate episode of the series right through the gate but this is one of the rare times a story can feel epic with almost nothing at stake. Gobo is tasked by Cantus to sound the titular Honk of Honks so the Fraggles can sing the Song of Songs; it's kind of a thing. Gobo has an often tenuous relationship with authority figures; in fact the Trash Heap is the only one who maintains his respect from the start of the series to the end. And while Cantus can give Gobo a loving dressing down, the answer always feels well-earned in the end.</p><p><b>4. The Day the Music Died (season 2, episode 18)</b></p><p>While a few miscommunications nearly bring on the end of the Fraggles' civilization, it's clear nobody is actually at fault. Sometimes shit happens because you don't have all the information you need; in this case, how much the Fraggles' survival depends on music. Gobo's fighting spirit is the savior here as he refuses to give up, even as the darkness is killing him (excuse me, putting him to sleep forever, much better). His last ditch effort isn't even intended as a long shot, it's just him deciding how he's going to go out. Perhaps dumb luck, or maybe he just knows even when he doesn't know he knows.</p><p><b>3. Gobo's Discovery (season 1, episode 21)</b></p><p>I wouldn't say self-doubt is a heavy topic, but it's definitely a complicated one, and pretty abstract for a debut seasons that's given us easily-resolvable conflicts about finding Boober's hat and going back to eating Doozer constructions. It's sad to see Gobo having an existential crisis, but it's even worse when you realize Fraggle Rock is the least qualified place to handle one. Fraggles know who and what they are, even a misfit like Boober has a grip on his identity. Nobody is going to be able to help him through it. In fact the only other character who goes through something similar in the series is Cotterpin Doozer, and we're a few seasons away from that support group.</p><p><b>2. Uncle Matt Comes Home (season 2, episode 5)</b></p><p>Throughout season one Gobo clearly had a trajectory of aging, going from about a ten year version of himself to a fifteen. With his Uncle Matt (literally the only parental figure for any of the Fraggles) exiting his life in this younger mindset, Gobo retains the idea of who his uncle is through the whole season. But with Matt's temporary return, both uncle and nephew realize that neither one is quite who they're expecting. Gobo has grown, and Matt isn't used to a teenager. Inevitably there's a blow up, even if neither one is clear on why.</p><p><b>1. The Bells of Fraggle Rock (season 3, episode 1)</b></p><p>This is the best Gobo (and Cantus) episode, and one of the most innovative 'Christmas' stories. At the core of it is an original solstice myth that every non-Gobo Fraggle accepts as face value; even Wembley doesn't budge on his belief in it. But Gobo can't accept a story without proof, and sets out to find the Great Bell at the worst possible time. Now with a short run time of 25 minutes the episode simply can't cover everything it wants to, but the believer/non-believer debate and the notion of spiritual betrayal are alluded to, hopefully enough to inspire real-world discussions. And there's nothing more chilling (get it?) than the moment Cantus finally drops the mystical shtick and challenges Gobo with logic.</p><p><br /></p><p><b>Mokey's Five Inner Voices:</b></p><p>There's an episode I haven't selected for this list where Cantus and the minstrels offer Mokey a spot in their band. And as much as she wants to go with them and collect songs, her friends in the Great Hall mean too much to her. That spot, with one foot in a team mom role and one foot in the unknown, sums up Mokey. She's slightly older, wiser, and more intuitive than the others, and under most circumstances her life would be fairly drama-free. But she has friends with strong personalities. Like any empath, she tends to absorb the emotions around her, and when those eyelids roll back you know something's about to erupt.</p><p><b>5. Mokey's Funeral (season 1, episode 22)</b></p><p>One of the ongoing conflicts regarding Mokey is the fact that, like so many nurturers, she's treated as if she's incompetent when it comes to handling challenges of the physical world. She's a maternal figure to be protected, not allowed to get her hands dirty; all the more curious as she's the one who spends the most time around the Gorgs. It hurts when her ideas are pre-dismissed as impractical, and it's devastating when her poetry (read: soul) is mocked as irrelevant. For all their song bursts, Fraggles have a mean side, but it's a gentle heart like Mokey who's most likely to learn and use an unFraggle phrase like "F**k you" if she gets pushed far enough.</p><p><b>4. The Incredible Shrinking Mokey (season 3, episode 20)</b></p><p>Fraggles are innocently insensitive, which is harmful enough but usually resolvable without too many tears. So it takes an outside character (one shot Begoony) to tackle the family-friendly concept of an abusive relationship. Many times in the series an abstract idea is presented as concretely as possible; in this case Begoony's constant demands of Mokey literally begin shrinking her until she's just his plaything. Her way out is obviously much smoother than in real life incidents of abuse, but the point her is to start showing kids the warning signs. Suffice to say, if you start seeing yourself reflected in Begoony it's on you to get off that path.</p><p><b>3. The Preachification of Convincing John (season 1, episode 6)</b></p><p>Convincing John makes three appearances through the show's run and all three of them have made my list. It's not that I have a particular affection for the character, but from a story point of view he's very good at escalation. Funny thing, even in his debut appearance he doesn't have his own opinion, he's just doing what Mokey's asked him to do. The real conflict comes from Mokey's belief that eating Doozer towers is wrong, and she forces her belief on everyone else in a manner that raises some real questions about political power in the Rock. Fortunately Mokey also the type who's willing to admit when she's wrong.</p><p><b>2. The Secret Society of Poobahs (season 3, episode 10)</b></p><p>Family entertainment produces a whole lot of content that's classified as humorous, but very little of it is actually funny. This episode is <i>really </i>funny. The short version, Mokey's getting punked. Not maliciously so, the substantial network of pranksters isn't trying to make <i>her </i>look stupid; it's more like they're making themselves look stupid for the sole purpose of getting a laugh out of her. But Mokey's stuck so deeply in her own head that she can't see the humor. Hell, even at the end she only <i>kind </i>of gets it on her own, but she gets there nonetheless. Of special note, this episode is Convincing John's third and final appearance, and it's fun to see who he is without his 'Convincing' adjective at work. So...John Fraggle I guess.</p><p><b>1. The New Trash Heap in Town (season 1, episode 24)</b></p><p>Kudos to Fraggle Rock writing team for their selection of difficult topics, but sometimes I can't really tell if the end result works or not. The season one finale is a fairly light presentation of a highly nuanced issue, and I keep wembling between whether they should have gone darker or if the horror is best left in the subtext for the adults to discover. At any rate, this gets worse the more you think about it. The Fraggles are having the same collective nightmares and the Trash Heap's wisdom is temporarily cut off. So scared community needing relief. They turn to Mokey, but not just to hear her insights but to actually think for them. In other words the happy go-lucky Fraggle create and fall victim to their own cult. And it's a telling peek into Mokey's psyche how unappreciated, and possibly unloved she ordinarily feels that the sudden adulation takes hold of her immediately. All I can say is thank God she's willing to listen to reason over her own praise.</p><p><br /></p><p><b>Wembley's Five Best Or Maybe Not:</b></p><p>From a writing perspective, Wembley is the go-to character whenever a situation needs someone to randomly walk in and ask for clarification on what's going on; i.e. the Doctor Who companion. As the proverbial 'child' character, Wembley's overarching arc most closely resembles what Fraggle Rock's creative team wants the audience to take from the show. Phase one: identifying the innocence in life and doing one's best to preserve it. Phase two: recognizing that sometimes innocence can't be protected and learning to adapt. Phase three: developing a wisdom to notice when the world would be better for actively creating a change.</p><p><b>5. We Love You, Wembley (season 1, episode 13)</b></p><p>It's telling how the Wembley-centric episodes seem to contain the highest concentration of one shot characters. Lou Fraggle, who nobody manages to bump into before or after this one encounter (raising some questions about the Rock's population) is his first. It's a real pity she doesn't stick around because her street-smart 'I-don't-have-time-for-this-shit' attitude is rather intriguing for a Fraggle to have. And maybe there's a variant world out there where Lou Fraggle is the star of her own series. But as is, she effectively plants a seed in Wembley's sycophancy (it will grow later) to ask the question "If I don't want this, why am I agreeing to it?".</p><p><b>4. Wembley and the Mean Genie (season 3, episode 9)</b></p><p>You've never heard the saying 'a heart of gold attracts moths' before because I just made it up, but it certainly applies here. Wembley was destined to meet a real bully at some point and I can't help but wonder how it might have played out if Wembley didn't have discovered power over the genie. But the important thing is that Wembley does manage to hold on to the aforementioned innocence (in this case seeing the best in people) all the way through, and the fact that he never presses his advantage probably makes him better than me.</p><p><b>3. The Secret of Convincing John (season 2, episode 14)</b></p><p>I'd love to watch this episode in a graduate school class for therapists. Wembley's defining trait of indecisiveness is played as a mental health issue with potential consequences; he almost gets Gobo killed because he can't decide where to tie off a security rope. Enter Convincing John with his bag of mind-control tricks to reprogram Wembley's brain. It goes poorly. Not only is it uncomfortable seeing Wembley decisive to the point of arrogance, but we get a peek at a deep rooted self-loathing that we never knew was there. And when you factor in that Convincing John has the same affliction, one wonders what kind of master manipulator Wembley could actually turn into.</p><p><b>2. The Gorg Who Would Be King (season 5, episode 11)</b></p><p>Junior Gorg's character development over five seasons reaches its conclusion when a mishap shrinks him to Fraggle size and he sees the world through their eyes. Wembley is the one who takes him under his wing, and in the process defuses a near-mobbing of Fraggles who seem ready to dole out some karmic punishment. That's how far Wembley's come by now, he knows what's right and he's willing to stand alone for it if he has to. "We're all connected" has been the theme of the show, but Wembley being the one to teach it to a Gorg is a resolution I don't think any of us were expecting.</p><p><b>1. Gone But Not Forgotten (season 5, episode 7)</b></p><p>Oh man. Arguably the best episode of the whole series, this is dealing with Mr. Hooper's death if we actually watched it on screen. Wembley makes a friend with a very short lifespan. And watches him die. That's pretty much the plot, of course the thing that makes it work is how much time they devote to processing the emotions that follow. Sometimes you just have to hurt it out and Wembley accepts that he's been changed forever by the experience. Death just is. And it sucks that that's all the resolution we get, but anything more than that is a lie. Just because.</p><p><br /></p><p><b>Bonus- Five Shared protagonist Episodes:</b></p><p><b>The Challenge (season 1, episode 14)</b></p><p>It's advertised as a Red episode but it's just as much a journey for Gobo. While the hierarchy doesn't exactly resolve and there will be several points where we revisit this power struggle, Red makes her demand for respect pretty clear. It's subtle, but there's a turning point moment where Gobo asks her for permission to borrow one of her earlier ideas. As in life, you're not always aware of what you're learning.</p><p><b>Marooned (season 1, episode 17)</b></p><p>I think it was a misstep for later seasons to neglect the bond Red and Boober developed throughout season one. They don't realize it but they're actually very similar in a lot of ways; headstrong, highly opinionated, really brave in their respective elements and really afraid outside of them. Dave Goelz and Karen Prell's performances in this episode might be the unbeatable Oscar clip in all of Muppet history; they allegedly had half the crew in tears during the filming.</p><p><b>Fraggle Wars (season 2, episode 17)</b></p><p>Perhaps more of a Tri-Force episode featuring the Red/Mokey coin and one shot character Beige. The Bert Fraggles (see my previous post) are proudly unfun, and possibly the group Boober actually belongs with. The Ernies nearly come to violence with them over (to Red's understandable horror) not liking the same jokes. Sometimes conflict is inevitable, but it's crucial to remember what you're fighting for instead of just honing in on who you're against. When Red and Beige both realize that they want what's best for Mokey a peaceful solution presents itself.</p><p><b>Scared Silly (season 3, episode 13)</b></p><p>Okay let me get this out of the way; Boober is my favorite character, but he's really being a dick here. As cathartic as it is finally seeing him on the dominant side of scaring people, his treatment of Wembley in this episode is unforgivable. What was going to be the endgame? Give Wembley a nervous breakdown? Dude, not cool. Funny as hell, yes, but you were over the line and you knew it.</p><p><b>Wonder Mountain (season 4, episode 11)</b></p><p>The Fraggles do Looney Tunes. Street smart Red feels she needs to protect book smart Mokey from the street, and while her intentions are good they're inadvertently insulting. As such, Red winds up in whatever trouble she's trying to overprotect Mokey from and has to be bailed out. It's a natural conflict of interests, Mokey wants to have an adventure and Red wants to keep her safe. I can't really tell if a lesson is learned or not, but it's a great journey. Um, one question, didn't they technically leave the avalanche monster to die?</p><p><br /></p><p><b>Boober's Five Greatest Worries:</b></p><p>So as much of a Fraggle Rock connoisseur as I am, you might think when I first heard about the series I was planted right in front of the HBO logo on day one. Well boy are you dumb. In 1983 I was ten (and eleven respectively) and starting to age out of children's entertainment, which is what the show <i>looked </i>like. I'd catch an episode here and there whenever we'd misplace the remote, but for a while I wasn't connecting with it. But then something about that grouchy misfit character with no visible eyes caught my attention. As an unwilling pre-teen with no resources for depression, the spark of representation suddenly crackled. Dave Goelz, the one (and currently only) mastermind behind Gonzo was about to throw me a life preserver in my sea of adolescence. Dude, PLEASE write an autobiography before we lose you.</p><p><b>5. Boober's Quiet Day (season 2, episode 23)</b></p><p>I wasn't a huge fan of the whole Sidebottom subplot, but it did give us this great screwball comedy episode about one little lie that snowballs into a whole charlatan performance. Sidebottom is Boober's fun side which he actively suppresses. If that doesn't make any damn sense, congratulations, you probably don't live with depression. But like anything ambiguous that you try to keep control of, it gets away from you in an instant. Boober wants a quiet day, but his fun side can't accept the boring act of asking for one, so he tells a lie. And then another. And again. And spoilers, he doesn't get his quiet day.</p><p><b>4. Boober and the Glob (season 3, episode 3)</b></p><p>I imagine Boober was a hard character to come up with stories for as his ultimate goal was to be left alone. But here again is a setup where too much fun was about to push him out of his comfort zone, in this case Joke Day. He tries to escape but trips over Cotterpin Doozer (a character you'd expect him to get along with) and then witnesses the arrival of a Glob that eats Doozers. The other Fraggles don't see it as something to worry about, but Boober worries about everything. And when he watches Cotterpin get swallowed, a seed of heroism begins to sprout in him.</p><p><b>3. I Don't Care (season 1, episode 15)</b></p><p>The promo to this episode was what got me hooked on the show. Boober is afraid of everything in Fraggle Rock, and between the Glob and the Terrible Tunnel it's hard not to see his point. But he finds a placebo to give him courage in the form of a lucky blanket that only seems to attract misery to him. As he gets angrier his friends only bounce between confused and insensitive towards his feelings. It's worth noting that the conflict gets violent before it gets resolved, which was the one line even the Fraggle Wars episode didn't cross.</p><p><b>2. Boober Rock (season 2, episode 2)</b></p><p>Well he finally does it. Boober pulls up stakes and moves away from the noise where he thinks he'll be happier. The experienced introvert can recognize why Boober moving away isn't ultimately going to work out for him; he needs other Fraggles. He may not be able to stand them on the surface, but Boober has always done the cooking and the laundry because he honestly wants to. But that's not an interesting story so let's go with Plan B; it's dangerous to go alone. The same killer plants that almost do Red and Lanford in in season three make their debut here, this time with an amnesia spray. Boober Rock isn't quite the horror tale that The Terrible Tunnel is, but you've got to give it credit; this is the only episode that smothers it's own song.</p><p><b>1. The Doomsday Soup (season 2, episode 19)</b></p><p>We don't tend to think of Boober as a fighter but when he has to throw down he can even make Gobo's jaw drop. Boober knows he's the black sheep, and a lot of his stories are about him trying to change something (himself or his situation) to alleviate that discomfort. In The Doomsday Soup, he starts with a reluctant acceptance that he's always going to be the odd one. A series of chemistry malfunctions creates a soup capable of turning Fraggles invisible, which the others treat as a blessing while Boober worries about the potential consequences. But for once he gets rewarded for staying true to his unpopular opinions when he witnesses the soup cause a rock quake. He's not believed, but safety is more important to him than approval; hence when he throws down against Junior Gorg and orders him out of the way. In that moment, Boober proves he's the Fraggle you don't want to screw with.</p><p><br /></p><p><b>The Five Rules of Red's Club:</b></p><p>If there's one character who could survive in a solo spinoff from the series it's Red. The Fraggle Rock creative team was incredible, but I can't help feeling like Red kind of created herself in the same way that really dominant personalities like Bugs Bunny revealed themselves to the animators. Red is a very complex character, being both the star athlete and her own cheerleader, and yet without coming across as narcissistic. We're all driven by two conflicting needs, to be included and to be exceptional. Red probably comes the closest to finding the balance between the two. She knows her worth, even if she sometimes misjudges what she can do with it. I think we all need a Red in our life and wish we could be a bit more like her.</p><p><b>5. Red Handed and the Invisible Thief (season 3, episode 2)</b></p><p>Rule one: if you're going to fail, fail spectacularly. Red's self-confidence is more likely to get her in trouble than anything else as she demonstrates when she becomes convinced that her best friend is stealing her radish bars (yuck, by the way). Through a very thorough investigation Red figures out in the most embarrassing way that she's been eating them herself in her sleep. But watching her have to pull her foot out of her mouth and apologize to Mokey is an inspiration. Red's not afraid of being wrong, and that self-confidence extends to her ability to admit it.</p><p><b>4. Inspector Red (season 5, episode 10)</b></p><p>Rule two: 'I can do it' is your mantra, whether you can or not. Another crime takes place in the Rock and Red jumps at the chance to solve it. Alas, patience isn't her strong suit, and every time she gets a lead she misinterprets it as a solution. The mistakes she makes get progressively more humiliating for her, but they never deter her from the follow through. In the end she gets a flash of out-of-the-box thinking to save her own ass and pulls off a victory. Oh one more thing, can we take the Fraggles' "the punishment for false accusation is worse than the punishment for stealing" and apply it to the real world?</p><p><b>3. The Garden Plot (season 1, episode 20)</b></p><p>Rule three: you're stronger than you think you are. I believe Red's animosity towards Uncle Matt has to do with a resentment of how fearless he is. Fearless isn't the same as courageous (the former is closer to oblivious) but when you're focused on results the difference isn't evident. But because of Uncle Matt Gobo regularly goes one room into Outer Space, which automatically grants him a one-up on her. Red's need to prove herself isn't always the healthiest motivator, but MAN when it's time to act she's a force to be reckoned with. Not only does she save Fraggle Rock from an explosion, she takes down Junior Gorg by herself.</p><p><b>2. Playing Till it Hurts (season 3, episode 17)</b></p><p>Rule four: everyone has limits. Red hears her hero Rock Hockey Hannah is visiting from...um...Who-Knows-Where to watch her play (seriously, where do these one shot characters go?). The peek into Red's psyche is a nightmare sequence where we see her teaching herself the terrible advice we teach all of our athletes about pushing through the pain. 'I can do it' is a valuable mentality to get you started, but it's crucial to accept that sometimes you just can't. "I can't" is probably the hardest thing Red has ever had to say, and it's touching to see the moment get a stamp of approval from her hero.</p><p><b>1. Red's Club (season 2, episode 13)</b></p><p>Rule five: always ask yourself <i>why </i>you're doing what you're doing. Relationships are complicated, and even though Red got out of Gobo's shadow multiple times already, his 'voice of the group' still carries too much weight for her. The thing is, if their power dynamic were reversed it would be very effective (although we wouldn't get as many stories out of it). Red is a born leader who benefits from being challenged by a larger picture guy like Gobo; it's understandable why she resents his presumed position of doling out permissions. This whole episode is heartbreaking because we can see she doesn't really know what she wants, and she keeps driving wedges between her and people who care about her trying to figure it out. But it culminates in her most bad-ass moment of the series when she offers her service to Pa Gorg and them gives a 'screw this, I'm out of here' rescue to her friends. You go girl!</p><p><br /></p><p>The Trash Heap has spoken. Nyeeeeah!</p><p><br /></p>Zoyciteyoumahttp://www.blogger.com/profile/18406447197292141386noreply@blogger.com0tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-5093205328118755963.post-59094237916456124032022-01-19T18:55:00.004-08:002022-03-10T11:15:44.728-08:00Fraggle Rock Retrospective (Part One): 'Cause We Belong to the Song<p>Fraggle Rock has nearly slipped into the ether as 'that thing my parents keep mentioning to their friends'. Surely everyone knows the theme song, as it modernized the irresistable hand-clap before Friends got there. But not everyone is familiar with the series that followed it.</p><p>The Jim Henson Company is on the brink of an attempt to change that with the release of Fraggle Rock: Back to the Rock in less than a week; and if this weren't the creative bachelorminds behind The Happytime Murders I might actually be openly optimistic, but let me honor Mokey's wishes and focus on the positive. Here's what you need to know:</p><p>Debuting in 1983, Fraggle Rock was the family show that was meant to end war. Do I mean that literally? No, unles it does, then yes.</p><p>Jim Henson was coming off the success of The Muppet Show and found himself in a position to do practically any project he wanted. His creative inner circle (save Frank Oz, who'd been following his own path towards film directing) was at the height of their synergy. They were tasked with a simple question: what if a television show could end war?</p><p>Now this is where the division between the artist and the entrepreneur shows itself. I think everyone who's not a truly awful human being recognizes two things here: 1. A world without war would be a good thing. 2. It isn't possible. The entrepreneur values the tangible and says "It can't be done, let's focus on what can." The artist says "It can't be done, but the conversation is still worth having, and exploring, and if we come out on the other side with a more empathetic understanding of each other then it's worth doing."</p><p>It's worth doing.</p><p>Things tend to happen in threes. For Jim Henson and the Muppets, that Tri-force was Sesame Street, The Muppet Show, and Fraggle Rock. Sesame Street is a permanent staple of educational television. The Muppets are a franchise (currently under Disney's infallible leadership). But the Fraggles haven't been in the public eye much. They were Gen X's thing, and <i>kind of </i>the Millennials depending on where and when you were. But aside from that, the little furry guys have all but become relics of a more innocent time. Maybe that will change in a week, maybe it won't, but while the zeitgeist sorts that out it's worth taking a few moments (or hours of blog writing) to look back on the things we love and celebrate why.</p><p>Today I'm going to do a completely biased top ten list; probably starting a war with other Fraggle Rock enthusiasts who feel differently.</p><p><br /></p><p><b>Top Ten Fraggle Songs</b></p><p>Now there's no way in hell I'm going to be able to organize these in terms of best of the best. The music of Fraggle Rock (almost entirely composed by Philip Balsam and Dennis Lee) is as much a character as any of its lead performers, and my soul already hurts for the omission of some genuine favorites (not limited to: Go With the Flow, Sail Away, Muck and Goo, Remembering Song, I Sniff the Rose, There's a Promise, Do You Want it?, Pass it On, and The Rock Goes On). But I have to draw a line somewhere between blogpost and fully comprehensive watch guide; so I'm limiting it to ten.</p><p>I don't know what to say about the fact that six(ish) of them are from season one. I don't think the quality of the songs ever waned. It may have had to do with the way the episodes were written early on, perhaps more conscious of how the songs would fit into advancing the narrative. I don't know. But here are my top ten selections in the approximate order you'd encounter them if you went straight through the series.</p><p><b>1. Thimble Beetle Song</b></p><p>First off, I can't stress how important the character of Red is, not just to the series but to our culture. In 1983 geneder norms were blatantly divided. Competitiveness and athletics were purely for the boys; I don't even think the word 'tomboy' had made it into the colloquial vocabulary. Red broke the mold.</p><p>Curiously her wonderful performer Karen Prell was a self-proclaimed Mokey in real life, and wasn't pleased with being cast as this character she didn't immediately understand. But episode 7 "I Want to be You" where Red tries to force herself into Mokey's image gave Prell the handle on who Red was by expunging who she wasn't. And nowhere was this more delightfully on display than in the exquisite tongue twister of "Thimble Beetle Song". As a public service, here's the line where Red fails spectacularly.</p><p><span face="sans-serif" style="background-color: white; color: #333333; font-size: 13.44px;">See the little simple, silly, dimpled, pimpled daughters as they flirt with dirty otters while they flit 'n flatten spatulas and smack-a-whiz and rat-a-tat and flatten maddened hatters on a skitzy kitten stone.</span></p><p><b>2. The Ballad of Sir Blunderbrain</b></p><p>Oh man. In the first seven episodes it's established that the Fraggles sing and play and work a job thirty minutes a week, and the threats to their existence all come from external worlds. And by now you're thinking you want to pull up stakes and move in with them. And then this shit happens.</p><p>"The Terrible Tunnel" (episode 8) is a horror story. Not a Muppets Alice Cooper Halloween celebration, but a very real nightmare of a tunnel in Fraggle Rock that swallows Fraggles, that Uncle Matt seemed to have accidentally avoided, and that still exists wherever it is.</p><p>The Ballad of Sir Blunderbrain, as sung by the supporting character only know as the Storyteller, is the tale of a brave-naive Fraggle who meets a truly godawful fate. And from the moment the song's opening guitar chords start, you know this episode isn't dicking around with you anymore. Oh, by the way, it gets even worse when Wembley almost immediately after gets lured to the tunnel himself. Did I mention it's still out there?</p><p><b>3. Doc's Instrumental</b></p><p>I don't know what percentage of Fraggle Rock's creative drive was meticulously planned out versus grown organically, but there's a natural age progression of the POV characters through Jim Henson's big three. Sesame Street is the kids who are built for pretend. The Muppet Show is the range of career adulthood, incorporating grown-ups who went into an artistic field. Fraggle Rock gives us one on screen adult character and he's an elderly man.</p><p>Now I can only speak on the American/Canadian version of Doc but it cannot be overstated how brilliant Gerry Parks was in the role. He was and adult with adult issues; he paid bills, he was grumpy, he'd had a fairly normal life and career, and yet he'd held onto traces of the childlike wonder that most adults sacrifice. And as an inventor of relatively useless things he continued doing what made him happy.</p><p>His best invention was his version of a calliope which incorporated about two dozen party favors; something Spike Jones or Dr. Seuss would have snatched up on sight. Even if the patent office didn't recognize the thing's potential, Gobo did. And coming from a creature who practically lives off music, you don't get much higher an approval than that.</p><p><b>4. Dixie Wailin'</b></p><p>Episode 14's "The Challenge" starts with the power struggle that we knew had been coming. Gobo's position as 'leader' of this five player band of Fraggles is called into question when a decision of his proves inconsiderate to Red's feelings. Now from start to finish, this whole story arc is a perfect example of how to not patronize your audience. Nothing is spelled out. The script doesn't establish who's right or wrong and it doesn't resolve anything. We don't know if the Fraggles went on their picnic or if Red made her swim meet. They never make it to the Trash Heap to settle the argument. And in the end, no life's lesson is put on display.</p><p>But something feels different.</p><p>I would argue it's the fact that we've just been through the funeral dirge capable of raising the dead. If for some reason you haven't seen this episode, I'm not going to put that statement into context. I'm just going to say that the aforementioned argument escalates into a performance of the funeral dirge capable of raising the dead, and for one brief season one moment Junior Gorg and the Fraggles are dancing together.</p><p><b>5. Let Me Be Your Song</b></p><p>According to IMDB Jim Henson actually performed in about a third of the series, but we only really notice when that unmistakable Rowlf voice takes center stage. We got the hyper version a dozen episodes earlier with his evangelical salesman Convincing John. But it's the arrival of wandering minstrel Cantus that lets you know something important is about to happen.</p><p>Cantus, like Jim and most artists, is driven by something even he doesn't fully understand. This song, with its hypnotic pipe and deceptively simple lyrics, sums up in three minutes what that calling (at its best) feels like. Whether or not Cantus was in fact the embodiment of Jim, the character did seem to represent the way several people on Jim's inner circle viewed him. We all need a Cantus, and when we can't have one, we make one.</p><p><b>6. Ragtime Queen</b></p><p>It's established pretty early on that death is going to play a factor in our journey with the Fraggles. We're on episode 22 "Mokey's Funeral" now. We've already seen several dangers surrounding the Great Hall and been through a very real brush with death ("Marooned" ep. 17) but this episode deals with the concept of sacrifice.</p><p>Oddly enough, the audience is let in on the punch line from the beginning; Mokey's not dead and she's not going to be dead. But the characters don't know that, and their reactions to the illusion genuinely hurt. Gobo, who always believes he knows what to do, can't do anything but stare at the dummy. Red (my GOD Karen Prell's acting) goes through all five stages of grief in mere minutes; the moment she demands Mokey still be alive because "She's my best friend!" has made me tear up since I started this blog. Even Junior Gorg expresses a self-loathing at the possibility that he's killed a Fraggle; a peak into his character we hadn't seen before.</p><p>But it's Ragtime Queen that really sets the tone of how brutal the feelings in this episode are going to be. First Mokey does indeed fantasize about sacrificing herself to the Gorg's trap for the good of the Fraggles, but then comes up with the idea of sewing together a decoy (made in her image). Cool. Except Mokey is an artist, and she takes the time to sing to her creation about how real she is. How real is she? How much of a soul can a stuffed bit of cloth with a face have (I want to remind you we're watching a Muppet production)? We don't know, we aren't told if dummy Mokey has the feelings her creator claims she does. All we know is there's a slight toe-in-the-pool-of-insanity chance that this episode is exactly as sad as it feels.</p><p><b>7. If It Happened to You</b></p><p>Jumping ahead to episode 41, "Fraggle Wars". The show was designed to end war; it was inevitable that it would actually do it in universe. Red and Mokey stumble across a never before and never again mentioned band of Fraggles who prefer order to chaos; let's call them the Bert Fraggles to the Ernies we've been spending our time with. Mokey, with her Ernie curiosity and trust, reveals herself with no exit plan and gets locked in a cage. Red catches sight of the situation and shags it back to the Great Hall for help.</p><p>A lot goes on in this episode, not the least of which is we get to see Red assume the leadership position in Gobo's absence she's always wanted. But the first problem is that even though her fellow Ernies horrified by the thought of Mokey's capture, they still won't focus. So she pulls out the big gun, the song. But like any weapon it goes from motivating to harmful at the turn of a verse when the World's Oldest Fraggle takes Red's honest fear and turns it into hatred. Age doesn't always equal wisdom.</p><p><b>8. Shine On, Shine On Me</b></p><p>The very next episode is called "The Day the Music Died", so you just know it's going to reveal something big. In this case, Gobo has been tasked with writing the Glory Song, which is the anthem of his generation. If you don't know, that's exactly the kind of pressure that makes writing a generational anthem damn near impossible, made all the more difficult by the fact that the Fraggles around him won't shut up with every other song they know.</p><p>A misunderstood request leads the whole rock to stop singing at all. Moods start to drop because Fraggles live off this stuff. But then the actual light in the rock begins fading. We discover it has been the product of a fairy-like collective known as Ditsies who literally live off of music. With the light gone, Fraggles can no longer stay awake, making the situation even more serious than we were expecting.</p><p>This episode may have been meant as an allegory for depression; although having personally dealt with Dysthymia for about 45 years I can tell you it doesn't quite work as one, but I do see the parallels. The thing I really hone in on is at the end of the episode, Gobo is essentially about to die, and he decides to go out with a song. The song itself, which is implied to be his Glory Song, is not glorious. It's from a place of despair, wishing it could be more powerful than it is. Ironically it IS powerful enough to save the Fraggles and the Ditsies, but on it's own it's simple. It wishes it was more than it is. It's the most un-anthemed anthem of a generation. And as a member of Gen X, this f**king thing might actually have summed us up. </p><p><b>9. The Friendship Song/The Wind and the Pond and the Moon and Me</b></p><p>I know it's kind of a cheat to cram two of them together, but bite me- (sorry; Gen X, remember?) -but allow me to explain. Season one's "Marooned" is one of the heaviest episodes. A rock slide traps Red and Boober together, and the threat of death is very real for them. Boober (who's my favorite character and I've said jack sprat about him) has spent his whole life worrying about death but is strangely at peace when it's right in front of him. But for Red, this is apparently the first time she's been confronted with it.</p><p>The Friendship Song is a good song, but I didn't give it its own spot on this list because it's not actually important to the episode, serving only as a pause in a mostly bummer story arc. But the song serves as an unintended mirror to episode 59 "The Beanbarrow, the Burden, and the Bright Bouquet" (or 4B for my own stability).</p><p>4B has a similar setup as "Marooned", Red gets stuck in a situation with a character she can barely stand, in this case Mokey's pet plant Lanford, a Night-Blooming Yellow-Leaved Deathwort. A wrong turn during the Beanbarrow Race leaves the two of them in a dead-end surrounded by highly mobile killer plants. This is the second time Red has faced her impending death and she does so with three seasons of experience. It's less tragic with more humor and stronger rays of hope, especially once it's revealed is about to bloom the very flowers that repel the killer plants. But he can't quite do it, and for some damn reason he needs Red to rock him while singing a lullaby. Don't ask questions.</p><p>Red sings the mouthful of a title The Wind and the pond and the Moon and Me. This is where the episode gets dark. The lyrics are the kind of thing you'd sing to a child about a happier place than where they are, perhaps because they've had nightmares. But the implication of the line "I know, I've been there" <i>really </i>sounds like Red is referring to the cave-in where she and Boober almost died. During the song her voice starts to crack as if she's realizing their last hope might not work, and not helping is the fact that the plants trying to kill them are mere inches away (one of the more horrifying images in the whole of the series). This moment carries a similar weight of the scene in Titanic when the mother tucks her children in bed knowing they're all going to drown.</p><p><b>10. All Around the World</b></p><p>Again speaking only to the North American version, this song appeared in instrumental form as the backdrop for the Traveling Matt segments starting in season three. In the UK, the song appeared as a 45 RPM single with lyrics sung by Matt, Gobo, Wembley, Red and a female chorus.</p><p>Since it's opening episode Traveling Matt is presented as having a wanderlust, and even when he finally returns to the rock for good he still seems like he has one eye on the next untraveled tunnel. The beauty of All Around the World is the implication that he does in fact get homesick in a way that he never expresses outwardly.</p><p>But the song is more than that. The lyrics "It's hard to believe as I look around...a culture like ours is nowhere to be found..." aren't just about a silly Fraggle confused by the world of humans. It's the fact that the creators of Fraggle Rock really poured their souls into intertwined ecology of the place, and the world of harmony that the show spends 96 episodes earning is still a distant dream to the world of reality. It's a sad truth as much as it's a celebration of the Fraggles. Why can't we learn to understand each other the way the Doozers and the colossus Gorgs can? Why can't we all get along and recognize that we laugh at the same jokes and dance to the same music?</p><p>I don't know. I just know that in two days the Fraggles are back. Maybe they'll remind us of what magic feels like. Maybe they won't, but they'll inspire a new generation to pick up the old DVD's. In any case, welcome back.</p><p><a href="https://zoyciteyouma.blogspot.com/2022/02/fraggle-rock-retrospective-part-two-and.html">Let the Fraggles play.</a></p>Zoyciteyoumahttp://www.blogger.com/profile/18406447197292141386noreply@blogger.com0tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-5093205328118755963.post-89835503900420386962022-01-09T13:55:00.002-08:002022-01-10T19:45:41.309-08:002021 Movie Wrap-Up<p>Another year, another blog post. At this rate I'll hit hit 300 post celebration when I'm 82.</p><p>So the cinema did not, as people predicted, die during the ongoing pandemic. And it looks like we even got to see a few at their intended release date. Yay. Well let's dive in, shall we? We shall.</p><p><br /></p><p><b>Mortal Kombat</b></p><p>It's funny to me that out of all the movies that could have gotten me back into the theater after the whole world turned toxic, it was this one. I don't care about the franchise in any of its forms, but I found myself strangely invested in the story here. I've always liked James Wan as a director, and he clearly knows what people want to see from an MK film. Not only does he follow through, he infuses the whole ridiculous concept with (dare I say?) dignity. Wan, you've got serious game. I'll be watching your career intently. Just please, for the love of God tell me keeping Amber Heard in the Aquaman sequel was beyond your control.</p><p><b>A Quiet Place Part II</b></p><p>I do enjoy horror films based around a kind of quirk, in this case keep quiet or die. But I find too many of them feel like a Tales From the Crypt episode with padding, and I get bored with padding. Quiet Place One had about 55 minutes of good stuff and 35 of padding. Part Two had kind of the reverse issue. Taken together and generously trimmed would have made for a truly memorable film. One film. As is? Well, whatever.</p><p><b>Cruella</b></p><p>I was going to skip this one, as Disney's live remakes are beginning to feel like this generation's direct to video sequels. But then people wouldn't shut up about it, and I was getting the movie withdrawal itch. Damn, it was good! I've always liked Emma Stone but this role made me realize how much I've underestimated her as an actress. Her Cruella is unapologetically in the grey area between anti-hero and anti-villain, and she refuses to be contained. She is electrifying. But the true star, and I have the guidance and passion of my wife to thank for being able to notice, is (currently) two time Oscar winning costume designer Jenny Beavan. I'm as non-fluent with fashion as I am with sports, but for two hours and fourteen minutes I totally got it.</p><p><b>Black Widow</b></p><p>To get this out of the way, as long as Scarlett Johansson keeps blindly lapdogging Woody Allen I'm not going to pay for movie tickets to see anything with her as the lead. On Disney Plus, it took me several tries to get through it because I just kept losing interest. As its own action movie I'd say it was good enough, perhaps a step above the Fast and Furious series (which is praise, but not much). As an MCU film it was nothing special. This movie needed to happen before Infinity War to mean anything, and it didn't.</p><p><b>Space Jam: A New Legacy</b></p><p>I covered this one <a href="https://zoyciteyouma.blogspot.com/2021/08/looney-tunes-back-in-traction.html" target="_blank">in more detail already</a> but the gist is Don Cheadle was the MVP in a movie with freaking Looney Tunes in it, so something fundamentally went wrong. At the time the biggest problem was the movie was an undisguised commercial for HBO Max. Several months have passed, and HBO Max is having much bigger problems. Warner Brothers is their primary contributor and they haven't had a hit this year. But I'm sure they'll learn from their mistakes and put together a really solid DCEU in just a couple of more reboots. Space Jam 2 exists. And for whatever it's worth, the original really wasn't that good either.</p><p><b>Escape Room: Tournament of Champions</b></p><p>I've got good news and bad news, and both of them are that this sequel is more of the same thing. I liked the first one a lot, but I didn't like the ending because it felt like the filmmakers wrote themselves into an uninteresting corner. They get out of it by putting off that uninteresting corner until the end of this movie (again). I like the creative deadly rooms, and the new characters are as likable as the victims of the first movie. But where the franchise is trying to be Saw with less gore, more color, and a bit of hope, it's falling into Paranormal Activity syndrome where we've kind of figured out the rhythm already.</p><p><b>Free Guy</b></p><p>And just when I'd forgotten what not being a bitter, jaded Gen X-er felt like it's Ryan Reynolds to my rescue. Reynolds is a fellow Gen X-er, and he's mastered the schtick of trying really fucking hard to uphold the values Mr. Rogers instilled in him. An NPC in an MMORPG becomes self-aware (the direction we're going IRL BTW) and reminds real people what humanity actually is. Free Guy may not be the most original concept, but it does feel like a flower has bloomed in the wasteland hellscape we've been living in since fascism reared its ugly orange head six miserable years ago. Thank you Ryan, beauty CAN come out of ashes.</p><p><b>He's All That</b></p><p>It's listed on Wikipedia as a 2021 film so I'm going to talk about it. A gender-swapped remake of 1913's Pygmalion, or 1999's She's All That (for anyone under 108) it's as respectable a remake as it deserves to be. You've seen this move before even if you haven't; and if you haven't, go watch Not Another Teen Movie right this second! So not much to talk about except for wondering why cast Addison Rae? I get that Netflix is dabbling in the idea of social media stars transitioning into SAG roles, and I'm not opposed to it (Adam Conover is doing quite well) but nothing about Rae's performance reads as someone who nailed the audition. Anyway...</p><p><b>Shang-Chi and the Legend of the Ten Rings</b></p><p>Or SCATLOTTR for short. I really enjoyed this movie when I saw it. But that was a few months ago. Curiously, I haven't thought about it since. I mean, I'll give Marvel credit for actively pursuing diversity, if a bit slower than needed, but I really didn't connect with this one. I liked things <i>about </i>it; the romance-less male/female friendship, the complex villain, the...um...other stuff that happened. But I'm probably going to leave this one out of my week-long MCU marathon in 2028.</p><p><b>The Eyes of Tammy Faye</b></p><p>This was another movie I didn't think I would get into and wound up being blown away by it. Knock-it-out-of-the-park performances from Jessica Chastain, Andrew Garfield, and Vincent D'Onofrio elevate what would probably have been an average television movie into a really engaging journey through the mind(s) of the superficially devout. Televangelism has always been a racket, but the film carefully lays its groundwork of how religion produces people who truly think they're doing the right thing. The movie doesn't judge the Bakker's, it just presents them. In the end the lesson is that passion will always get you going somewhere, and Tammy Faye had plenty of that. But without the wisdom to know where and why you're going, you're destined to end up in the wrong place.</p><p><b>No Time to Die</b></p><p>There was actually plenty of time to die. In fact, in the extended sequence of the heroes discussing going to the villain's base, <i>why </i>they're going to his base, followed by the scene of them GOING to the base, approximately fifteen hundred people in the world died. Here's the thing about the Daniel Craig era of James Bond films: NONE of them have kept me engaged through the third act. Craig is a great actor and I love what he's done with the character, but the films have forgotten that James Bond is fun. Timothy Dalton's Bond was as gritty as Craig's, but his (sadly mere) two films never left out that hint of silliness that made it all work. Not only does No Time to Die take itself too seriously, it has the Craig era's third act pace- For. The. Whole. Movie. The only time the film comes alive is the one scene that Ana de Armas is in. If the Broccoli estate has any interest in gender-swapping their franchise, spin off with her. This one sadly wasn't worth the wait.</p><p><b>Eternals</b></p><p>Ten years ago (wow.) my wife and I saw Drive, and The Smurfs in very close proximity to each other. Drive was a technically flawless film that left us feeling nothing. The Smurfs was ridiculous, but we came out of the theater talking about it, laughing, and generally feeling good about having shelled out the twenty bucks in tickets. I bring this up because I feel Eternals was a less-good movie than SCATLOTTR, but it left a much stronger impression on me. It raised questions about immortality, responsibility, immediate good versus grand scope good, and so on, and it wasn't afraid to not have the answers. Sadly it had some great ideas that didn't go anywhere, like the sentient deviant's point of view; but it HAD ideas. For me, a flawed movie that makes you feel something is better than a flawless one that leaves you indifferent. Oh, and for the record, Angelina Jolie made me tear up three times.</p><p><b>Ghostbusters: Afterlife</b></p><p>It's nearly impossible to evaluate this movie on its own merits but I'm going to try. It was good, heartwarming, and imbalanced. The good: Mckenna Grace is a hell of an actress, the nostalgia works, and without getting heavy-handed the film celebrates neurodiversity. The heartwarming: there's a sense of closure to Egon Spengler's arc, as well as the wedge between Harold Ramis and Bill Murray that kept Ghostbusters 3 from ever happening. The imbalanced: Paul Rudd's talent is underused, Carrie Coon's talent is SORELY underused, J. K. Simmons is (for the first time in his career) needless, and the pacing is exactly what you get with Jason Reitman directing. If this franchise continues (and it will) it needs a balance between this movie and the 2016 reboot; substance <i>and </i>energy. There.</p><p><b>West Side Story</b></p><p>In his prime, Steven Spielberg had this magic touch of making you feel like he was sitting next to you in the theater. It's been such a damn while, but I finally felt that again. Just look at the way the musical is framed from its opening shot to every lavish dance number. Perhaps people felt that this was your grandparent's musical, and it kind of is but it's also kind of not. The tribalism and racism committed to the stage in 1957 has sadly not gone anywhere, and one could argue West Side Story has an even more timeless quality than that Shakespeare play about the dead couple (sorry: spoilers). Unfortunately the poignant qualities of the film, and the electric performances of so many of its new cast members (and cinema royalty Rita Moreno) get overshadowed by the lead actor's sexual assault allegation with a then-seventeen year old girl. On the one hand, it's encouraging that we're past the point where an audience will let a studio do damage control by sweeping such a story under the rug (which is what they tried to do), but on the other we're not past the point where studios try. Lessons are slow to learn.</p><p><b>Spider-Man: No Way Home</b></p><p>As of this writing, No Way Home is still number one at the box office, and deservedly so. It's not often a single film can provide closure to THREE different cinematic story arcs <i>and </i>still fit in as a prequel to a different character's sequel. I hesitate to say this about a film producer (as Hollywood produces some real monsters) but Kevin Feige just might be a genius. How this damn MCU juggernaut is still holding together at all after 27 films is a (no pun intended, no, seriously) marvel in and of itself. Most of what I could say about No Way Home has already been covered by everyone everywhere, but I want to point out three things. One, I didn't realize just how good we had it in the early 2000s with Willem Dafoe and Alfred Molina's performances, but watching them together for the first time was jaw dropping. Two, the line (you know the one) has gone so far into the field of cliché I didn't think it was possible to deliver it as anything but a joke. DAMN Marisa Tomei, I'm still feeling it. And three, the big one. The whole of Marvel's Phase Four has been about healing; coincidentally timed considering the state of the world. But as anyone who's been on multiple medications can tell you, healing is an ugly process. It's not the life's lesson at the end of a Full House episode; it's a blow-up, a freak-out, and a humiliatingly bloody ugly public cry. A character like Spider-Man is notorious for hurting, for having a life that sucks, and for snatching a loss from every victory. When the film unites the three Peter Parkers, it could easily have gone for a couple of exchanged one-liners and segued into the climax. It doesn't. For once, slowing the pace in the third act works, letting all the Parkers just talk to each other. A shared pain, some encouragement, and a lot of mutual understanding. Spider-Man and his rogue's gallery has always been about tragedy, but maybe just this once it's also about recovery.</p><p>2022, it's your turn.</p>Zoyciteyoumahttp://www.blogger.com/profile/18406447197292141386noreply@blogger.com0tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-5093205328118755963.post-17956048509897465432021-08-22T13:31:00.003-07:002021-08-22T13:31:18.958-07:00Live (barely) From New York, It's-a Me!<p>If you've never been to New York (like me, as of a week ago), you can at least imagine what it's like. It's probably the most filmed and recreated city in the whole of human history. In fact, having experienced Sesame Street, Ghostbusters, Spider-Man, Friends, Kimmy Schmidt, the Lego Marvel game, and 60% of rom-coms I felt like I'd accurately pieced together the bulk of what life was like there.</p><p>But my wife had been once before, and she really wanted to go back. And take me (Everybody: "Awww", in delight or disgust as you see fit). Now I've been in big cities before; Atlanta, Nashville, Seattle, and the Salvador Dali-esque streets of New Orleans, and I understood that while they mostly look the same from a distance they each tend to develop their own personality and quirks. So you can't really lean into 'if you've been to one city you've been to them all'.</p><p>At the same time though, I grew up in Louisiana around people who would not shut up about New York. The people! The shopping! The sites! The musicals! And I'd stand there, staring at them the way I'd later stare at fanboys who'd try to convince me that The Matrix was deep. So going into this three night stay at The Benjamin, I had legitimate doubts that I was going to feel the connection that had been over-over-hyped. But I was determined to answer one question as it pertained to people who were at least a little less cynical than me: What was the big damn deal with New York?</p><p>Here's what I learned.</p><p><b>Initial impressions</b></p><p>Our flight from Charlotte to Newark was delayed (side note: I believe it's Mayor Vi Lyles who does the welcome announcement in Charlotte's airport, and she could totally be a professional voice actress) and so we arrived in New Jersey around 10:30 at night. We got a cab from the airport's dispatcher, who really did not seem like she wanted to deal with us, and headed across what could easily have been a bridge to Gotham City.</p><p>Two things happened here. One, "New York, New York" from <i>On the Town </i>entered my head and stayed there for two days. Two, I turned into Hilary Duff as Lane Daniels trying to see through the cab window from every possible angle.</p><p>We arrived at The Benjamin, and still didn't know where The Benjamin was. There was a sign directly above us which we never saw because we were looking everywhere except directly above us, and even Siri had to draw in an exasperated breath before informing us that we were literally fifty feet away from the check-in desk.</p><p>We got our keys, a couple of bottled soft drinks on our daily ten dollar credit, and hopped into the fastest elevator I've ever been in that didn't have a lap bar; cheerfully oblivious to the $39 'hotel facilities' fee we were going to be charged each of the next three days. Now we needed to find dinner from somewhere, since COVID had shut down the hotel's kitchen.</p><p>Pizza -New York pizza. I'm happy to say that the famous New York oven baked pizza that I've heard so much about is even nicer in person. Some pizza parlors close at six, some at eleven, some at four in the morning; I can't tell you what the rhyme or reason behind any of it is. I'm just grateful that we were able to find something at almost midnight.</p><p>The oddest thing though was how comfortable I felt roaming the streets of New York by myself so late at night. I didn't feel like anybody was going to bother me. And interestingly enough there were a few points where I saw a woman walking by herself as well without the body language of someone on alert. It would take me a few more street strolls to fully understand the concept but simply put, New Yorkers mind their own business. This southern-born introvert has waited his whole life for this environment.</p><p><b>What We Saw on the Trip</b></p><p>1. The Central Park Zoo. Central Park is freaking huge and we only covered the south end of it. And they have a zoo. It's not a big zoo but it somehow still feels complete. Imagine going to a regular zoo and then taking just the highlights and editing out everything else. An aviary, snow leopards, a bear, some monkeys, a seal feeding, and a petting zoo (no elephants, damn it). At fourteen bucks, it was a good ticket; totally worth skipping the 4D Ice Age short.</p><p>2. The New York Public Library. Oh man, the architecture of this thing was beautiful. This was the old school library where everyone is quiet, librarians have to retrieve your books for you, and there are lion statues on the front steps (I never thought about it before, why do lions care about books?). I, jocundly, don't work in that kind of library, but I always love spending a few moment inside one whenever the chance arises.</p><p>3. The Hard Rock Cafe. It's kind of a tradition, whenever my wife and I are in a city with an HRC we have dinner there. This one felt like it was built from the ground to be a Hard Rock Cafe, as opposed to moving into a pre-existing space. I suppose even though it was a chain, the steak was officially New York steak, so I can check that off as well. Quick question, would any streaming service consider letting you just tap into their channel that plays music videos? They only seem to pick visually good ones.</p><p>4. The Rockefeller Center/Radio City Music Hall. Being August, and...you know...the middle of an ongoing pandemic I don't think we got the full effect. But we got the gist. FAO Schwarz was big, even if I didn't find anything I wanted to make room for in my backpack. I was a little disappointed in NBC's gift shop. During the past decade Saturday Night Live has changed. In addition to being the funniest it's been in years, the most recent cast has been surprisingly vulnerable. I would have bought just about anything with Cecily Strong's face on it, but all their merchandise was "More Cowbell", Stefon (a character I just never <i>got</i>), and generic things with 'Saturday Night Live' on them. It's always something.</p><p>5. Trash & Vaudeville. My wife loves fashion, so by proxy I've picked up on a handful of talking points. Ultimately it's not my thing, but if I had the money I'll be damned if this store wouldn't get me into it. There's an energy here where you can just feel the connection to Debbie Harry and <i>My Shopping Addiction. </i>I'm probably due for a midlife crisis; maybe I'll start dressing like an aging rock star.</p><p>6. Times Square. This was the heart of it all. I can't imagine what New Year's Eve is like here, but August 17th had the kind of party atmosphere I always expected, and never got, from Mardi Gras. Street dancers, music busses, a couple of mostly naked women, Batman and Deadpool posing together, and a short walk to flip off the Scientology center. I even got attacked by a homeless man who took offense to my COVID mask (a tidbit I'm peculiarly proud of), and adamantly defended by strangers. New Yorkers don't want you to interact with them, but they're really proactive when someone needs help.</p><p><b>What We Didn't See</b></p><p>1. The Statue of Liberty. It would have been nice but not worth the Lyft money, because she just wasn't on our way to anything we were looking to do.</p><p>2. A Broadway show. And I'll be honest, I'm not broken up about it. I love doing theater, but I've never been all that passionate about watching it.</p><p>3. Many kids or elderly people. Let's face it, New York is for people who don't mind walking. You've got to have stamina to survive there.</p><p>4. The subway. We just never had a reason to go underground; leaving me with the unanswered question, how does a city install a subway system? Do you assume you're going to need one before you add in the skyscrapers, or do you start digging and hope they're not as heavy as they look?</p><p>5. Individualism. All of my T-shirts have Nintendo logos or Disney characters on them, which probably identified me as a tourist since 99% of the New Yorkers I saw did not wear anything other than plain shirts or business outfits (with the occasional yoga wear). One single woman had her hair dyed an anime color. But aside from that, everyone seems to naturally want to blend in with everyone else.</p><p>6. Giant apes climbing buildings. Dude, what the hell?</p><p><b>What We Took Away</b></p><p>I'm a writer (amateur, yes, but shut up), so naturally I'm drawn to character. From my three days spent in what's esoterically known as the Big Apple, this is what I believe I understand. New York is a clock. It's the Big Ben of the United States. When New York decides it's time to fawn over Hamilton, the nation fawns over Hamilton. And everything in the city is in motion, and every wheel cog demands every other wheel cog respect that motion. It's the first city I've been to that had signs saying "No Standing Any Time".</p><p>It's a place for people who like to be on the go, grabbing hot dogs along the way and treating 'Don't Walk' as a caution light. You're a part of the city almost immediately; and you have to be or you're going to get run over. New York doesn't welcome you like Orlando, it just gets you moving.</p><p>But as quickly as New York makes you one of its own, I can't help but wonder how rare it is to succeed at whatever motive led you there in the first place. Did you want to be a fashion designer? A Broadway star? A CEO? I don't get the impression that the city cares if you make it, or how you feel about failing. I imagine you could be the best chef ever between two intersections and instantly become nobody when your card stops working at the bagel stand.</p><p>So I guess to close out without resorting to the cliché about visiting but not living there, I have to say that the city itself is a living, breathing titan that legitimately inspires awe. And for a brief time, it was a joy to be a single blood cell injected into its circulatory system going on the ride; killing my feet, getting my neck scratched, and becoming simultaneously wiser and poorer. But I don't think I would ever want to get to the point where that novelty becomes mundane.</p><p>Everybody's got the rhythm that works for them. For me, I can honestly say I love New York. But in small doses.</p>Zoyciteyoumahttp://www.blogger.com/profile/18406447197292141386noreply@blogger.com1tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-5093205328118755963.post-17454288446699215152021-08-05T12:33:00.005-07:002021-08-05T12:50:10.267-07:00Looney Tunes: Back in Traction (Reflections, Reviews, and Revisions)<p>I am a huge Looney Tunes fan. I'm from the generation that didn't just grow up on them, we absorbed them. They were everywhere; comic books, TV specials, movies, and of course the never ending reruns of the classic shorts that just never seemed to get old.</p><p>In the early days of animation, the studios were all competing with Disney, as Walt's animation team had risen to dominance. It was the creators of the Looney Tunes who first abandoned this approach in favor of finding their own voice, planting the seed of rebelliousness that Bugs and company have always embodied. To paraphrase people smarter than me, if Disney was classic music, the Looney Tunes were jazz.</p><p>It's that same rebellious spirit that's granted the Loonies (the word I've chosen to use) their post-Termite Terrace longevity but also made them a difficult fit for the long form storytelling of cinema, as their movies prior to Roger Rabbit had essentially been clip show excuses to recycle the shorts of the golden age. I mention Roger Rabbit because (curiously) every attempt to put Bugs and Daffy in a feature film since then have somehow obligatorily been a hybrid of animation and live action.</p><p>Perhaps the reason for this is because the Loonies by nature aren't meant to have character development, they're meant to be funny; and in their case funny is about seven minutes of pain and suffering and nobody learning anything until we do a palette cleanse and go again. Thus it makes sense to have a POV character to handle the film's plot from beginning to end so the animals can go back to trying to kill each other.</p><p>It's with this lens that I want to look at the unofficial film trilogy <i>Space Jam, Not Space Jam, And Back to Space Jam, </i>to figure out what went wrong, what went right, and what in theory Warner Brothers can do about it.</p><p><br /></p><p><b>Space Jam</b></p><p>For me the 90's was a college degree that will never matter, a series of customer service jobs, and an overall sense of hopelessness. Visually, it's a tumbleweed rolling between <i>Clerks </i>and <i>Reality Bites </i>with the occasional espresso shot of joy from Kevin Conroy's Batman (I don't know if that's irony or just really sad). The then-younglings seemed to be having a much better time of it, with Spielberg's TV shows and an insatiable urge to zigazig ah.</p><p>Somewhere in the midst of it all, athletes became superheroes. I've always been on the geek side of jocks vs. geeks and we were never going to win with a dial-up connection, but we had a begrudging respect for the top tier personalities of basketball's "dream team" even if we couldn't tell you who they'd played for prior to the 1992 Olympics. It was only natural that a player of Michael Jordan's charm would go on to play himself in front of a green screen to the most 90's soundtrack ever Jock Jammed together.</p><p>So what can I say about 1996's <i>Space Jam </i>besides director Joe Pytka is a whiny bitch? Well, to summarize, the Looney Tunes live underneath the surface of the earth (in Hell maybe?) and Danny DeVito voicing a Danny DeVito knockoff decides we're overdue for a remake of <i>The Harlem Globetrotters on Gilligan's Island. </i>To WB's credit, they don't waste any time trying to infuse the premise with credibility; this film is just a theme park ride.</p><p>Stuff happens, some of it is smile-worthy, none of it feels particularly inspired; it's just dumb fun with a soundtrack. The problem is the Looney Tunes are not dumb fun, they're comedic art. Jordan is fine at playing himself but he's no Bob Hoskins, and the only way for him to get in and out of Bugs's anarchy is by removing the rabbit's teeth. These are Diet Looney Tunes, which raises a fundamental question for all three of these films: Does the person/committee calling the shots understand them?</p><p>In <i>Space Jam </i>the answer is a resounding no. First off, as mentioned previously this ain't Disney. These characters do not get along or cooperate for a common goal. One wonders if there was a draft of the script where DeVito's Swackhammer actually enticed the greedier Loonies over to his side in the first act. The second thing, Bugs Bunny is pure ego. He doesn't kowtow to anybody, even if his life depends on it. And finally there's Lola, who I assume started as sexualized fan art of Babs Bunny. The thing about Jessica Rabbit, and her precursor Red Hot Riding Hood, is the characters were sexy but they also had layers. Their respective creators took the time to at least answer the question for themselves "What does she want?". Lola apparently just wants to strut, which is fine if she's a running gag, but <i>Space Jam </i>is trying to pass her off as a new addition to the Looney Tunes cast. "Don't call me doll" isn't a character any more than if Bugs's whole shtick was his love of carrots.</p><p>So was there anything about the movie that caught my attention? Yeah, one scene. When Bugs and Daffy have to break into Michael Jordan's house to collect his gear there's a tiny bit of the lifetime of animosity between them. It's not much, Daffy just makes a couple of insincere grand bows to Bugs's orders. But the sense that Daffy's resentment is still tucked away in there is the one sign of life in the old bird. And in the movie. And where there's a spark...</p><p><br /></p><p><b>Looney Tunes: Back in Action</b></p><p>Full disclosure, I saw this once in the theater and walked away thinking "Eh, that was okay," and didn't think much more about it. Until the next morning when my brain started replaying some beats from the movie; the frustrated Batman during the Roger Corman cameo, the scene in the Louvre, the moment Daffy Freaking Duck saves humanity from being turned into monkeys. I went back a second time and walked away thinking "This was actually pretty well done." Then a third, fourth, fifth, and sixth, dragging my various coworkers with me. I've since decided that this movie is a gem.</p><p>With flaws, but all gems are. None of which derail the movie, they just stand out in a film that shoots for the moon and damn near hits it. The first is the self-consciousness of the jokes. As someone who's actively tried writing comedy I can tell you that when you worry you're not being funny enough you overcompensate by cramming as many jokes into your work space as you can. The one liners come desperately fast, and it's no wonder; when you're trying to match Chuck Jones, Michael Maltese, and Mel Blanc, you're setting a Marx Brothers level bar (the good movies, not <i>The Big Store</i>). It's also worth acknowledging that the studio kept interfering with Joe Dante's direction, demanding changes that can't <i>really </i>be made that late into animation.</p><p>The other flaw is the human cast, which as I say isn't really a problem. Just...you know...not Bob Hoskins. Steve Martin's Acme Chairman could probably have used a test audience. He's good enough for an Austin Powers character, but we know what Martin is capable of; it's kind of late Steve Martin 'doing' early Steve Martin. Jenna Elfman is decent, but perhaps some coaching from Carol Burnett would have solidified the character she was going for. Timothy Dalton is quite funny, if underused. And Joan Cusack might be an actual cartoon character in disguise.</p><p>The wild card is Brendan Fraser, who has the thankless job of pretending the movie is about him. The short version: he's much better in the role than you think he is. Fraser is a subtle actor, which is easy to overlook if you're only familiar with his popular movies. Here the burden of convincing us of <i>Back in Action's </i>rules on the Looney Tunes (actors who play themselves) rests predominantly on his shoulders. Jordan played Jordan. Fraser plays DJ, an out of work stuntman who just lost his job before learning his actor-father is actually a secret agent while dealing with the always temperamental and recently fired Daffy Duck; and that's act one. And Fraser finds a way to make it all feel sincere while getting out of the spotlight of the real star. It's arguably the most generous performance I've ever seen an actor give.</p><p>The real star is Daffy. From the opening moments, this movie lets you know that it knows what it's about. Looney Tunes don't do 'heart' like the Muppets, it's just not their thing. But <i>Back in Action </i>allows the duck and the rabbit to dip their toes in a pool we've all wondered about: does Daffy hurt? Playing second fiddle is an enviable position to everyone except the one in that position, because right next to you is that damn first chair spot that no matter what you do you just can't crawl your way into.</p><p>The great Joe Alaskey voices both Bugs and Daffy and he infuses both characters with the whole of their long history together. Outwardly, Bugs is as much of a dick as he's always been, but behind the mallard's back Bugs is very defensive of him. Daffy wants respect, and he's never going to get it. It's not fair; it's comedy. In the end, nothing changes. Daffy doesn't get respect or resolution; hell, he's too self absorbed to even recognize that he saved all of humanity. As the audience, we know that Daffy is lovable, and he's working so hard to prove something that he doesn't have to. It's tragic in a way, but it's also comforting to see without question that Bugs knows what we know. No one can top Bugs, but Daffy is his equal.</p><p><br /></p><p><b>Space Jam: A New Legacy</b></p><p>I want to start by talking about Don Cheadle. I've always thought he was a great actor, but I've never seen him go over the top. He is having so much fun as villain Al-G Rhythm, it's a contagious performance. Now with that said, for a movie with the freaking Looney Tunes in it, there's a real problem when the first thing I want to do is talk about Don Cheadle. In fact, I don't even want to talk about them next. Let's talk LeBron James.</p><p>I don't agree with any of the criticism James is getting about not being able to act. It's not to say that I think he <i>can </i>act; just that I've only seen him in this, and it's not a fair example. Green screen acting is hard. You need at least one of two things to not look completely like a dumbass, a director who can walk the actor through each performance beat or an actor who's skilled enough to ask the right questions. It's unreasonable to expect James to be the latter at this point in his Hollywood career, and I can't really gauge Malcolm D. Lee's directorial talent from his filmography (much less how much control he even had over the project). Suffice to say, James is serviceable. I wanted him to be better, and I still do, I'd like to see more from him. But I don't think he was bad, and I really believe he was trying, and in some ways succeeding.</p><p>The problem with this movie is the WB studio. I don't know what conglomerate calls the shots, but they understand their franchises as well as Michael Eisner understood Disney's. Essentially what we have here is about six executives worth of ideas and only one who gets it right part of the time. You know, pretty much a true to form follow up of the original. I will say I enjoyed watching it. Once. But like the original, I doubt I'll ever go back and revisit it. Why, you ask? Well let's pretend you do. Because it makes the same stupid mistake the original did and <i>Back in Action </i>didn't, it doesn't understand the Looney Tunes.</p><p>So instead of reviewing it, let me try story doctoring it. First off, open with Al-G in the serververse where he has the idea to allow WB franchises to intermingle. He sends it to the executives who turn it down because it seems like a stupid idea. That rejection hurts, so he tries to implement it anyway, by going to the Looney Tunes to test it out; and show that scene. They're all intrigued and head off to different worlds. But, being Looney Tunes, it's in their nature to f**k things up. So now Al-G has just taken an idea that nobody liked and made it harmful, thus making him both a sympathetic character as well as a potential villain.</p><p>He can't control them or get them to come back into their own world. So what might work? <i>Space Jam </i>sequel. He just needs a player. "LeBron, how would you like to test out our new technology and star in a new <i>Space Jam </i>movie? You'll actually play opposite the Looney Tunes in real time, not drawn by frames but performed virtually! kind of like a video game. Great! Let's do some screen tests. I'm gonna send you into various situations and you just kind of wing it, convince the characters to join your team."</p><p>From there it's about the serververse rewriting itself around Al-G's premise, probably making him more powerful but also locking him into the outcome of this basketball game. And it would give us more time to spend with the individual Loonies. Put Bugs in a world like Scooby-Doo where the rules don't favor him. Have him start playing along by dressing up as the monster but then have him start to forget who he is by adopting the new role (thus showing why this was a bad idea). Put Porky and Sylvester in a Final Destination movie (a la "Scaredy Cat"). Have Daffy battle Jim Carrey's Mask character (it's owned by WB, I looked it up). I mean, really go for it.</p><p>I don't know how it ends and I don't care, but doesn't that sound a lot more anarchic than what they did? Like the original, I enjoyed things about the movie. One of the few inspired choices was to have Bugs treat James as if he's an antagonist during their first meeting, because that's what Bugs is used to. Ultimately <i>A New Legacy </i>is bigger and noisier than its predecessor, but about the same in quality.</p><p><br /></p><p><b>So What Should WB Do Next?</b></p><p>Besides turn the DCEU over to Bruce Timm and Paul Dini? Okay, the problem with handling the Looney Tunes isn't with the characters; they're timeless. Like all avatars for the soul of comedy they're the funhouse mirror that reflects on the world as it is, albeit distorted; there will never be a time when someone can correctly say that they're outdated.</p><p>But figuring out how to find our way back to that soul is a trickier approach. WB keeps trying, and once in a while they strike gold (see The Looney Tunes Show). But I think we can find a better strategy than throwing things at the wall to see what sticks; again, DCEU take note.</p><p>I want to tell a story that I love telling, and probably already have in another blog post. Later in his life Chuck Jones started making public appearances, and at one event a mom and her little girl went up to meet him. "This is Chuck Jones," said the mom to her daughter, "He draws Bugs Bunny." The girl quite firmly corrected her mother, "No, he draws <i>pictures </i>of Bugs Bunny."</p><p>This exchange stuck with Jones, and he took a little time to reflect on what the girl had meant. He realized she was right in the way that a child's wisdom always is. Nobody ever "created" Bugs Bunny. He existed, on some other unseen plane where he continues to exist. Periodically he reveals something of his personality and antics to those of a creative mindset, and it's the privilege of those artists to translate his existence into a form for the whole world to share. And it's with this understanding that WB's ideal direction becomes clear.</p><p>Double down on Lola.</p><p>A couple of reasons. One, the Looney Tunes as a whole has historically been a boys club and that element IS outdated. Two, we've already seen three different versions of Lola, in much the way that Jones's Daffy differed significantly from Robert McKimson's Daffy but they were still the same duck. And three, when my wife and I went to see <i>A New Legacy </i>there was a young woman in the theater dressed in Lola's outfit from the first movie; not the rabbit head mind you, but the unmistakable basketball uniform. As much of a non-character as she was in <i>Space Jam, </i>something about her connected with an audience. Almost like there's a new voice from that plane Bugs resides in, asking to be turned loose in our world.</p><p>So what I propose, all you decision makers who are never going to read this, is a half-hour cartoon series called <i>Lola. </i>Each episode is made up of three individual shorts, just like the old cartoons, that all feature Lola. Animation style can vary and there doesn't need to be any continuity, just give her a canvas to play on, to find her identity.</p><p>Imagine the possibilities just from having her interact with the other characters in already familiar situations. How would she deal with opera-diva Giovanni Jones from "Long-Haired Hare" differently than Bugs did? Would she focus more on humiliating him by redecorating his stage to look like a saloon and make him perform with an orchestra of banjoes? How would Elmer Fudd react to her? "Oh, I didn't weawize you wewe a wady," Would she take that as an insult and spend the whole cartoon demanding he shoot at her? What about Wile E. Coyote? Would she take an interest in his elaborate traps, even trying to help make them work without fully understanding their purpose? And what if she has a goal that comes into conflict with a 'winner' character like Speedy Gonzales?</p><p>There are always ways for the Loonies to evolve as times change and new issues come to the forefront. They're strong enough for a fresh take and some current risks. The main thing to remember, you don't go into comedy because it's safe, you go into it because it isn't. Give them their teeth and their dynamite and just roll with the carnage.</p>Zoyciteyoumahttp://www.blogger.com/profile/18406447197292141386noreply@blogger.com0tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-5093205328118755963.post-41460894171939113022021-01-12T18:18:00.001-08:002021-01-12T18:22:02.095-08:002020 Movie Wrap-Up: That Was the Year That Wasn't<p>I've tried about five times now to write this blog, but every time I pull it up I just get irritated. I think the months of social distancing has made me less motivated to write; despite being an introvert I do feed off other people's energy.</p><p>Well, let's just get this over with then. The fragments of 2020 in film.</p><p><b>Birds of Prey</b></p><p>2016's<i> Suicide Squad</i> was a mess, but the one element nearly universally praised was Margot Robbie's Harley Quinn. So while DC continues to throw things at the wall to see what sticks, they've given us a Harley-centric sequel-of-sorts. About half the movie is pure Harley, while the other half is everybody else. The everybody else half is passable, maybe even better than most of Marvel's Phase Two, while the Harley half is spot on in every way. In the end, I really liked this one. It's not solid but it leaves a good impression; essentially this is what I'd wanted <i>Suicide Squad </i>to be.</p><p><b>Fantasy Island</b></p><p>Man, people hated this movie, and frankly I don't know why. It delivers on its premise exactly as promised and manages to put its pieces together creatively. I can understand why someone simply wouldn't like the movie, but its reputation as the worst of 2020 is unjustifiable. If you tend to like Blumhouse productions I would say give it a whirl, and think of it as the shady prequel to the more fantastical television series that we're all pretending to have an attachment to.</p><p><b>The Invisible Man</b></p><p>Objectively I can say this was a very good film. This is abusive relationship gas-lighting pushed to its psychologically horrific extreme, and the movie is probably flawless in that regard. But in terms of personal preference, it was the wrong flavor for me. I'm picky about my horror films, and I really need a fun factor to balance out the brutality. This movie was not fun. Intense, incredibly well-acted, poignant, triple yes. But if you're as hyper-sensitive as I am, you'll find this a real endurance test.</p><p><b>Scoob!</b></p><p>You may have noticed by now that I'm a huge Scooby-Doo fan, and for that reason I found this movie unforgivable. Every studio wants their own MCU, and WB's ownership of the Hanna-Barbera library provoked this bait and switch attempt to launch a Scooby-Doo All-Stars reboot. Essentially they tried to make a Blue Falcon movie, a character that <i>never </i>mattered. And they know it, that's why they had to hide it behind a Scooby/Shaggy mask. I know 2020 has made me a bitter human being, but I'm glad this flopped.</p><p><b>Bill & Ted Face the Music</b></p><p>There weren't many spots of hope this past year, but the warm return of Bill and Ted was one of the fleeting moments where I was reminded of what it felt like to be in a good mood. The Bill and Ted series has always been a labor of love, and nowhere is that more evident than this final romp through innocent optimism. For the love of humanity please make a Billie and Thea spin-off because the world desperately needs another Hendrix/Mozart duet.</p><p><b>Soul</b></p><p>I loved the movie Pixar was trying to make here. <i>Soul </i>wasn't the <i>Inside Out/Up </i>hybrid it was aiming for but it also wasn't the narrative noise of <i>Toy Story 4. </i>I'm thinking this story didn't start as a feature but as about three and a half shorts that happened to fit a theme. The rough edges separating each element are noticeable, and the film doesn't fully explore it's unanswered questions, but it at least delivers on its title. I think one trip to the script doctor was all it needed to be a Pixar A-lister.</p><p><b>Promising Young Woman</b></p><p>There were two routes this movie could have taken. The first would have been to display the psychological realism of how much damage rape culture does, the other would be a superhero-esque revenge fantasy that the trailers promised. The movie tries to take both, and unfortunately they pull against each other; the end result landing somewhere in the 'good enough' middle. It's a pity, because Carey Mulligan's performance and the ideas presented (the horrible reality behind 'bro code') deserved so much better than 'good enough'. Bummer.</p><p><b>Wonder Woman 1984</b></p><p>Damn it! This was supposed to be the one! *sigh* Okay, to be fair WW84 wasn't a bad movie, but it truly was a noticeable downgrade from the previous film that had us chanting "Give the DCEU to Patty Jenkins". Taken on its own, it's flawed (as you may have heard) but fun...perhaps more Tilt-A-Whirl than roller coaster. But we honestly needed this movie to be solid, and instead it felt like it was in the hands of a first time director. Or a director who had no experience with superhero films. Or, just, what the hell happened Jenkins?</p><p>So that then there is the freshly spoiled milk of a movie year that was 2020. It's been suggested to me that there's nowhere to go but up, despite four years of evidence to the contrary. You know what? Things aren't all right. The world is not doing well. And I don't feel like looking for a positive takeaway, or feigning hope, or trying to be funny. Show's over. Roll the fucking credits.</p>Zoyciteyoumahttp://www.blogger.com/profile/18406447197292141386noreply@blogger.com0tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-5093205328118755963.post-14875026625872731672020-07-31T15:01:00.000-07:002020-07-31T15:01:10.175-07:00Editorial: The Reason Peach Keeps Getting KidnappedMy library recently had its 6th annual <a href="https://www.hplscifi.com/">Sci-fi/Fantasy Festival</a>, and because of that thing that's ruining the world in 2020 (No, not that one. The virus.) we did it as a virtual con for the first time. As such I had the privilege of speaking on more panels than usual; Monty Python, cartoons, female comic book characters, and nerd-dom in general, just to name all of the few of them.<br />
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A couple of different times, the panels came back to the damsel in distress trope. We're all familiar with this. Most people's feelings on the matter range from irritation to indifference. I don't think anybody really defends it, at most we just kind of shrug it off as a lazy motivator. Because it is. I'm not sure when exactly rescuing the damsel crossed over from trope to cliche, but at this point we seem to respond to it with a collective eye roll.<br />
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Except we seem more tolerant of it in video games. Perhaps because game play is more important to us than legitimacy when it comes to platformers we're more comfortable accepting the 'get the grail' motive, and by proxy less willing to demand that the pretty princess be treated as more of a character than 'the grail'.<br />
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Again, because of that thing that's ruining the world right now, I'm unable to make my long awaited Nintendo Switch purchase that I finally have the funds for. So to get my gaming fill I'm stuck watching playthroughs online. I recently watched Luigi's Mansion 3, which involves a mass kidnapping of Mario, Peach, and a handful of Toads. Luigi to the reluctant rescue. He goes through rescuing the characters in succession; first the unimportant Toads, then his brother, and at last Peach.<br />
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It got me thinking.<br />
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If Luigi (and the player) had managed to rescue Peach first, would you have still been inclined to keep playing? Presumably we play games because we want to complete them, but if the game includes a rewards system does it disrupt the feeling of accomplishment if 'the grail' is obtained before the climax? There are some problematic implications when a setting as big as the Mario-verse continues to equate its most high-profile female character as the ongoing grail.<br />
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If you were to list Princess Peach Toadstool's characteristics, being kidnapped is invariably at the top of the list. And this trait tends to evoke some strong emotions among her detractors; gamers who believe the character sucks often cite this as their primary argument. To a point I follow the logic, but I feel the knee-jerk conclusion is unfair. I don't believe she sucks. I do believe she's the victim of a string of disservices to her character, starting with Nintendo itself. And I also believe there's a way to turn it around without fundamentally changing the core of her character.<br />
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So here we go.<br />
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<b>What is Peach?</b><br />
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Looking at her through the eyes of feminism (which is actually a very good thing, in case you need a reminder) she's in an uncomfortable place in Western culture. In Japan, the role of the homemaker is thought of highly. A woman who maintains an aesthetic home and excels at entertaining her guests is viewed honorably, and Princess Peach reflects these ideals. In America, not so much. The fifties sitcom housewife is viewed with no small amount of disdain over here. The role has taken on an implied subjugation to a patriarchy, which doesn't sit well with anyone pro-career woman.<br />
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I've said this before, but it's worth repeating. The problem with the housewife was never about the housewife role itself, but with who was deciding it for whom. There's been an unfortunate backlash among the feminist circles towards women who genuinely want to be homemakers because of how much of an emotional button the concept is. It's easy to get stuck on this idea that 'homemaker' and 'feminist' are incompatible when this is simply not true. Peach naturally taps into this highly emotive debate.<br />
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Now in Super Mario 64, I think we all had a good time yelling "Eff you!" at the screen when after 90+ vertigo inducing stars Mario's reward is going to be a cake (by the way, what happened to the one she claims to have already baked that got him to the castle in the first place?). Most of us were hoping for a strip tease, but that's not who Peach is (at least not until Thousand Year Door).<br />
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From Peach's perspective, baking a cake is the kindest thing she can do. And Mario is less of an egotist than the people controlling him, so he's accepting of the sentiment in its purest form. Can you imagine if you ever rescued Kate Middleton and she rewarded you with a cake she baked <i>herself</i>? Do you think whine about the fact that it wasn't a Mercedes? No. You'd sit there and eat it and like it even if you choked on it.<br />
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And that's a character trait with Peach that usually gets lost. She's royalty (for some reason), she's not obligated to be kind. We'll get back to that in a minute, for now let's look at the lack of details surrounding her monarchy.<br />
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I don't know what Nintendo considers canon about the origin of the Mushroom Kingdom. I think Peach's father was mentioned one time back in nineties in one of the game manuals, so that may not matter. We're left with theories. Here's mine. The world in which the Mushroom Kingdom exists is closely related to a pagan setting; in conjunction with sprites and cognitive forces of nature. It's why so many rocks have eyes. The Toads are an evolved form of Mushroom in the same way that humans evolved from primates, although in a much tighter time frame. Peach could be any number of things. Perhaps she's a mushroom that's gone one step further in mutation to appear more human. Or perhaps her in tuned-ness with the natural world was an influence in why the Toads sprang up in the first place. For whatever reason, Peach never entered into a pre-existing monarchy, the political structure grew organically around her (a similar thing happened with Daisy in Sarasaland).<br />
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The plumbers incidentally are not mushrooms. I don't know if they came from New York or New Donk, but they represent immigrants who came to a better place with the intent of making an honest living.<br />
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<b>Who is Peach?</b><br />
<b><br /></b>
It's telling about Peach's character that she would develop such a close friendship with a member of the working class. At the end of the day Mario's aspirations are pretty straightforward. He wants to do his job, go home, and relax. All of the heroic adventures are things he happens to fall into. He possesses a kind of 'It needs to be done, and I can do it' attitude that an empath like Peach would be drawn to. So why does she bake him a cake instead of build him a house? Probably because simple comforts would make him happier than luxuries would.<br />
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The relationship between Peach and Mario is one of the all time great aromantic romances. We, as the spectators, seem to spend as much time with them as they spend together, suggesting they more or less have separate lives. So in that regard I don't think they're technically an item, and neither seems to have any drive to push the relationship into something it isn't already. But they're fond of each other, and even platonically it makes sense why they would be the other's 'special one'.<br />
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And that brings us to the royal beast (not Daisy unfortunately). Bowser and Peach both wear crowns but their approaches to ruling couldn't be more different. Peach motivates her subjects by empowering them, while King Koopa threatens his into obedience. It's unfair to label the dichotomy as good vs. evil; more accurately it's love vs. fear.<br />
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Bowser is the delegated bad guy, but let's look at his story from his perspective. Whereas the Mushroom Kingdom is in touch with the innocence of nature, Bowser is rooted in the animalistic side. He's king because he's the biggest and strongest, things that the wilds value. In his mind Peach should be his, by virtue of the fact that he wants her, and the natural order dictates that the king should get what he wants.<br />
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Mario should be nothing more than a nuisance, and a lot of the games do a wonderful job at presenting this incorrect viewpoint from the big guy. Bowser projects his own views onto Mario, presuming Mario wants Peach the same way he does; at least once straight up accusing Mario of also wanting to kidnap Peach.<br />
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And here's where it gets tricky. Bowser views Peach as the grail. Mario does not. Oddly enough, the players tend to come away from the games playing as Mario, but viewing Peach in a manner similar to the way Bowser does. Now this would be nothing more than a curiosity if we weren't seeing real life examples of how this mentality can manifest itself in legitimately horrifying ways. A few words I can throw out there; incels and gamer gate.<br />
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Now I'm not suggesting a cause and effect relationship between Mario games and the #metoo movement. But I am sharing how taken aback I was when I first found out that, within this community I hold so dear, there continues to exist an underbelly of hatred towards women. I don't even understand it. My life's experience has coincided with the birth of nerd culture, and I can confidentially say, "Guys! This is what you've ALWAYS wanted. A chance to talk to girls without leaving your comfort zone. So what in the hell is the problem?"<br />
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It's a question I can't satisfactorily answer, and I don't think the wisdom lies in the Mushroom Kingdom. But what I can say is that Bowser, being an animal who kidnaps Peach and tries to kill Mario, still comes off as less of an asshole than how I've seen a lot of guys behave online.<br />
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<b>Why is Peach?</b><br />
<b><br /></b>It's difficult to determine where continuity begins and ends for a video game character with a thirty-five year history across multiple genres. How much of Peach's sass and aggression in the Strikers series is hidden fury versus situational showboating? Can her infamous "I'm your mama?" to Bowser Jr. be attributed to a translation issue or raise a serious concern about reproduction? And then there's the 'baby' versions of all the VIPs that even the X-Men timeline can't untangle. All of this is to say that if Super Smash Brothers has ANY legitimacy, Peach should technically be able to break herself out of any dungeon using only her hips.<br />
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The idea that Peach purposefully allows herself to be kidnapped is not a new one, but people all too quickly jump to the "sort of into that kind of thing" explanation. I would argue that there's a more plausible, and interesting, reason that doesn't shoehorn a kinky side into a character who really has never demonstrated one (Sorry, deviantartists). Not to worry though; I'm sure Daisy's first solo adventure is right around the corner, and you <i>know </i>she's got stock in Nintendo's old hotel chain.<br />
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Here's what I think is going on. You've got Peach's Kingdom (Princessdom?) in close proximity with Bowser's. From a monarch's perspective, Bowser has a certain usefulness, as there's a whole world out there of pokeys, boos, blarggs, and a freaking sun that doesn't even know what it's on about. Bowser brings a certain level of organization to all of these creatures. If he weren't so ineffective as a king that might create a bigger problem the chaos of the wilds, but as it stands Bowser is providing an unintentional service to the Mushroom Kingdom. They don't attack until he says to, which creates a predictability around the assaults.<br />
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Now that by itself is smart politics. There are other threats in the world(s) and Bowser's minions offer a line of protection from outside sources. When you factor in that Bowser feels...something for Peach that he may never fully wrap his horned head around, she herself is not in any real danger. Her reliance on Mario comes when Bowser gets overzealous but her status quo is never to crush Bowser entirely, only to keep returning him to a useful arm's length.<br />
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That may sound manipulative; and it is, it's politics, and Peach is a responsible ruler. But where she really shines is how she sneaks her rule-by-love approach into Bowser's rule-by-fear. Out of the four elements of alchemy, love is always represented by water. And with good reason, it's the most powerful. Displace it, evaporate it, it will always come back, adapting to whatever container it needs to fill. Meanwhile, given enough time and patience, a single trickle can reshape a mountain. And that's what Peach is doing to Bowser. As I said, Bowser is a brute. You can't teach him a lesson directly because he'll ignore it. If you want to see him change, it has to be so gradual that he doesn't realize it's happening.<br />
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How many times has Bowser shown up at the Mushroom Kingdom with a tennis racquet? How many towns full of goombas and koopas have sprung up in walking distance that look to Peach for inspiration instead of Bowser? This is why Peach allows herself to be kidnapped, because she cares enough to keep the process going. She may never see Bowser become selfless, but she's carefully nurturing a decency in him that he's unaware of. If Mario has to take on the role of her paladin from time to time, he's fine with it. But beneath the cheerful obliviousness and the hair flips, Peach has a genuine wisdom and empathy.<br />
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Did you ever play Bowser's Inside Story for the DS? The quick version: Bowser accidentally becomes a hero without ever realizing he's doing anything other than moving obstacles out of his own way. In the end, he's not entirely sure what the hell just happened, but he knows his actions wound up keeping Peach safe. And she thanks him by baking him a cake. You remember the "Eff you" we all yelled at the N64 when the game ended on that note? This time it brought a tear to my eye.Zoyciteyoumahttp://www.blogger.com/profile/18406447197292141386noreply@blogger.com0tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-5093205328118755963.post-39020709124851916942020-03-24T08:29:00.000-07:002020-03-24T08:35:13.457-07:00Book Review: Daphne and Velma: The Vanishing GirlIt never fails to fascinate me how much of a cultural impact Scooby-Doo has had over its 51-year-and-counting history. The fans don't just love the series, they're passionate about it. If you need proof (and you have no human decency) just pop into any message thread and ask "Which series was your least favorite?"; within minutes people will be lobbing their ascots and lavender pumps at each other.<br />
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So, YA novel Daphne and Velma: The Vanishing Girl by Josephine Ruby comes with the pleasure of, and responsibility for, a built in audience with predisposed emotions for the lead characters. In case you don't know, Ruby is a pseudonym for an as yet unidentified author (or authors). But even with no previous titles associated with Ruby, I'm happy to say the writing carries both the air of professional experience, and a love of the source material.<br />
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Scooby's more visual tropes don't translate well into written format, and Ruby is wise to make sure the story works as a YA novel first before selecting which familiar elements to throw into the mix. For example, the dog makes several appearances but only communicates through barking; thus grounding itself in more of a reality than we've seen before.<br />
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Minus a prologue and some scattered interlogues, the narrative alternates between Velma and Daphne's perspectives. The voices are distinctive; and unlike last year's (dare I say unwatchable?) live-action DVD movie which focused on these characters, the cornerstone of the plot is their conflict.<br />
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We've seen Velma's insecurities before, but here they're on display in full glory because sixteen year old Velma doesn't have a successful track record to lean into. She's confident in her mental prowess but she doubts her ability to follow through. From the opening paragraphs, you hear her voice. This is the seed that's going to grow into the woman who will stare down her hero Ben Ravencroft. At her core, Velma has an intellectual thirst for truth, and this is the period in her life where it hurts her with the most regularity; when she's alone.<br />
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On the other hand, this version of Daphne is a bit of a jarring flavor. She's much further from her familiar(ish) personality that the franchise can't ever quite nail down. This Daphne is a mean girl. Not unsympathetically so. A combination of circumstance and the fact that adolescence is a hormonal circus, this Daphne can't stop herself from erupting. It's a painful, sometimes literally tear-jerking character arc she goes on. And it's poetically heart-breaking every time she refers to herself as a monster hiding behind a mask.<br />
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If there's a weakness to the novel, it's that the mystery takes a back seat. I don't think it's a bad thing; I was happy spending the bulk of the pages getting to re-know these old friends of mine. If you're coming into it purely for the mystery elements you might find yourself having to flip through the first hundred pages before the vanishing girl actually vanishes. But that's not the heart of the book. Like the title reads, it's about Daphne and Velma before it's about the case of the week. As this series continues, I hope those priorities continue.<br />
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Final thoughts: Ruby is an author with a legitimate spark. She's willing to take some risks with the characters, and her ability to manage the fallout is admirable. The Scooby franchise doesn't have a rigid canonical timeline, so don't try to force this into one 'verse or the other. Ruby seems to take most inspiration from the Mystery Incorporated series, while <i>possibly </i>answering why Daphne thought she might be going to hell in the Supernatural crossover. It's a YA book, so there's some mild profanity that I'm kind of surprised the WB allowed, but nothing to make it feel not-Scooby. And there's a nice surprise appearance in the third act that I won't spoil here.<br />
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In the end, I recommend both reading the book and supporting the series. The second installment is due in July, and all signs point to this being a deeply satisfying journey.Zoyciteyoumahttp://www.blogger.com/profile/18406447197292141386noreply@blogger.com0tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-5093205328118755963.post-82372290019140724752020-01-25T10:52:00.000-08:002020-01-25T10:52:02.282-08:00Disney Princess 301: The Magical Millennial TourIf you're just joining me, like the four random hits my blog has gotten from Singapore, one of my unofficial goals is to thumb through the entire Disney animated canon and giving snide reflections. As the princess lineup is the backbone of the studio's library I tend to devote more words to those films, and I've found it convenient to group them into threes. If you're not sick of my writing by the end of page, feel free to check out <a href="http://zoyciteyouma.blogspot.com/2015/03/disney-princess-101-classic-films.html">Disney Princess 101</a> where I cover Snowy, Cindy, and Thorny, and then head on over to <a href="http://zoyciteyouma.blogspot.com/2017/03/disney-princess-201-renaissance-trilogy.html">Disney Princess 201</a> for Fishy, Booky, and...um...Jasminey. And on with the show!<br />
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For a corporate juggernaut like Disney it's impossible to reduce its turning points to a simple cause and effect.<br />
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Now just from that statement alone, I feel confident that I understand the company better than former CEO Michael Eisner ever did. He was a savvy businessman (which is not necessarily a compliment) but he was no artist.<br />
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The Animated Renaissance was to Disney what Iron-Man was to Robert Downey Jr.; a phoenix-from-the-ashes resurrection that carried box-office profits for an entire decade. The big three (Ariel, Belle, and Jasmine) were the foundation on which everyone from Simba to Tarzan reaped the benefits in terms of technical achievement and quality; and arguably Pixar. History remembers this as the Jeffrey Katzenberg era prior to the mediocrity with which he infused DreamWorks's library. But inside sources point to the late Frank Wells as the unsung genius behind Disney's survival and triumph. Whatever the spark was, Disney's soul exploded into the theater with a renewed passion...and then slithered onto the home video market with its half-assed sequel excuses.<br />
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By the time board members Roy Disney Jr. and Stanley Gold had had it up to Mount Olympus with Eisner oversaturating their supply of pixie dust, the Disney name was no longer synonymous with quality. Pixar was the new Disney, while Disney was slipping to trend chaser status (AKA New DreamWorks. Am I snide? I think I'm snide.). All of which brings us into the Bob Iger era and a return to formula; Princess Fairy Tales.<br />
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<strong>The Priceless and the Frock</strong></div>
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Let's get this out of the way up front. Disney dodges the whole race issue, and I honestly can't blame them. The fallout from <em>Song of the We Have No Idea What You're Talking About </em>has no end in sight, why the hell would they want to launch that bandwagon against themselves (the Halle Bailey backlash is on you assholes, not the mouse). Particularly in a family film, racial inequality either has to be hit head on, like <em>Zootopia</em>, or relegated to subtext like it is here. Since this movie is ultimately about something other than race, I believe this was the correct choice.</div>
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My six word review: "Awesome! And a little less so".</div>
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As a love letter to the entire history of Disney animation, the film is amazing; talking animals, transformations, an ultra charismatic villain, a New Orleans setting (Walt Disney's personal obsession), swamp scenes (a nod to the Don Bluth period), a deconstruction of star-wishing, a Disney death that actually sticks, and a deliberate karate chop to the ugly step sister trope. It properly utilized all of the elements that <em>Enchanted </em>only checked off as it went.<br />
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Story-wise, Tiana's arc was wonderful, and deliberately adult. She was not the spoiled princess looking for love, she was a workaholic looking for autonomy. Her best friend Lottie got the traditional Disney motivator, and proved she was a better person <em>not</em> getting what she wanted. But the main problem with the film is that Tiana's story has to carry so much extra weight she's never able to really dance on clouds.<br />
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Sandbag #1: Louis, the alligator trumpeter. Everything about his character reads "Well, we designed him, and damn it we're gonna throw him in there!" He honestly doesn't help the plot and he's one of the reasons the second act in the swamp drags. Sandbag #2: Mama Odie, the voodoo priestess. She comes out of nowhere just to pad out the soundtrack. Either that or to balance out the way practitioners of voodoo are being portrayed in Disney films? Sandbag #3: and this one might have worked itself out by cutting the first two loose, Prince Naveen. If there was ever a princess who didn't need a man, it was Tiana; but the story requires it, so fair play. But directors Ron Clements and John Musker seem to forget what his role in the movie is. Naveen is all personality and narrow goals, which is great if you're the villain or one of the scene-stealing side characters. But he's just too in love with himself to be a credible love interest for Tiana.<br />
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As for the villain, Dr. Facilier is impeccably animated and voiced (Keith David rules!), but he's strangely underused. His motivations feel a little first draft-y; he wants to rule New Orleans? Why exactly? And wouldn't he have had a stronger presence if he had a prior connection to Tiana? Imagine if instead of him tempting her at the end of the film it had been a first act encounter, where she turned him down and it ruffled his feathers. Like I say, Dr. Facilier's a great villain, but it's a missed opportunity to stand him next to the all time greatest.<br />
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Overall, I'm being needlessly hard on an otherwise wonderful film because I felt it held itself back with a few rookie mistakes. I care, and I know what Disney is capable of. If you really want to see them bring their A-game, look at the character of Ray, the lovesick firefly. He is not appealing, and the previews make him out to be a lowbrow comedic sidekick who's there just to keep the kiddies interested. But Jim Cummings does the unthinkable with his performance, he breaks your heart open. This ugly insect manages to spark a little more hope in you than you had before you popped in the DVD. And he does it with a legitimate Cajun accent (ball's in your court Streep). Disney magic? I'd like to say there's no such thing, but I really can't back it up.</div>
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<strong>Dangled</strong></div>
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Rapunzel was inevitable but alas Disney felt they had to trick boys into going to see what's perceived as a girl movie, hence the prominent gap in the princess lineup doesn't get her own film named after her. Instead they placed the spotlight on hair. Yes, that's much more rugged, isn't it?<br />
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Age is kind of fluid in fairy tales, which extends to Disney adaptations. You may not have realized that Tiana was 19. Rapunzel is on the eve of her 18th birthday, but the two of them may as well be from different generations. While Tiana was a working woman focused on adult goals, Rapunzel is very much a girl. That's not a criticism, just a distinction. Her kidnapper, Mother Gothel, has actively prevented her from growing up, giving Rapunzel an anime-like imbalance of overdue emotional puberty. It makes her an interesting character study, but unfortunately that takes a backseat to...stuff happening.<br />
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I have mixed feelings about this film. On the one hand, the aforementioned stuff is quite entertaining on its own. Flynn Rider is a funny character. His lines are well written, and it's refreshing to see a male Disney lead also be the goofy sidekick character. And determinator Maximus is a cool horse, possibly the coolest horse Disney has given us (and they've given us a lot of horses). The problem is, it feels like they've come from a different story where they were the central focus. And I know it was the studio's intention to have the film be about Flynn as much as Rapunzel (again, because boys), but in this regard I think the film fails.<br />
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You can have a movie about two characters; think Toy Story. While Buzz Lightyear became more of a supporting character as the series progressed, the first film was about him as much as it was about Woody. But the difference is, Toy Story was a single story that Buzz and Woody were on polar opposites of. Flynn and Rapunzel are having two different stories competing for screen time, and it's a disservice to the character whose fairy tale it's supposed to be about.<br />
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It's been said many times that a story is only as good as its villain, which is obviously an oversimplification. But in the case of Tangled, it plays out both ways. Most of the script that focuses on Rapunzel and Flynn is spright; certainly enough to highlight just how drab the rest of the Kingdom Hearts III dialogue is. The bits with Mother Gothel feel more like dead weight, kind of a reversed Sleeping Beauty. Gothel's a well designed, and voiced, character, but once outside of her oppressive tower she's not that much of a threat. Disney's done so much better in the past, see Frollo's maniacal outbursts or Lady Tremaine's venomous seething. Better yet go all the way back to Queen Grimhilde from Snow White who had a similar motive, to restore status quo. It's not an inherently dramatic incentive but when it's given to someone as ruthless as the queen it becomes the stuff of nightmares. Gothel's more of a leash than a whip.<br />
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As for the music, I don't have a polite way of saying this: it wasn't Alan Menken's A-game. This is the guy who gave us the soundtracks to Little Shop of Horrors and almost the entire Disney Renaissance. And it's not like he's past his peak, check out both seasons of Galavant if you don't believe me. But the songs here are sub par. Not bad, but not Disney. Maybe good enough for Dreamworks.<br />
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So in the end I think it's overall a fun movie just not a disappointingly unrefined one. While The Princess and the Frog had unneeded padding in places, it's story flowed organically. Tangled feels assembled; no real padding, but trying too hard to cover bases that it doesn't need to. Rapunzel waited decades for the Disney treatment, and what she got was good...enough. But she deserved better.<br />
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<b>Frosting</b></div>
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It was a moment. Three words: Here. I. Stand. Elsa slammed her foot to the ground. And the ice. Not just a collection of water molecules, and not just a sequence of computerized pixels, but a metaphor. Fear. That cannot be evaded. That cannot be defeated. The ice. Bent to her will. It was a moment that rippled through the film, through the Disney studios, through the audience, and through history.<br />
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Entertainment doesn't make things happen. It reflects on things that are already happening. Things we can barely understand because they're happening on an emotional level. Entertainment processes those emotions and gives us something tangible to hold onto while we try to figure it all out.<br />
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Frozen was released in 2013. It was seven years after 'Me Too' was first used as a phrase for surviving sexual harassment, and four years before it would take root in the mainstream. Two years prior Demi Lovato publicly revealed her diagnosis of bipolar disorder. Three years later Trump's America would stick its fingers in its ears to the concept of empathy. All these events happened or would happen whether or not this film existed, but that ripple has stuck in our heads. We continue to feel it as we face the monsters both inside and out. It was a moment that we couldn't have realized then; all of us are Elsa.<br />
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As much of an icon as Elsa instantly became, her debut film has some issues; mainly the result of a ten year development process that still managed to feel rushed. Everything about Act One is great! The music comes out of the gate swinging, you have the emotional baggage, and the animation grips you in a way you don't consciously realize. But then "Let it Go" happens, and the problems kick in.<br />
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It's not a problem with the song; I know you got sick of hearing it after the first nine thousand times but it was played that much because it's that amazing. The problem is the effect it has on the story that Disney wasn't prepared for. The whole film is designed to be Anna's story, her complicated relationship with her sister as the primary arc. Originally Elsa was the movie's antagonist. She went through several iterations; villain, sympathetic villain, anti-heroine, probably one draft where you find out she'd been dead the whole time. But once the songwriters got inside her head Elsa could no longer be the object of the arc, she'd become the protagonist.<br />
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And therein lies the issue with everything after that one song, the movie is still determined to make it Anna's story. Oaken, ha ha, get back to Elsa. Kristoff and Sven, that's nice, get back to Elsa. Olaf's song, come on, just get back to Elsa. The trolls <i>again</i>? For the love of God, get back to Elsa! It's not that the film falls apart, it's just that we all can tell the movie we got is getting in the way of the much better movie we could have had.<br />
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In the end the movie is good enough. When it shines it really shines, making itself destined to become a classic. When it trips it only lands in the snow, nothing broken, just a quick brush off. You know you were affected by the movie as much as I was, even if you want to pretend you liked The Great Mouse Detective more. Nothing is perfect, and if it were I don't imagine it would be a lovable as a really good flawed journey.<br />
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<b><i>More Frosting</i></b></div>
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I'd normally end the blog here, but as we're in between the theatrical and home releases of Frozen II, this is probably the best time to give the follow up a little attention.<br />
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To reiterate a couple of points I made in my <a href="https://zoyciteyouma.blogspot.com/2019/12/2019-movie-wrap-up.html">most recent entry</a>, this time around we really get to know Elsa as an individual (which was a wise move). We learn more about Arendelle's history, which isn't something I thought I wanted to know but it turns out to be intriguing. Everyone is a little older and a little more responsible, and the choices before them aren't so easy to discern the consequences thereof.<br />
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Anna manages to take a supportive role without getting pushed to the background, and with that shift comes some ideas that don't entirely get resolved. For example, she's angry with her sister for going off alone. Nothing comes of it, but the moment is still valuable. You get mad at people you care about. It's natural. And it's a concept that Disney films don't regularly incorporate. There's no life's lesson spelled out, just an implied "It's okay to feel."<br />
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As a sequel, Frozen II does what a sequel should do; raise the stakes, develop the sidekicks, and end in a place other than the beginning. Frozen II does all three (comparatively, The Jungle Book II does zero). The first film has a raw energy that the sequel can't replicate but the overall quality is more mature. It remains to be seen whether or not it carries a comparable impact to the original, but I give the makers credit for building a more sophisticated plot (sans any real villain no less. Brava!)<br />
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I'm confident that there will be a third film. If not, there will be <i>something</i>; a book, a streaming series, another Olaf-does-something-marketable short, in any case Disney isn't done with the ice rink and neither are we. I can only hope Elsa still winds up <a href="http://zoyciteyouma.blogspot.com/2018/09/editorial-should-elsa-have-girlfriend.html">without a love interest</a>, but the main takeaway is that the Disney Princess archetype has evolved from the passive damsel who only existed to bring out the characters around her.<br />
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Disney, like it or not, is the studio that has created the vocabulary we all use, and the Disney Princess holds a special place in that alphabet. More women are taking the reins in our stories and bringing with them an overdue layer of insight into how we, as the audience, process our own experience through them, and the men who are staying relevant amidst this transformation are the ones who've embraced this layer. I long for the day when we no longer have to consciously empower our princesses, letting it just naturally happen, but until then we can see that the process is advancing.<br />
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I'm proud to have the <a href="http://zoyciteyouma.blogspot.com/2016/09/editorial-working-at-disney-theme-park.html">personal</a> <a href="http://zoyciteyouma.blogspot.com/2016/09/editorial-my-own-disney-home-part-two.html">connection</a> to Disney's <a href="http://zoyciteyouma.blogspot.com/2017/05/13-hitchhiking-ghosts-or-why-i-spend.html">legacy</a> that I do, and equally proud to be neither a Disney-can-do-no-wrong nor Disney-can-do-no-right kind of guy. I criticize the company where I feel it's deserved, and I praise it where I feel it's earned. In the case of their Princess line, I feel they're doing some very good work. I look forward to seeing what the 401 course teaches us.</div>
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Zoyciteyoumahttp://www.blogger.com/profile/18406447197292141386noreply@blogger.com0tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-5093205328118755963.post-86077657354822614912019-12-31T07:46:00.000-08:002019-12-31T07:46:02.049-08:002019 Movie Wrap-UpAnother year, another three and a half blog posts for me: man I love working two jobs and having depression issues! Well, 2019 sure sucked. And considering 2018 set the bar so low you could roll on the ground and clear it- seriously dude, were you even trying?<br />
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But let's focus on escapism. The movies I saw this year were pretty good overall. Maybe I'm just getting better at choosing which ones to skip, but I had a fairly enjoyable movie run. In fact I think my biggest disappointments came from the movies I din't see (why did so many of you jackasses pay for The Lion King?). So as per tradition, let me take you on a tour of every film I saw and my one paragraph reaction.<br />
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<b>Escape Room</b><br />
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This was <i>almost </i>a good movie. I'm a bit of a sucker for plots where people have to use their wits to get out of life or death situations, and this movie did so many things right. The characters were well fleshed out and the focus weighed suspense over gore. Moreover, unlike the Cube series that invariably influenced it, the horror element never overpowered all sense of hope. Unfortunately it tripped in the last act by revealing just a little too much about the organization behind the death traps, which makes me feel lukewarm about next year's sequel. But it's entertaining enough to be worth a rental.<br />
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<b>The Lego Movie 2: The Second Part</b><br />
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We're going to see several examples on this list of sequels not being quite as good as their predecessors, and I think it's worth pointing out why that is. The first Lego Movie had a major reveal that upped the emotional ante and it simply couldn't be duplicated. So that was working against the franchise. But pushing past the elephant, everything else about the film was on point; a stronger story arc for Lucy, a natural progression of (literal) world building, some delightful additions to the song library, and an ironically topical subtext about divisiveness. Despite the usual trappings of sequeldom, this film succeeded at everything it set out to accomplish. But fair warning: a third film is not likely to maintain that quality, so why don't we all just be happy with the gift as it is?<br />
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<b>Happy Death Day 2U</b><br />
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I can't think of another franchise so skilled at bouncing around genres. Tree is back, and that's good because her hero's journey in the first movie made me want more of her. The sequel tests her resolve to continue being the hero she had the misfortune to stumble into previously. It's easier to do the right thing when your back is against the wall than it is when you're in the shadows facing a consequence-free choice between personal want and greater good. Even if the silly factor of the film occasionally gets a hair too pungent, Tree remains as engaging a heroine as any who wears a cape. It's heart that makes a hero, not power. Hey! Speaking of...<br />
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<b>Captain Marvel</b><br />
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I just realized how good of a year it was for female figures in cinema. The box office might not accurately reflect it but 2019 had a substantial sampling of sisters doing it for themselves (See, boys? They're not so scary). So the MCU finally got on board with diversity and gave us the Superman movie DC seems allergic to. On the one hand, Captain Marvel didn't carry the cultural impact Wonder Woman and Black Panther did, but it did everything else right. Brie Larson brings all the fun, conflict, and humanity an overpowered character like Carol Danvers requires. Her 'getting back up' montage is something we all could stand to benefit from by internalizing. "I have nothing to prove," she declares. Damn right girl. I'd vote for you.<br />
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<b>Shazam!</b><br />
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Okay, the back-to-back releases coupled with a perpetual dispute over which superhero is the legitimate Captain Marvel makes a comparison inevitable, so here's mine. If I have to pick, Shazam! is probably the better movie. But with that said, I've seen Shazam! once and I feel like I've gotten all I'm going to get out of the character, whereas I've seen Miss Danvers's debut twice and I'm looking forward to revisiting it; you tell me which is better. But on the merits of its own studio, Shazam! encapsulates everything that was missing from The Dark Knight Rises through the Zack Snyder period. Hope. A sense that things <i>might </i>actually get better if we work together to make them so. I really can't imagine where a sequel would be able to go, but Shazam! is an inpsiring beginning to end story about love and support.<br />
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<b>Avengers: Endgame</b><br />
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I'll be honest, I was lost from the opening scene; I feel like I needed about twenty-one films worth of back story just to understand what was going on. Did anyone else even go see this one? It looked pretty expensive, I wonder if it even made back half its budget. Oh well, you can't win them all, I just hope the studio behind it had something else this year to absorb the deficit. But milking that joke aside, you don't need me to tell you that the most amazing thing about this film was that it pulled off the expectations plaguing it. Kevin Feige, the Russo brothers, and probably two countries worth of cast and crew created the cinematic equivalent of the planet Jupiter without it crumbling under its own weight. Flawed? Yes, it was a finale that probably needed another hour to effectively smooth out. But sometimes you just have to embrace the flaws and accept the wonderfulness the way it is. Wow, that's a sweet message, somebody should make a movie about that...<br />
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<b>UglyDolls</b><br />
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I had a couple of pleasant surprises from the cinema this year, and this animated film was the biggest gem. At first glance it looks like The Diet Lego Movie, basically a feature length toy commercial with a soundtrack and hopefully a message about something uncontroversial. Yeah, that's all it is. Until you start paying attention to the lyrics by Glenn Slater and the script by Alison Peck (keep an eye on her career). The psychological effects of unrealistic beauty standards is a heavy topic for children to grasp, and indeed way too many adults. This movie isn't going to prevent the bullying and verbal abuse that all children will invariably face from their peers, but it just might plant a seed in their minds that gives them a handhold in adolescence. Special mentions goes to Nick Jonas's despicably abusive villain song "The Ugly Truth" and Janelle Monáe's brokenness disguised as pop sugar song "All Dolled Up". You know you totally ignored this one. Trust me, give it a chance now.<br />
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<b>Detective Pikachu</b><br />
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Kudos to the team that did the first trailer, they made it look just bizarre enough to be intriguing. It's another Roger Rabbit template, this time with Justice Smith in the thankless role of actor who has to emote off of dead air. You might not notice but he's really good; Smith is destined to be a powerhouse in a few years. But the truth is, nothing matters until Ryan Reynolds shows up. Here's the thing about Reynolds: post Deadpool he could have a career spanning the next decade just by phoning it in, but he doesn't do that. His comedic timing is as solid as you'd expect, but he looks for those emotional beats as an actor. When he finds them, he swings right at the sweet spot. I've never cared about Pokémon, but I cared about these characters. I'm sure it was much more riveting for a Pokémon fan, but even with my mere passing appreciation for Mewtwo I left the theater in a very good mood.<br />
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<b>Aladdin</b><br />
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Notice I skipped the live Dumbo? We really need to stop encouraging this. I waited until my library had it on DVD, and I think if I'd paid anything for it I'd be more honed on the weaknesses. But if you imagine you're watching a really good TV-movie version of Aladdin it has a certain charm. Will Smith is decent as the Genie, even though I don't think he's really doing his best. Mena Massoud fares better as Aladdin, adding a few more layers to the character. But it's Naomi Scott's Jasmine who ultimately hijacks the movie. Gone is the marrying-for-love angle, she's trying to understand the people her lineage is in charge of. It might have made for a better story to put her in as the protagonist, because in the fleeting moments where the movie manages to step away from the source material it starts to work. At least she finally got a solo, and it's a powerful one.<br />
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<b>Dark Phoenix</b><br />
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I didn't hate it. Unfortunately that's the good news. The X-Men franchise has a special place in the history of comics to screen, but the party ended a long time ago. It's become brand loyalty now. Days of Future Past was probably the last chance to fix it, and that didn't really happen. Just let the horse retire with dignity before you beat it to death.<br />
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<b>Toy Story 4</b><br />
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How many frigging times can we say goodbye to these characters? Going into it I felt like it was unneeded. Coming out of it I felt like it was unwanted. Too many story arcs without any particular one taking the focus, vital characters pushed to the background, and I don't know what everyone is on about but Forky is a Saturday Night Live catchphrase character. Pixar is becoming DreamWorks. I know it's a cash cow for Disney, but in terms of quality I'm beginning to wonder if the company really needs two animation studios anymore.<br />
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<b>Spider-Man: Far From Home</b><br />
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Ever since the Summer movie season extended from March to October, actual movies released during the Summer have had a dip in finesse. Fortunately Avengers: Epilogue rescued me from the July 4th weekend. Tom Holland IS Spider-Man; and even better, he IS Peter Parker. With a little less push for spectacle and more attention to character moments, Far From Home demonstrates how the MCU has plenty of room to mature (I mean it in a good way). Jake Gyllenhaal absolutely nails it as Mysterio, tapping into his natural charisma as a tactic. Michael Keaton's Vulture was scary because he looked it. Mysterio is scary because he doesn't. Poor Peter Parker, you just know these guys are going to be teaming up at some point.<br />
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<b>Fast & Furious Presents: Hobbs and Shaw</b><br />
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I love action movies, but I just don't connect with alpha-male machismo. I find those characters really have no heart, just a drive, and thus there's nothing for me to root for, making a movie with no tension. The Rock and Jason Statham are inherently likable action stars, but the Fast & Furious series reduces them to caricatures. The stunts are impressive, and I'm sure some very talented people put their lives on the line, but these movies just don't make it feel that anything really matters. It's just strange to me how the fate of the world can be at stake and still feel like nothing's at stake. Ultimately this isn't my series.<br />
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<b>Ready or Not</b><br />
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Man, I wanted to like this movie, and I did to a point. Samara Weaving has a range and a real future in films. This comedy/horror about a bride marrying into a super-wealthy bat-shit crazy family had everything in place, and it did so many things right. Because of a pact with the devil, the family has to hunt (and evidently kill) their newest member before sunrise. It's a great set-up, and their incompetence with the antique weaponry gives the game a realistic feel (did you know it takes more than one arrow to kill somebody?). The problem is, at no point does the bride get to become the hunter, which is the whole point of a movie like this. She fights back, but she stays on the defense, and it's unsatisfying. I'd much rather go back and rewatch Happy Death Day.<br />
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<b>Joker</b><br />
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I'm lying. I didn't see it. And I'm not going to. I've put it here because as someone who deals with a mental health disorder, I continue to be insulted that Todd "Society's-gotten-too-easily-offended-for-me-to-do-comedy-anymore" Phillips ever attached a mental health disorder to a character like the Joker and that so many people praised it. I don't care if it's good or if it reminds you of Taxi Driver, it's irresponsible. That's all I have to say about it.<br />
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<b>Maleficent: Mistress of Evil</b><br />
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Moving on to a happier subject; fantasy genocide. I love the Maleficent movies. I know they're far from perfect, but the character of Maleficent has always held a special place in my internal challenge of what is and isn't a villain. The arguably past due sequel to 2014's Maleficent is a bit plot heavy and probably chews more scenery than it can swallow, but it's a passionate ride. Angelina Jolie is back in the horns that she spent her whole career waiting to glue on, this time facing off against real life fairy queen Michelle Pfeiffer. These actresses shared scenes are sadly underused, but they count while we have them. Interestingly enough it's Elle Fanning's performance as Aurora that leaves the deepest impression as she's fully turned to the Mistress of Evil as her maternal figure and believes in her even more than Maleficent herself does. I doubt the franchise has a future, but I hope I'm wrong because I'll never get tired of it.<br />
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<b>Charlie's Angels</b><br />
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I get it, nobody asked for this movie and nobody likes Kristen Stewart. I'll wait while you reiterate those two points a few dozen times. Dum de dum de dum. Okay, finished? Good. This movie was great. Popcorn flick great, but still great. Elizabeth Banks knocked it out of the park as an action director, and Kristen Stewart was electrifying. Ella Balinska and Naomi Scott (Princess Jasmine, remember?) round out the main cast in a suspense thriller that's tense and heartfelt in all the right places. Get off the bandwagon hate and give this one a look.<br />
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<b>Frozen II</b><br />
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The first movie suffered from realizing too late that Elsa was the POV character we wanted. Frozen II sets out to rectify the error. This is very much Elsa's story, or ideally chapter two of its trilogy, and knowing the self fear she's spent her whole life struggling with makes the payoff all the more powerful. It's refreshing to see Disney tell a story with barely a villain in it, and the end result is the American version of a Miyazaki film (save for Kristoff's solo which could ONLY come from Disney). I don't know if really young kids will get much out of it, but the ones who aged six years along with the original should still be ready to stand in the five hour lines at the theme parks to meet Arendelle's royal family.<br />
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<b>Knives Out</b><br />
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You've got to hand it to Rian Johnson, he took all the crap he got from Star Wars fans from two years ago and did something productive with it. The Agatha Christie whodunits are making a deserved comeback, and this story makes for a pretty tough act to match. Perhaps a bit more on the howdunit side, knowing the ending doesn't detract from the fun in getting there. Daniel Craig's Benoit Blanc is a welcomed addition to the private detective Who's Who, regardless of whether or not his accent is what he thinks it is. Soon-to-be Bond girl Ana de Armas makes a solid impression, and Chris Evans reminds us of his non-Steve Rogers acting range. This movie is a delight.<br />
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<b>Jumanji: The Next Level</b><br />
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If you liked Welcome to the Jungle you'll like this, it's pretty basic. The surprises come from the human moments scattered throughout the playground. In the first film the kids were essentially The Breakfast Club archetypes. This time around we get to know them in ways that we didn't realize we wanted to. Dual-Danny's DeVito and Glover could easily have been thrown in as a mere shtick, but the film wisely utilizes their abilities as performers to layer their characters. It's Awkwafina who has the heaviest lifting thrown on her and she proves herself more than capable of stepping into the role(s) required of her. Jumanji: The Final Boss can't get here soon enough.<br />
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<b>Bombshell</b><br />
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I don't think you need me to give you a movie synopsis, a testament to quality, or what kind of a chameleon Charlize Theron is. Instead, I'm going to single out one sequence; the scene where Margot Robbie as Kayla Pospisil (who's an amalgamation of several women who reported being sexually harassed by Roger Ailes) goes through the experience. It's brutal, and not in an over-the-top Lifetime movie way. It's brutal in its realism. John Lithgow wisely underplays Ailes as a man who matter-of-factly has power over Pospisil. The scene is carefully constructed. There's an easy discussion about what technically is and isn't happening, but in the end it doesn't and shouldn't matter. What does matter is he destroys her. I believe the arts and entertainment are important as a whole, but I rarely assign that importance to specific examples. I'm doing it now; this scene is important. If you're still unclear what the #metoo movement is about, this will explain it. And I truly believe it's a journey you need to take.<br />
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<b>Star Wars: The Rise of Skywalker</b><br />
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And finally we have the end of the trilogy-trilogy. The suns set on Tatooine, the first last Jedi rises, and the last First Order strikes out. Frankly, I don't know what the hell everyone's problem is with this movie. Yes this trilogy had issues, namely the lack of a single show runner to keep Rian Johnson from killing off too many characters, but all things considered it's a satisfying conclusion to a saga that introduced multiple generations to Joseph Campbell's Hero's Journey. It may take a while for the sandstorms to settle but I believe in time people will love the new trilogy for what it is, instead of resenting it for what it isn't. Final thoughts: Daisy Ridley is a treasure. Adam Driver is going to win an Oscar before 2025. And there will be episodes X-XII, hopefully without involving another Death Star. The Force was with us, so quit being such an Anakin.</div>
Zoyciteyoumahttp://www.blogger.com/profile/18406447197292141386noreply@blogger.com0tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-5093205328118755963.post-83144834575361465512019-12-18T16:53:00.001-08:002019-12-18T16:56:37.930-08:00Editorial: And Eight Tiny Pain PillsI have been completely out of touch with the holiday season this year. August overstayed its welcome, hanging around until mid October, and by the time Halloween arrived I was only starting to get in the mood for it. I picked up a second job and worked the whole day of my birthday. We kind of skipped Thanksgiving. Now Christmas is in a week and we have yet to put up a tree. I'm thinking we're just going to call time on this one.<br />
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And you know what? I'm fine with that. The past couple of Christmases have been exercises in forced pleasantness. Maybe it's a step up, but I'm actually quite content not faking the cheer. This year's been miserable. 2019 had an incredibly low bar to clear and it still fell flat. So screw it. And with that said, I'm just go all in and spread some of the Christmas grouchiness to the world around me in the most intrusive way possible. Through Christmas carols.</div>
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I've blogged about caroling before, highlighting some lesser known gems and providing a few safety tips for surviving the yule. This time I'm going to focus on the negative. These are the top eight Christmas carols I really can't stand.</div>
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<b>1. We Wish You a Merry Christmas</b></div>
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This song is the equivalent of a commercial. Hell, it IS a commercial! They've dusted off the Hershey's Kisses posing as bells thing every year since Coke kidnapped Santa Claus. I've hated this song my whole life because it's so...uninteresting. As a child I can't remember how many times I got dragged into hospitals and nursing homes to go sing this one damn song over and over. It's easy, and it's boring. And all the other kids insisted on accenting the 'sh' sound in 'wish' like they were unconsciously trying to silence themselves. And I know the recipients seemed grateful for the *ahem* effort. But were they? The older I get the more I wonder if it's just a societal pressure to act like any part of this process is touching; just like when you're obligated to say "Yes, I'd love to see pictures of your grandbaby who looks just like every other baby." Wow, I'm in a worse mood now than I was before.</div>
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<b>2. All I Want for Christmas is You</b></div>
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...to shut up. I never got Mariah Carey. She can belt out notes, but are they really notes worth belting? I don't think she has one melody in her whole catalog that can survive on its own, her music is just an excuse to show off her decibels. And this is unquestionably the Mariah Carey Christmas song. And you know what it's about? The last note. Nothing else matters about it. It's become a permanent staple of Christmas playlists because people are waiting for that moment they can screech out the word "you" instead of using that energy for something more productive, like actually screaming into a pillow. It's really time to stop equating the quality of this song with genuine classics, like the one they sang in that Fraggle Rock episode.</div>
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<b>3. Grandma Got Run Over by a Reindeer</b></div>
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I'm not going to give this more attention than it deserves. It's an annoying ear worm. And worst of all, it thinks it's funny. Anyone who tells you this is their favorite Christmas song is not worth your association.</div>
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<b>4. The Twelve Days of Christmas</b></div>
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Now the problem here isn't the song itself, it actually succeeds on every level a folk song should. It even has the added bonus of a changing time signature which most people don't notice. The problem is the heated arguments about the lyrics. From day nine on, there's no official ruling on when the dancers show up or how many drummers there are. Everybody feels the same way about it: 'MY way is the right way!' And unfortunately nobody ever thinks to work the issue out until the milk maids have been purchased on day eight. The song just provokes contempt and is best left alone. (Incidentally, 12 lord a-leaping, 11 ladies dancing, 10 piper's piping, 9 drummers drumming. Now take it to the rest of the world).</div>
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<b>5. Good Christian Men Rejoice</b></div>
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It's a matter of personal preference, but I don't like triplets (in music that is). In spoken word, I think the rhythm is quite cool; i.e. "and to THINK that I SAW it on MULberry STREET". In song form, triplets just seem to emphasize that the melody is dragging. I grew up in church choirs and sang a lot of Christmas programs. This carol was always slated in the first handful of selections and it's the equivalent of running laps in P.E. Every verse serves as a reminder of how many more frigging times you're going to have to press on through the same horse trot of da-dun *beat* da-dun *beat* monotony before the ordeal is just over.</div>
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<b>6. Jingle Bell Rock</b></div>
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Look, I get it. This was 1957, two full decades before rock music actually understood itself. But dear God, why does nobody but the Muppets and the Rock-afire Explosion understand that song with 'Rock' in the title have to, you know, rock? And not rock you to sleep like the Hall and Oates version did (they really should have known better). Every time I hear those sluggish opening chords I want to evict a music engineer to the corner until they turn in a term paper on Desmond Child.</div>
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<b>7. O Come All Ye Faithful</b></div>
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This one is straight out of the hymnal. If you go to any candlelight service, you're destined to close on Silent Night, but in the process you're going to be hitting the big three of prerequisites; Hark the Herald Angels Sing, The First Noel, and this one. It's almost like the value of the hymnals is measured by how often these specific songs get sung, and since they're limited to the month of December you're going to see them in multiple programs. Hark usually goes first as it's the most vocally draining, and Noel is actually a pretty decent carol for a hymn so you naturally want to put a little something into it. But O Come is tedious enough on its own, when you triple it with the other two it's simply mind numbing. Something fun I always like to do in church is time how long the organist sustains the final chord of each verse in O Come followed by how long of a pause before the next verse starts. Sometimes it sounds like she's as fed up with the song as I am.</div>
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<b>8. Toyland</b><br />
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We all know this song. Essentially it's the Christmas version of It's a Small World. But despite the fact that this 1903 predictor of commercialism blares through the speakers of every department store and parade route, I can't think of any recent holiday album that has included a cover of it. It's almost like literally nobody wants to be responsible for its longevity. Toyland is filler, when you need a song to run on endlessly while the costumed toy soldiers stumble through the marketplace. Nobody voluntarily listens to the song, much less sings it. In fact, maybe it's accurate to say this never was a carol to begin with, but a mere leitmotif for the Krampus. Come to think of it why don't I throw this out to the bleachers? Does everybody despise this song as much as I do? If that's the case then maybe there's a fuzzy takeaway after all. What if the season is capable of uniting us all in a collective hostility towards a melody line can never be smothered out of existence?<br />
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Wow, I think I just wrote the ending to a Hallmark movie.<br />
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Merry Christmas Grinches!</div>
Zoyciteyoumahttp://www.blogger.com/profile/18406447197292141386noreply@blogger.com0tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-5093205328118755963.post-7076528298927949702019-12-08T11:47:00.000-08:002019-12-08T11:47:04.770-08:00Chasing the Rabbit: Chapter Twenty-One -Everybody Knows Your Name<a href="https://zoyciteyouma.blogspot.com/2016/04/table-of-contents-page-for-my-multi.html">Click here for the table of contents.</a><br />
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Meg gently lay Alice down on as dry a mound as she could find with the moon's light guiding her. "Rest," she insisted, trying to catch her breath. The pain in Alice's broken ankle caused her to cry out, and she bit her fist in an attempt to stifle herself.<br />
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The mirror kept them pointed in the direction they felt they needed to go, but unfortunately it was leading them back through the woods where the Headless Horseman apparently held dominion. Meg set a smooth stone under Alice's ankle to try to alleviate the pressure.<br />
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Alice wiped away her tears. "I'm sorry you have to carry me."<br />
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"You're not the problem, Lilies. It's the convertible hibachi chef." The truth was, Meg was getting worn out. Alice wasn't heavy in short bursts, but they'd been scrambling through uneven terrain for well over an hour and having to dodge the sound of approaching hoof steps a good half dozen times by hiding behind whatever brush was available to them. "Doesn't he ever clock out?"<br />
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"He may be patrolling," suggested Alice. "Perhaps he follows a set pattern."<br />
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Meg fidgeted with the mirror. "This thing would be more useful if it had a night light."<br />
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"Miss Meg, you know you have some of the most peculiar idiosyncrasies when it comes to describing things."<br />
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"Well, I don't really understand half of the words you use either."<br />
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"I mean no disrespect," Alice insisted. "It's just that...it's only occurred to me how little we know of each other."<br />
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Meg instinctively gave her an incredulous look, but not wanting to harm the already wounded girl's feelings she quickly suppressed it. "I guess a little information wouldn't hurt in case we need to contact each other's next of kin. Where are you from?"<br />
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Alice expected herself to answer without hesitation but the information stalled in her head, like a sequence of numbers one could rattle off without thinking but become lost once thought is applied. "London?" She hadn't intended to inflect it as a question, but her memories of home came to her as images instead of names. "Westminster," she decided. "Yes, I'm certain of it."<br />
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Meg touched Alice's hand. It hadn't been comforting for either of them to be dealing with such unreliable memories, but at least it was taking the twelve year old's mind off her ankle. "It's okay Lilies. I'm only about sixty-seven percent sure I'm from Thebes."<br />
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Alice shook her head. "I'm disappointed with myself. I should have attended to my lessons with greater discernment. I do hope this is only a temporary amnesia."<br />
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"You didn't do this to yourself."<br />
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"I've filled my head with nonsense."<br />
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"I've been dead before. And I mean literally soul-split-from-body dead. Trust me, whatever this Acheron is you weren't pushed in because you skipped Pythagorean-" Meg heard the sound of galloping. Alice was about to ask a question but Meg shushed her while wrapping a protective arm across her. "Here comes nonsense's Ginsu again," she whispered.<br />
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They both held their breath as he passed by, the trail only a few yards away. By now they'd grown accustomed to the horseman's periodic arrivals and departures. It was clear he wasn't looking for them, and may not have even been aware of their presence in the woods. But this time he let out a loud cackle that jostled Meg. It seemed to echo from deep inside an empty shell and carry through the whole forest. And again, he was gone. But Meg lay still for several moments longer than necessary, just in case that had been a performance for them.<br />
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"How can he laugh without a head?" Meg growled. "Better yet, how can he even see where he's going?"<br />
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"Those are valid questions Miss Meg," said Alice. She stared at her ankle. The makeshift splint was making her travel possible, if only slightly bearable, and she really wasn't looking forward to having to move again. "Do you think we stand any chance of surviving the night if we sleep here?"<br />
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"No. Too exposed. And too close to the trail." Meg glanced around at the lower branches in the area, wondering if any of them had the kind of elastic resilience that could theoretically knock the horseman to the ground. It was a possibility, although a huge gamble as his horse might not cooperate with an unfamiliar rider. And there was still the issue of Alice's injury which would no doubt be further aggravated by bouncing on the animal's back. She collected the mirror that Alice had been cradling against her chest and stared into its darkness. "Okay, let me think."<br />
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"Miss Meg?"<br />
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There was a seed of despair creeping into Alice's voice that Meg chose not to acknowledge. "Something to spark an idea. It's too dark where we are," she thought out loud, "and anything nearby that the glass can show us would be in darkness-"<br />
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"There's an unpleasant reality we may have to consider-"<br />
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"No, Lilies." She gave the tip of Alice's nose a gentle but stern tap. "Not gonna happen."<br />
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"I haven't said-"<br />
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"-and you're not going to," Meg interrupted. "I'm not leaving you behind."<br />
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Alice had been masking how afraid she was behind a decided curiosity and a lexicon she was only mostly sure of. But at this one moment the facade was cracking, and she covered her own chin to try to prevent it from quivering. "I can't see a way out."<br />
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Meg stroked the hair out of the girl's face. "Doll, I was a slave in the Underworld. If there was ever a dark place that kept you from seeing a way out, it was there. I've seen a lot of people come through; every one of them holding onto any grasp of hope they had. Like a candle. A flickering, dying candle. And they all had the same look in their eyes the moment that light went out. A surrender of hope."<br />
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"What none of them realized was, the way out is still there whether you can see it or not. The darkness can take your light but it can't take your hope. It's always your choice to sacrifice it. And people do, all the time. They give it up for no reason except that the darkness has tricked them into thinking they'll never see the-"<br />
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Wait a minute. Meg peered into the glass. The black void peered back. Waiting for instruction. She knew it could only show things in the present, but some things were always there. Somewhere. It could work. She held the mirror up and commanded, "Show us the sun."<br />
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The reflection shimmered. And almost a second too late she thought to turn the glass downward as the vicinity in which they'd taken refuge lit up in a concentrated spotlight. Meg looked at Alice as uncontrollable smiles appeared on both their faces.<br />
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"Eureka," Alice giggled.<br />
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"What a spark!"<br />
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It was high noon somewhere; in fact, the sun was beating down on the roof of the local saloon. The gravel road was barren, save for a string of recent paw prints that nobody was likely to notice. And in the back of the saloon a wooden door, carefully painted to blend in with the wall, opened ever so cautiously.<br />
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Bugs poked his head around the frame at floor level to check for any sign of immediate threat. Bagheera joined him. The two of them waited silently, listening for anything amiss. Moments passed, and nothing. They exchanged a confirming glance and Bugs hopped out onto the saloon's floor.<br />
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"I knew dis tunnel lead somewhere. Good eyes, O'Malley."<br />
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Bagheera crept out a little more alertly. "It looks like we're in a man-village."<br />
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"Deserted. Lucky us." He gestured to the overhang with the heads of a buck, bison, and moose mounted on it. "We should fare better'n dese Easter eggs."<br />
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"It's unusual that this place is empty."<br />
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"Galaxy's Edge must've reopened." The rabbit sprang over the bar and began wiping out the cups. "What can I getcha Slim?"<br />
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Bagheera gave Bugs a perplexed look. "Getcha?"<br />
<br />
"To drink. Before da show let's out." He duck behind the counter and rummaged through the supply. "We got it all. Strawberry Colada, Banana Bomber, Kungaloosh; eh, it looks like the censors figured out the Old Panther gag."<br />
<br />
"What show are you talking about?"<br />
<br />
"Da one with da banjos." Bugs popped back up and slid a bright pink cocktail with four umbrellas and a bendy straw down the bar to where Bagheera sat. "Do you guys never get off da lot? We're in Frontierland."<br />
<br />
The name wasn't familiar. "Is this a place I should know?"<br />
<br />
"I always t'ought dey covered da tour on day one. Da theme parks? Main Street, parades, da castle cable dat no one will admit to?"<br />
<br />
Bagheera snorted. "I understand the words you're saying..."<br />
<br />
A tired voice from the road outside disrupted the panther's thought. "Alex!"<br />
<br />
"That was Elsa."<br />
<br />
"Good. We're outta ice." Bugs poured his own fruit cocktail. "Your name ain't Alex Bagheera, is it?" But the panther had already darted through the door. Bugs sighed and downed his beverage, grimacing at the aftertaste.<br />
<br />
Outside Elsa was steadying herself against a hitching post. The continuous heat was causing her to feel lightheaded, and at first the sight of a large cat sprinting towards her appeared like a mirage. Her first thought was that she was about to be mauled, and she took a defensive stance even though she didn't have the strength to protect herself with ice. She just hoped it would be over fast.<br />
<br />
"Elsa!" Bagheera called to her.<br />
<br />
"Thank goodness," the Ice Queen's hand slipped and she fell to the ground. Bagheera reached her spot and nudged his way underneath so he could carry her back to the saloon. "Alex. Did you see him?"<br />
<br />
Confident that Elsa was balanced enough to not fall off him, Bagheera scurried as steadily as he could. "Who's Alex."<br />
<br />
"Fur," Elsa muttered. "Long ears." She was fighting to stay conscious, but any more words that entered her head never made it to her mouth until she felt the indoor temperatures touch her skin.<br />
<br />
Bagheera let her slide gently onto the floor of the saloon and gave Bugs a nod to help her. The rabbit poured two glasses of juice. "Are you talking about him?"<br />
<br />
It took Elsa a few seconds for her eyes to focus. "Yes," she said as soon as Bugs's shape became clear but changed her mind once she realized the color was off. "No. He's brown."<br />
<br />
"Another rabbit?" Bugs asked.<br />
<br />
"Donkey," Elsa gasped. "He's alone."<br />
<br />
"Drink dis." Bugs held the first glass up to her lips but she refused it.<br />
<br />
"Please! He's scared!"<br />
<br />
"I'll go look," Bagheera assured her. "Your thirst needs quenching."<br />
<br />
"Thank you." Elsa took the glass in her hands and tried to sip but wound downing the whole concoction.<br />
<br />
"Take care of her," Bagheera told Bugs.<br />
<br />
"On the job."<br />
<br />
The panther was out the door again, and Elsa finished off her second glass. Bugs took them both back to the bar for a refill. "I guess it's da heat dat bothers you in several ways. I'll keep 'em coming 'til you're ready to slow down."<br />
<br />
Elsa drew in a deep breath but only exhaled a puff of cold air. The fluids were helping but she'd really dehydrated herself. "You were the one on the beach."<br />
<br />
"Being shot at, yeah. Except dis guy weren't no stormtrooper." <br />
<br />
Elsa struggled to get into one of the empty chairs and Bugs stopped what he was doing to help her up.<br />
<br />
"You know," he said, "if you need to go to sleep dere's some towels under da counter; we can build you a mattress."<br />
<br />
"I'll be fine."<br />
<br />
"Anybody on da beach get hurt?"<br />
<br />
"Tarzan was."<br />
<br />
"Really? How bad?"<br />
<br />
Elsa told him about her own wound and how Tarzan had taken care of her, but then the creature of fire had awakened. And she described the image she'd seen of him afterwards, where he was motionless. Almost like he'd been frozen solid. To her surprise, Bugs reacted with understanding instead of confusion.<br />
<br />
"Yep," he said. "Sounds like the poor guy's outta the game. It's a pity, 'cause he had all da information."<br />
<br />
"What game are you talking about?"<br />
<br />
Bugs pulled out a second chair and sat down. "I probably shouldn't be tellin' you dis, because I don't think I'm supposed to know myself, but I got a pretty good look at da roster before dis whole thing started. See, we're all in a game. Kind of a Survivor/Musical Chairs kinda thing. I think if you die in here, you go into a stasis until the game is over. But Tarzan was a plant; he was in on it. Every game like dis needs someone on da inside to keep things moving and nudge the rest of da group in da right direction."<br />
<br />
Elsa's eyes widened. "So he's the reason why we're here?"<br />
<br />
"No, you're why you're here. Apparently you don't remember it, but you agreed to be part of da game. We all did." He stopped himself, realizing just how complicated this was about to get. "Elsa, do you know what Disney is?"<br />
<br />
She shook her head.<br />
<br />
"Oh wow. Dey really did a number on you guys. How am I gonna explain dis? Frozen was a movie- Wait, strike dat." That was going to make no sense at all to her. "Have you ever heard of Little Red Riding Hood?"<br />
<br />
"Yes."<br />
<br />
Great. Now what? "Okay. What do you think she did on her off day?"<br />
<br />
Elsa stared at him. "I don't understand the question."<br />
<br />
"When Red Riding Hood wasn't in her story, what do you think she did?"<br />
<br />
"What do you mean when she wasn't in her story?"<br />
<br />
It was rare that Bugs felt like he was out of his depth, and he rubbed his eyebrows. "Don't you think Red had a life outside of dis one day where she met a wolf on da way to Granny's house?"<br />
<br />
"I've heard a different version than that." Elsa was really trying to follow him, but she seemed to only be frustrating him further. "Are you talking about the character Red Riding Hood, or are you talking about whoever the girl was that the character was based on?"<br />
<br />
"Let's go with da second one."<br />
<br />
She nodded. "So you're wondering what her life may have been like?"<br />
<br />
Bugs decided he was going to make one last attempt before abandoning the conversation. "Imagine if dat little girl inspired a story dat people told over and over; she knows the details inside and out. But den one day she gets cursed. All her memories are gone and all she knows about herself is what's in dat story."<br />
<br />
Elsa mulled that over. "So she would think she's a character in a story."<br />
<br />
"Exactly. But she wouldn't know dat it's a story."<br />
<br />
Her brain finally had the flash of connection. "Are you saying where we are right now is the result of a curse?"<br />
<br />
No, but...Bugs shrugged. "Sure. We'll go with dat. It's affecting all of you. Jasmine, Kronk, What's-his-name, even old Battle Cat. Dat's why you all have such a limited understanding of who you are and where you're from. It's a group curse dat's kind of a game."<br />
<br />
"So Tarzan is alive?"<br />
<br />
"As far as I know, yeah. But I think he's gonna be stuck where he is until all dis gets resolved."<br />
<br />
Elsa leaned back and eyed the rabbit. "So why is it you know so much then?"<br />
<br />
"Dat's a good question, and I don't have a good answer. But I know one thing dat we all need to keep in mind whatever we decide to do."<br />
<br />
"What's that?"<br />
<br />
"Only ten names on dat roster. You, me, Tarzan, Bagheera, Jasmine, Kronk...um..." He trailed off.<br />
<br />
"Frollo?"<br />
<br />
"Yeah, all dere. Dat's seven."<br />
<br />
"And then there was a woman I met with horns on her head."<br />
<br />
"Yeah, Maleficent. She's got a key to somethin', by the way."<br />
<br />
"And then Alex." Elsa thought back to the woman and child she'd seen on the monitors. "And two more. That's eleven."<br />
<br />
"Little blonde girl and a purple hourglass figure?"<br />
<br />
Elsa blinked. "I think so."<br />
<br />
"Dat's Alice and Meg. Both on da list. Guess who da odd one out is."<br />
<br />
"Oh," was all she could say. It meant something, she didn't know what. But they wouldn't get answers unless Bagheera could find him.<br />
<br />
<br />
<i><a href="https://zoyciteyouma.blogspot.com/2016/04/table-of-contents-page-for-my-multi.html">Return to the table of contents.</a></i>Zoyciteyoumahttp://www.blogger.com/profile/18406447197292141386noreply@blogger.com0tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-5093205328118755963.post-63182019631156473882019-11-10T14:01:00.003-08:002019-11-10T14:01:33.074-08:00Revisiting the Stauf MansionHalloween may be over, but there's still some life left in the world of the dead (which is probably the very core of Halloween's spirit). And one of the eleventh hour additions (Get it? No? Well, you will.) to the season this year is the release of The 13th Doll, a long awaited threequel entry to The 7th Guest franchise.<br />
<br />
In case you need to be caught up on Trilobyte's classic, the 7th Guest was a flagship interactive movie/puzzle point and click game released in 1993; on April 1st of all days. The PC was in its new age infancy, and this pre-Myst title was probably the highest profile game to summarize the direction PC gaming was going. Puzzles, story, cut scenes, exploration, atmosphere; this was the game that did it all first.<br />
<br />
And best.<br />
<br />
Now that's a bold claim that I'm going to need to support, after all you can take any of those aforementioned variables and find a game that did it better (i.e. with fewer flaws). Maybe even one that managed to check off all five bullet points, Zork: Nemesis comes to mind as a viable contender. But The 7th Guest had an X-factor that made it something truly special. Immersion.<br />
<br />
That concept gets thrown around a lot in describing games and it's about as reliable an adjective as words like funny, smart, or scary. It's purely subjective. If you're a game designer, you can confidently say you had puzzles that you poured a lot of effort into trying to find the right balance of fun/difficulty, or you devoted several layers to hammering out a coherent story, and so on through those tangible elements. But immersion describes the player's emotional experience, and no game designer can control that. And the fact that 26 and a half years later people are still talking about The 7th Guest leads me to conclude that this game did it best. I didn't come away from it feeling I'd played a game. I felt like I'd been to the Stauf Mansion.<br />
<br />
I'd like to revisit it now, hence the title of the blog. I know my skill as a writer is nowhere in the realm of where it would need to be to take you with me, but I do hope it's enough to intrigue you. If you've never played the series, I encourage you to check it out in whatever capacity you have available. I understand there's ways to play the original games, although they're beyond the scope of my dying Chromebook. There are websites and Youtube playthroughs that can at least give you a taste of the journey. And for those of you who are already veterans of the mansion (probably why you're here in the first place), my goal is to make you love the series even more than you already do.<br />
<br />
So let's dive into what's sort of a review but mostly a celebration of the house that Stauf built.<br />
<br />
<b>The Mansion</b><br />
<br />
First off, has anyone else noticed the layout of the Stauf Mansion is very similar to the home of the Simpsons? If they ever decide to do a Treehouse of Horror segment that lasts the whole episode, this is the one to go with.<br />
<br />
The history of Gothic fiction has given us countless great haunted mansions, including the Gracey Manor, Disney's theme park superstar; the one that earned the 'The' in front of 'Haunted Mansion'. But almost all of them create a mood of 'Keep Out' foreboding. The Gracey Manor, with its rich history of story arcs that don't quite intersect, is one of the few to give off a vibe of 'Please, come in'. Stauf's Mansion is carved from this template, but takes it up a notch. Gracey Manor doesn't mind you exploring it. Stauf's Mansion wants you to. In fact it DARES you.<br />
<br />
That's the beauty of incorporating the puzzles into the narrative. You wonder how anyone is ever dumb enough to make a deal with the devil, the Stauf Mansion answers that question. It caters to your intelligence. It makes you think you can beat it. Each puzzle unlocks a new mystery, giving you the sense that you're winning. Stauf's voice mocks you (repeatedly) for failing to solve a puzzle, granting a catharsis when you finally do. You bought the game yourself, of course you're going to keep playing it. If this were a real pact with the devil, you would need him to dangle motivators of greed or lust in front of you, you'd fold to intellectual temptation. There. You've just learned something awful about yourself. You're welcome.<br />
<br />
I'm going to talk more about the acting as we go through the games individually, but as the central figure of Henry Stauf, actor Robert Hirschboeck is a freaking rock star. It's perplexing to me why his acting career is so limited; you'd think at the very least sci-fi television would be throwing work at him. Hirschboeck is that horror movie host who would out-scenery chew the Muppets. You can see the whole history of horror throughout his performance as Stauf; from the silent film menace of <i>Nosferatu</i> to the soft spoken sadism of the <i>Saw </i>series, with every over the top evil-is-hammy moment in between. If Stauf ever manages to fulfill his end of whatever deal he's made with the underworld, you get the impression he'll keep working for free. He's having that much fun.<br />
<br />
<b>The 7th Guest</b><br />
<br />
Now I'm not really going to spend much time addressing individual puzzles because that's really the adventure you have to go on yourself. But suffice to say, these are always a mixed bag. I hear people complain about the cake puzzle the most, which I've never understood what was so difficult about it. 'Solve the Soup Cans' is an official trope, and The 7th Guest named it as such. "Shyly, spryly tryst, wait what?" This was also the first, and to date only, time I've seen the word 'ruddy' used in a sentence. And the less said about the microscope puzzle the better, in fact just pretend I didn't type this sentence.<br />
<br />
But really we're here for the iconic cast of characters who manage to not be knock offs of Clue. They're all already successful members of the upper class (assuming Hamilton Temple is a magician people actually hire) and yet they all want more. In a couple of cases the motives aren't entirely unsympathetic; Elinor Knox just wants to start over with her husband Edward after their fortune ran dry. And Hamilton Temple is understandably drawn to the prospect of (let's say it together) "Rrrrrreal magic". The other four are purely self-interested. Edward is actively cheating on his wife right in front of her with young aspiring actress Martine Burden, who has the best last name of the bunch. And then there's corporate climber and Brent Spiner understudy Brian Dutton who has no poker face when it comes to reading letters, and Julia Heine who seems forgettable at first but becomes one of the most engaging characters down the road.<br />
<br />
Blue-screen acting is hard. It's easy to knock the performers around for the bits that come off as silly, but it's not a fair assessment of their talents. Often they're having to overreact to nothing, and I'm sure their direction amounted more to hitting marks and holding poses than to figuring out how to make the performances seem natural. And for that, it's pretty impressive that they're all as into it as they are.<br />
<br />
That's one of the charms of the series. If this were a film, those moments could break the quality; but here they somehow make the game all the more endearing. This is community theater acting, or the type you might see at Halloween Horror Nights. A friend and coworker of mine once shared the most insightful truth about acting with me. He said that acting isn't about convincing an audience that you're that character. It's convincing the audience that you've convinced <i>yourself </i>that you're that character. These performers are acting the hell out of their roles in a completely unfamiliar medium, and I give them all the credit for what they accomplished with what they were given.<br />
<div>
<br /></div>
<div>
Like the Haunted Mansion, the Stauf Mansion erupts with fanfic fuel by how much...stuff there is. Talking paintings, ectoplasmic soup, a physically impossible layout, a secret passage down a bathroom sink drain; there's a whole lot of window dressing in this place that serves no purpose other than it takes you further into the lore of the place. The fact that the main plot is told through non-chronological fragments that may or may not line up adds to the overall impact. It's fascinating to watch the narrative unfold as the guests start killing each other for an ambiguous reward they're never going to get (Oh Julia, you nutty flapper). And dear God, Elinor! I don't know what she ever did to deserve that fate, but suddenly the donkey from Pinocchio who still knew his name seems to have drawn the long straw.<br />
<br />
<b>The 11th Hour</b><br />
<br />
This whole game takes a beating from the fan base that I think is undeserved. Some of the criticism is fair; there are way too many games you have to play against Stauf that require dumb luck to win, and the piano puzzle is the stuff of walkthrough-proof legend. But I honestly didn't have a problem with the fetch quests. There's a lot of detail throughout the mansion and you can't really get players to appreciate it without making them explore. Yeah, pre-Gamefaqs.com this was a frustration but it's not as big a deal as people are making it.<br />
<br />
Gameplay-wise it's more of the same, which is exactly what you want from a 7th Guest sequel. But the changes in the approach to story-telling has people divided, and to be fair I get it. There were dangling plot threads from the first game for which I'd love to have gotten resolution. How exactly did Martine die? When was the 'now' that the events were happening? And of course, who was the woman in white?<br />
<br />
Did I forget to mention her? Much like the enigmatic attic bride of Gracey Manor, the woman in white appeared out of nowhere with no explanation on the second floor, and once in the crypt maze. For the longest time I thought she was Martine, but that doesn't seem to be the case. At any rate, her sudden lunge towards the camera is one of the eeriest and most paranoia inducing moments in the game. Alas, her role will go unanswered for now.<br />
<br />
What we have instead is the assembly of a short film starring quite an attractive cast that may have been rescued from a soap opera that never got past the pilot. Stauf is back, in all of his more-is-more glory, and I can't help but find the differing acting styles riveting. Carl Denning, Robin Morales, and the townsfolk are performing for television, while Hirschboeck and a few cameos are still projecting from the stage. You'd think this would create a disjointed clash, but I think it works surprisingly well. There's a fine line when actors have to play characters who just can't believe the situation they're in; it gets dangerously close to the actor losing their character. Fortunately the cast stays on the side of credibility, with Carl playing a round of Let's Make a Deal as the apex.<br />
<br />
So, plot. Honestly a lot more going on than you'd expect. A string of disappearances in the town where Stauf's mansion sits, a relationship drama between television journalists, a lackey lawyer, a severed hand, and two women who were raped by the house eighteen years prior resulting in the birth of a demon offspring. This is actually a well written X-Files episode that never feels too overstuffed. And Samantha, the other victim, manages to be the strongest-willed character in the series; from the confines of a wheelchair no less.<br />
<br />
This game added a level of substance that The 7th Guest missed out on. Stauf is hammy, but he also has layers. He has quick but noticeable moments of vulnerability when he realizes how easily his plans can be unraveled. Edward Knox pops up in one scene, affably resigned to helplessness, which is more development than he got in the whole first game. Previously unsympathetic Martine has a heartbreaking moment where she can't quite wrap her head around the fact that she's dead.<br />
<br />
And Julia. Like Stauf, she seems much happier as a victim to the house than she was alive. In The 7th Guest we were left thinking she'd won the game but dispatched for being useless. Here we get an aftermath; she's become a valuable member of the house. In her one scene she seems to have become Stauf's partner in crime, delighted at being able to murder the lackey lawyer. Maybe he granted her wish after all.<br />
<br />
All in all I think this game is underrated. Yeah, you can't top the raw inspiration of the original, but the story matured with The 11th Hour and expanded the mythology of Stauf and company. I can't imagine playing The 7th Guest and not continuing on to the sequel, it just feels wrong to leave unfinished, if completion is really an option. But, we still have one more stop to go.<br />
<br />
Although before we skip ahead two and a half decades I want to mention the character of Marie, the demon offspring of the Stauf Mansion played by the late Michelle Gaudreau. I keep saying demon, but let me stress it wasn't through a makeup job, it was pure performance from Gaudreau. She <i>looked </i>venomous. Every line and reaction from her seethed with contempt, for no reason other than it's who and what she was. That character had grounds for a spin-off, and it's a real shame we'll never see one.<br />
<br />
<b>The 13th Doll</b><br /><br />So full disclosure, I don't have Steam access. I'm not sure how long it's going to be before I get my hands on the new game, but I've been watching its development carefully. And ever since the release date I've been scavenging playthrough videos on Youtube to see how the game stacks up.<br /><br />The fact that The 13th Doll exists at all is a testament to how beloved the original games were. The tagline for the title is "A Fan Game of The 7th Guest", and I certainly appreciate the humility Attic Door Productions has on display, but as a long time fan I can confidently accept The 13th Doll as a solid installment that stands alongside its predecessors without a need for any qualifier. This was a labor of love, and you can see it in every carefully reconstructed nook and cranny of the recreated mansion.<br /><br />I can't personally speak to the puzzles as I skip over those segments, but they look true to form and I've read nothing but praise for their design. As a narrative, it's closer to The 7th Guest than The 11th Hour with a few creative tweaks, such as a dual-sided story with only one happy ending (as best as I can tell). Special kudos to the creators who were wise to avoid making too different. The Stauf Mansion has always been about giving the player just enough information to keep you engaged but not to the point of explaining everything. The 13th Doll does a wonderful job of building on the mythology without smothering it. The only questions that get answered are the ones that allow the story to blossom, the rest are left to your own untangling.<br /><br />Now I have to be fair about this, the same issues that plagued blue-screen acting back in the nineties still exist today. Often the actors have to deliver performances with their feet anchored to their marks in a way that comes off as unnatural. This probably can't be helped, but unfortunately it tends to lead reviewers to the conclusion that the acting is bad. And its not. The actors are very good; better than you might realize. As I said before, this kind of acting is hard to do, and I believe every one of them accomplished something they should be proud of.<br /><br />Risking spoilers ahead: Tad is back. He's been in a mental institution (and not a very good one) ever since his tussle with the house as a child. The ward thinks he's insane, but of course we all know better. Hunter Menken plays the role not as someone broken and defeated, but as someone broken and angry. It's a smart choice, as it gives Tad the kind of heroic determination that we've only previously seen from Samantha in The 11th Hour.<br /><br />Joining Tad for his kill-joyride is Dr. Richmond, played by Mathias Blake. It wouldn't be a 7th Guest story without watching someone fall to Stauf's corruption. But interestingly, Richmond starts at a place of pure intentions, not the amorality of Carl and Robin. Blake plays him as a man unaware that he's turning to the dark side imbuing his journey with a douse of tragedy (well...maybe).<br /><br />Rounding out the triumvirate is the long awaited return of the woman in white, played by Julia-Kaye Rohlf. I can't say too much, but her role in the game is as important as Tad's, Richmond's, or even Stauf's, and I'm grateful to the production team for giving her more of a presence than simply answering the question of who she is/was. For each mystery resolved with her character another arises, and not in a way that's unwelcomed. In the end The 13th Doll does something impressive, it concludes the series without necessarily concluding the series. And it's satisfying either way.<br /><br /><b>The End, or Is It?</b><br /><br />By the definition of a ghost story, you can't keep the dead down. The Stauf Mansion has lots of ghosts and even more stories, so it's quite possible we haven't had those front doors slam behind us for the last time. After all, there's plenty of numbers left (The 18th Birthday, The 39th Step, 101 Damnations); when you're in the underworld there's no place to go but up.<br /><br />In 1993, Trilobyte created something more than a computer game. They created a journey; one that people were, and are, willing to take over and over, no matter how many times they've assembled the phrase "There is no possible way". As fans, we love the journey. We cherish the precious moments to face the power behind the monster behind the man behind the mansion. We care. And a team of game designers known as Attic Door Productions cared so much that they were willing to feed the house, resurrect Stauf, and grant us a whole new journey to love.<br /><br />Books are meant to be read, films watched, music listened to, games played; I think at best any creator just hopes their work will be correctly experienced for what it is. But once in a while a work becomes loved, and then it transcends itself into something special. I believe the Stauf Mansion has achieved this, and that may very well be the "Rrrrrreal magic" we were promised.<br /><br />Thank you Trilobyte. And thank you Attic Door Productions.</div>
Zoyciteyoumahttp://www.blogger.com/profile/18406447197292141386noreply@blogger.com0tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-5093205328118755963.post-16620496786562856902019-10-15T09:29:00.000-07:002019-10-15T09:29:04.240-07:00"Development Hell": The Ultimate Horror/ComedyFull disclosure, this isn't a real movie. But damn it, it should be!<br /><br />I once met actor Doug Bradley (of Pinhead fame) and I'll always remember his suggestion that horror and comedy were two sides of the same coin. Both rely on timing and surprise, and both are judged in quality by what kind of feelings they provoke in the audience. But as similar as they are, they're not the same. And it takes a master of both to have any hope of ever blending them into that rare success story called the horror/comedy.<br /><br />Do something for me, Google "best horror comedies" right now. Go on. Look at the list that comes up. Out of those titles, how many of them legitimately qualify as both horror films and comedies? "Young Frankenstein" was a comedy. Period. "Ghostbusters" was a comedy. It had some jump scares, but it was definitively a comedy. "Fright Night" was a horror movie; humorous elements, yes, but it wasn't a comedy. "The Lost Boys", horror. "Beetlejuice", comedy. "Scary Movie 2", neither. And "Gremlins" was just kind of that thing that sort of happened in the eighties.<br /><br />See, I'm a proud comedy snob. I find bad comedy tedious (i.e. most of Jim Carrey, and all Happy Madison productions). I have a bit more tolerance for bad horror movies, probably because they still have the chance of transforming into unintentional comedies. But for me to consider something a good horror/comedy, it really has to do something special; "Happy Death Day" is my go to example.<br /><br />So what's all of this a preview to? Well, I got to thinking about the horror films that most people agree are masterpieces, and what makes them so. Funny thing, even though Universal churned out a whole bunch of black and white monster pictures back in the 30's, the movies that people really cite as being the apex of horror tend to come from the 70's. But the comedy giants all seem to come from the black and white period of film. Maybe horror really needed to be born on film (the Dracula/Wolfman period) and given a chance to grow up, while comedy got to reap the benefit of having matured throughout the vaudeville circuit.<br /><br />It's probably a conversation best saved for another time. The point is, I had this bizarre thought exercise to take classic film comedians and mix them into some of the popular post-classic horror films and see what kind of explosion might occur. Here's the result: an anthology-styled horror movie (similar to "Creepshow", or "Tales From the Crypt") made up of six one-reel segments, about twenty-two minutes each. Obviously we're still a few years away from reanimating dead performers so stand-in talent will have to fill some huge shoes, but that's a studio thing. I'm just here to describe the movie to you until someone steals the idea.<br /><br /><strong>1. Gone to the Dogs</strong> (based on "An American Werewolf in London", starring Bud Abbott and Lou Costello)<br /><br />We'll kick off the proceedings with something familiar. Abbott and Costello are no stranger to horror, having tangled with Bela Lugosi and Lon Chaney Jr. Usually regarding a comedy duo the straight man drives the plot and the comic delivers the flavor. I haven't had a vast experience with Abbott and Costello, but from what I've seen it's always been Costello as the engine while Abbott usually stands on the side and lobs in the variables to trip him up. So with that in mind we need a story that places them on unequal footing.<br /><br />The duo are traveling through England and stop in a pub, just like the original. It doesn't take too much confusion with English idioms for Costello to get them both thrown out. They're attack by a werewolf; and being a horror/comedy, Abbott is killed. Costello in infected and taken to a nearby hospital (you know the drill).<br /><br />From there it's a sequence of the hyperactive Costello having to come to terms with the fact that he's a legitimate threat to innocent bystanders. But being Lou Costello, invariably he would take on more domestic dog-like traits than ravenous wolf. He's not a killer, but he's capable of infecting people. The rest of his story follows his attempts to get himself locked away, all while dealing with Abbott's apparition trying to guide him. Characteristic wordplay routines ensue, and in the end Costello is taken to the pound, presumably after turning all of London into a pack.<br /><br /><strong>2. Wacko</strong> (based on "Psycho", starring Charlie Chaplin)<br /><br />We now turn our attention to Alfred Hitchcock, who knew how to decorate his thrillers with some hilarious material but couldn't seem to get a straight up comedy off the ground. Here we use Charlie Chaplin's little tramp character to retell "Psycho" the way Gus Van Sant should have -interestingly.<br /><br />Chaplin was a master of pathos, and Norman Bates was oddly sympathetic. It might be odd seeing him as the story's killer but we're doing dark comedy. In this version, it's revealed from the get-go that his mother is a corpse (oh, sorry, spoiler alert) and we get to see Norman's daily routine of having to run a hotel while remaining oblivious to the fact that she's dead.<br /><br />The plot beats are pretty much the same as the original except that his 'mother' persona is more directly involved, meaning Chaplin has to keep doing quick changes to maintain both guises. We have to believe that HE believes he's actually two different people. After Marion Crane is killed and people come looking for her, he has to up the ante by also playing her as if she's still alive. This leads to a complicated slapstick chase through the hotel where he's finally apprehended and taken to the station. But unlike the original, Chaplin's Norman escapes custody because he also thinks he's the psychiatrist at the end and delivers the closing monologue so convincingly that Marion's family don't realize they're still talking to Norman.<br /><br /><strong>3. Diet and Exorcists</strong> (based on "The Exorcist", starring Stan Laurel and Oliver Hardy)<br /><br />Stan Laurel honestly never needed a partner, you can do a Youtube search for 1925's "Dr. Pyckle and Mr. Pryde" for evidence (one of cinema's earliest examples of parody). But for whatever reason, he attached himself to Oliver Hardy and who am I to argue?<br /><br />We jump right in; a little girl demonstrates possession by a demon, and our duo are the priests assigned to exorcise her. As with everything they've ever tried to do, they're ineffective. Each attempt winds up hurting Ollie and damaging property. As the girl becomes more antagonistic a classic L&H tit for tat battle escalates, sending Hardy tumbling down the fire escape stairs.<br /><br />It's turns out the girl has been lying; there was no demon, she just didn't want to get dragged to school or church or whatever kids got dragged to in the 20's. But she convinces Laurel that the demon has left her and gone into him. He goes to tell Hardy, who characteristically overreacts, and all hell breaks loose on the city streets involving every pedestrian and delivery truck in sight. I'm not sure exactly how it ends, but the legendary "fine mess" Laurel has "gotten them into" will probably be worse than purgatory, probably dead and locked outside Heaven's doors until they figure out how to get rid of the demon that isn't actually there. Well, that's certainly darker than I usually go.<br /><br /><strong>4. Yawn of the Dead</strong> (based on "Dawn of the Dead", starring the Three Stooges)<br /><br />We need a palette cleanse after that one, so we turn to the Stooges. As impulsive and chaotic as they are, I find the trio very hard to root for unless they're actually fighting for something noble. For that we turn to George A. Romero's blueprint of zombie survival in a mall while having to protect a pregnant woman.<br /><br />This segment is not all that plot heavy. It's the Stooges turned loose in a shopping mall having to fight off a zombie hoard using whatever is available; I should think the bits essentially write themselves. I think the real question is whether or not they live. Invariably they'll succeed in saving the pregnant woman's life, but it doesn't seem particularly Stooge-like if it's a happy ending all around.<br /><br />Probably it makes the most sense for Curly to get bitten by a zombie but the transformation doesn't have any effect on his personality. Larry would get himself infected by finishing off a half eaten hotdog that he procured from Curly, and Moe would accidentally get bitten by one or both of the other two in the middle of a Stooge brawl (and then blame them for it).They're about to transform fully and start eating each other when it's revealed to be just a nightmare that Curly's having. It turns out everything is fine when out of the blue Shemp walks in. Moe asks him where he's been, and he takes the trio outside to see a UFO floating above them.<br /><br /><strong>5. A Night at the Slaughterhouse</strong> (based on "The Texas Chain Saw Massacre", starring the Marx Brothers)<br /><br />You know, I'm tempted to just leave out the description entirely because I can't think of anything else that would effectively shuffle horror and comedy together better than those fifteen words. The Marx Brothers were subversive; particularly Groucho, whose characters were always active members of the very establishments he was destroying. Unlike most comedic troupes who inflicted anarchy through incompetence, the Marxes knew what they were doing. Theirs was the comedy of equalizing, dragging the upper crust down to the pig pens where the peasantry dwelt.<br /><br />Overlaying the Marxes on top of Massacre's Sawyer family (here referred to as the Hungadungas) isn't all that much of a stretch. Harpo is obviously Leatherface, mute and unstoppable. Groucho fills the role of the service station proprietor/active patriarch. Chico is the enigmatic hitchhiker. And grandpa, who's barely in the film, would be the long overdue appearance of the Gummo on film.<br /><br />But as turbulent as dinner with the Marx Brothers would no doubt be, we still need a minimal excuse to stay on their side. For that let's revise the victim count. They aren't just average teens who breakdown in the middle of nowhere, but Kardashian-like reality stars who get stuck between private airports. We, as the audience, tolerate bad behavior from the Marxes; partially because their targets deserve it to a degree, but mainly because they're entertaining enough to make us abandon our ethics. At the end of the segment, the lone survivor escapes on a passing truck with a driver who looks suspiciously like Zeppo. She tries to summarize the events she's endured, listing off the family members, to which Zeppo repeats the famous line "You've left out a Hungadunga. You've left out the main one, too." He gives a knowing wink to the camera and the story ends.<br /><br /><strong>6. I Am Legend Jr.</strong> (based on "I Am Legend", starring Buster Keaton)<br /><br />Closing out our anthology is a genuine silent black and white segment, homaging everything from "Nosferatu" to "Halloween". Keaton is in the Robert Neville role, the last human alive in a world of vampires. Just like in the Richard Matheson novel, Keaton is both the victim in his perspective and the predator from the perspective of the vampire community. He resides in a mansion with all the science stuff, while the vampires 'live' in a castle at the other end of town.<br />
<br />We skip straight to the arc where he meets the partially infected woman and tries to figure out how to cure her. What follows is a back and forth infiltration/kidnapping where he keeps trying to bring her back to the mansion while the other vampires retrieve her and chase him off. Eventually the vampires get the upper hand and try to execute Keaton. Simultaneously the woman (who's been left alone in Keaton's mansion) has the chance to look through his notes. She realizes his intentions were never harmful and goes to rescue him.<br /><br />A chase scene with multiple sight gags across town later, and the woman is finally able to defuse the situation with the vampires. They collectively forgive Keaton and all decide to move into the mansion with him. It takes mere seconds for him to realize that suddenly being thrust into a huge populous is going to make him miserable. So he dons his hat and heads to the now empty castle to live alone. A bittersweet happy ending, but undoubtedly the best note to go out on.Zoyciteyoumahttp://www.blogger.com/profile/18406447197292141386noreply@blogger.com0tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-5093205328118755963.post-20731549442088388632019-10-03T13:38:00.001-07:002019-10-03T13:38:52.016-07:00The Halloween Monster AuditionsWow. There's nothing like 101 degree weather two days into October to make you wonder if Halloween has been cancelled. Traditionally this is my favorite time of year, but I have to admit I'm not feeling it right now. There's hope, this third consecutive month of August is in its infancy, so we'll see how I'm doing closer to Grinch Night. For now I'm just kind of zombie-ing my way through my own lineup of monsters.<br />
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What monsters are those, you didn't ask? Well, multiple credit cards for one. That's a monster. I think I'll personify it as the horror of the Taxman, the predator who won't kill you but keeps leaving you worse off than you were before. Then there's ongoing car issues, my favorite. Let's make that the disobeying Android that has its own agenda now and you gradually realize you're fully dependent on it but no longer among its priorities. And lastly, but certainly not lastly to the party, my mental health has sprung a new leak. I've been taking poor care of myself, as most of my energy has gone towards pretending that I'm not taking poor care of myself, and as such I didn't realize I was having a breakdown until I curiously looked up the signs of a breakdown and checked off six of the seven symptoms (Seroquel, you're a good friend but you need to be cheaper).<br />
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I don't have a decent mimesis for chronic depression in monster form; I'm sure I'll have plenty of time to bat it around over the next recovery period. I will say I started a new therapist yesterday, and I feel good about the direction I'm going. I mentioned that I had a blog and she asked if I write about what I'm going through mentally. No I don't. I write about anything BUT that. I don't know if you've been reading the past 255 posts, but I've only occasionally slipped in actual personal information. Genuinity has never been my jam. But as I'm finding myself at the front door of Halloween season without a costume, I thought I might try being myself for a couple of paragraphs. Just to see.<br />
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Well, that was fun, wasn't it? Thanks to whoever you are out there; including my one recent visitor from the Philippines, I hope you enjoyed whatever the thing was you stumbled across.<br />
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But I'm not here to focus on me, I'm here to welcome Halloween. And this year I'm going to do that by bringing in some of the common, but less revered figures of spookiness and try to figure out how they got cast in the holiday's ensemble among more obvious presences like vampires and witches. Besides, my Taxman and Android need some company until depression finds its costume. So here we go, the B-Team of ghoulies and what it is that's scary about them.<br />
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<strong>1. The Scarecrow</strong><br />
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I'm not talking about the Batman character, just a standard pumpkin-headed strawman that invariably causes birds to wonder just how effing stupid the human race thinks they really are. The Scarecrow has 'scare' in its name, so you wouldn't think there'd be a whole lot to deconstruct, but let's explore it a little bit.<br />
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No matter what kind of face you give it, the Scarecrow isn't inherently frightening. Barring supernatural influence, it just hangs there. In fact, it's whole utility is about trying to convince small animals that it's something it isn't. In fact, there's something oddly comforting about the sight of a Scarecrow. Maybe it's the hat? Or maybe it's the marker of civilization among acres upon acres of the same cornstalks.<br />
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Imagine you're lost in an unfamiliar countryside, pushing your way through wheat, thinking "Dear God, don't let me run into something with claws!". You step into a clearing and stand face to face with old vegetable head himself. Your first thought is not to run away, but to feel momentarily secure in your new options. It means there's a structure nearby. It could be a family of cannibals, but at least you've made progress towards something. The Scarecrow has a strangely opposite effect of its original purpose; it bestows hope.<br />
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So what makes a Scarecrow scary then? Certainly not because it does anything, but because it doesn't have to do anything. Whatever happens in that field (chainsaw maniac, aliens, or Kevin Costner's dad) the Scarecrow is just a spectator. It's not in any danger. But you might be. Nobody is out to <em>get</em> the Scarecrow, and even if a loose machete swing decapitates it, that head is replaceable. Yours isn't.<br />
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The real potential for fear with a Scarecrow is that you've suddenly stepped into a spotlight that you don't necessarily want to be in. And the Scarecrow isn't going to help you. It's just going to watch, and wait. With that said, I think at some point I'm going to storyboard a horror music video, and I'm going to have one moment where the lead realizes that they're a character in a movie, by accidentally seeing the audience. A whole theater full of Scarecrows. [copyright me]<br />
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<strong>2. The Clown</strong><br />
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Again, let me stress I'm not referring to a specific clown with a fully crafted backstory. As unintentional horror master Jim Henson once demonstrated, furniture can be traumatizing in the right context. But out of these characters the Clown is the only one to regularly show up on the lists of common phobias.<br />
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If the multiple bus stops throughout the uncanny valley aren't enough of a giveaway, let's take a moment to explore why someone becomes a Clown. Presumably to make people laugh, or (on a more basic level) to connect. No harm there, and I'd expect most hopeful Clowns go into this field of performance with a heart of gold; and only slightly fewer leave it with their hearts untarnished. But I'd argue the best nightmares start with purity, which makes the Clown a prime candidate for corruption.<br />
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I recently had an online debate about Todd Phillips, who has given us a Joker movie that I never wanted. My takeaway, in the interest of brevity, is that Phillips left comedy because he feels the world has gotten too PC. This is untrue. The world has been PC since at least the early nineties and has not changed. In my opinion, Phillips is a limited comedian who can't handle honest feedback about his limitations and he'd rather blame the audience.<br />
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I bring this up because it illustrates a fundamental truth about comedy. It's a wild animal. If you approach it correctly it will let you pet it, feed it, even ride it, but it doesn't tolerate your bullshit. The moment you forget to respect it, comedy will bite your head off. You may not feel you deserve it, but too damn bad, you knew it had teeth when you stepped into its den.<br />
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When the Clown is scary, it's because of that sense of desperation. This Clown knows the motions, be loud and intrusive, but doesn't have the intuition to actually be funny. Most Clowns of this type are not the actual threat themselves, but catalysts for invoking comedy's wrath. And you're right in the blast radius because Beepo just won't get the f**k away from you. That's the horror of the Clown; an awareness of their own demise and a determination to take someone down with them. You.<br />
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<strong>3. The Captain</strong><br />
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And by extension pirates, but that archetype more often leads to dark adventure than real horror, regardless of skeleton count. The Captain is a bit of an oddity among these characters, in that his fright factor isn't immediately obvious. I mean, dude just drives the boat right? So why does he show up so much in ghost stories and Scooby-Doo mysteries?<br />
<br />Ultimately the Captain is a symbol of control. Whether you're on safari or traveling through space, the Captain is the one calling the shots. At his most benevolent, he recognizes his responsibility in keeping you safe from the unknown elements surrounding you. But with great power comes great corruption, and the Captain of horror doesn't give a leaky lifeboat about you and the other peons' well-being.<br /><br />It's hard to make him scary without any sort of context, otherwise he just comes off as a grump. A Captain willing to sacrifice his crew for a greater (self) reward opens the ship's hatch to some of the aforementioned elements of the deep. Likewise, there's a psychological horror of a Captain who orders an obedient crew to do something clearly immoral. There are lots of possibilities here, but as we're doing deconstructions what's left over when there's no scenario?<br /><br />The ship. The creaky, echoey ship. Those never thick enough walls separating oxygen from frigid salt water and tentacles. It's not the place you want to be, but it IS where the Captain wants to be. Why? Because it's his world. He's the boss. He's attuned to every bolt and railing on this imposing vessel. In fact, he might be so in sync with the rhythmic bobbing of metal that he's stopped being purely human and become a sort of avatar for the ship itself. The line between his personality and the ship's becomes nonexistent.<br /><br />There's a reason the Captain goes down with the ship, it's where he belongs. Land is for lubbers; the helm, come hell or high water, is his place. When you look into the eyes of the ghost Captain, you're looking into the heart of the whole ship. And if you meet him on land he's there for a purpose, and it's probably not one that's going to work out in your favor.<br /><br /><strong>4. The Knight</strong><br /><br />Suits of armor are a permanent staple of any gothic architecture, and with good reason. They're shaped like a human, but there's no indication as to who or what is inside. And unlike the Scarecrow, these things were designed to move. But they don't, because nobody's in them. Right?<br /><br />If you're doing a haunted castle story, the easiest way to convey that all hell is about to break loose is by having one of these bastards turn his helmet. As a predator, the Knight is a perfect blend of concreteness and abstraction. You know what the shell looks like, but there's no telling what knave, phantom, or magician is controlling it. And unlike Michael Myers's repeated stretch of credibility, there's no doubt this zombie is going to survive a ballista to the chest.<br /><br />Have you ever heard of the trope 'What you are in the dark'? In fiction it refers to a moment where a character reveals exactly who they are to an audience they're unaware of because in-universe they're completely alone. It's a chance to break a promise for personal gain with no evident consequences. It's kind of like the Groundhog Day thought experiment; who are you when there's no tomorrow?<br /><br />The Knight is a kind of variation on this idea. He's anonymous. He may not even have an identity behind the visor, and if he doesn't have to look himself in the eyes, what does that make him capable of? Moreover, what is it <em>we</em> imagine he's capable of. Smarter people than me have pointed out, in all of our folklore we're truly afraid of ourselves. Our Draculas and Jasons are frightening, not because they're so far removed from who we are but because they're too close to who we think we might be.<br /><br />It's possible that it's just Mr. Wickles in the suit of armor being a dick again, but our nightmares demand that we don't give ourselves that as an easy out. We <em>know, </em>with every intuition that something intangible is under the bed, that the Knight is hollow. And if we dare seize the opportunity to peer inside his metallic figure we'll be left with the ultimate horror that there's nothing inside. And the sight of it may very well displace our souls so there's nothing inside of us either. And that's worse than whatever he was going to do when he got his gauntlets on us.<br /><br /><strong>5. The Bride</strong><br /><br />I saved her for last because I find her the most fascinating. I'm sure Brides sprung up in horror long before Edgar Allen Poe started killing his female characters, but this is the guise in which she's most observed. It's the day of her wedding, obviously because she's wearing the dress and veil and holding the flowers. But a sadness has struck on this day that has been reserved to be her happiest. She's dead, or the groom's dead, or the cat ate the cake, the details typically don't matter. The point is her wedding day has become tragic.<br />
<br />One of the most famous Brides resided in the attic in Disney's Haunted Mansion ride. Her multiple choice histories are actually quite fascinating. At one point the story of the Haunted Mansion centered around her (and still does in Paris). That didn't exactly come together, but her placement on the ride is at the center point where the ghosts transition from eerie to fun. Currently she's a black widow Bride named Constance Hatchaway, and despite the visual effects she's a lot less interesting now.<br /><br />So back it up to the previous Bride who's just...there. The Wedding March plays in a minor key and the Bride waits. That's all she does. What the hell happened? We don't know, but the feeling of loss stays with you long after you're back in the relentless sunlight.<br /><br />Weddings are a lot of things, and all of them carry an emotional charge. Change, hope, joy, loss, endings, beginnings; it's an overload. And right in the middle of it all is the Bride. It's her day, for better or worse. And when some event happens which causes the day to unfold in a direction opposite where it was expected to go, it may very well transform the Bride permanently. Her day is ruined, which means she is ruined. What happens to her then? Does she keep waiting for the resolution that she was expecting? Maybe. And that's a story with a sad ending. Or does she fight back?<br /><br />I recently watched the movie Ready or Not, which told the story of a Bride who married into an extremely wealthy family, only to find herself on the short end of a sacrificial ritual. I wanted to love this movie, because it had all of the elements in exactly the right places; and to be fair it did so many wonderful things with those elements. But it dropped the ball on the only one that truly mattered. Going into the third act the Bride deserves to become the monster.<br /><br />It's rare I can say I find myself rooting for the monster; Maleficent comes to mind, and Jigsaw on an inconsistent basis. This kind of Bride is such a monster who has earned her blurred line between villain and anti-heroine. The world of horror tends to be amoral. But when those amoral forces screw with the wrong woman on the wrong day, the retaliation is strangely comforting. Almost like a roundabout way of suggesting that justice can still be special ordered.Zoyciteyoumahttp://www.blogger.com/profile/18406447197292141386noreply@blogger.com0tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-5093205328118755963.post-65772493747875280592019-09-18T14:54:00.000-07:002019-09-18T14:54:24.373-07:00An Open Letter: Where is the Evidence of God?Hi!<br />
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We haven't met yet, and may never, but a very interesting question seems to have brought us together for this brief time. As a Christian, I ask myself that quite a lot. I don't really bother with asking other Christians, because the answer always circles back to things like the Bible, the eyes of a baby (probably the least compelling argument), or the ever popular "There is no evidence, that's why it's faith".<br />
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That last one is true, but it's not why I'm here, and I think it's probably not why you're here either. Maybe there's something we can uncover if we temporarily withhold that conclusion.<br />
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How about this for an answer? Evidence of God is everywhere................maybe.<br />
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Yeah, I wasn't all that convinced either. Why don't we try it from a different angle? Evidence is more the language of the scientific method, so let's do some observation.<br />
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What do we know beyond any reasonable doubt? We exist. The existentialists may want to debate that one but we have to draw the line somewhere, so let's take our own experiences at face value. We exist. The world exists. And our understanding of the way the world is now fits nicely in the theory of evolution.<br />
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Cool. Is God anywhere in that? Well, right out of the gate we're open to interpretation. Assuming God exists, then the fact that the world exists would then be evidence of God's existence. But then again, God is a pretty massive concept which makes that a pretty massive assumption. And therein lies the problem. Viewing God through scientific eyes is impossible because our existence is essentially God's petri dish; the bacteria cannot observe the technician at the microscope.<br />
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I guess you could say God is a hypothesis that unfortunately can't be tested. But maybe at this point, the best question to ask is, why did this hypothesis come into being at all? If you already believe the Bible, then your answer is there, but for the sake of discussion let's remove that variable and see what's left.<br />
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Let's say you and I and some other people are sitting around a campfire in our tribal garb, and the conversation turns to the topic of death. Things die. We've seen it. It's a foregone conclusion that some day each one of us will die as well. Bummer huh? Kind of ruins the evening. A few of the younglings cry a bit. But then our tribemate Crazy Og pantomimes out "What if some part of us continues to exist in a different form after our bodies cease to be?"<br />
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Well that's a ridiculous and oddly profound question from Og, isn't it? Where would an idea like that even come from? And that, frankly, is a bizarre quirk of our existence as humans that has always baffled me. If no part of us continued to exist beyond death, why would any subspecies of ape ever have gotten it into their heads to even ask question like this? From an evolutionary standpoint, it seems to serve no real purpose.<br />
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Who knows? It's possible that all of our intellect and abstract thought is the product of a random aberration that simply is. That's a hypothesis. An alternate hypothesis is that there's something beyond our perception that we might have gotten one very brief glimpse into and it changed the course of our evolution.<br />
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For me, that's as close to an answer as I'm going to get in my life on earth. The fact that we're so passionately prone towards questions that we can't answer at least indicates to me that answers are out there; even if they continue to be unattainable. I call those answers God, because it's a convenient language I was taught; and with God as my witness, there are times I REALLY need to discuss my thoughts on the matter.<br />
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Isn't that funny? I have this need. I wonder if my dog ever ponders the mysteries of the universe.<br />
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But getting back to the original question, where is the evidence of God? And maybe what we're really asking is, are the things that we <i>can </i>observe evidence of anything? And if so, are we simply using 'God' as the placeholder term for whatever these things are evidence of?<br />
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I think the scientific approach pretty much has to stop here, allowing philosophy to take over. And with that, I guess I really can't end on anything other than what I personally believe. I believe that some part of us continues when we die. Some form of energy (which isn't exactly incompatible with the scientific notion of energy being neither created nor destroyed).<br />
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I believe in God. "The God of the Bible?" I pretend you ask. Yes, specifically the loving God described in the gospels. "How come?" Because God makes sense to me. The lessons in those books contain a really solid moral philosophy about compassion and tolerance and things that aren't always easy but require us to live for something beyond our natural state of self-preservation. Morality has to come from somewhere, and experience doesn't exactly lead to nature being the source. By Occam's Razor, a higher power is the simplest solution.<br />
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"Could you be wrong?" Uh...yeah. I think the universe contains endless possibilities. The odds of any of us hitting the ultimate truth on the nose is one point away from impossible.<br />
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"Then what's the point?" Fair question, and again one without a solid answer. I don't know. The best I can give you is a paraphrase of something Eleanor Powell once said. Who we are when we're born is God's gift to us. Who we are when we die is our gift to God.<br />
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Now if you don't already believe in a higher power, that might not resonate with you, but clearly part of the human experience is navigated by the questions we ask ourselves. These unanswerables change us, and give each of us a unique identity. The 'spiritual struggles' are important because they truly feel important. To us. Why not to God?<br />
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One last thing. I mentioned I'm a Christian. You may not be. My God is unconcerned with those specifics. I believe that all souls belong to whatever that higher power, whatever it prefers to be called. No matter what anyone believes in or doesn't believe in, we're all pointed in the same direction. None of us have the monopoly on truth, we're all just searching. So you, whoever you are, keep doing exactly what you're doing. You're on the right path for you.Zoyciteyoumahttp://www.blogger.com/profile/18406447197292141386noreply@blogger.com0tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-5093205328118755963.post-26818948761347393122019-09-03T14:43:00.001-07:002020-08-04T14:22:25.544-07:00The Wax Buzzard Files: Chapter Six -The Final Chapter at Least Until the Next One<em>You have found Chapter Six of <a href="http://zoyciteyouma.blogspot.com/2016/04/table-of-contents-page-for-my-multi.html">The Wax Buzzard Files</a>. You should feel very good about yourself because not everyone has. No, seriously. Turn to the nearest stranger and ask them if they've found Chapter Six of The Wax Buzzard Files. When they say no (and they will), point and them and laugh and say "I found something that you didn't" in a really bratty voice, and then run like mad because that's a really good way to make mortal enemies. Sorry in advance about that.</em><br />
<br />
<br />
When I woke up I found myself in a dark room; I could just tell it was me, I'm always close by. Especially because I was tied to a chair; no way I would have gotten out of earshot. Hey me.<br />
<br />
The whole world was spinning. That was consistent with astrophysics. By extension the room was spinning, and probably still is if it hasn't been torn down. But there was something else. No, not there. Hang on. There! Right there was something else. My chair, spinning, inside the room, on the world, with the lead pipe. Man, that really was something else. I was on one of those junior death traps of nausea- what do you call them? Merry-go-rounds. I call them junior death traps of nausea, but yours is shorter so let's go with that.<br />
<br />
The lights came on, and went back off. And on. And off. And on. The pawn shop clerk was playing with the switch; that's so annoying. "All right! I'll talk," I said, thus creating a self-fulfilling prophesy. The clerk left the switch in the half on/half off position (that old gimmick never works) and stood at the edge of the merry-go-round. "Detective Guffey," he said as we briefly made eye-contact.<br />
<br />
My continued rotation gave me a chance to inspect my surroundings. Air duct, too small. Window, too high. Cellar, too creepy. Porridge, too cold. Cabinet, empty. Painting, crooked. Plants, dead. Mirror, cracked. Safe, locked. Crowbar, missing. T.V., broken. Drapes, ugly. Elephant, I made that last one up, but there was nothing else to talk about. I completed the circle and faced my captor again. "Yes?"<br />
<br />
It took another half dozen rounds before the conversation could continue. First the guy got a phone call, next he apologized for it, I told him it was no big deal, then he forgot what he was saying, I had to remind him; by that point I was getting motion sick.<br />
<br />
"Why don't you hop this children's merry-go-round so we can talk like adults." I said, very quickly. He did as I suggested, not because I suggested it but because he couldn't understand what I'd suggested and wanted to find out; my suggestion had only worked ironically (all those years of not being a hypnotist were finally paying off).<br />
<br />
"Detective Guffey," he repeated, even though once would have been enough. He must have had kids.<br />
<br />
"That's my name," I said, "And profession. Although not in that order."<br />
<br />
Now that I could get a good look at my captor's face I thought I recognized him but I was wrong. He was third banana in an unmemorable bunch of low-tiered thugs known internationally as 'Hey, it's those guys'; right between Joey "You Look Kind of Familiar" Norris and Melvin "Didn't You Used to Work at Borders" Washington. No way to tell who he was.<br />
<br />
"Someone's put out a contract on you."<br />
<br />
"I didn't sign any contract."<br />
<br />
"It was verbal. You don't need a signature for a verbal contract."<br />
<br />
"Tell me about it," I said. Either he thought I was being rhetorical or he didn't, but I never found out what the contract said. It didn't matter; like a narcissist taking a selfie, somebody wanted me out of the picture. I had to think fast. And then act quickly. And I didn't have much down time between the two. "A verbal contract <em>does</em> have to be confirmed by a notary, otherwise it's based on a lie."<br />
<br />
"It...it <em>is</em> notarized." He tripped over his words. It was very funny.<br />
<br />
"I think you're lying," I said.<br />
<br />
"I'm not lying!" he said.<br />
<br />
"So you say," I said. "But you could still be lying," I also said. I was arguing him into a corner, all the more impressive considering our platform was round. "You know how this works. No notary, no contract. No contract, no nothing."<br />
<br />
"Aha! A double negative! That means it IS something!"<br />
<br />
"Yes, but working backwards from something still supports the claim that there's no notary. We can go around in circles all night. But at the end of the following day, it'll be your word against mine."<br />
<br />
"Then that's how it has to be!"<br />
<br />
"Fine. I'll go with 'Quetzalcoatl'. You?"<br />
<br />
That was worth more points than he could handle. He dove off the merry-go-round and ran around the room waving his arms. It got the attention of the neighborhood watch from across town, who called the police. Within mere minutes, 257 to be exact, the pawn shop was surrounded by every officer in the precinct, including the undercover ones who were going to have to come up with some pretty creative explanations when they went back to their assignments. My captor got arrested on a 'failure to not be a criminal' charge while the Police Chief sent her best escape artist to untie me from the chair; he even got a round of applause.<br />
<br />
I took a long walk without leaving the merry-go-round, trying to put the pieces together and bumping into the stupid chair every rotation. Something didn't add up. Everywhere I went, someone was trying to throw me off the trail. That, I expected, ever since I was a junior ranger in the Mean Scouts. But something was missing.<br />
<br />
The trail.<br />
<br />
I'd never accepted Miss Nomer's case. All I'd done since I met her was leave the office, forget my breakfast, do a whole bunch of stuff, and take a joyride on a metal turntable. Not once in that whole plot summary did I actively try to get to the bottom of her issue with the card.<br />
<br />
A detective takes a case. Action. The underbelly of society tries to prevent said detective (because I said detective) from solving that case. Reaction. Detective overcomes the obstacle and gets back on the path of Action. Another Reaction. Action-Reaction, back and forth until a resolution is inevitable. What happens if the detective is never on a case but the underbelly doesn't realize it? They react. To nothing. Then the detective reacts. And the underbelly reacts. Then it's a series of Reactions with no goal. No trail. The senselessness of it all suddenly made sense. It was a dramatic moment for me.<br />
<br />
I hopped off the merry-go-round and asked the Police Chief if it was okay for me to leave the crime scene. I startled her, because she hadn't realized I was still there. Not good. In this town, startling a police officer can land you an overnight stay in the lecture hall. I decided to play dumb.<br />
<br />
"I'm dumb," I played.<br />
<br />
She took out her notepad, drew a stick figure of me with a ridiculous expression on my face, and sent me out of the pawn shop with orders to not do it again. I ran to the nearest bus terminal, which was forty-seven miles away, and asked if the ticket seller if she wouldn't mind calling me a taxi. She did mind, but she hailed one for me anyway, completely missing the opportunity for a classic punch line.<br />
<br />
The cab pulled in front of the ticket seller and I climbed into the back seat. "Where am I taking you?" asked the driver.<br />
<br />
"To see a friend," I told him. His dumbfounded expression kind of irritated me. "Haven't you been paying attention?"<br />
<br />
"I'm actually on my way home from a different story," he explained.<br />
<br />
"Oh, sorry. Hospital please. Vinnie and I have some unbegun business..."Zoyciteyoumahttp://www.blogger.com/profile/18406447197292141386noreply@blogger.com0tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-5093205328118755963.post-69339726101093557952019-08-21T10:01:00.001-07:002019-12-08T11:49:52.000-08:00Chasing the Rabbit: Chapter Twenty -Cat and Mouse<a href="http://zoyciteyouma.blogspot.com/2016/04/table-of-contents-page-for-my-multi.html">Click here for the table of contents.</a><br />
<br />
<br />
Under ordinary circumstances, having Daffy Duck on your side meant that you'd doomed yourself to the losing side. And indeed, the main office had already dealt with an entire afternoon of no discernible progress before the duck had shown up with unrelated opinions about everything from the FastPass system to the arrangement of staplers.<br />
<br />
Mickey was the highest authority in the office, and he wasn't particularly adept at interrupting someone who wouldn't shut up. As such, Daffy had the room's focus and showed no signs of letting it go. Three minutes in, the chipmunks dragged over one of the largest binder clips the office had on hand and motioned to Mickey that they were more than prepared to snap it shut on the visitor's beak. The mouse gave them a horrified look, which eliminated the easy solution. The munks shrugged and left it to their boss to come up with a backup plan.<br />
<br />
Mickey tried to make eye-contact with Porky for assistance, but the pig had spent the better part of his career learning the art of passive resignation. He turned to Sylvester next who gave him the 'just wait' index finger gesture. Mickey mouthed "For what?" but the cat only gave him a comforting nod.<br />
<br />
As much of an obstacle as Daffy was being, he was inherently charismatic about it. So much that nobody realized they were hearing the loud clack of approaching heels on the hallway floor until Madame Medusa burst into the office. "Where is Oswald?" she bellowed.<br />
<br />
The intrusion stopped Daffy mid-sentence. But before he could say 'oh no she didn't' Mickey dove into the lull. "Well, see, the thing is, Madame Medusa, Oswald hasn't, you know, come back yet-"<br />
<br />
"Then he's out! Give me the rat's contract now!"<br />
<br />
"He's not a rat," Mickey muttered; one of the few times he'd taken offence to a comment.<br />
<br />
Goofy chimed in. "Gawrsh Miss Medusa, you know tha' rules. Ya can't fire someone if ya can't find 'em."<br />
<br />
"You have one minute to put Oswald's contract in my hand-"<br />
<br />
"Or what?" snapped Daffy. "You heard the dingo! A rule is a rule! And you can't change a rule without changing the rulebook! Every rulebook will tell you that!"<br />
<br />
She tried turning her attention back to Mickey, oblivious to the reality that you <em>might</em> interrupt Daffy, and you <em>might</em> ignore him, but nobody ever managed to do both. "What is this idiot saying?"<br />
<br />
The duck jumped up in her face now. "I'll tell you what this idiot is saying, Wanda Wiggins! YOU have one minute to put the rulebook in MY hand or YOU'RE out of here! Done! Finished! Kaput! Capiche! Kapow! Capote!" He'd gotten her attention, and was only just realizing he didn't want it. "Wow lady, that is some ten yard stare you've got."<br />
<br />
Under ordinary circumstances, Daffy was a liability. But these were not ordinary circumstances. In that moment, Madame Medusa's newfound fury with Daffy superseded her intention to oust Oswald. <br />
<br />
Nobody in the office did anything but watch as she dragged the duck down the hallway she'd just come from. "By the way, that's a stupid rule!" Daffy called just before he disappeared out of sight.<br />
<br />
"How did you know?" Mickey asked Sylvester.<br />
<br />
"I didn't know <em>that</em> would happen, but theeth thingth alwayth have a rhythm." The cat clapped his hands together, ready for action. "You care if we play through?"<br />
<br />
"Gosh, I don't you what you can do to help."<br />
<br />
Sylvester smiled. "Probably nothing. But it doethn't look like we can make it worth."<br />
<br />
"Worth?" Mickey repeated. "Oh, worse! I'm really sorry."<br />
<br />
"Nothing to be thorry about. Doeth the thimulation have any thchematicth?"<br />
<br />
"Schematics? The hard drives have the pre-production, and Oswald's diagrams are in his office. But for some reason we can't get into the program itself."<br />
<br />
"Well let'th have Porky go through the hard drive, and Wile E. look through Othwald'th offith. If you're okay with that."<br />
<br />
"And what you need me to do?" asked Speedy Gonzales.<br />
<br />
"You make thure we all thtay on the thame page."<br />
<br />
"Si señor gato."<br />
<br />
Rival studios never had any personal tension between them, but the addition of a corporate layer added a massive and complex legal slate to the mix. Mickey knew he was putting more on the line than he ever had before by agreeing to this alliance. But people were in danger. And whether or not the business side would deem them worth the risk, the mouse truly believed they should.<br />
<br />
"I guess that will be okay," he said. "I don't know what you'll find that we haven't."<br />
<br />
Sylvester leaned in and lowered his voice. "There'th thomething I need to talk to you about privately."<br />
<br />
<br />
<br />
Mickey's office phone was ringing when he and Sylvester stepped through the door. The incoming caller's I.D. was the red phone booth in the guest area; the one where only top tiered staff knew the code to dial out from. "I'm sorry. I gotta take this."<br />
<br />
The cat took a seat in one of the comfortable chairs and watched the world's most successful studio mascot awkwardly fumble his was through a mostly one-sided conversation. His responses were a series of yesses, I sees, and keep me posteds, while he forcibly kept his Disney smile firmly in place. The stress in his eyes told a more accurate picture. Sylvester made a mental note that it might be profitable to challenge the studio VIP's to a poker game somewhere down the road.<br />
<br />
The mouse hung up the phone and did his best to pretend everything was all right. "So, whatcha got?"<br />
<br />
Sylvester grinned. As far back as the Schlesinger days, the Looney Tunes founders had gazed up at the Disney legacy with a resigned envy. Not so much that it ever reached the toxic levels that Daffy had for Bugs, but the weekend gatherings had been home to many a playful imagining of what it might feel like if for one moment they could one-up the Mouse House. Sylvester would be the first to ever one-up the actual mouse.<br />
<br />
He gestured to the phone. "Othwald okay?"<br />
<br />
Mickey tripped over a response somewhere between yes and no. "How did you-"<br />
<br />
Sylvester produced an office folder, placing it on Mickey's desk but temporarily ignoring it. "Full dithclothure," he said. "We love you guyth. We love your optimithm and your perpetual belief that thingth will alwayth work out. We're not here to preth-th an advantage, or upthet your balanthe. You want to protect your rabbit, we want to pretherve ourth."<br />
<br />
"And we really appreciate that. But you guys being here really might make things worse."<br />
<br />
"Of courth it will!" WB was nothing if not proud of the chaos they tended to cause. "You need worth."<br />
<br />
Mickey shook his head. "Not much worse."<br />
<br />
The cat was right about him trying to protect Oswald. In light of Madame Medusa's recent tirade, Mickey hadn't wanted to admit he'd even spoken with Oswald, much less had any idea where he was. But both studios would lose if they weren't able to resolve the issue with the simulator.<br />
<br />
"Okay," he decided. "The virtual island runs on this kind of..." How was he going to explain it?<br />
<br />
"Adaptive programming?" Sylvester offered.<br />
<br />
"Yeah, we all remember TRON. Oswald thinks it's reading Bugs as a virus."<br />
<br />
"Incompatibility?"<br />
<br />
"Something like that. He's going to test the theory using some of the old Innoventions tech."<br />
<br />
"You think he can create an anti-viruth?"<br />
<br />
Mickey jolted at the thought. "No! He'd never do that!"<br />
<br />
"Could it fixth the problem?"<br />
<br />
"It would destroy Bugs! That wouldn't fix anything!" It was a little disturbing how nonchalant Sylvester was at repeating the suggestion that it <em>would</em> in fact solve the Disney Studio's side of the problem. "Are you sayin' Oswald would do that?"<br />
<br />
"Are you thaying he wouldn't?"<br />
<br />
"He'd never dream of it!"<br />
<br />
"My point exthactly." He slid the office folder over to Mickey. "None of you know how to think like an antagonitht."<br />
<br />
Mickey opened the folder to find the formal invitation that Bugs had received in the mail to join Oswald's project. On Disney stationary. Mickey stared at it in disbelief. "He was invited?"<br />
<br />
"You tell me. We found that in hith houthe."<br />
<br />
"This can't be right."<br />
<br />
"No. It can't." Sylvester leaned back in his chair. "I think you need uth."<br />
<br />
"I think so too."<br />
<br />
<br />
<br />
Jasmine was already scouring the debris of wooden planks piled against the outer edge of a small cave mouth when Frollo finally reached her location. The dust was still rising from the explosion. "Kronk!" the self-titled princess shouted.<br />
<br />
An incoherent muffle came from within the rubbish. What had the idiot charged into? It looked like the remains of a storage facility; no doubt useless after the catastrophe.<br />
<br />
Jasmine was now on the far side of the pile where Kronk's hand protruded. She took it in her fingers, feeling for a steady pulse. "Kronk?"<br />
<br />
A few tones of his voice made it through labyrinth of splinters. "Somebody lose a cannonball?"<br />
<br />
"We're going to get you out of there," Jasmine promised with nothing to back up her claim. She surveyed the rubble, presumably looking for the best way to leverage the upper weight. Frollo shook his head.<br />
<br />
"Just leave the fool-"<br />
<br />
"He saved your life," she scolded him, like he was some kind of infant.<br />
<br />
"And that's relevant because?"<br />
<br />
"It makes him better than you!"<br />
<br />
He rolled his eyes. "Decreeing value based on circumstance now?"<br />
<br />
"Yes. And if you want to stop being dead weight you could try to help me loosen one of these beams."<br />
<br />
"Have you ever done any actual...princessing?"<br />
<br />
Jasmine began a careful climb of the heap, doing her best not to shift any added pressure onto where she thought Kronk was. "What's that supposed to mean?"<br />
<br />
"Sacrifice-"<br />
<br />
"Zip it Frollo!" He shot her a look, but she didn't have time for a staring contest. Jasmine crawled behind the most vertical support and propped her feet against it. "There's sacrifice and there's abandonment. The difference is convenience."<br />
<br />
Frollo snorted. Let her highness waste her energy trying to topple the scaffolding. The cave mouth had drawn his attention. There were steps. Carved into the stone, but undoubtedly by human hands. He couldn't make out more than a few yards into the darkness, but a thought occurred to him. If the entrance had been protected by a countermeasure and Kronk had already set it off, whatever lay down there was now unguarded.<br />
<br />
"You may want to move, Frollo," Jasmine called. "This is coming down."<br />
<br />
"Gladly," he sneered.<br />
<br />
<br />
<br />
This moment would forever be burned into Daffy's memory as the backdrop for his guest spot on "This is Your Life". In a matter of ninety seconds, he'd gotten himself evicted from the Disney premises; a place to which he'd not only been invited, but granted security clearance. But it wasn't a simple eviction. He'd been forced to wait outside the lobby for twenty minutes while security took its sweet time completing the procedure. He found himself sharing a bench with a droopy eared quadruped in an otherwise empty hallway; the quote "Welcome to the happiest place on earth" painted in bright colors on the wall across from him.<br />
<br />
"Well this can't get any more poetic," he muttered to his benchmate. Only after a moment of eye contact did Daffy realize who the donkey was. He buried his head. "Egad."<br />
<br />
"Have that effect," said Eeyore.<br />
<br />
Daffy sighed. "I don't imagine you're being thrown out too."<br />
<br />
"Nope. Appointment moved. Have to wait," Eeyore responded with a full rest stop between each sentence.<br />
<br />
"I bet you're a delight on the late night talk show circuit."<br />
<br />
"Wouldn't know. Never asked."<br />
<br />
"You and me both pal."<br />
<br />
Daffy thought he might try to sneak into Guest Relations to let them know that the character meet and greets were not exceeding his expectations. Here at the happiest place- why did they decide to call it that? Who was ever made happy having to draw from their 401K just to afford entrance to the parking lot? Was that happiness? Negotiating through a literal pileup of rented strollers, ungrateful gremlins, and hordes of seagulls straight out of Hitchcock's casting agency? It was a joke, and someone else was telling it.<br />
<br />
Termite Terrace. That was the happiest place Daffy had ever been a part of. No expectations. No corporate contracts. Just chaos unhindered. "The Great Piggy Bank Robbery"; that was a picture he wished would never end. Apparently dreams did come true, just not for very long.<br />
<br />
Abruptly he turned back to Eeyore, visibly surprising the donkey. "Let me ask you something. You worked your way into cultural iconography, right?"<br />
<br />
"Just kind of happened. Probably be forgotten."<br />
<br />
"Yeah, I get it, gloom, no pride, trope namer. But as long as generations of the entertained continue to exist, you're theoretically immortal."<br />
<br />
"Suppose so."<br />
<br />
"Day to day, how do you live with it? The general unpleasantness of being who you're destined to be?"<br />
<br />
"Focus on what matters. Some times you make a difference. Someone else is a little happier, because you're you. And that's enough."<br />
<br />
"I think," Daffy professed, "that you just bummed me out."<br />
<br />
"Have that effect," said Eeyore. "It's who I am."<br />
<br />
Daffy sat in silence. He couldn't fathom finding any comfort in the happiness of others. He knew it was selfish, but that's who he was. He was selfish. Always had been. There was no way around it.<br />
<br />
<em>It's who I am.</em> He repeated the donkey's words in his own head. <em>That's who Daffy Duck is. I'm incorrigible. I'm not someone who does what he's told. I don't cooperate. I don't play by the rules. And above all I don't WAIT for security to eject me.</em><br />
<br />
One glance at the unobstructed corridor from whence he'd come was all the motivation he needed to take to his scrawny legs. He patted the donkey on the head. "Don't ever change." And without another word, he was gone.<br />
<br />
Eeyore grumbled to himself. "I think I just unleashed a monster."<br />
<br />
<i><a href="https://zoyciteyouma.blogspot.com/2019/12/chasing-rabbit-chapter-twenty-one.html">Continue to Chapter Twenty-One.</a></i><br />
<em><a href="http://zoyciteyouma.blogspot.com/2016/04/table-of-contents-page-for-my-multi.html">Return to the table of contents.</a></em><br />
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<br />Zoyciteyoumahttp://www.blogger.com/profile/18406447197292141386noreply@blogger.com0tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-5093205328118755963.post-32944688880673666832019-06-30T15:29:00.002-07:002019-12-07T15:31:06.550-08:00Chasing the Rabbit: Chapter Nineteen -A Cold Welcome<a href="http://zoyciteyouma.blogspot.com/2016/04/table-of-contents-page-for-my-multi.html">Click here for the table of contents.</a><br />
<br />
The long eared creature evaded Elsa's attempts to corner him. He was fast; almost disappearing when he wanted to. Were it not for the accompanying whoosh sound his speed created, both starting and stopping, Elsa would likely have lost track of him.<br />
<br />
"I'm not here to hurt you," she promised.<br />
<br />
"Says you, Blondie," the animal retorted.<br />
<br />
Despite the fact that this large room sat in the middle of an entire cave system made up of molten rock, the internal temperature was much more bearable. Not cool, or even comfortable, but well below the miserable threshold Elsa had endured on her way there. Most of the heat in the room seemed to be radiating from behind the rows of monitors that lined half of the room's perimeter.<br />
<br />
Elsa glanced over the screen images, presuming they were a similar form of magic that Maleficent had demonstrated. "You've obviously been keeping tabs on us all. Have I given you any reason to think I'm confrontational?"<br />
<br />
"Listen hot stuff. I don't know you, and I don't know them."<br />
<br />
Elsa took note of the fact that he hadn't made a sprint for the entrance behind her, as she really didn't have the means to prevent his escape. As casually as she could make the gesture, she coated about a third of the floor, opposite his current location, with a thin veil of ice all the way to the wall. "You obviously know something," she said. "Could you come out so we can talk?"<br />
<br />
"Say, that's a great idea! Why don't I lay out the Ritz Crackers while I'm at it?" he sneered. "You got a bottle opener?"<br />
<br />
"Maybe we can help each other," sais Elsa, taking a few cautious paces in his direction. "My name is Elsa of Arendelle."<br />
<br />
"And I'm Lightning McQueen," he fired back, choosing to bolt again before allowing her to get a good look at him. Unfortunately the moment his feet touched the ice Elsa had just created, he lost any ability to steer, or stop (short of smacking against the wall). By the time he'd regained his bearings, he found himself surrounded by thin frozen sheets forming a temporary containment. He rolled his eyes, thinking himself capable of simply plowing through his cell walls. But with no traction on the floor, his feet only spun in place when he tried to run again.<br />
<br />
Elsa shape appeared on the other side of the glassy barricade. "I'm also not here to be nice."<br />
<br />
He began throwing a childish tantrum. For all she knew, he may have actually been a child. He was smaller than she was. Between the ears and the brown fur, she couldn't tell if he was a human in mid-transformation or just an animal wearing a sweater.<br />
<br />
"I swear I don't know anything!" he insisted.<br />
<br />
Clearly he was lying, as nobody would preemptively deny having information so vehemently unless they were desperate to avoid being interrogated. But rather than confront him head on, Elsa decided to let him open up by accident. "What are these images? Some kind of crystal?"<br />
<br />
He stared at her, feigning ignorance as to what she'd just asked.<br />
<br />
Elsa moved to the nearest screen and tapped on the glass. "These. What are they?"<br />
<br />
"They're monitors," he muttered.<br />
<br />
"What do they do?"<br />
<br />
"Monitor."<br />
<br />
Elsa couldn't tell if he was being snide or really just stating what he felt the logical answer would be. "What do they monitor?"<br />
<br />
"The whole island."<br />
<br />
On this, he wasn't lying. The monitors showed feed from every place Elsa had been on the island and at least thrice as many as she hadn't. But there was little sign of any of her friends. She spotted Jasmine running along a beach towards some kind of wreckage, and Frollo taking his time following her. On another monitor it appeared as if some woman Elsa hadn't met was carrying a child through a wooded area. No Kronk or Bagheera from what she could see. And no Maleficent. Had they perished?<br />
<br />
Her eyes settled onto a single screen that showed Tarzan's face. His eyes were closed and there was no indication that he was breathing. It was impossible for Elsa to tell if the image was frozen or if Tarzan was simply no more.<br />
<br />
"Where is he?" she asked the creature.<br />
<br />
"I don't know."<br />
<br />
"You've been watching these monitors. What has happened to Tarzan?"<br />
<br />
"I haven't been here that long! She left me here and told me to watch everything!"<br />
<br />
"Who did?"<br />
<br />
"The horned lady," he whined.<br />
<br />
"Maleficent?"<br />
<br />
"That's her! She said if I did what she said she'd change me back."<br />
<br />
Elsa examined her prisoner through the ice. He seemed to be trembling, either from nerves or from a temperature he didn't care for. "All right, I'm going to let you go. If you run, I won't chase you. But if you want to stay with me, I'll protect you from Maleficent. Agreed?"<br />
<br />
He gave her a suspicious eye but nodded. And in seconds the cell of ice dissolved into mist which Elsa collected into her palm. The creature collected himself and watched as Elsa reshaped the mass into a crude topographical map. "What are you doing?"<br />
<br />
"Replicating the island." Elsa mentally deconstructed every screen showing the outdoors, figuring out where it was in relation to the island and adding details to her translucent model. "What are you exactly?"<br />
<br />
"I'm just a kid."<br />
<br />
"Did Maleficent change you?"<br />
<br />
He shook his head. "I just got into the wrong stuff at the wrong time. There were a whole bunch of us. One minute we were running wild at a carnival, and the next every friend I had started turning into donkey."<br />
<br />
"A donkey? Is that what you are?"<br />
<br />
"Only half. I stopped drinking the brew."<br />
<br />
So, a brew that could turn a child into a donkey. That seemed a little far-fetched to be true, but also a bit too absurd to have been made up on the spot. Elsa didn't entirely believe him, but she had no reason let him know of her doubts. "What's your name?"<br />
<br />
He answered halfway between a question and a statement. "Alex."<br />
Elsa finished her simulation as best as she could. She had the shape of the island in her hand, and several major landmarks. There were several ambiguous areas that the monitors hadn't covered, but all things considered it was a pretty useful display. She closed her eyes took in the geometry of her creation, feeling its complex outline in such a way that she could reproduce it later.<br />
<br />
Confident enough with her spatial memory, she held her design out to Alex. "We're somewhere underneath this mountain here," she said. "And we need to get to this beach here, where Jasmine and the others are. Do you happen to know how to get back to the surface?"<br />
<br />
"You mean without having to go through the lava cavern?"<br />
<br />
Elsa nodded.<br />
<br />
He thought for a second. "There's a metal pipe with those things on it that you can climb. She told me to stay off of it."<br />
<br />
"Then that's where we're going." She dismissed her island into mist and gestured for him to take the lead out of the room. As soon as they were a comfortable distance away, Elsa waved her hand across the whole area of the monitors, coating them in a wall of ice.<br />
<br />
"What are you doing?"<br />
<br />
"I doubt we'll be coming back here, and I'd just as soon not leave these lying around for anyone else to use."<br />
<br />
"But they're electrical!"<br />
<br />
His protest came just a few seconds too late. Elsa tried to dismiss the glacier she'd been building, but the screens on the end were already starting to crack. A buzzing sound emitted from within the glass that she couldn't possibly have anticipated. "Oops?" She turned to tell her companion to run but he was gone. She barreled out of the room in the direction she'd been pointed, covering her ears from the first explosion.<br />
<br />
<br />
<br />
<br />
The security alarm deafened the collective skulls of the four animals who'd gotten stuck trying to squeeze through gate all at the same time. Porky got free first, having been shoved forward by Sylvester. Daffy shook himself back into awareness and jumped on top of Clarabelle's desk, leaving Wile E. Coyote to drag himself off the floor, as he'd wound up on the bottom of the dog pile.<br />
<br />
The duck pointed accusingly at the cow, who kept pretending to file her nails rather than acknowledge him. "Listen Elsie! I'll have you know we were personally requested, begged if you will, to fix your system glitch!"<br />
<br />
Porky rolled his eyes. "Y-you're gonna guh-get thrown out."<br />
<br />
"Nah, it's Disney," Daffy said. "They give you free stuff when you complain." He proceeded to give Clarabelle a scolding about how her people called his people and even if they weren't people they were called people and if people were people they why should it be the two of them should get along so awfully before realizing he'd lost track of his own stream of thought. He scowled at his companions. "Why does nobody ever stop me from talking?"<br />
<br />
The heavy thud of footsteps followed by Pete's unmistakable bellow prevented anyone from answering. "What's goin' on 'ere?"<br />
<br />
Daffy instantly regained his faux confidence and hopped back down to the floor. "I'll handle this," he assured his compatriots.<br />
<br />
"We knew you would," Sylvester muttered.<br />
<br />
Daffy proudly threw his shoulders back. "All right Buster!" But his challenge of authority was met with the uncomfortable realization that he was not in fact staring Pete in the eyes, but the kneecaps. He had enough time to tilt his head upwards before a huge gloved fist wrapped around his neck and pushed him against the security gate, which instantly went silent. "You know you're a lot bigger in person?" Daffy wheezed.<br />
<br />
"An' you got one awfully big mouth chump."<br />
<br />
Sylvester snorted. "That'th why we don't thtop him from talking."<br />
<br />
Daffy tried to produce his security pass, but grabbed a loose post-it note that had stuck to his feathers by mistake. Realizing the error, he hastily scribbled an unconvincing self portrait with the words 'diplomatic immunity' on the note and presented it with a long shot of hope. Pete was not amused. he crumbled the note in his free hand and pulled back for a left jab.<br />
<br />
It was a foregone conclusion that Daffy would have been out cold for the next hour or so were it not for the timely appearance of Speedy Gonzales again. "Senor Pete, we're from the Warner Brothers studio. Senor Mouse asked us to help get the conejo out of the embrollo."<br />
<br />
"Da who outta da what?"<br />
<br />
"He'th thaying," said Sylvester, "that your thtudio athked our thtudio to athitht in athething the theverity of the thituath-h-hion."<br />
<br />
Daffy sighed in defeat; he HAD to be doing that on purpose. Eyes turned to Porky next who just shook his head and kept his mouth shut. It was Wile E. who managed to defuse the situation. Through pantomime; about half a minute of a bizarre sequence of crouching, lurching, springing, and a brief foray into soft-shoe. What, exactly, he was conveying was lost on Daffy, and the other Looney Tunes showed no comprehension of the plot. But by the end of the routine, Pete had apparently gotten the gist.<br />
<br />
"Oh I get it," he said. "Yeah, we've been expectin' you guys."<br />
<br />
With that, he discarded the duck and motioned for everyone to follow him. Speedy shrugged and shot down the hall followed by cat, pig, and coyote; who gave Daffy a smug eyebrow waggle.<br />
<br />
Clarabelle continued to ignore him as he tried to relocate his dignity and ponder what in the Maltese Mantis had just happened. By the time he got to his feet, Speedy was back. "Hurry duck. You getting left behind."<br />
<br />
Daffy grimaced. "How come you didn't set off the alarm when you came through?"<br />
<br />
"Too fast?" Speedy offered. And was gone. And was back. "By the way, you're welcome." And was gone again.<br />
<br />
"Shut up," Daffy grumbled.<br />
<br />
<i><a href="https://zoyciteyouma.blogspot.com/2019/08/chasing-rabbit-chapter-twenty-cat-and.html">Continue to Chapter Twenty</a></i><br />
<a href="http://zoyciteyouma.blogspot.com/2016/04/table-of-contents-page-for-my-multi.html"><em>Return to the table of contents.</em></a><br />
<br />
<br />Zoyciteyoumahttp://www.blogger.com/profile/18406447197292141386noreply@blogger.com0tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-5093205328118755963.post-13704642921110243122019-06-13T20:31:00.002-07:002019-06-14T08:26:34.686-07:00The Flightless Bird Pride Parade (A Metaphor)I recently had the experience of hand feeding an emu. I've tried feeding an ostrich before and gotten my skin pinched (no fault of the ostrich), but surprisingly the emu was much more precise in its ability to remove dried out popcorn kernels from my bare palm.<br />
<br />
I'd like to pretend that I'm bringing this anecdote up because of a certain empathy I imagine I have for flightless birds; knowing that you have wings and a tail in all the right places but for whatever reason you just can't do the one thing birds are historically known for. Yeah, I could probably make a decent argument for opening the blog this way, but the truth is very different. See, whenever I share my blog posts on Facebook, a snippet of the first paragraph always appears with the link. And frankly, I'm happy to let the whole world think that I'm blogging about emu feeding. Obviously I'm not.<br />
<br />
I'm blogging about asexuality. I haven't wanted to. Ever. For me it's a subject that ranges from painful at its worst to irrelevant at its best, so I've never had any motivation to bring it up. But here with June being LGBT-ETC. Pride Month, maybe I feel compelled to address the elephant missing from the room. What exactly is asexual pride supposed to be?<br />
<br />
Let's start with something a little more fundamental. How do you define asexuality apart from a lacking of something? Google will know. asexual: (adj) without sexual feelings or associations. Well that helped a hell of a lot. It doesn't seem like 'or associations' really adds anything helpful except making it sound more scholastic than 'without sexual feelings 'n stuff'. It's kind of hard to take pride in an adjective that technically applies to lower life forms like Protozoa and inanimate objects like snow shovels.<br />
<br />
I don't know if you've ever picked up on this from films or magazines or rooms with more than one person in it but sex is valuable. In fact, a majority of social situations seem to equate attractiveness and/or prowess with value. What does that mean for an asexual? Do you grow up wondering whether or not you have any value?<br />
<br />
So when it comes to a concept like asexual pride, what exactly is there to take pride in? I'm proud of things I've done, like written comedy, danced in a music video, acted in a silent film. I even have a twisted sense of pride about some things I've chosen not to do, like to never read a Harry Potter book. But asexuality isn't any kind of accomplishment or choice on my part. It just...I don't know...is.<br />
<br />
And to piggyback off of other things I don't really know, I don't really know what the value of blogging about this is. It's certainly not making ME feel any better revisiting memories of things I'd just as soon erase from my history. I'm only writing about it at all because I have a kind and understanding wife; my biggest cheerleader who believes in me a lot more than I ever have. She wants me to be proud of who I am, and I'd never want to fall short of being the guy she sees when she looks at me. And who knows? Maybe my child self could have processed his asexuality better with a little guidance from the present me. And if that's the case, then maybe there's a chance some other me-like soul out there could stumble across this post and take something worthwhile from it. So here it goes.<br />
<br />
1. You already suspect that something is missing. Somehow you just feel like you're different, even if you can't process for yourself what that feeling is, much less explain it to anyone else. And you're right to feel this way. You are different. I'm happy to tell you that it's not a bad thing (it isn't) but I don't expect you to believe me. Because it's going to feel like a bad thing. You're going to feel like you don't belong. Like something is happening around you that you just can't connect with. It's going to hurt.<br />
<br />
2. Adolescence is going to make it worse, because it's a freaking roller coaster for your hormones; and not a fun roller coaster, but one of the old wooden ones that's at least a decade overdue for refurbishment. There is nothing that can be done about this. Adolescence is a test of endurance. It's not going to be who you are forever.<br />
<br />
3. There's a big difference between being asexual and aromantic. The fact that you're one and not the other is going to be a huge internal conflict for you. You're going to crave intimacy, but you're not going to have the desire to express it through sex. You have three options. You can do what I usually did, retreat from the intimacy you want. That's going to be lonely, and you're going to risk convincing yourself that nobody wants you, but it let's you at least feel some control. You can also do what I occasionally did, embrace the moments where you can experience the intimacy you desire by faking the desire that you're not interested. These are going to be mistakes. Probably mistakes you're better off making than not (remember, adolescence is when you're bound to screw it up), but be ready for a broken heart and some damage to other people you leave behind. And you can do the thing I only did once, be honest about it. It's a complete relinquishing of control and you'll never feel more frightened by the vulnerability. That's terrifying, but it's real. And isn't that what you ultimately want?<br />
<br />
4. Asexuality affects how you feel and how you view yourself, but it has much less to do with how the world feels or views you than you'd expect. For example, it doesn't serve as a shield to being sexually assaulted, even at the age of twenty-nine. Don't be surprised if it takes you a few months to realize that's what happened to you.<br />
<br />
5. Never underestimate the value of being trustworthy. It's possible that your asexuality is going to allow females to view you as approachable, even if it's not for romantic purposes. I don't know if it's a simple cause and effect or if it's just a factor. But know this, when one of your female college friends reveals to you that she's been raped, and she's telling you that while she's alone with you in her own dorm room, that is a big fucking deal to her. Never forget that you were the guy she was willing to open up to.<br />
<br />
6. And this last thing is the most important. There's a very real possibility you might wind up alone. Asexuality may aggravate that fear but at the end of the day it's not the cause; everyone has the potential to wind up alone. The pain of isolation is heavy, and it's natural to want to blame it on something. Asexuality is a convenient scapegoat, but don't. You didn't choose this and it's unrealistic to judge the quality of your life against the hand you haven't been dealt. Stick to the one you have. And that hand has an advantage that you may not be aware of until it's no longer relevant. Do you know what's worse than being alone? Being with the wrong person. And do you know why people wind up with the wrong person? Well, any number of reasons, but at the top of the list is because they've made a dramatic decision using the wrong organ. You won't have to worry about that.<br />
<br />
If you are blessed enough to find that right fit, you'll know. For the first time in your life you'll feel truly like you. The pain doesn't just go away, but at long last you'll allow it to surface. You'll cry, and your special one will be in front of you with open arms and a genuine smile of encouragement and acceptance. You're loved. I hope that happens for you. It did for me, and I know I'll get to hold on to her forever.Zoyciteyoumahttp://www.blogger.com/profile/18406447197292141386noreply@blogger.com0tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-5093205328118755963.post-81622034129695839782019-04-27T15:05:00.001-07:002019-04-28T11:17:53.256-07:00How I'd Change Endgame if I Had the Infinity GauntletCan we talk for a second? Just you and me?<br />
<br />
First off, I just want to say thanks for visiting my blog, and I mean that. Whatever it was that led you here, I'm grateful that you clicked the link. This is, in fact, a milestone for me; 250th post. I honestly never thought I would stick with it this long, and as far as I know I'm probably winding down the output (just trying to finish up the frigging <a href="http://zoyciteyouma.blogspot.com/2016/03/chasing-rabbit-chapter-one-its-jungle.html">Disney fan fiction</a> and all that). But I really do appreciate you taking the time to scroll through my attempts at jokes, insights, and complete sentences (not necessarily in that order).<br />
<br />
But the main thing I'd like to talk about is that I'm a misfit, and for better or worse I always will be. As I type that out, it occurs to me that the words carry any number of meanings depending on context. Misfits always find each other (to paraphrase the Ed Wood production team's DVD commentary). Lone misfits feel the weight of their isolation, and the discovery of a misfit community fills them with an apprehensive exhilaration. "You mean I get to belong?" they say, "My people were out there the whole time?" It's uncomfortable being a misfit; and to illustrate, let me point out how smoothly in this very paragraph I shifted from talking about myself to talking about a third person archetype. The discomfort never goes away. I bring this up because now we live in a world which I never could have predicted back when I was a small-for-my-age child living in fear of being beating up by kids smaller and younger than me. The nerds won.<br />
<br />
Nerds and misfits don't exactly equate interchangeably, but the overlap is enough where the spectrums only require one story. The misfits own the cinema, and television, and the internet, and the non-misfits have had to get comfortable coming to us for navigational guidance. We won. And the funny thing is, I don't think we realize it. We certainly never meant to, we were just trying to do what we thought was right. And thus, total victory still doesn't feel like a victory.<br />
<br />
So what the hell does this have to do with Avengers: Endgame? A few things. First point, Endgame is the undisputed BIGGEST thing ever in the cinema (western culture's secular temple). It's the most massive, expensive thing ever to be experienced by this much of humanity all at once that didn't come from the Heavens. It's earned back its budget and marketing costs in two days and stands a chance at snapping that f**king James Cameron hack job out of the number one slot. Marvel delivered on the impossible promise they made eleven years ago, and everyone in my circles couldn't be happier. Which brings me to my second point; as usual, I'm the schmuck who has something to gripe about.<br />
<br />
For the record, I don't like being that guy. I'm tired of being the misfit. I'm tired of feeling like an asshole whenever my coworkers ask me what I thought about the latest 'thing' that brought so much joy to everyone else as they brace themselves for what will inevitably come across as a fabricated flaw in paradise. I wish I could just ride the roller coaster as it is instead of honing in on what I think kept it from transcendence. But I am that guy. I take Prozac to be a little less of that guy, but for reasons known only to God I live in the suburbs of impossible-to-please.<br />
<br />
So here it goes- what didn't I like about it? Let me stress...mostly nothing. The Russos pulled off a feat that I sure as hell won't pretend to ever have the capacity for; I've been writing the same damn novel for nine years now. The film deserves all the praise that it's been getting from everyone around me. But it also deserves to have the two glaring flaws pointed out; and I'm not talking about whether or not Ned failed his senior year five times.<br />
<br />
Flaw one (and I know I'm being unrealistic here), the Thanos saga needed to be a trilogy. Acts one and two are nearly flawless, but the third act is just too overstuffed to carry the resonance of Wanda's three minutes of screen time, Spiderman's resolution, Wasp's appearance, and Pepper's...whatever it was she did. Why not just wipe out all of Wakanda if the survivors aren't going to matter until the ending? Was Wong really doing something that important during the time heist? And you can't use the same character for a big damn heroes moment twice in one movie or you get diminishing returns on both (that's already becoming an issue with Carol Danvers).<br />
<br />
But you know what? I could totally overlook flaw one were it not for flaw two. I mean, Captain Marvel had plenty of issues and I didn't lose it over that movie. Admittedly less was at stake, but as I felt that they got the important stuff right I could bend on everything else. And unfortunately with Endgame, flaw two is kind of important. Staring us all right in the face. And I have to be the bad guy by pointing it out. But here it goes.<br />
<br />
They left Thanos out of the movie.<br />
<br />
I mean, yeah I know. I DID see the same movie you did. He's visually there. But his character is gone. I don't know if he got cut for time (refer to flaw one) or if the Russos just didn't bother for a second round, but all of his complexity in Infinity War that made him such an engaging villain was non-existent in Endgame. His performance was as wasted as Christopher Eccleston's was in Thor: Dark World. The big guy deserved better.<br />
<br />
Why do I think he deserved better? At his core this version of Thanos was a misfit; just like me, just like the audience who cherishes superheroes, and I would assume just like you. The best villains are the ones who reflect something truly horrible inside us, and Thanos represented a blind belief beyond reason in an extreme idea. How many examples of that in the world today can we think of? Should we be comfortable with villainizing them beyond any hope of redemption?<br />
<br />
But he murdered half of all life in the universe! Yeah, I know. I didn't say we just needed to hug it out. Thanos is a villain, and he's consciously accepted that role in favor of doing what he feels is a greater good. But our heroes also had Thanos at their mercy, and they stopped being heroes when they executed him right there on the spot. And even though I know we probably would have done that ourselves given the chance, our heroes are supposed to be better than us; and be heroes, especially when it sucks to be heroes. Heroes have rules, not the least of which is you can't kill a villain unless there's no other choice.<br />
<br />
This is what should have happened. They confront him, cut off his gauntlet hand (honest mistake), and then talked to him once he was no longer a threat. The reality of the situation unfolds the same way (no more infinity stones, no do overs), and the Avengers decide to just leave Thanos where he is. Alone with his sunrise and the knowledge that the rest of the universe is going to know where to find him. It's at that point that Thanos, in an apparent bout of remorse, gives them the idea for the time heist.<br />
<br />
Act two unfolds pretty much the same way, but it's slowly revealed that one-armed Thanos is secretly manipulating things in a way that causes his younger self to receive information about the future, thus reminding us of what a master tactician he is. This culminates in the epic battle sequence but with the added layer of a post battle one-armed Thanos for Steve to deal with; this time no shield, no Tony, and no Thor. But who comes to the rescue? Loki. He's the deus ex machine, for whatever bullshit reason his unresolved timeline opened up. He gets the killing blow on Thanos. And as an act of mischievous generosity, he's the one who sends Steve back to his own time period.<br />
<br />
And you know what? I changed my mind. It still needed to be two movies.Zoyciteyoumahttp://www.blogger.com/profile/18406447197292141386noreply@blogger.com0tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-5093205328118755963.post-4561475779500694552019-02-28T14:43:00.003-08:002019-06-30T15:30:55.830-07:00Chasing the Rabbit: Chapter Eighteen -Firewalls and Blindspots<a href="http://zoyciteyouma.blogspot.com/2016/04/table-of-contents-page-for-my-multi.html">Click here for the table of contents.</a><br />
<br />
She lay. Motionless. Numb.<br />
<br />
<em>Elsa</em>.<br />
<br />
A voice. Anna's? No. Someone else. Pleading with her to get up.<br />
<br />
Was she sleeping? What happened to her? There was an island. And a creature. Screeching. With talons. Made entirely of molten rock.<br />
<br />
<em>Get up</em>.<br />
<br />
Was she dead? The bird had come for her. A gaping beak of flames. Open. For her. The corner of her mouth twitched into a smirk.<br />
<br />
It had chosen the wrong girl.<br />
<br />
<em>Elsa!</em><br />
<br />
The voice came one last time before vanishing into stillness. She opened her eyes as a cloud of mist dissipated into the hot air around her. She lay. Her back pressed against stone. Glowing stone. Burning.<br />
<br />
She shrieked. Sparks scattered as she sprang upright. The ground was hot as coals. She encased her feet in protective ice which immediately began to melt.<br />
<br />
A second shriek startled her. On reflex she struck a defensive stance, sending a tiny shield of ice in the direction of the sound which turned to vapor before it touched the floor. It had been nothing more than an echo.<br />
<br />
The soles of her feet were starting to burn again. She reformed her makeshift slippers and started mov-<br />
<br />
<br />
<br />
The image of Arendelle's queen on the auditorium screen froze mid step, and Judy Hopps turned her attention to the assembly of figures, thirty or so, scattered throughout the seating meant for around two hundred. Nobody ever wanted to sit towards the front.<br />
<br />
"Did I see a hand?" She was positive one had gone up, only to retreat comfortably back into anonymity. "I like questions," she assured her audience who hadn't discovered until an hour before that they were attending a workshop on character analysis. The student who had caught her eye meekly raised his paw again. She smiled. "Yes. Go ahead."<br />
<br />
<em>"Wouldn't the heat kill her?"</em><br />
<br />
"Very good! That is an excellent critical question!" She skipped to the edge of the stage and sat down. "Always ask questions like that. It doesn't matter if you go into animation, writing, music, or performance. You should always ask about the details. Look at them from the protagonist's eyes. From the antagonist's. From the side characters'. And especially from the audience's. You don't always have to have an answer. But if something slips past you that you haven't at least thought about, it's only going to reflect back on you. And believe me, someone else WILL pick up on it."<br />
<br />
Now that Judy could see the faces of her audience more clearly, she took a moment to scan for the ones who were genuinely engaged in the workshop.<br />
<br />
"So what do you guys think? Would the heat kill Elsa?"<br />
<br />
Silence, as expected.<br />
<br />
"Let me rephrase it then. You have someone whose whole existence is attuned to ice surrounded by recently molten rock. Why is she still alive?"<br />
<br />
A few eyes tilted back as if the attendees were trying to puzzle it out, but nobody spoke up.<br />
<br />
"There's no wrong answers- well, obviously there are. But there are no wrong ideas in trying to get to a right answer. I'll be honest, I don't know. This is only the second time I'm seeing this footage, and before this morning I didn't know it existed."<br />
<br />
<em>"Where'd this come from?"</em><br />
<br />
"I don't know that either. All I can tell you is, it's unused footage from something the high-ups haven't told me about, but they asked me for my take on it and I thought it would be a fun exercise for us to explore together." She hopped back to her podium and reversed the stream to a still of Elsa's slippers melting. "No matter what field you eventually go into, intuition is a healthy skill to develop. Sometimes you only have an instant to make a decision. That's not the scientific method; that's survival. So what quick deductions can we make about what little we've seen?"<br />
<br />
<em>"It's not real molten rock?"</em><br />
<br />
"Bingo! That was my first thought. I'm no volcanologist, but it's a pretty sure bet that stones glowing red from heat would kill <em>anyone </em>who isn't aligned with fire. Now we can see there's actual heat, enough to create vapor. A sauna can do that. Do you think a sauna could kill Elsa?"<br />
<br />
A few shrugs transformed into a small ensemble of bobbing heads.<br />
<br />
"Possibly so." Judy advanced the footage a few minutes ahead, with Elsa flailing all over the screen at triple speed; provoking some comfortable snickers from the students. "I'm going to skip a bit because it's mostly her staggering through the tunnel, trying to create cold spots on the floor to step on."<br />
<br />
She stopped the feed on an image of Elsa giving a puzzled look to a series of human-made rails; metal and wood, likely designed for a mine cart.<br />
<br />
"All right. Now remember, this is a workshop on character analysis. Based on what we've talked about, and what you're about to see, I want you to make as quick a deduction as you can." She gave her audience a sly grin. "Ready?"<br />
<br />
She pressed play. Elsa came to life, gasping for breath. She glanced in one direction the tracks led. Then made herself a small platform of ice to stand on while she intently peered down the other direction. A loud roar. Elsa's attention snapped back to the first direction she'd faced. And the image went blank.<br />
<br />
Judy brought the auditorium lights up for the first time since she'd taken the stage. "Conclusions?"<br />
<br />
<em>"Get the heck out of dodge."</em><br />
<br />
Judy laughed along with her audience. "That would be a sensible decision, and I want to put it on hold for a second. What can we conclude about character?"<br />
<br />
<em>"She's scared."</em><br />
<br />
Judy nodded. "Good, yes. What else?"<br />
<br />
<em>"She wants to leave?"</em><br />
<br />
They were reaching now. "Yeah, this is all good. But we knew that already. We have new information now. What can we take from it?"<br />
<br />
Empty stares.<br />
<br />
"Okay, let me put it like this. We're making a guess based on what little information we have. One, Elsa. Someone synonymous with ice. Two, an artificial setting that she would be most uncomfortable in. Three, a premade clear-cut choice: left or right. And four, a solid indication that one way is significantly different than the other."<br />
<br />
In truth, she wasn't surprised that nobody was making the leap of logic; a thing like that really had to come from experience.<br />
<br />
"What's a logical deduction we can make about a character other than Elsa?" Judy crossed the length of the stage and back to give them time to mull it over. When nobody volunteered and answer, she decided to give them one last hint. "Is anyone here familiar with Scooby-Doo?"<br />
<br />
<em>"They're trying to scare her away."</em><br />
<br />
There it was. "Good job!" she said. "We call that the 'Aha!' moment, and that's what you're striving for in analyzing character."<br />
<br />
She resumed her spot at the podium, bringing up the first still page of the rest of her presentation; but her audience that, until recently could barely be prodded into speaking, now openly expressed their determination to know what happened to Elsa.<br />
<br />
"I don't know," Judy reminded them to an audible disappointment. "I don't know what happened next or what any of this was about. That's all the footage they gave me. And that's the harsh reality about answers. They reveal themselves when they do. If you only take one thing from our time together, let it be this. Answers tend not to come to you when you wait for them. Some questions require an answer from the inside. It takes courage to go in blind and it takes creativity to get back out again. It's never too soon to start practicing both."<br />
<br />
<em>"So you don't know if Elsa made it out alive?"</em><br />
<br />
"Exactly. I don't know. And I won't know until I do." What she <em>knew</em> was that she was going to have to rush through the rest of her presentation if she didn't bring this portion of it to a close. "I would assume she did, if for no other reason than I can't believe our company would send us the final recorded moments of one of their stars. But ignoring that; if we're right that someone wants Elsa to go a particular direction, and she <em>goes</em> in that direction, the odds of survival are stacked in her favor. It's a lot of assumptions but it's still the most-"<br />
<br />
She trailed off. An idea had piqued her curiosity. Something about assumptions.<br />
<br />
It took her a moment to realize that she'd stopped mid-sentence in front of her whole workshop, and all she could do was give them a half-attentive apology while she took out her phone.<br />
<br />
<br />
<br />
Monitors. Seventy-six in all. They filled an entire hemisphere of the control room; revealing every single detail, and disguising them in an impossibly thick coat of visual noise.<br />
<br />
Alice's ankle had been wounded, likely sprained, possibly broken. That would slow her down, making a handful of screens unnecessary to pay any attention to for a while. Maleficent was impossible to keep track of but anytime she did something important she drew as much attention to herself as she could. Tarzan was...uncomplicated. But it was utterly frustrating that the 'Jasmine' team wouldn't stay together. There was no way to predict where to look. And now that the mouse had returned from his meeting, those twelve screens erupted into chaos.<br />
<br />
"Where's Oswald?" He had the nerve to ask such a question of the very staff members who'd been anxiously awaiting him and the rabbit to return together.<br />
<br />
"What do you mean 'Where's Oswald'?" Minnie snapped at him. She'd already endured a tongue-lashing over the phone from Madame Medusa, and had to force back tears while vastly overstating her optimism that they'd have regained access of the system by the next day. The robot V.I.N.CENT was their best bet for tech support, and he'd been unable to help them over the phone so Minnie had to approve an emergency overnight flight using a thousand dollars out of her own pocket to get him to the studio by the next afternoon. She was in no mood to hear that Mickey had lost track of their island simulation's main designer.<br />
<br />
At that moment the security gate alarm went off. It happened on a fairly regular basis and ordinarily the staff had gotten used to it, but today their reaction was priceless. Ducks spilled papers and chipmunks dove behind shelves as if the place was under attack. It was a much needed moment of delight among seventy-six monitors of monotony.<br />
<br />
But somewhere in the franticness was an unfazed horse.<br />
<br />
Horace Horsecollar.<br />
<br />
Hired in 1925 as a jack-of-all-trades handyman, Horace was your go-to guy for practically anything. In over nine decades, he hadn't missed a single day of work. His presence was so commonplace that the bulk of the newer generation (and some of the veterans) often stopped noticing him. He was always just kind of...there when you needed to know where he was. And now he was there.<br />
<br />
Amidst the commotion, Horace suddenly appeared behind Minnie, speaking into her huge ear something that the hacked surveillance cameras couldn't broadcast.<br />
<br />
Minnie's expression had recently gone from unbridled stress to subtle relief as Mickey had taken charge of the issue with the security alarm. Now her face had become stoic. For a moment the two animals stared at each other, followed by a simple nod from the horse that Minnie should follow him. What was going on?<br />
<br />
Without a word to the rest of the staff, Minnie led Horace toward the stairwell, and it didn't take a leap of intuition to figure out where they were going. The old sound room from the B&W years had never been renovated, essentially storage; but it was also more soundproof than anything the modern era had produced. If you wanted some privacy to warm up your voice, scream your head off, or negotiate off the record, that was the room to do it.<br />
<br />
And obviously there was no surveillance.<br />
<br />
Unfortunately there was no way to record footage on this end and replay it, so there was no way to tell where Horace had come from, but disconnecting the feed from the outside world was no big loss at this point. And it might even prevent the robot from being of any use at all.<br />
<br />
The operator felt under the console for the handful of cords that connected him to the main office and yanked. In unison, twelve monitors shrank to a single pixel and faded to black. "Too fast for ya," he smirked, satisfied that whatever Horace was telling Minnie no longer mattered.<br />
<br />
But it did. What he didn't realize was, in trying to send Elsa away from the control room he'd inadvertently given the outside world a suspicion that the simulator's malfunction was not by chance. Not that they could do anything about it, but you should never overestimate the resourcefulness of animals wearing gloves.<br />
<br />
It was time to up the ante; so far he'd been too generous. Keep them running. Where was the panther?<br />
<br />
He pulled up the feed from the caverns and scanned for glowing eyes; the ambient noise made it impossible to hear footsteps down there. There were specks of light in many places, fireflies and bats, but not what he was looking for.<br />
<br />
So intensely did he stare at that handful of screens that he neglected to take notice of anything else happening on the island. You couldn't blame him for not paying attention to Elsa once she'd encountered the roar of the lava monster a few hours ago. Indeed, he'd have no reason to think that she <em>wouldn't</em> make a beeline for the exit, which is why her decision to head towards the danger would have perplexed anyone (save for one exceptionally clever bunny). But even as determined as he was to track down the whereabouts of Bagheera, it was pure carelessness not to notice the Queen of Arendelle stumbling just outside the entrance to the control room.<br />
<br />
And even as she now stood behind him, he only became aware of her presence by the abrupt drop in temperature that made the fur on his arms stand up.<br />
<br /><em><a href="https://zoyciteyouma.blogspot.com/2019/06/chasing-rabbit-chapter-nineteen-cold.html">Continue to Chapter Nineteen.</a></em><br />
<a href="http://zoyciteyouma.blogspot.com/2016/04/table-of-contents-page-for-my-multi.html"><em>Return to the table of contents.</em></a><br />
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