It's Valentine's Day! And with it comes a string of double disappointments from greeting cards claiming to be 'funny romantic', as well as an endless barrage of dirty looks towards people in happy relationships from people who are not. Come to think of it, does Valentine's Day actually bring more misery to the world than joy? My father was a wholesale florist, and I don't think a single day of his life went by where he wasn't consciously dreading the month of February.
For the ordinary person (something I occasionally strive to appear as) Valentine's Day is a chance to celebrate the color Red in grocery stores and fast food restaurants. It's like Christmas's aftermath without Green. In fact, I think Red and Green had a huge falling out in January. A shame really; they looked so happy together at the office Christmas party. But Red is really trying to move on, and I'm positive we'll see plenty of Green at the pub in March, so this seems the ideal time to talk about the time honored tradition of the break-up song.
It's a strange phenomenon, the way the heartbroken seek out the opportunity to get lost in a melody and kicked in the gut by it. My best explanation is that it's a release of tension, kind of like how scratching is a mild form of self-inflicted pain but it alleviates the itch that we find unbearable. Sometimes you just need to cry. Perhaps even more so when you're feeling alone on a day that bombards you with imagery of lovebirds and anonymously produced messages of "Be mine" from the candy company.
So as a public service, let's honor some personal favorite break-up songs for anyone out there looking for the opportunity to wallow in misery. And just to rub it in, I'm going to be joined by my beloved wife, with whom I just celebrated nine years of marriage. If you like her writing then you'll definitely want to check out her blog at sarahandseansworld.com where she regularly discusses social issues and interviews an eclectic group of personalities that you're likely to find in various media.
As the two of us grew up in different musical circles I expect we'll be able to cover a fairly broad range of songs. I'm going to turn the track list over to her first and then we'll take turns. Welcome, love!
1. Stranger -Hilary Duff: Dignity (2007)
Although Hilary's 3rd album went gold, it sadly failed to find an audience. Maybe because it was marketed as a dance album, and that's something you play at clubs, not the radio. Still, I feel like giving it the "dance" category was a bit unfair, because it had several songs that fit perfectly into the pop genre, including this forgotten gem.
The song tells the story about a woman that feels stuck in a relationship with a man living a double life. When the two of them are together out in public, the boyfriend treats her well and showers her with love and affection. But when they're alone, it's a complete 180. The lyrics also talks about how no one believes the girlfriend when she tries to speak up that her boyfriend is not the person he says he is. In the end, she accepts that it's far better to be alone and hated by their friends than to stay with a man that makes her miserable.
I can't tell you how painful it is to see loved ones go through this very thing and Hilary portrays those feelings beautifully.
Sean's thoughts: I would probably never have noticed Hilary Duff's music if my wife hadn't been such a fan, but she has some truly wonderful songs that deserve attention. "Stranger" is one of her more mature outings, being emotionally poignant while devoid of dramatization. She makes you feel what she wants you to feel. A+
2. Denial, Revisited -The Offspring: Conspiracy of One (1998)
The Offspring are a rock/punk/alternative band that are easy to underestimate if you've only had a passing familiarity with them. "Denial, Revisited" is one of their songs that was carefully constructed for full potency. Lead singer Dexter Holland opens with what is assumed to be the scenario's routine "So there we go, having the same old fight again" before two verses and choruses of how bad things have gotten between him and the girlfriend but resolving to never let go; you know, like the romance movies tell you to do. You can actually visualize him holding up the jam box in a grand gesture that he's positive will work. "But she stands softly, tears on her face..."; one subtle change of guitar chords and we experience his gut-punch at the same time he does. This is goodbye at its most realistic.
Sarah's thoughts: Oh man, this takes me back to my breakup (right before Sean). I knew he and I needed to end things, but I was scared and tried to keep him around, in spite of how damaging the relationship was for the both of us. In this song, when Dexter is realizing that it really is the end and how difficult it is coming to terms with it, is 100% relatable. Whether or not they're for the best, breakups are hard, period.
3. I'll Never Get Over You Getting Over Me -Exposé: Exposé (1992)
Ah, here's a song written by one of my husband's favorites, Diane Warren (more to come)! The song is a sweet message to an ex that even though she may not want the relationship back, the feelings of what was once there will never fully go away.
Sean's thoughts: In the midst of a breakup, the absolute worst thing you can experience is hope. In the movies it always works out, but in real life it only drags out the inevitable. You need some friends for support. It helps even more if they can sing backup harmony for you.
4. Careless Whisper -Seether: Finding Beauty in Negative Spaces (2007)
Seether allegedly rerecorded this George Michael song as a joke; but regardless of intention in resulted in one of the most powerful covers I've ever heard. Similar to "Denial, Revisited", the POV character is fully aware of his own blame in the forthcoming breakup. This is a song about guilt and consequences, and lead singer Shaun Morgan screams out both in their most intense. I have to say the original song is tepid, and the protagonist is going to take a weekend to get back on his feet. But in the Seether version he's going to be forever changed after cheating on his lover.
Sarah's thoughts: When Sean told me this song was originally supposed to be a joke, I was shocked! It's safe to say Seether backfired in the best way possible and ended up making a powerful song that really gives sends chills down your spine.
5. Karma -Alicia Keys: The Diary of Alicia Keys (2003) Sometimes it feels good to have a song with the pure message of "In your face!" Alicia sings about being dumped by a man and once he comes crawling back, she's not interested. Deep down, many of us have secretly wanted that moment to tell an ex off, and this song is the perfect way to release those feelings in a productive way.
Sean's thoughts: This could have been the theme song to a James Bond movie if we were to focus on the spy's love life without the car chases. Yeah, Bond is a hero-type, but he's also a womanizer. It would be nice to see one of his flings get fed up with his crap before the credits roll.
6. Solitaire -Laura Branigan: Branigan 2 (1983)
Diane Warren is an interesting figure in songwriting history. Despite the fact that she personally has no interest in romance or commitment, she's produced a whole catalog of love ballads for just about every singer you can name. "Solitaire" was the hit that put her on the map, and it sums up every forlorn lover's power fantasy. I say fantasy because nobody is this passionate about moving on from an ex, if you're over them you just quietly get on with your life. But we all dream about the fictional day where we get to make someone feel as lousy as they've made us feel; playing solitaire, and waiting.
Sarah's thoughts: This song vaguely reminds me a of the late, great Whitney Houston song, "I Learned from the Best." (No shade, that's a compliment to both women!) Just like Whitney, Laura's vocals are powerful and she can hold those notes just like may of the iconic singers.
Sean makes a good point, no one moves on from an ex with such gusto, but how we love to think that we're out living the best life possible while they're either at home, alone, playing solitaire or crying into a pint of ice cream!
7. One More Minute -Weird Al, Dare to Be Stupid (1985)
Many of us have been dumped. Besides it being a soul crushing experience, it's a huge blow to the ego. Sometimes the best way to deal with an awful situation, is to laugh about it. In fact, some people say that laughter is the best revenge, and the iconic Weird Al proves that with one of his most underrated songs to date!
Sean's thoughts: Well, how did this one slip past me? Very few of Al's songs are autobiographical, but this one came from a place of real pain, and thus an anthem was born. Who can't relate to the very specific feeling of "I'd rather rip out my intestines with a fork than watch you going out with other men"?
8. Not a Dry Eye in the House -Meat Loaf: Welcome to the Neighborhood (1995)
And we're back with Diane Warren. As much as I love Warren's work, this song lacks a certain finesse. "There's not a dry eye in the house after love's curtain comes down". Um...love's curtain? Do you think we wouldn't get the metaphor if you just said 'the curtain'? There's also the temple rubbing moment of "You don't love me no more!" which makes Meat Loaf come across as whiny; Mr. Bat out of Hell deserves better. But I include this song because it was so close to being awesome. Imagine if you will a few lyrical tweaks and Loafy conveying emotions counter to what the song suggests. Contempt. Bitterness. A few eye rolls. Instead of embracing the song's melodrama, think of him spitting venom at the apparition of his former lover. And then...right at the end of the song on the last "breaking" all his pride and satisfaction vanishes, and he realizes for the first time that he really is in as much pain as he's been claiming. Now tell me if that isn't better.
Sarah's thoughts: I met Meatloaf when I was 12. I thought he was a great guy, but never listened to his music until I started dating Sean. I then saw what I had been missing out on for so many years. Like Sean said, the lyrics can get cheesy, but Meatloaf has an operatic/rock style voice that's very unique in the music industry. I'm very thankful that Sean introduced me to something special I didn't know I was missing out on for so long.
9. Wait for You -Elliott Yamin: Elliott Yamin (2007)
Elliot came in 3rd on the 5th season of American Idol, despite being one of their best singers that year. While he's never been able to achieve the level of success he deserves, the song "Wait for You" did receive commercial success.
"Wait for You" tells the story of a person who isn't on the same page as their partner when they decide to end things. Instead of the song's subject begging for them to stay or lashing out, they decide to let them do what their now-ex thinks is best. While they may be hurting, they make their feelings known that they still love their ex and in the meantime, all they can do is hope for the best.
Sean's thoughts: I guess it's a matter of perspective whether or not this song is sweetly romantic or a straight up tragedy. Odds are in favor of the latter, but I think we all can relate to false hope. Perhaps this is a cautionary template; if you feel yourself connecting with a song like this, you're in dangerous territory. There is only going to be pain until you're able to shut that door entirely.
10. Try (Just a Little Bit Harder) -Roxette: Room Service (2001)
Roxette could put out a whole album just by compiling their break-up songs, but I've decided to shine a light on the lesser known "Try". Marie Fredriksson sings this one like she is at the absolute darkest level of despair. But this isn't an "I Want You Back" or a "Rescue Me" sort of song, or even something as sure-footed as "I Will Survive". This is her doing her absolute damnedest just to pep-talk herself into standing up from what was probably the mother of emotional collapses. Sometimes the smallest steps are the biggest obstacles. And if the music is any indicator, she just barely makes it to her feet at the end.
Sarah's thoughts: It's impossible to breakup with someone you were in a relationship with and just snap out of it instantly. You need time to grieve and then, one step at time, keep reminding yourself that life will go on and you'll eventually make it to the other side.
11. You Oughta Know -Alanis Morissette: Jagged Little Pill (1995)
While the lyrics are a little.....strong, Alanis unleashing her anger at an ex that hurt her deeply feels like the ultimate revenge anthem. Rather than coming across as the victim, Alanis makes it clear that she's angry and hurt. To make the song even better, you can hear a particular pain in her voice that shows this goes further than just a revenge song; she went through an experience in which she was absolutely wounded. This song shows you that while she was writing it, she put her heart on her sleeve.
Sean's thoughts: I never 'got' Alanis Morissette. I thought she was competent as a singer/songwriter, but to this day I don't understand why people fawned over her. It may be a case of right place/right time, as this particular song seems to encapsulate the pessimistic side of the mid-nineties. But for whatever reason "You Oughta Know" landed squarely on the pulse of the zeitgeist, and it's a recognizable letter in our break-up song's alphabet.
12. Dance Floor Anthem (I Don't Want to Be in Love) -Good Charlotte: Good Morning Revival (2007)
I can't think of a better way out of the downward spiral. Being alone is better than being with the wrong person, no matter how frightening the prospect of isolation may be. A song like this isn't going to change you, or make the pain go away, but it can remind you of who you are and help you tap into your strength. Some times when you're suffering, the only thing you can do is dance. Dance like your life depends on it. Dance in heartache, in anger, and in tears. And just maybe a droplet of joy will trickle in.
Sarah thoughts: Once again, hubs hits it right on the nose when it comes to breaking down songs in this blog! There was a short period after I broke up with my boyfriend of a little over three years. Every so often, he'd tell me, "You'll never find a guy that loves you more than me." I would always brush off his words, but I knew that if what his version of love was what love was supposed to be, then it was better for me to be single.
Although I'm married to the love of my life and couldn't be happier, it's good to take a moment to yourself and realize that even if you don't end up with someone, you'll be OK. In fact, that's sometimes the best route for some. I can assure you that it's better to be alone and happy than with someone for life and either be miserable or just....meh! That's the feeling I get out of this song, and that's a wonderful thing!
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