A little background information on me, if you're interested: (if you're not, feel free to skip to the next paragraph; and I don't like you anymore) I went to college with the intention of going into the ministry. Fortunately the School of Church Careers made me fully aware of what I was getting into, namely the political element to any church. Organized religion, by its nature, has to have a political... 'side' feels a bit misleading. 'System' maybe? In much the way the human body has a skeletal system, a muscular system, circulatory; there's a political layer to the church that I remain psychologically inapt to withstand professionally. It's probably why I started a career at a library; sort of a secular version of a church.
And welcome back to those of you who aren't interested in me, thanks for reading my blog against your wishes.
So despite my unstable relationship with churches I still find myself with a spiritual calling, even if it's one that drives me to the outskirts of the organization. In my imaginary world (one of them anyway) I picture myself as a sort of coffee shop owner across the street from the religion district, where patrons are encouraged to sit down, have a drink, and discuss/debate/even go so far as to get into a controlled argument about anything related to the unobservable scope of life-death-and beyond. Just so long as they don't expect answers. I call it The Flowing Fountain.
Ninety percent of my fictional patrons are welcomed here. The remaining ten percent are merely tolerated, fortunately they're too caught up in themselves to notice the difference. These are the extremists. So out of twenty patrons, you've got eighteen that are making The Flowing Fountain a special place. The other two are immovable fundamentalists who think they're above everybody else. I've named them Char and Ashe, a pair of destructive four letter words. Naturally they find each other.
Today's topic involves something from the real world. I would like to draw your attention to Brandi Burgess, an actress living in Philadelphia. She's the daughter of Alabama radio personality Rick Burgess of The Rick and Bubba Radio Show. At the risk of being narrow-minded, the phrase 'and Bubba' probably tells you exactly what you need to know about the talk show's content: God, country, hunting, conservative Christian values. I've never listened to them, but I'm confident a Wikipedia search pretty much brings me up to speed.
Brandi is bisexual, and she's currently in a relationship with a woman. This doesn't sit well with her celebrity father. Hell, why don't you take a moment to read her own editorial that she published a few days ago? I feel it's genuine and to the point.
As you might expect, her father and the rest of her family has reacted against her; excuse me, her choices (to Rick, these are no doubt two very different things but I imagine they feel identical to Brandi). They highlights are, he loves his daughter but anything that isn't heterosexuality is the road to Hell, she's making up her own version of God -which is the equivalent of idolatry, and then they pull a faux high road by asking everyone (their own judgment notwithstanding) to be kind to their daughter.
See? This is why I do my best to escape reality.
So back at The Flowing Fountain, Char and Ashe have been discussing Brandi and they find themselves in a string of agreements on Brandi's false Christianity and how rigid the scripture truly is. But you can guess how surprised they both are when they discover they're at opposite ends of the extremist spectrum. Char is a fundamentalist Bible-pounding Christian. Ashe on the other hand is an overly-assertive Atheist (did you see what I did there with their names?). And they were getting along so well too, both having found a like minded individual to detest the rest of the world with. The funny thing is, they're convinced that has somehow changed.
I'm going to need to break this up before it gets out of hand. What's the problem I ask them. Boom! In unison they both obliviously begin arguing the same point that one can't be a bisexual Christian, although Char's conclusion is that Brandi is in fact going to Hell, while Ashe is insisting her orientation nullifies her faith.
Okay, let's back this up. Walk me through it from the beginning.
The first problem is Char and Ashe both love the sounds of their own voices. Char doesn't start at the beginning like I asked. Char starts with a series of memorized Bible verses and will not shut up until every last one of them has been recited. Then Ashe picks up the spotlight and quotes MORE Bible verses. The mantra of every asshole Atheist is "Atheists know more about the Bible than Christians" and Ashe is determined to prove it while simultaneously disproving the Bible.
What they actually say is irrelevant, because I'm not listening. It's not that I'm blocking it out, but neither one of them is actually saying anything. When they've finally worn themselves down I strike every bullshit argument they just made from the record. My coffee shop, my rules. It looks like I'm going to have to start this myself.
Premise number one, I say, preparing to give each word in the remainder of my sentence equal emphasis. You. Are. Not. In. God's. Head.
Ashe can't really debate the issue except by adding "because He doesn't exist", which I ignore. In fact, that summarizes my basic criticism of the Atheist mentality. Humans may be the top minds on this world, but I find it very unlikely that we're the apex of cognitive evolution. To paraphrase Socrates Jones, there are infinite numbers between zero and one, yet none of them are two. Atheists believe there is no proof of God (which is curiously also the definition of faith), and they may be right about that but that doesn't disprove God. Atheism operates from an answer that hasn't been earned.
But Char is the one who wants to challenge me. The Bible says- is as far as I'll let Char go before interrupting. Are you in my head? I ask. Char has no choice but to meekly say no. (Well, technically, being a fiction construct Char is in my head but Char doesn't know that, and since this whole conversation is a metaphor for real world conversations the correct answer is 'no'.) Am I in your head? I ask. Char grumbles no again. I ask is God bigger and greater than both of us? Char confidently says yes. I make one last attempt by asking, then are you in God's head?
Char is stubborn to the point of inflexibility, but is certainly not an idiot (elitists never are, that's why they're dangerous, they've convinced themselves they're right). Char correctly predicts where I'm going with this thought and refuses to answer a yes or no question with an obvious response.
See, here's the deal, God didn't write the Bible. Inspired it, yes, but there's no logical reason to assume it was God's intention. And this has been my longstanding frustration with rigid Christians who treat every single word among the pages as infallible divine dictation. The Bible is the combined work of generations of flawed human hands. And if there's one thing humans are guaranteed to do, it's screw things up.
But Char can't fathom even the possibility that anything from Genesis to Revelations could be slightly out of place. God has a plan says Char (an unfounded assumption) and the book of books is literally the word of God in black and white. There can be no grey area, and Char begins another full rant of circular reasoning (using Bible verses to 'prove' the Bible). And when I point out that conclusion is only valid if you already accept the conclusion as the premise I get the go to tantrum every fundamentalist who stumbles in an argument reaches for: why not just throw out the whole Bible then?
I lean forward on my imaginary counter and stare Char in the imaginary eyes. Are you telling me, I say, that one loose strand of scripture is enough to unravel the entire foundation of your fragile faith? This is not well received.
I'm told the exact same things that everyone who believes in any incongruity with orthodox fundamentalism is told, that I will be prayed for in the hopes that I will turn away from my not-them outlook before I spend eternity in Hell. And Char also has to rise and leave while the last word on the matter is still within grasp.
I wasn't expecting anything more from someone like Char, for that is the kind of Christian who knows nothing about Christianity or Christ. They think it's an exclusive club belonging only to themselves and the people with which they're comfortable. Like Rick Burgess, 'God's love' is a series of two words that they recite as a discriminating weapon; anything but God's love.
Ashe, who interprets the preceding conversation as a victory for the side of Atheism, gives me a smile that I don't return. You are no different than Char, I tell Ashe, which is met with a smug challenge as how I figure. Simple, I say, both of you believe exactly the same thing; that God is limited to Bible. It's just where Char thinks that it somehow elevates the Bible up to God's level, you think it drags God down to the level of a human text that can be disproved away.
When prodded to enlighten Ashe I use a modern metaphor. GPS. The Bible may not be God's autobiography but that doesn't mean it doesn't at least point us in a valuable direction. It's a collection of ideas about the nature of life, written centuries apart, all pointing towards a unifying theme. Something exists beyond what we see, and it's small-minded arrogance to assume we've got it all figured out.
I think the most inspiring thing I've heard about the Bible came from Eric Idle. The story goes, at the premier of Monty Python and the Holy Grail a reporter asked him what the group's next film would be, and Idle (always with a quip ready) answered, "Jesus Christ, Lust for Glory". And after the premier the fellows went to the pub and had a few too many and started entertaining themselves with a series of blasphemous jokes about what they'd do with the concept. But the next morning, the idea was still there and they gradually started taking it a bit more seriously. And they started doing research on the time period and reading the Gospels and the Dead Sea Scrolls and the scholarly analyses, and what they found was the message behind Christianity was actually a very sound moral philosophy. Comedy relies on human selfishness, things like greed, lust, etc. Jesus's teachings were devoid of that kind of negativity. Love, patience, humility; comedy really can't react against these things. And we're talking Monty Python at the apex of their professional and creative energy as a full unit. Christ's teachings were immune to the efforts of comedy's highest ensemble.
Naturally Ashe can't accept that the Bible could be viewed as anything between a chaotic hodgepodge of random musings and a unified thesis statement that is destined to cave in on itself. And Ashe claims my GPS metaphor stumbles because the Bible is only one source and is destined to make people lost.
I lay it on the line. But we have a second source you fucking moron, although neither you, nor Char, nor Rick Burgess seem willing to take notice or make use of it. We have our God-given ability to use our God-given thought processes to figure out whether or not something makes sense.
I had a psychology professor who once told me that he'd thought very long and hard about it and he eventually decided that the world just made more sense to him without the existence of God. And you know what? I find it very hard to believe that God feels threatened by that. I think Thomas Jefferson was on to something when he asserted that using the critical evaluation skills God has blessed humanity with is the greatest way to honor that gift- even if it leads the individual on a path away from God. The God I believe in loves us all. I believe God loves Atheists. I think we disappoint God when we're assholes to each other whether we believe in Him or not. And in the end, I think all souls belong to God, no matter what word our various religions do or don't refer to the Divine by. But the bottom line is, that's what I believe and how I live my life. I don't know. And neither do you. And neither does anyone else on this earth today. We don't have answers, and we're not entitled to them.
So where does that leave us with Brandi Burgess? Personally, I say a prayer for her. I pray that she finds peace and continues to experience and share God's love in whatever way she's called to. I believe God made her the way she is, and anyone arrogant enough to think they know better than God will have to check their ego with their creator. Peace may have to come at the expense of the family with which she grew up, but I think there's a much more Christian family out there for her.
Her parents would rather feel like they're right than continue a relationship with their own daughter. I don't see anything Christian in that.
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