A Tribute to Mystique for a Change of Face

I saw X-Men: Apocalypse over the weekend; and while I'm ready to throw in the towel on the whole alternate timeline dodge, I have to say this was the most satisfying X-Men movie I've seen since X2. It felt like all of the characters who needed to be in the movie were there. The near-absence of Wolverine strangely didn't stand out as a problem. And to my absolute delight, my favorite mutant ended on a happy note.

I'm not a big comic book reader. I respect the medium, but my brain doesn't seem to process where the hell I'm supposed to be looking next on the page to continue the action or two person conversation. So my access point to the world of mutants was through the nineties FOX Kids cartoon series. Right out of the gate I got attached to the character of Morph, because the ability to shape shift has always struck me as the coolest mutant power. And then in the second episode he was killed.

What a waste of a cool character with a bizarrely creepy laugh, and an even cooler superpower. I guess I like shape shifting because there's so many creative ways one can use it. Watching someone clawing their way through obstacles or blowing crap up just gets boring to me really fast. But with shape shifting, there's a real cerebral component when it's used correctly; anything from dramatic reveals to sight gags.

And then came Mystique. Not only was she a badass shape shifter. She was also blue. Now being a kid's cartoon, she was portrayed significantly softer than her comic book counterpart, and that may have affected why I honed in on her more human traits, compassion for other mutants as opposed to a murderous intent towards humans. In fact, the more I found out about her in the comics, the more...disappointed I became.

Now the problem with comic book franchise characters is they change hands so frequently. Magneto isn't always a villain and his viewpoint is much stronger when he's holding himself back. The same goes for Mystique, but depending on the writer she goes from being a freedom fighter to an actual serial killer. And when you accept all of this as canon, it makes her unlikable.

So I say screw continuity, and Marvel is in no position to get defensive. Let's look at five faces of Mystique and decide, definitively in this no-traffic blog somewhere on the internet, which face works the best.


1. The antagonistic plot device

This is obviously my least favorite. You see this Mystique pop up all over the comic books. I'm not convinced there is an actual character at play, so much as a challenge for the heroes to overcome. She has some goal (usually someone else's), and she doesn't succeed. And the heroes don't succeed in fully defeating her either. She may eliminate innocent (i.e. unimportant) people, but the target always survives, and she always loses, and Wolverine always wins, and whatever. This as the Mystique of the Sabretooth and Mystique series that may as well have just been Sabretooth, and the Get Mystique books which may as well have been Sure, This Matters. Hey Marvel, these stories don't make me want to read more of your stuff.


2. The sadistic lover

This is the Rebecca Romijn Mystique of the original X-Men trilogy. I loved Romijn's portrayal in the first 1 and 3/4 movies. Granted, she didn't have much to do. She had one measly line of dialogue in the first film. But so much of her character is left implied from her actions. Based on her expressions and the way she dotes on Magneto, she really seems to love him, not just agree with his methods. The problem is, in X2 the production team decided at the eleventh hour that Mags and Mysti are actually evil. Together they attempted genocide of the entire human race through Xavier. It's a moral line cross that simply cannot be overlooked. The Last Stand was irrelevant long before the studio decided it was.


3. The wounded slave

Now we're in the cartoon. Like in the comic books, Mystique really had almost no contact with Magneto. Her boss in the series was Apocalypse, and Mystique was more of a hired hand, with 'hired' probably meaning 'under the command of'. As I mentioned before, she was at her most vulnerable in this incarnation. Jennifer Dale, as Mystique's primary voice actress, brings a sense of teetering on the edge of defeat to many of her appearances. The mutant is pretty good at what she does, but victory always seems to slip away at the last second, and she may very well be heading to her own execution afterwards. A couple of highlights: the final episode of Beyond Good and Evil when she literally stabs Apocalypse in the back, and Bloodlines when Nightcrawler confronts her about abandoning him as a child.


4. The reluctant hero

This is the First Class Mystique portrayed by Jennifer Lawrence. Okay, I don't get the whole Jennifer Lawrence fever the world is on. I think she's fine as an actress, but I've never seen anything special about her. And by God, I could go the rest of my life never again hearing the phrase 'down to earth' used to describe her! So I never really warmed up to her performance as Mystique. Rebecca Romijn always went for it, while Lawrence just seems to make call. But her career took off after she was under a three picture contract, and I'm convinced this obligated the producers to Katniss up Mystique's role. And for that, I'm grateful. On the one hand, I'm really sick of the shit Magneto gets away with in this trilogy (have Xavier fry his brain, dammit!). But on the other hand I loved watching Mystique's journey veer toward Magneto's and then away. I like that she's thinking for herself, and she's choosing a side based on who is closest to what she believes, without ever adopting their viewpoint entirely as her own. Sure it's kind of hard to envision Mystique as a permanent X-Woman, but there's always hope. And that's a really nice feeling on which to end the trilogy.


5. The snarky anti-hero

The Brian K. Vaughan penned/Jorge Lucas illustrated graphic novel series is my absolute favorite portrayal of her royal Smurfetteness. She's not a hero and she's not meant to be one. But stick her in a world of espionage, quadruple-crossing, and head games, and you can really watch her dance. Blue is coerced into working for Xavier (with explicit instructions to not kill anyone) for a greater good. And as snide as she is about the situation, she really takes to it. A spy thriller is the genre Mystique was meant for. This short lived series gets her away from the brute hitters and let's her just explore who she is and what she values in a way previously not allowed. No, she's not a hero. She's a way, way cooler protagonist than that.

Chasing the Rabbit: Chapter Six -Left in the Dark

Click here for the table of contents.

The sound of the moonlit waves was almost loud enough to drown out the collective snores from Kronk and Frollo. Bagheera lay undisturbed next to the fading embers of the campfire. Tarzan prodded them gently with his spear to awaken the flame.

Satisfied that the heat would carry on for another half hour or so, the Lord of the Jungle turned his attention to the thick brush that clearly wasn't his domain. He surveyed it for any unexpected movement. But the jungle was patient and gave away nothing.

The soft footsteps in the sand behind him were masked by the rhythm of the ocean, but Tarzan felt the presence. He twisted with animal reflexes, spear ready.

"I'm sorry," whispered Elsa. "I didn't mean to startle you."

Tarzan grunted and relaxed his spear.

"You can't sleep either?"

"Not safe," said Tarzan.

"You feel that too? Like we're being watched?" Elsa paused for Tarzan to respond, but he only gave her a blank look. "Eyes." She used hand movements to indicate her own eyes before gesturing to the foliage. "In the jungle."

"Eyes." Tarzan repeated. "Jungle." The ape-man scurried over to where Elsa was standing, forcing her to take a few apprehensive steps backwards. "You feel?"

"I feel."

Tarzan stood a few feet away from Elsa. Arendelle's queen held her hands in front of her trying to indicate polite boundaries. Her fingers noticeably trembled.

"Elsa cold?" asked Tarzan.

"No. Just," she smiled awkwardly, "this may have been a bad idea."

"Bad. I-de-a?" He carefully sounded out the syllables, taking more of an interest in what Elsa was saying than she was comfortable with. He reached out a hand to mirror hers.

"Please!" She pulled her them both away. "Not safe."

The ape-man peered at her. "Elsa not safe?"

"No. Elsa not safe."

Tarzan gave her a reassuring grin. "Tarzan protect Elsa."

He reached out to take her hand again but she jolted at the movement. There was a flash of blue. One disorienting moment later Tarzan found a layer of frost on his face, a substance with which he was unfamiliar. Elsa had fallen backwards to the ground with terror in her eyes. Tarzan shook the frost off and stared blankly at her.

"I'm sorry," said Elsa. She glanced at the fire, making certain no one else had woken up. Tarzan still seemed unclear as to what had happened. The Ice Queen jumped up and ran back to the hut where she'd come from. "This was such a bad idea," she repeated to herself.


And miles away, someone was laughing.

"Elsa, is it? How intriguing."

The imposing figure turned attention to the recently acquired slave of the Underworld. Meg's hand hovered in the air, reaching out to the glowing wisp in front of her but frozen like a statue.

"Now then," came the voice of the shadow, "You were saying?"

"Look!" Meg sprung to life, replaying a significant point in her life. "I know what I did was wrong, but this isn't about me. It's about him!"

The shadow froze her again, disinterested in the direction her narrative was going. Memories poured through her backwards. And then she was free to speak again.

"What are you doing? Without your strength, you'll be killed!"

"Further back, Megara," the figure commanded.

Meg squirmed like she was entwined in a serpent. "Hercules! Don't listen to him-" and her voice was cut off. Somewhere in the distance she heard him. Hades. Bargaining her life for Hercules's strength. And she couldn't stop it. She tried screaming but her body was paralyzed.

"Meg," She could recognize his sneer anywhere. "A deal's a deal. You're off the hook."

But nothing happened. She remained in stasis.

"You're of no use to me," the shadow's voice told her.

Hades continued, revealing Meg's role in the scheme to rid the son of Zeus of his power, and Meg could only bear witness to it. She heard her name spoken by a different voice, a kinder one, but the memories were too strong for her. She watched as Hercules sauntered away, broken and defeated.

And she wanted nothing more than to run after him.

"Miss Megara! Please! Wake up!"

Meg felt herself being gently rocked. The coliseum dissolved into a darkened chamber. The only thing Meg's eyes could make out was a glowing crystal orb sitting on a table in the middle of the room. From within played the image of Hades's imps tormenting Hercules in his lowest hour.

"Hades!" Meg growled, stepping towards the ball.

"No Miss Meg!" Alice grabbed her arm before she could fall through a huge gap in the floor. Somewhere below was the sound of a large creature's jaw snapping.

"What was that?" screeched Meg.

Alice poked her head over the edge. "I believe it's a crocodile." She moved back over to where Meg was pressed against the wall and gave her an embrace to try calming her. Meg held on tightly. "Are you all right?"

Meg had to take a moment to steady her erratic breathing. "No," she said. "No I'm not." On top of her second brush with falling to her death in the same day, she'd just had to relive one of the most painful moments of her life. "And I won't take it lying down."

A second later Meg was on her feet, running out of the room with Alice trailing. The passageway opened up onto a long balcony overlooking some long out of use ballroom.

"Miss Meg, where are we going?"

"No idea, kid."

Alice ran as fast as she could, but her legs were no match for Megara's. "Then how will you know where to look?" she called out.

"Gut instinct!" came the response as Meg disappeared around the corner.

Alice reached the same spot and hopped up a small set of stairs. She found herself in an attic cluttered with boxes and paintings. Meg was still in this room because she called out to someone to stop where they were. Alice scrambled around an old chair covered in a cloth and nearly ran into Meg from behind.

The being Meg was addressing was quite tall, draped in black robes, with a pair of dark horns either as a headdress or actual skull protrusions. All things being equal, Alice would prefer to have left the figure alone, but her friend was understandably angry and hurt, and that tended to create a contagious aura of courage.

"You almost got me killed!" Shouted Meg.

The figure refused to face them. "And what concern is it to me what becomes of either of you?"

"Because I know your kind! Pure ego, no sense! You could have just asked me!"

"Me?" The figure spun around revealing the green face of a stern woman, perhaps a witch. "Ask? Like a common sheep? I am Maleficent! The mistress of all evil!"

Meg was clearly about to say the wrong thing when Alice jumped into the conversation. "Pleased to meet you." She curtseyed. "You must be very important."

Maleficent gave Alice a suspicious glare, like she was dissecting her. "I am."

"Well, my name is Alice. And this is my good friend Miss Megara. I believe you'll find us quite unimportant."

Maleficent smirked. "Quite."

"Your majesty," Alice curtseyed a second time on reflex. "Perhaps it's a presumptuous inquiry, but can you tell us why we have both been brought to this strange land?"

Maleficent slid across the floor toward Alice. "Yes, child. It is presumptuous. And you are unimportant." She stared down at the girl for a moment before waving a dismissive hand. "Go. Off with the pair of you, while I'm feeling generous."

"Of course, your grace." As soon as the mistress of all evil's back was to them, Alice's pleasant expression changed to one of pleading as she gently tugged on Meg's hand to leave. But Meg ignored it.

"You don't know, do you?" said Meg.

Her challenging tone rekindled Maleficent's glare. Despite every impulse she had to run, Alice couldn't help but admire the older woman's audaciousness.

"That's why you were in my head. Looking for answers."

"Miss Meg," Alice gave her an awkward grimace.

"No. I'm right, aren't I? You're as confused as we are."

"How dare you!" A stiff current swirled through the attic, blowing every loose bit of cloth and strand of hair in all directions. "I am the m-"

"Mistress of all evil," interrupted Meg. "Yes, I'm sure that counts for something. But not so much here, does it?"

"Disrespecting me is a dangerous choice."

"That," Meg shifted her weight to one hip, "is why I'm not disrespecting you."

She and Maleficent locked gazes while the flow of wind softened to stillness. The sorceress laughed. "You have conviction."

"Megara. Former pawn of the dead. And the lexicon of syllables here is convinced that she's dreaming all of this."

"Contrariwise-" began Alice, but no one was listening to her.

"And you, Megara, "said Maleficent. "What do you believe?"

Meg drew in a breath before answering. "I haven't decided yet."

"But you have an idea that has been gnawing at you."

Meg glanced at Alice, debating whether or not she should speak her mind in front of the innocent girl. But Meg figured that keeping Alice in the dark would only make it worse in the long run. "I think we all may be dead."

Maleficent laughed harder now. It was unclear to Meg whether it was a way-off-base laugh or a delighted confirmation. Maleficent ran her hand over the ball at the end of her staff and the image of Meg and Alice's journey through the woods from several hours prior played through it. Meg watched as she tried to insult Hades into appearing. From an outside viewpoint, it was embarrassing.

"I think it's fair to say your Hades is not coming for you." The image faded to blackness. "Does that comfort you, or set you at unease?"

"It doesn't answer anything."

"Observe," said Maleficent. Images of Kronk, Jasmine, and the rest appeared in the ball.

"Who are they?"

"Others." The images vanished again.

"What's the connection?" asked Alice.

"It's a mortal failing, searching for connections where there may be none. I've searched this entire land for answers." An overhead view of the Headless Horseman galloping across the meadow appeared, and the image pulled back revealing a large land mass surrounded by ocean. "Up close and from afar. And I have learned two things about it. This world in which we find ourselves is both finite and incongruous."

"What does that mean?" asked Meg.

Alice spoke up. "It means ill-harmonious. Discordant."

"I know," Meg huffed, before regaining her composure, "what the word means, sweetie."

Maleficent chuckled to herself. "It means this has all been prearranged." Maleficent waited to see how the two young ladies reacted to the conclusion. Megara had to catch her own jaw from opening, whereas Alice's eyes seemed to wander in thought. "Tell me, does that comfort you?"

"I guess it depends on who has prearranged it."

"For that, you're going to have to seek answers elsewhere." Maleficent glided away from them and a green flame appeared around her silhouette. "Farewell for now," she exclaimed as the glow flared and shrunk into a tiny dot before disappearing entirely.

For a moment Alice and Meg were blinded by the change in lighting, and they felt for each other's hand. As soon as they could make out vague details of the attic they started walking back toward the doorway they'd come through.

"Come on kid," said Meg. "This place has a ballroom. Let's see if it has a kitchen as well."

Continued in Chapter Seven.

Return to the table of contents.

Welcome to the Wooly Side

Thank you kindly for visiting my blog. My name is Sean, and I'm a professional loafer and procrastinator.

I started this blog in 2014 primarily with the intention of compiling everything I'd written (that I felt was at least worth a skim) into one place. Then I started writing some new stuff, and the whole project turned into this massive nuisance. After over a hundred entries, I thought it might benefit anyone who stumbles into this site to have a bit of organization. As such, this blog provides links to other blogs in my self-proclaimed portfolio, with a brief description warning you of what you're getting into.

What is the wooly side? Boy, you'd think I'd know. I've heard of people being wild and wooly, and the wild side of life is of very little interest to me. But for some time now I've imagined that there must be a wooly side to balance it out, made up of reasonably unobtrusive inhabitants that may not be magical enough to fall into the realm of fantasy, but are also a bit too odd to feel comfortable swimming in the mainstream. To date, I haven't actually taken a stroll alongside a mammoth like the image on the site suggests (that's not even me, by the way), but I've always suspected I would quite get along with a magnificent creature like that.

So anyway, thank you again for stopping by, and please help yourself to any/all of the offerings available.


Short Stories

Not to suggest that writing short stories is easy per se, but I find that (minus a few exceptions) it requires the least amount of planning. Polish certainly, but when the muse hits you just right you can really reap the benefit of an inspired beginning, middle, and end. Here are the short stories that I feel at least work on some level.

The Unseen Kingdom
This is a faerie tale I wrote for my two act stage show End of the World in 2005. Like so many of my short stories, it's meant to be read out loud. The story is clearly a retelling of the opening to Sleeping Beauty, with an emphasis on why laughter is so important.

The Opening Line
A short story about writer's block, probably autobiographical. It's me versus my inner critic and reader, with special nagging by the muse herself. And not to spoil the ending, but the opening line never reaches its predicate.

A Thousand Words
A flash fiction piece that is literally a thousand words. An upper-classed snob has delusions of immortality when her overworked servant Marguerite delivers her portrait. I was trying to tap into an Edgar Allen Poe/Robert Browning mindset. In the end I think I wandered into dark humor territory. No regrets though.

A Current Event
This was just a silly story for which I found the seeds in an old notebook and thought I might try dusting it off to see what became of it. I'll admit it's more of a B-side tale, but I think it has a bit of a charm to it.

A Glass of Wine
I'd had this one in my head for a while, and Short Story Week 2015 was the perfect way to force me into writing it out. After the previous entry which only had one spoken sentence, I wanted to tell a story entirely in dialogue. Royalty, political subtext, and murder, all under 700 words.

Thinking Inside the Box
This was part of one of my early nanowrimo years. I got scolded by a featureless fiction character in my head. I love what came from the encounter, even if there's nothing else I can do with apart from posting it to a blog.

The CORE of PSD
I got to tap into my dark humor a little with this one. I was in graduate school for library studies, and I'd been having to read an endless procession of dull articles that convinced me even the writers couldn't have cared less about the subjects. So I decided to make up my own little anecdote in cataloging history, and then pull my hair out writing an academic article about it.

The Protagonist
My first flash fiction piece! Suppose you turn out to be a completely irrelevant character in somebody else's story? I guess you might be entering the real world or something.

MTV's House of Horror
This one's a bit of an oddity. Celebrating Halloween I created a mental walk-through haunted house based on the golden decade of MTV music videos. Essentially, I'm describing what you see as you stroll down the corridors. The full list of references appears at the end; 79 in total.

Hallmark Presents -A Very Depressing Thanksgiving
Keeping with the holiday theme, I bump into the mascot of Thanksgiving itself. The turkey is having an esteem crisis because the surrounding holidays are way cooler. It's hard to tell, but I think I made things a little better.

The Nothing Special Christmas Special
If this were made into an actual Christmas special, I'd expect this to be the final act. Suzy Snowflake has been unsuccessful getting an official Christmas special off the ground and has returned to the North Pole right at the end of the season. But maybe there's a little Christmas magic left in an unexpected place.

Playing a Glissando
Certainly not one of my favorite titles, but I kind of enjoyed the story of a divorcee dealing with an overbearing ex. This sequence was originally devised as part of The Carousel, but I never could transplant it into Caris's life anywhere. As such it became it's own thing centered around a one-shot character.

Stakes and Ratings
I'd been watching some of Bob Newhart's standup, and I imagine some part of me tried to emulate his unemulatable style. As we were approaching Halloween, I naturally started thinking about things like vampires. One idea, what do vampires dream about? Another, what if vampire hunters had a Rachel Ray type television show? These two ideas congealed into this result.

The Journey to the Journey
Another title I'm really not fond of, and I couldn't even remember what this was about before calling it up. I tried writing in a different style, forgoing plot in favor of a general concept. This is based on a father I once saw at an airport interacting with his son. The encounter just stayed with me.

The Elevator
Man, I had a series of undescriptive titles for Short Story Week 2016. This was a suspense piece I wrote for Flash Fiction Night back in 2011. I've never figured out why I name some characters and not others, but here is a week in the tedious life of Leon, who's working a temp job as an elevator attendant. There is a clear breaking point.

Sacrificing the Lamb
Another 'verbing the noun' title, but at least this one gives some indicator of what's going on. Part fable with a dash of frame story, sometimes things change simply because they do.

The Maul of America
This may or may not become a tradition with me, but I wanted to do another spook house attraction for Halloween. I took Universal's original horror icons and stuck them in a shopping mall setting. Mainly just describing the tourist's experience walking through the attraction.

Three Christmas Short Stories
This was a single blog I did to churn out three very short Christmas themed stories. For "The True Meaning of Christmas" I tapped into my inner sarcastic child and played with a few of the basic tropes. "Angel on Campus" was based directly off of an encounter that happened to my mom while she was still in college (with my own embellishments, since I wasn't there). And "Hurry Down the Chimney" is part of The Carousel (see below). My demon character is in a rarely utilized 'up' mood and she's trying her hand at decorating the condo for Christmas, despite having no former knowledge of what goes where and why.

Kingdom Hearts: The Game That Never Will Be
Kind of in the same vein as my spook house blogs, this is a descriptive account of a Kingdom Hearts spin-off game I would make if I happened to fall into the director's seat of a videogame company. A new villain, new creatures, and a few more Disney properties to check off the list.

The Dragon I Met
This was a story told through six journal entries and a mediocre acrostic poem. A dabble in literary fiction (a genre I hate), this was filler for a breakout room event that our library hosted. I'm writing as an arrogant scholar from London on a walking tour through Scotland in the 1800's. His journey intertwines with tales of a majestic creature of the deep. For Nessie.

Love: Nothing
This is a fun little piece of fan fiction set in the Mario-verse. Princess Peach gets bullied on her own tennis court by a 'Wa-Princess'. It's not always a plumber who comes to the rescue.

It Just Is
Man, I have no idea why this one was so popular! Possibly because it's short. Middle of Short Story Week and my mind went completely blank. So I dug through some old nanowrimo stuff and found this bit of surrealism (probably the same voice from Thinking Inside the Box, see above). I can't and shan't explain it. As per title, it just is.

There's No Pleasing Some People
This could have been a comedy sketch, but I went the short story route instead. Anyone who works in customer service fantasizes about getting away with crap like this.

The Checkered Game of Death
My 2017 haunted house attraction blog, centered around the theme of board games. This time I created a back story for the haunts to offset the over descriptiveness of the walk through.


The Carousel

The centerpiece of my fiction is a little garden I call The Carousel, based around two primary protagonists Caris and Zelphina. Caris is the kind of character you'd expect to find in a cozy mystery, but it seems her story got misshelved in the sci-fi/fantasy section where she fell in love with the demon princess Zelphina. Here's a little introduction.

Not in a Lodge (partial): A short ghost story I hope to finish very soon.

Caris's Welcoming: If I ever manage to get a draft of my first novel up and running, this is going to be the prologue.

Love and Possession: Another partial piece that may or may not ever see completion. Caris's best friend is about to marry a preacher with a teenaged daughter named Becky. But things go sour when Becky becomes possessed by a supernatural force.

Punchline Sold Separately: This was just a silly conversation between the girls, where no-nonsense Zel is having difficulty grasping the rubrics of a knock knock joke.

After the Fall: A snippet from the first novel detailing Caris and Zel's first kiss. Again, based on the current status of the draft I may have to rework it entirely. *sigh* Oh well.

PhantomCon's Panel: Something fun I wrote for myself, as if my fictional characters attended a fictional fan convention to answer questions from a fictional audience. I discovered that Zel really isn't too fond of me. Part two is here.

In Theaters Friday (mid-2078): A nanowrimo exercise. If my story were to be turned into a movie, what would the preview look like? Well not this since so much has changed, but it looks pretty cool anyway.

Splash Fiction: This short piece focuses only on Zel, demonstrating her social awkwardness at a pool party, and the slapstick she tends to attract.

Caris Runs On: The final day of Short Story Week 2015. Caris tells a 648 word story composed of a single sentence.

The Haunted Hayride (100th Post Party): My one hundredth blog. I decided to do another meta-piece by taking some of my characters on a hayride tour of my childhood nightmares. Zel and I come to an understanding.

A Room Without a View: This was part of a creative writing course I took last autumn. I was hoping to use the assignments to create a full story, but that didn't happen. Caris is a scare actor in a fake haunted house that actually turns out to be haunted.

Calm Tides: This was from the same class right around the time I'd given up on the way it was structured. More Zel-centric, she and Anomaly come to an 'understanding'.

The Call of Mardi Gras: I practically went three weeks in a row starting new stories. I haven't come back to this one yet, but it's still on my to do list.

150th Blog: Writing What You Know: I get to hang out with Caris for a little bit; kind of doing a fan fiction of my own fiction. Surreal, huh?

Missed Direction: For Short Story Week 2016 I'd wanted to write a Zel-centric story, but I discovered she's a really hard protagonist to crack. But then I opened up the month of Halloween and I think I found an access point. Zel fills in as a fortune teller. But she's not exactly overflowing with people skills. It's why I love her.

A House Call: This will ideally be a segment of the first chapter of the first book. Slow going, but never abandoned.

Paradise Restructured: A segment from one of my Camp Nanowrimos, strangely not involving either Caris or Zel. This is kind of an experiment to see if I need to reconsider just a first person narrative in order to convey information to the reader. Signs are looking good.

200th Blog: The Wooly Side's Open Mic Night (and a Cow Named Rover): Wow, it's really been 200 blogs! I just kind of turned all of my characters loose for the evening to see what would happen. It turned into kind of a fun combination of poetry, prose, lyrics, and script. Of course Zel had to take center stage. She's a lot more of a spotlight hound than she wants to admit.

Her Weight in Goldilocks: This, I'm pleased to say, is a Carousel short story that actually works as a standalone. You don't really have to know Caris and Zel personally to follow conflicting feelings about babysitting. My Short Story Week 2017 kickoff piece.

Buried Treasure: And this was Short Story Week 2017's finale. Caris is narrating her mini-golfing day out with Zel on International Talk Like a Pirate Day, which she naturally turns into an allegory. I never would have guessed it, but I seem to have a knack for writing romance (in small bursts, mind you).

Next Game: I was writing more Carousel stuff for Camp Nanowrimo. Zel seems lost when she's not in combat, even if it's more psychological than physical. I don't know if Zel is even capable of playing a purely friendly game of pool, but that's hardly an option here.

A Scoop of Mashed Potatoes On Top of a Manhole Cover: I kicked off Short Story Week of 2018 with a bit of an internal argument about what does and doesn't constitute art. I'll admit it's not my best story, but I quite liked framing it amidst a conversation between Caris and myself.

The Bridge and the Troll: This one was better. I always feel at home when I revisit classic folk/fairy tales, and this one gave me an outlet for some character snark to snark combat.

The Semantics of Murder: Sometimes I just have to try a gimmick in a short story. To say what it is would spoil the fun, but suffice to say things are not what they're meant to appear as.

For the Dental Plan: This could just as easily have been a comedy sketch, but I kept it in story format because it's a little easier to keep the plot going that way. It starts with an employee being called into a meeting with the boss, and it slowly derails from there.

I Hope You Like Her: I'd been reading up on the synopses of various Twilight Zone episodes. Not all of them were horrifying, but the pattern had the focus on some sort of odd situation with a reveal at the end. It's kind of a nice writing exercise. This is my result.



Multi-Chapter Stories

I have a group of longer pieces that are encompassing multiple chapters. One is my five chapter Scooby Doo fan-fiction called Scooby-Doo's Unsolved Mystery, with a link to the first chapter.

I'm also writing an EPIC Disney themed fan-fiction called Chasing the Rabbit, again with a link to the first chapter here. It's obviously a work in progress, but I'll be updating the Table of Contents page (see below) as I go.

I also have an ongoing over-the-top humorous piece called The Wax Buzzard Files (obviously a cheap version of a Maltese Falcon). This is what I work on when I have writer's block. Prologue link here. Best of luck.

The Table of Contents to these stories is here.


Poems

Do you like poetry? I'll rephrase that. Do you tolerate poetry? Good. here's a list of things I've posted that rhyme:

Demi Caper -a parody of Because I Could Not Stop for Death by Emily Dickinson
The Kamyl -a parody of The Tyger by William Blake
The King and Me -a satirical summary of the Rodgers and Hammerstein musical "comedy"
The Final Word/EOW Parade -from my stage show End of the World. Parodies (notice a trend?) of Supercalifragilisticexpialidocious and the chorus of Sharing a Dream Come True
Ostrich -also from End of the World, a hoedown styled tale of courage and feathers
End of the World -take a guess. This was our closing song for the show. Call me some time and I'll sing it for you personally
Family Game Night -a song parody of Uncle Cracker's Follow Me, about the hair pulling blandness of playing a full game of Monopoly
Faeriesong/Cruel Tragedy -in my opinion, my best lyrical work. My recurring character Vanessa gets a little help managing her depression from an ethereal admirer
Poetry Slam -a half dozen poems from my younger days. Includes Opening Night, When it's Over, Neurosis, Song of the Spyre, Debbie Kicked Me, and Star of Love
The Siren -day seven of my self-commanded short story week; melancholic lyrics to a Loreena McKennitt type song that currently only resides in my head
My Own Private Grinch -This idea started out very differently. I intended to write a story about an eating disorder using the Grinch as my metaphor. Then I thought I might try opening the story in the typical Dr. Seuss verse. Then I thought I might close it that way as well. Then things got out of control
Giving Me Grief on Logo -after a brief-ish dissertation on what I've learned about parody writing, I demonstrate the lessons by reworking Ricky Martin's classic Livin La Vida Loca into a hate letter addressed to my time in Disney's parades department
An Adolescent Valentine's Day -A full dozen poems from my high school/college years dusted off and commented on. Includes Lee of the Rock, Iambic Tetrameter No. 239 in C Flat, "St. Virginia", "The question's allusion", The First Snowfall, "The snow and the wind and the mist", Eye-Contact, At the End of the Rope, An Overdose of What?, "No deeper cave", One More Chance, and "Every time I think I fall in love"
Return to Nevermore -This is a Janet Jackson parody that I've had kicking around in my head for decades and finally decided to take seriously. I turn "Black Cat" into "Black Bird" (yeah I know, real creative) and cram as many Edgar Allen Poe references into it as I can while still having it make the least bit of sense.
Poetry Slam Revisited: Ten Degrees of Frost -I took another round of going through the old college notebooks. A friend of mine once assured me that no writing is wasted writing. I have yet to receive feedback from her on this one. Includes Slipping Through Woods on a Snowbound Evening, A Question to Lewis Carroll, Innocence, When It's Over (Redux), Kitten, Blind Fury, Visions Fade, "Oh My God I've Been Shot", Footprints, and Connection.
Camino Real -Take Tennessee Williams's most amorphous plot line and cram it into Peter Gabriel's "Steam". On second thought, don't. I've got it covered.


Sketches

I also write short scripts. Here are a few entries that fall under this category.

Grand Exit -A four minute skit involving anthropologists and a mummy.
Casting Feud -My first (debatably) paid gig. This was an unproduced PSA for Disney cast members to receive an info dump about the goings on of the Casting Department. I hear they both loved it, and didn't want to do it.
The Laugh Liberation Front -Can you write a sketch about people who think they're funny, but aren't, and it still be funny? Well, I believe I can.
Every Wolf Has His Day -Part of Short Story Week 2015, this wound up becoming a script instead. I really want to try this with puppets some time.
The Heavenly Court (excerpt) -Another of my many, many unfinished projects. What if Nature filed a lawsuit against God for copyright infringement? That's a question I never quite get around to asking, much less answer, in this opening stage show scene.


Reviews

I also tend to criticize the work of people more successful than me because it makes me feel better. Here is everything that falls under this umbrella.

The Next Food Network Star (2014): Back when my blog was young and directionless, I thought it might be a fun experiment to review season whatever of The Food Network's attempts to salvage its dignity after sabotaging several contestants the year before. Check out my mission statement, followed by reactions to week one, week two, week three, week four, week five, and week six before I finally just gave up and stopped caring anymore. It's a fun ride.

I'm a big Weird Al fan. In a time where the impending release of his presumably final album is in the scope, I do a full retrospective on his music. First, I don't shut up about what I'm planning to write about. Then I delve into his self-titled debut album, In 3-D, and Dare to be Stupid. After that I hit up Polka Party, Even Worse and the UHF soundtrack. Subsequently I take on Off the Deep End, Alapalooza, and Bad Hair Day. Postliminary is the summation of Running with Scissors and Poodle Hat. Ensuing abaft thereupon subsists recapitulations of Straight Outta Lynwood and Alpocalypse. And then I wrap it all up with a review of Mandatory Fun and have to go find something else to do.

You want Muppets? I got Muppets. I do a ranking of the various Muppet films in two parts, one and two to be precise. I also review the ABC series that deserves way more credit than it gets.

I threw in the towel on The Simpsons a long time ago, but I still poke my head in for the Halloween specials. I did a review of Treehouse of Horror XXV, and the following year I did a more encompassing retrospective of the whole series.

Disney films are inescapable. This is an ongoing series where I take a hard look at the films of the past and (eventually) the present. The classes include Princess 101 (Snow White, Cinderella, and Sleeping Beauty), Disney's Animated Dark Age (One Hundred and One Dalmatians, The Sword in the Stone, The Aristocats, Robin Hood, The Fox and the Hound, The Black Cauldron, The Great Mouse Detective, and Oliver & Company)  Princess 201 (The Little Mermaid, Beauty and the Beast, and Aladdin), Music Appreciation (Fantasia/Fantasia 2000), the Extended Family (the Pixar films), the Disney boys (Pinocchio, Peter Pan, and The Jungle Book), the Winnie the Pooh films (The Many Adventures of Winnie the Pooh, The Tigger Movie, Piglet's Big Movie, Pooh's Heffalump Movie, and Winnie the Pooh), and the underrated classic (A Goofy Movie).

I haven't seen the National Lampoon's Vacation remake, and I don't plan to. But it doesn't mean I can't review it based on the trailer and personal bias, right?

Maybe not a straight up review of the Paranormal Activity franchise, but a reaction nonetheless.

Another reflective piece, this time on video game company Rare, with special attention to the Nintendo years. You know. The period that matters.

Scooby Dooby Doo! Contrary to popular belief, not every story in this franchise is the same. Some are way cooler than others. You want my top picks? Too bad! You're getting them!

We're in the insanely golden years of superhero films. And what more appropriate way is there for a nerd like me to celebrate than by griping and backbiting over unimportant details. I take on the Marvel Cinematic Universe Phase One and Phase Two, the X-Men trilogy of trilogies, and the Batmen versus the Supermen.

It's hard to take The Rocky Horror Picture Show seriously, but damn it, I'm going to try. Set aside about half an hour to read my review/summary/explication of this cult classic.

Welcome to My Nightmare by Alice Cooper is an awesome album. When I found out he'd done a sequel to it in 2011 I had to review them both together. For Halloween no less. I'm so clever.

Speaking (quite a bit) of horror, I have a love/hate relationship with the Saw franchise, and I'm not afraid to curse about it. Bring the kids.

Who doesn't love James Bond theme songs? No, seriously. I'm looking for somebody to beat up. Well, except not all of them are equally good. Hell, a couple of them aren't even worthy of their opening credits sequences. Yes, I have some pretty well defined opinions on that matter, thanks for asking.

I saw Star Wars: The Force Awakens. Big surprise, huh? I also wrote a review of it. Because I was so sure nobody else would think to do that.

My 2015 movie wrap-up. I just touch on a few highlights, about a paragraph a film. I expect this will become an annual thing. Oh, by the way, I saw Star Wars.

I grew up on Heart's music, and having just procured tickets to see the Wilson sisters live in concert I wanted to spotlight some of my favorite songs from the band. And so I did. And the sun rose a little sunnier the next morning.

Roxette's Joyride is a tribute to one of my favorite musical groups. I have it listed as an editorial, but I was wrong to do so. It will never happen again.

Wow, the Ghostbusters reboot certainly stirred up some heated words amongst the internet dwellers. Was that all for naught, or should the franchise have left well enough alone? Well I have answers.

I was looking forward to the remake of The Rocky Horror Picture Show. But then I watched it. And then I was looking forward to reviewing it.

I was actually in a short film called The Ogre. If you want to know what I thought about the result, then look no further! Seriously don't. The link to it was a few sentences back.

There is an official listing of the Top 10 Animated Shorts (50 actually, but I DO have a life, you know). I run through the lineup to see how well I think they hold up, in two blogs: 10-6 and 5-1.

And here's my 2016 movie wrap-up. Don't you love it when things turn into traditions?

For Halloween 2017 I took Meat Loaf's Bat Out of Hell Trilogy and did kind of a review/analysis hybrid, pretending I was putting on all three albums as a massive opera. The results were...long.

The Ghosts of Christmas Specials was part blog but mostly review of three of my favorite Christmas specials; namely the Mystery Science Theater 3000 version of Santa Claus Conquers the Martians, The Bells of Fraggle Rock, and ALF's Christmas Special.

And...my third annual buffet of film reviews with the 2017 movie wrap-up.

Review of Jesus Christ Superstar Live in Concert. This blog is exactly what it sounds like it is.


Editorials

When I run short of creativity, I occasionally write blogs that are closer to the spirit of actual blogs (you know, taking a topic and rambling incessantly about it). Here they are listed by title.

Is Rock and Roll dead?
The Curse of the Halloween Soundtrack
Eddie Murphy's Law: An Immobile Object Can Never Keep Up
Why Does it Matter if Han Shot First?
Seven Miscast Characters (and One to Grow On)
Five Signs You've Become an A***ole at Disney World
Happy Birthday Pac-Man!
This Week's Shiny Object: Caitlyn Jenner
Giving Katherine Heigl a Left-Handed Compliment
Who is Monty Python?
Shows in Need of a Reboot: Ranma 1/2's Character Changes
This Week's Shiny Object (with Guest Blogger Sarah DeArmond): Quiverfull and the Duggars
Doctor Who and Steven Moffat
It's Your Sequel, Lucy van Pelt!
The Twelve Obscure Carols of Christmas
Seven Little Pitfalls of Caroling
Alice Eve, the Young Turks, and an Offensive Joke
When is Criticism Constructive?
The Obstacle of Shallow Faith
I'd Like to Thank the Academy, But I'm Not Going To
Video Games as Art -Thanks for Everything, jayisgames.com
Sarasaland's Superstar (Why Daisy Needs Her Own Game)
A Tribute to Mystique for a Change of Face
Cowbania's Fantasy Summer Olympic League
Batman Minus Batman
Chromatic Dragon Con -The Other People's Convention
How Christmas Stole the Grinch (A Comparative Look at Christmas Films)
Merry Christmas! Let's Go Caroling!
The Liberal Christian
A Video Game Case of Sequelitis
Six Children's Songs Way Cooler Than They Should Have Been
Because I'm Alternative Batman
Why Does Sailor Moon Resonate?
So You're Locked in a Room
Shows in Need of a Reboot: Snarfquest
How the Odyssey2 Created Magic
Why Maleficent is Disney's Alpha Female
Super Punch-Line!! (Arcade Edition)
Wonder Woman: Arriving Precisely When She Means To
5 Tips for People Who Want to Give Chris Chibnall Tips About Showrunning Doctor Who
Eight Video Game Characters Who Deserve a Comeback
My Top Ten Favorite Death Scenes in Films
13 Frightening Entrances: The Best Horror Theme Songs
9 Trick or Treating Tips: I'm a Fluffy Bunny
Doctor Who: What Would You Do if You Were Steven Moffat?
How to Fail at Humor -A Survival Primer
Why the Rock-afire Explosion is the Greatest Cover Band Ever
A Dozen Break-up Songs -The Bittersweet Candygram (with Guest Blogger Sarah DeArmond)
Cowbania's Fantasy Winter Olympic League
Updates: The Uncooperative Muses and the Librarian Medley
The League of Super Bystanders
Should Elsa Have a Girlfriend?
Unmasking the Bogeyman
Point, Click, Die: The Museum of Haunted Adventure Games (90's Edition)
2019 Movie Previews
Should Radio Stations Pull 'Baby It's Cold Outside' Out of Rotation?
Finding a Host for the Oscars (My Nominees)
Ten Lessons from Ten Years of Marriage (with Guest Blogger Sarah DeArmond)
How I'd Change Endgame if I had the Infinity Gauntlet
The Flightless Bird Pride Parade
An Open Letter: Where is the Evidence of God?
The Halloween Monster Auditions


About Me

Perhaps you're interested in a little bit about me. Aside from the basics, like all the usual toes and vital organs, I have quite a bit of fun giving sarcastic answers to personal questions (particularly in survey format). You can read the ones I filled out in March 2007, April 2008, May 2008, Summer 2008 (obviously a slow year for me), Thanksgiving 2008, September 2009, one long awaited follow-up in May 2015, a November 2016 revival and a March 2018 reunion.
My laptop broke on me and I went a few months without posting anything. Then I got a Chromebook. Wow, I could have just said that instead of the multiple paragraphs in the blog.
I made kind of a big deal about October 2015, doing a massive Halloween celebration. Decorating the Lawn was my show opener, and I gave some personal history about growing up in a Halloween-loving household.
I always try to avoid putting forth opinions about things that actually matter, but the June 2016 shooting in Orlando really hit me hard. This was probably my most personal blog where I took a moment to process what I was feeling about the horrible event and some of the issues attached to it.
My Own Disney Home (Part One: Under the Mouse's Ears) I worked at Disney for six years, and I thought people might enjoy reading what I thought about the company.
My Own Disney Home (Part Two: Through the Donkey's Eyes) Oh yeah, did I mention for five and a half of those years I was a character performer? I may have picked up a couple of anecdotes.
13 Hitchhiking Ghosts Funny thing, I also have a particular phobia of animatronics. Here's a fun look back at some of my more nightmarish memories.
The 3rd Annual Sci-fi/Fantasy Festival: and the Long Walk Back to Reality Our library holds a free mini-convention every year. Being on the development team is one of the most creatively draining (in the best way) experiences I've had. Here is a look back on how I achieved complete mental exhaustion.
Home is Where the Dogs Are -A Thanksgiving Gathering This is a personal tribute to my family of hounds, terriers, and unidentified. Our souls will always intertwine.


Miscellaneous

And finally, here are the posted blogs that don't really fit easily into any other category. Most of these are image heavy.

This is a Test -My first blog! I was way too proud of myself.
Zork Elements -If you've ever played the Zork games, then you're familiar with their 'list parodies' of the months of the year, major holidays, etc. I decided to do that with the periodic table. It took way longer than you'd think.
The Ampersand -This was a class project in Library School. I had to create a mini-graphic novel using toondoo.com. I even drew one character myself. I's as exciting as it sounds.
Thinking Without Portals (part one, two, and three) -One of my contributions to the Hoover Library's adult game night program. GLaDOS is back, and claims to need your help defeating a dangerous virus. Surely there can't be an ulterior motive.
Super Mario P.I. -Another game night entry. A Nintendo relic has been stolen and Toad has rounded up the usual suspects. Can Mario discover the culprit? There is a secret level that nobody seems to have bothered looking for yet. You'll have to contact me directly to get to it.
The Twelfth Toll -My biggest puzzle-based story; this one themed around the survival/horror genre of video games. Visit part one, two, three, and four if you think you've got what it takes.
The Zodiac's Labyrinth was part of my Halloween 2016 blog series. I hadn't done any puzzle design in a while and I wanted another shot at it. This serves as kind of a maze from Aries to Pisces.
The Video Game Christmas Parade -One final game night exhibition. This one was fairly well received. Of course we were bribing the attendees with prizes, but you only get so far on integrity.


S1: The Tomb of Horrors (Live Version) -Did you know you can use PowerPoint to create a Choose-Your-Own-Adventure? As of this writing I've done three for our Sci-fi/Fantasy Festivals, one of which was based on the classic D&D dungeon crawl to end dungeon crawls, the Tomb of Horrors. Here's a taste of what the end result was like, in parts one and two.

Editorial: Sarasaland's Superstar (Why Princess Daisy Needs Her Own Game)

A bit of trivia I learned about thirty seconds ago, Daisy is the only major female character in the Mario series not created by Shigeru Miyamoto.

So let's talk Princess "Hi, I'm" Daisy. When you consider any of the Mario sports/racing titles that progress according to 'cup' difficulty, the sequence always goes Mushroom-Flower-Star-and usually Special. And while Nintendo hasn't given us that "Special" Mario princess as of yet (unless you want to argue in favor of Zelda's extension) we've got our big three represented by Peach, Daisy, and Rosalina.

Now don't get me wrong, I love Rosalina. She's a great addition to the lineup. But I can't help noticing that she got fast-tracked around Daisy, appearing in both a main console platformer and the Smash series before Daisy has been invited into either. As such, Daisy has gone from decades of living in Peach's shadow to a classic middle child relegation. Warning Nintendo: do you really want Miss 'Yay-Hah!' Extrovert to start repressing those feelings?

But let's back it up some. Daisy admittedly started out as a Peach clone, and many of her well-defined characteristics come from various game designers intentionally distinguishing her from her predecessor. And that reminds me of an anecdote.

Do you remember Fraggle Rock? Well, damn it! Go watch the entire series right now! No, not the animated one, just the good stuff. That wonderful performance of the athletic powerhouse Red Fraggle was given to us by a then-scared fledgling Muppeteer named Karen Prell, who wanted so badly to get cast as the motherly artist Mokey (the character she related to). Prell didn't connect with Red at first, and you can see in the earliest episodes how she's playing at the character without really finding the heart of her.

It wasn't until episode 7 "I Want to Be You" where Prell figured out who Red was by figuring out who Mokey was, and stripping that away. From then on, Red became a much stronger character, maybe even an unofficial template for strong female characters before that demand was really voiced. At that time, traits like 'headstrong', 'opinionated', and 'competitive' tended to have negative connotations; especially when applied to females. But through Red, these aspects were presented in a positive light, both as strengths to be used constructively and as weaknesses to be overcome in constructive ways.

There exists a parallel between Red/Mokey and Daisy/Peach. Daisy was created in Peach's mold, and for a while she may as well just have been Peach in disguise. But then the characters started growing and getting voice actresses. Peach became Nintendo's 'Disney Princess'. Peach is proper, refined, and concerned with behaving "the way a princess should", which naturally opens her up to a lot of the same criticisms Cinderella and that crowd get regarding passiveness.

Certainly fair conversations to have, but it's also worth putting into perspective. Peach is in a traditional homemaker role; baking, having dinner parties, pouring tea. In Japanese culture this role is treated with high respect. Here in the States it tends to be associated with patriarchal expectation. Let me go on record at this point and say that feminism is a really REALLY good thing that we honestly all need, but it's also important to remember that people can express feminism in different ways. A woman who wants to be a homemaker has as much claim to feminism as a woman who wants to be an auto mechanic. So no shame in homemaking, that's who Peach is.

Daisy is not that.

The Mario Party series began claiming pretty early on that Daisy was a tomboy, but at that point you just had to take their word for it.

Then she got a voice. God. Bless. Deanna. Mustard. How can you not find that passion for everything contagious? "Woo-hoo! The mail came! Water bill? YES!" Mustard delivers every line at an eleven on the exuberance scale, and it creates a unique dynamic with the character. She's excited. About whatever she's doing. And she's so happy to be doing it. And somehow it comes across as pure confidence without ever crossing into pride. Whereas Peach forces herself into "Oh, did I win?" humility, Daisy doesn't need anyone's permission to feel good about her success. And yeah, I know some people find her annoying, but I happen to find those people annoying so let's never acknowledge them again.

So why should Daisy have her own game? Well, let's look at it from a marketing standpoint. Girls play video games. They've been playing as long as boys have, even if the market itself has been less than encouraging to them. Now I don't think there's any real demographic of non-gaming females who have just been waiting for Super Princess Daisy, but there's something to be said for the industry recognizing a demographic that already exists. With Daisy, there would be a whole subtext that would speak volumes for itself. Namely, if video games appeared within the Mario universe, Daisy would most likely be a gamer girl. And she would kick ass doing it. A game with Daisy as the protagonist would read as Nintendo's acknowledgement and/or gratitude to the vast number of women who have supported the years of Mario and Zelda titles.

There's also the problem of saturation that the revolving door of Mario platformers often seep into. With a platforming game, you want familiarity but you also want individuality. Super Princess Daisy would have a character we already know, but one we also don't know enough about. Hence, there's a real potential to play with the formula and moveset. We already know how Mario, Luigi, Yoshi, and Peach move through a level, but Daisy has some wiggle room. Depending on the hardware, you could create a whole new arsenal of athletic stunts to employ in defeating obstacles; a thing or two that only Daisy can pull off.

And then there's the fact that Daisy has such a strong personality, yet we really don't know that much about her. It would be nice to explore her thought processes a little, get to know her more. Maybe use her to help flesh out a smidge more about the Mario universe as a whole.

This is what I think Super Princess Daisy should be like. It's a platformer (I'm not going to try to describe level design ideas), but unlike her colleagues who always require rescue missions as motivation, Daisy only needs the call of adventure to get her out the door. Maybe it's a mountain that needs climbing or a wilderness landscape that has yet to be explored. Maybe Sarasaland is responsible for building the pipe transit systems that everybody uses to get around, but it requires someone of prowess to get into difficult to reach places first.

From there, it's about style. Mario has a tendency to break the fourth wall at the beginning and end of an adventure, welcoming and thanking the player respectively. Daisy should talk to the player the whole game. She knows she's in a video game and she knows you're out there. Small victories shift from "I did it!" to "We did it!" She cheers you on as much as she cheers herself. And failure results in a death glare from her (you're the one with the controller). In the end, whatever location she's been trying to get to is reached. The reward is the arrival of her Mushroom Kingdom friends through the planted pipe to spend a little leisure time in some virtual playground at the top of the mountain.

Or maybe she even gets to sled or hang glide back down. What could be more Daisy than that?

Chasing the Rabbit: Chapter Five -Trouble Shared and Joy Divided

Click here for the Table of Contents.

Most people would find solace in an abandoned beach hut resting along the shore of a soothing tide.

But not Judge Claude Frollo.

Frollo was a type of soul who could find fault in paradise itself. And while a certain sympathy for his current plight was not amiss (he found himself in an unfamiliar setting with no recollection of why, just like several other inhabitants of this place who he had not met) the fury with which his makeshift staff combatted the accursed cocoanut tree that refused to relinquish its bounty clearly stemmed from an insuppressible belief that the world was conspiring against him.

Day and night had swapped places in the time it had taken Frollo to accomplish nothing in the pursuit of obtaining a meal. But as one final strike of the staff against the trunk severed the tip into splinters, he had no rational action left except to hurl what remained of it like a javelin at the palms above. A few seconds later came a splash as the staff hit the calm waters in the moonlight.

A growl appeared in Frollo's throat, building into what may have been a word he'd never dared utter until this very moment, but the slow burn was untimely snuffed by the sudden appearance of Kronk.

"Wow!" he laughed. "What are the odds I'd just stumble across another castaway?"

The large man carried an armful of fruits and vegetables that he'd collected from the jungle; a massive armful that towered over Kronk's head with a defiance of physics.

"What do you want?" snapped Frollo, more violated by the intrusion than surprised to discover he hadn't in fact been alone.

Kronk waved his free hand reassuringly. "Easy there, big guy. Just got turned around. Have you seen a woman? Dark hair? Tiara? About so tall?"

Frollo eyed him suspiciously. "Who are you?"

"Oh, sorry. The name's Kronk." He put his hand out but seemed not to notice Frollo's refusal to take it. "So do you live here alone or are you as confused as the rest of us are?"

"The rest of you?"

"Yeah, we've got this talking panther, and Jasmine, and this serious looking guy up in a tree. What else? A couple of fireflies, a bunny, I think I saw a whale but it may have been a weather balloon."

Frollo rolled his eyes and gave one more scowl to the top of the tree that had been mocking him.

"Here, let me help you with that." Kronk bumped the trunk with his shoulder and a loose cocoanut landed in Frollo's hands.

"How did you do that?"

"It's all in the leverage." Kronk demonstrated again. "Center of gravity. Listen, if you're hungry I can whip you up something pretty quick."

Frollo was about to protest, but a second cocoanut hit him on the head. By the time he'd steadied himself from the dizziness, Kronk had half of the food he'd been carrying minced and diced with a stone shard and laid out like a buffet.

Kronk grinned. "There's nothing paprika can't fix."

Frollo tentatively reached for an hors d'oeuvre as Kronk leaned in hoping for a culinary response. "So, you're not from here..."

"Nope. Not even sure where here is. If you got any details, feel free to jump in. Been thinking about it though. Best I can figure, there's been some natural catastrophe that warped reality itself, sending a few hapless survivors thousands of years into the future where rock monsters have taken over the world forcing all of the plants to huddle together on a tropical island. Either that or we're all part of some kid's imagination."

It was clear to Frollo that Kronk was hardly an intellectual, and he pondered the various ways he could ask the man to leave, searching for the most proper. But before he could narrow the list down, a soft female voice was heard in the darkness.

"Kronk?" said Jasmine, elated to see him after she and Elsa had been trudging through the darkness.

"Jasmine!" he beamed. "You made it! You ladies hungry?"

"Starving," she giggled. She composed herself to her royal demeanor as she turned to Frollo. "Good evening." Frollo didn't respond.

Kronk jumped in. "Oh, sorry. This is Jasmine. I probably mentioned her earlier. And this is..." he gave Frollo a confused look. "Actually we haven't completely met."

"Judge Claude Frollo," said Frollo.

"He sounds kind of important," Kronk gave an aside to Jasmine, unaware that his whisper was audible enough for all four people.

Jasmine exquisitely held out her hand to Frollo. "Princess," she emphasized, "Jasmine." Frollo looked displeased as he took her hand. "And this is my friend Elsa."

Elsa curtseyed politely.

"The name's Kronk." He gestured to the spread of produce. "Help yourself. I'll see about getting a fire going."

"Now hold on-" Frollo said, but his protests were interrupted by Jasmine.

"That's really sweet of you Kronk. Where's Bagheera?"

"I think he was happier in the woods."

"He was," came a deep feline voice from the opposite direction. Frollo blinked when he saw the talking beast but dismissed it out of necessity. "Then he picked up another one of your kind." The panther stepped lightly onto the sand with the human shape hanging back in the brush. "Come on," Bagheera prodded him.

"Hey, I recognize that guy!" said Kronk.

"His name is Tarzan? Apparently?" Bagheera coaxed the ape-man out of his cover.

"The more the merrier!"

"I beg to differ!" Frollo regained the group's focus. "I'm pleased everyone has found each other, but this happens to be my territory. I have not invited any of you onto it."

Nobody but the panther seemed to know how to respond. "And you're laying claim based on..."

"I was here first!" Frollo snapped, refusing to acknowledge the sheer immaturity of the defense.

"Human," snickered Bagheera, "You're not in one of your precious villages. You're in the wilderness. And your kind only survives in the wilderness as a tribe."

"Did you just threaten me, animal?"

"If there's a threat, it's not from me. I'm just giving you a reality. Anyone here wants to live? You stay together. You want to wander off to prove something? It's you're own life in your hands."

The waves lapped at the shore in a soft rhythm, and for a few moments no one said anything. But finally Elsa spoke, with a timid finality. "I think we should stick together." Jasmine smiled at her, and Kronk to himself. Tarzan watched Frollo carefully.

"Fine," said the judge. "The hut is mine."

"Aw come one, guy," said Kronk, giving him a friendly punch in the shoulder. "For one night, let the ladies have the hut. We all get some sleep and tomorrow we'll see about building us something stronger."

"And we try to figure this whole thing out," added Jasmine.

Frollo huffed. This wasn't a debate worth having. And he had to admit, if only to himself, that the panther was correct. He filled his mouth with food and waited for Kronk to get the fire built.  A short time later there was warmth and light. Bagheera had curled up on the sand and Kronk was chattering non-stop to Frollo and Tarzan, neither of whom were participating in the conversation.

Elsa had rinsed off the slab where the food had been so as to not attract insects and Jasmine invited her to come over to the fire.

"I'm fine, really," she insisted.

"It's getting chilly out."

"I hadn't noticed."

"You know, you never mentioned where you were from."

"Arendelle. It's a much colder climate."

"Do you have family?"

"I have a sister," said Elsa, barely making eye contact.

In their walk to the beach from the yeti's lair, Elsa hadn't said much. Jasmine had tried talking to her, but Elsa was withdrawn at best. "I do want to apologize."

"Apologize? For what?"

"I think we're all pretty terrified right now. Maybe I've been trying a little too hard. If you just need space..."

"No," said Elsa, meaning yes, "I was thinking to myself."

She trailed off. Jasmine gave her a few moments of silence before accepting that Elsa wouldn't be returning to the conversation on her own. "Do you need me to pry a bit?"

"Oh, that's all right." Elsa smiled. "I'm just wondering. How many of us do you think there are out here?"


The flames on the candelabra ignited on their own  producing a green light that cast a gloomy filter through the single roomed library. "Curiouser and curiouser," said Alice.

"That's the fifth time you've said that," said Meg as she removed a book from the shelf and flipped through it. "The pages." She held them up for Alice to see. "Completely blank."

"What do you suppose made the candles come to life?"

Meg pulled another book down and confirmed it was also devoid of words. "I think someone knows we're here."

"Do you believe in an afterlife?" asked Alice.

Meg shot her a look that she honestly didn't deserve but it couldn't be helped. "Believe? Doll, you believe in things you've never seen. I don't have to believe in an afterlife."

"What a delightfully unique answer."

Meg moved behind a table to examine an open book with some writing in it. "Well, as long as you're delighted, it makes skulking around the mystic manor worthwhile. Does this mean anything to you? '1 Rowboat, 20 ft. clothesline, 1 Canary-colour Gypsy Cart and 6 Chickens'."

Alice thought. "It isn't an acrostic. Do the numbers happen to correspond to a letter in the words that follow?"

"Not that I can tell. It's probably just somebody's market list." Meg tried to remove a quill from its inkwell, but the liquid had long since solidified. "Do you have any idea what we're looking for?"

"I think we'll know when we find it." Alice ran her fingers over a large globe next to the table, which seemed locked in place. A large suit of armor stood attentively in the corner of the room. She stepped towards it to get a better look.

"Don't touch that!" said Meg, startling the young girl. "Sorry," she added, "just...woman's intuition."

"Miss Meg, do you think this place is haunted?"

Meg's eyes shifted from Alice to the green candles, to the armor, and back. "No, Lilies. I think something much worse is here."

"Thank you for staying with me. This place would be particularly nightmarish without a friend."

"I'm a lot of things, but I'm not heartless." Reflexively, Meg went down a row on the shelf, tipping books forward in succession to see if anything triggered. "Are you still stuck on the idea that this is all a dream?"

"I'm thinking along those lines. Have you heard of he collective unconscious?"

"Only as it pertains to the political structure."

A small glow appeared in the darkness where Meg was searching the bookcase. At first she thought it was an afterimage from the candles. But then it grew. And hovered in front of her face like a wisp. It commanded her attention. Alice was still speaking, but Meg had stopped listening to her, finding this luminous orb captivating. She forgot about the library. And Alice. And the imposing fortress they had voluntarily strolled into. There was only this light in the darkness.

Beckoning.

"...So it's possible," continued Alice, while taking Meg's lead in checking another shelf for passageway triggers, "that all sentient beings who dream have this 'realm' as it were, beyond the physical, where their minds can be free to touch each other. So it's possible that I am dreaming right now, and you're merely a character in my dream. Or it's equally possible that I am merely a character in a dream that you are dreaming. Or, it is conceivable that this is a dream we are both having, from substantially different perspectives. Perhaps, as the verse goes, life is but a dream."

She stepped back from the bookcase as her efforts caused it to split neatly in half and swing inwards from opposite fulcrums. Alice smiled at her accomplishment.

"And with persistence, the pathway is opened."

At the very least, she was expecting a snide remark. But none came. She glanced at the place where her friend had previously been standing, only to find it vacant.

"Miss Meg?"

There was no answer.

"Meg?" she called louder.

Nothing. Meg was no longer there.

"Miss Megara!" She cried one more time in vain, with a noticeable quiver in her voice.

Alice was alone.

Return to the Table of Contents.

Editorial: Video Games as Art -Thanks For Everything, jayisgames.com

It's almost impossible to bring this topic up without mentioning Roger Ebert, since he was a film critic with enough skill and talent to influence the very nature of written criticism. But as we all know, he made the infamous comment that video games could never be art, and then later revised the statement to mean they could never be 'high art', whatever that is.

The bottom line is, nobody can really nail down a concrete definition for what is and isn't art. And since the subject is so inherently ambiguous, we may find it easier to wrap our heads around it by denying entry into the clubhouse for the newest media. Television got picked on for decades. Before that, the film industry itself was considered a vulgar alternative to literature. Then of course there's the famous quote inspired by the invention of photography (usually attributed to French artist Paul Delaroche) "At this moment, painting is dead." And while this remains unconfirmed, new evidence suggests that Neanderthal Ned got death threats from the Rock Banger's Association for drawing stick figures on the wall.

But let's face it. Art isn't dead. It never will be. If you subscribe only to the rules of nature, art had no business existing in the first place, but damn it, it came! What is it's purpose? I don't really know. Maybe art is its own entity with its own purpose and has no need to share it with us. All I know is, humanity has an inner compulsion to create; sometimes shallowly and sometimes with depth. Sometimes clever and sometimes basic. And while it's possible (and likely) there are many things called art that actually aren't, devised by people credited as artists who are actually narcissists (those two things are incompatible), I don't believe there exists an argument capable of dismissing an entire media form as art on any level. Anything can become an art form if enough people do it poorly.

So that brings me to www.jayisgames.com (at least in my own thought processes). I discovered the site in 2008 and fell in love with the room escapes I could play in my browser. The site was updated pretty regularly with new games from independent developers pouring their time, skill and energy into a product and receiving (what I imagine) nothing in terms of financial compensation. Perhaps just the pleasure of knowing that someone out there is experiencing their work and loving it.

Jayisgames became a sort of virtual museum to showcase gamer exhibits. And while most of the games were standard throwbacks to Atari/C64 type graphics and gameplay, every once in a while a game would come along and say something to me, by challenging a gamer trope or doing something unique with the concepts.

Now that the site is officially no longer updating, I'm guessing soon we'll see broken links and content loss, and eventually the site will shut down entirely. It makes me sad. I've grown attached. But while the site is still functioning properly I want to encourage everyone who stumbles onto my blog to pay the site a visit. There is a LOT to do there.

With that said, here are a few of my personal favorites, each with a certain artistic quality that I'm happy to point out.

6 Differences
Surely you're familiar with the spot-the-difference-between-pictures concept. Take that and add a little movement and you've got this game in a nutshell. But it really begins to shine with the use of music and the careful ordering of the images. You feel like you're going through a night's journey awake and asleep at the same time. A man relaxes in a park with a McDonald's in the distance. Late night traffic creates a sound similar to the ocean waves. Streetlights seem to run at a slower pace. Then the images begin to take a surreal turn. Dreamlike. Maybe even a tad nightmarish. But only for a little while. And then the city starts to wake up again before the sun is anywhere in sight. It's a simple game that makes you earn your serenity.

Air Pressure
Hoo boy, what can I say about this one without spoiling it? This is what's called a visual novel, akin to a choose-your-own-adventure story. The 'novel' is short, but it gives you the exact flavor you need. Your character seems to be in a relationship with a girl, that might have run its course. But depending on your choices, you can receive the sucker punch ending that reveals the game is only presenting a metaphor for something significantly heavier. Mature audiences recommended.

ASCIIvania
This is a short puzzle/platformer but it really hits the sweet spot. Our alphabet has an inherent beauty to it, something I take for granted as I keep mindlessly hitting these keyboard keys. The goal here is to collect the entire alphabet by navigating a cave-like system where words tend to get in the way. The place has a gentle personality to it, and perhaps a subtle hierarchy of which letters tend to be treated as more valuable. ASCIIvania 2 would be greatly appreciated.

The Asylum
Is there a point where a game becomes so much of an interactive story that it ceases to be a game? I would argue no but I tend to lose arguments, so instead I'll say 'Oh, shut up.' This experience could only have been told as a game. If Toy Story convinced us all that our toys had feelings, then this gem demonstrates what happens when those feelings develop into full blown mental health issues. A group of stuffed animals are in a psychiatric ward, each with their own unique pain. The concept requires a certain suspension of disbelief, but the seriousness with which the game takes each creature's therapy is truly inspired. If you have any sense of empathy, the turtle is going to make you cry.

DROD: King Dugan's Dungeon Lite
This is a top-down dungeon crawl and probably the most standard game on this list. But artistry presents itself in a plethora of avenues. The brilliance of this game series lies in its mathematical layout. There is no randomness in the 'Deadly Rooms of Death', every step you take is a cause and effect relationship with the creatures sent to kill (or run from) you. Try the game, and pay attention to how MUCH time you spend figuring out each room. Then imagine if this game you're playing for free had come out on the SNES, and what kind of impact it might have had on Nintendo's other franchises. Despite the limited graphics and dialogue, Beethro may actually be the most likable barbarian in gaming history.

Grace's Diary
This is similar to Air Pressure, but a bit more realistic, and fortunately I can tell you exactly what it's about. Teenaged Grace has a good friend Natalie, who is in an abusive relationship. Grace is about to call her to express her concerns, but first she has to collect her thoughts; hence the visual novel's gameplay. You'll spend about five to ten minutes on this, but it's a poignant journey. The game is sponsored by Jennifer Ann's Group, a charity based out of Atlanta, Georgia for the prevention of teen dating violence. It concisely presents many of the warning signs of abuse, as well as touching on the importance of how one approaches the subject with a friend. This is a wonderful example of how a video game can have a real world positive effect.

Ode to Pixel Days
A bit lighter, but not quite pure clean fun, this semi-platformer challenges the subtext that so many platformers take for granted. Namely, if you jump through enough hoops, you're entitled to the girl-prize. Are Mario-type games harmful in this regard? Do they teach male gamers to think in terms of 'winning' that girl as a trophy? I don't know. I think that problem existed long before games hit the market, but the mentality is certainly an issue. It would be nice to see the videogame industry demonstrate an openness to at least discuss the topic. But for now, check out this entertaining diversion that could easily have been called "Dude, she's just not into you!"

Silent Conversation
Ok, this is the one. When I first started working on this blog, this game was the first thing that popped into my head. It's a platformer. About. Reading. A silent conversation is what we're having right now. By the time you read this, I will have long since finished the blog and posted it. You read the words, maybe hear a voice in your head; mine, yours, Katherine Kellgren's (Why not? She's an Audie Award winner), and have some sort of analytical reaction to it. The conversation may only flow in one direction (you could always start leaving me some damn comments) but it is a conversation nonetheless. In this game, your cursor is the capital I. Your 'I' wanders through narratives (poems, stories, the first chapter of Alice in Wonderland) and touches each word causing it to light up. At the end of the passage you get a score.
What sets this apart is the creative uses of the texts. For example, Alice in Wonderland's chapter opens up into the rabbit hole for your 'I' to fall down. The e.e. cummings poem is naturally all over the place. But "The Nameless City" by H. P. Lovecraft is where the potential for this method of storytelling becomes fully realized. And if nothing else, it's a game that gets people reading.