This is the (former) home of Miss Charlotte Parker, one of the few members of the upper crust of society to evade the Stock Market Crash of 1929. Her father George had been a successful mechanical draftsman for the locomotive industry. Upon his death, George's substantial assets were divided equally between Miss Parker and her much younger sister Henrietta.
The two sisters' handling of their inheritance could not have been more different. For Miss Parker, the comforts of familiarity were the key to her sense of peace. She never married, nor desired to, for such a change in her life would have been unacceptable. Months prior to the Crash of 1929, she'd decided to bring all of her wealth into her home, turning it into a sort of personal bank. As such, she benefitted from very lucky timing. But it was also not in her nature to help those who came calling for her aid in the years that followed. Some felt she was stingy (and called her many other things), but the truth is that she wished everything about her life to stay exactly the same, frozen in one moment of tranquility, and she felt she had the right to see it so.
On the other hand, Henrietta had felt that money was to be spent and its acquisitions enjoyed. She was not one to build a collection of wine bottles for very long without cracking them open. It's not to say that she was the typical 'prodigal daughter', but her lavish lifestyle was a point of contention for her older sister.
Henrietta died fairly young from illness. But not before giving birth to two sons, Bradley and Milton; and instilling a similar sense of frivolity in them at an early age. Her husband died within the year as well from the same illness, and the brothers were sent to live with Miss Parker, presumably against her wishes.
The brothers had a certain amount of money left over from Henrietta's inheritance, which they were free to spend as they wished. They took to playing games with formal rules and pieces, many of which were quite expensive to obtain in that day. Miss Parker's disdain of their "trivial pursuits" were ignored, and the tensions only grew as the brothers reached adolescence.
Then Miss Parker contracted the same illness that had taken the life of her sister. For months she became bedridden, and essentially neglected by the brothers; who by then had depleted their own finances and taken to dipping into those of their aunt. Her rage at this insolence, combined with her inability to do anything about it, resulted in a fever so inflamed that the news records suggest "it's a mystery as to how she has not burned to death from the inside."
The records unfortunately stop there. Neither Miss Parker nor the brothers are mentioned again. But the house still stands. But knowing what we know about the brothers, I wouldn't be surprised if they collected quite a number of interesting board game relics, maybe even got a sneak peek at some classics that wouldn't be released until many years later. Let's have a look inside.
Entranceway
First off, don't let the "1313 Dead End Drive" address concern you, that's just something the park officials thought would be amusing (you guys, seriously). We enter the foyer area which is completely barren of furniture. the overhead lights keep blinking off every few seconds showing phrases written on the wall in glow-in-the-dark paint, such as "Trouble ahead", "Aggravation", and "Roll the die" with the word 'the' crossed out and 'or' painted over it. On the floor is a huge circle, large enough for at least five people to stand in, that says 'start'; and a series of smaller circular tiles leading through the doorway into the next room.
Living Area
There's a bit more furniture here, although it's all rotted beyond use. An unlit fireplace is off to the side, and a painting of what we can assume to be Miss Parker hangs from the chimney stones; the caption "The Old Maid" engraved in the frame. She sternly glares down at us.
If we meant to continue following the tiles on the floor, the feat is impossible as they continue in all directions, up the walls and across the ceiling. Randomly scattered next to the tiles are instructions to 'move back seven', 'move forward' two, etc. In the center of the room, on what's left of a coffee table, sits an Ouija board that seems to be spelling something on it's own ('Lose a turn' if you're interested).
As we move through the room, we spot a shelf overhead that looks like it was once a tunnel for a model train leading from and to another room. Now there's a row of brightly colored dominoes, which topple in sequence at our approach. Several moments later they reset themselves in reverse. The room narrows into a corridor with unfinished jigsaw puzzles adorning the wall; they look like family photographs, but none of the faces are completed. Slightly further down appears to be the missing pieces arranged on the wall to spell out "I want to play a game"; at which point we have our first semi-jump scare. A ghostly young woman (possibly Henrietta) pokes her head from opposite where we're looking to tell us "It's never the same game twice."
The Study
We enter the study and are greeted by the inimitable sound of a Speak & Spell rattling off the letters to 'Roll again'. Henrietta meets us again with no warning, ordering us to go to the head of the class. Sitting on a desk is a large cloth map of the world with plastic pieces scattered over various countries. An occasional gun shot, cannon, or explosion comes from the map. We climb a short series of five white platforms resembling steps, to reach the higher opening in the wall; letters painted on the platforms spell the word 'WORDS'. In the opening is a slide leading into darkness, which we have no choice but to take. A sound cue of child voices greets us with, "Oh, you're going down...down...down..down..."
The Basement
It's a little disorienting down here. We're surrounded by pipe works, which keep spraying us with mist through various fractures. At least someone saw fit to duct tape a wrench in front of one of the leaks. It feels like we're wading through a flooded area. Around the corner is a prison area with a police officer who demands to know if we've been sent here or if we're just visiting. Barred doors shake from the prisoners on the other side. Certain doors are unlocked as some prisoners have a 'get out of jail free' card. Towards the end of the room is a prison made entirely out of Jenga blocks. It shakes violently, with a boy's voice pleading to be released from within.
The Beach
It's then that we find out we're in a ship with the hull torn out. There's a wobbly bridge over some barrels leading out, but it's too dark to see the water which is apparently just below us. It looks like another ship is firing at us from a distance, as the sound of missiles hitting the area next to us gives us another spray. We pass a giant shark with its mouth gaping open, full of junk pieces like tires and human skulls. With no gaff hook available to us, the shark is just out of reach, which is implicitly good news.
Our path takes us into a swamp with trees blocking out most sightlines, and a sign pointing to Molasses Swamp. A huge rhinoceros-looking creature roars in our direction, but it's knee deep in molasses. The scout warns us not to get stuck. We get a series of jump scares from brigands who keep mistaking us for someone else. Three giant frogs eye us hungrily as we walk by, but they're really the misdirection from the hippo that lunges at us from the other side.
The Maze
This next room is well lit, but claustrophobic. It looks like we're on a frozen lake with huge icicles scattered about. Anthropomorphic penguins warn us not to break the ice, and we narrowly miss being crushed by a giant hammer. We go through a rotating tunnel that indicates an avalanche, and make a beeline for the cave ahead.
From here, we're sent back into darkness and a deliberately disorienting section, with lights that move in a tight labyrinth on a floor that tilts. The words "Run yourself ragged" light up in Lite-Brite pegs and a Simon-like spinner keeps flashing different colors around the exit. We find ourselves in a small room where we're surrounded by a Twister board, complete with piles of human limbs all wrapped up in each other that make a grab for us.
There's a flash of light above us, and the underside of a large playing piece comes crashing down where we are. Strobe lights and Spirograph patterns surround us, as the voice of an elderly woman laughs an insincere "Sorry!"
Entranceway 2
We emerge in a scene identical to the first room, except our path is blocked by an elephant spouting butterflies at us. Henrietta pops up to instruct us to "Go back four!" We make a sharp turn to our right and slip into Miss Parker's vault.
The Bank
The room is filled with stacks of colorful money, and a western shootout between bandits and a pair of deputies. We come close to slipping through the teller's office decorated as "Go" but the sheriff blocks our way, sending us past the cannon instead. We're startled on one side by a pewter dog, and a horse on the other. Headlights flash in front of us, followed immediately by the sound of a crash. A pewter car has saved us from being run over by Miss Parker in her plastic car filled with pegs. "Pretty sneaky, sis," she mutters. We get a Reverse card on the wall sending us on another sharp turn, this time to the left.
The Operating Room
Another maze. Lots of curtains here, but a series of black and white peg configurations guide us where we need to go (Hint: four black ones is what we're looking for). Doctors jump out with dares for us to do things like take out somebody's spare ribs for one hundred dollars. A dead end places us in front of a corpse whose red nose buzzes loudly. All the while, we hear a ticking sound, which ends in a ding every thirty seconds. As we leave the room, we find out the timer is attached to a table full of medical instruments under a transparent dome that pop up on every ding.
The Hall
The final stretch to get out of here is a long narrow hallway, with plenty of opportunities to be threatened by a man in a safari outfit wielding a wrench, a woman in a red dress with a candlestick, and so on. The hallway ends at the front door, which swings open to reveal "the dud" who proudly declares the game over. But a quick detour takes us into a side door through the kitchen. Human hand baking in the oven hammer on the glass from the inside, and we're screeched at by a giant rat creature which has been caged by a bell-shaped prison.
The Finale
The last room is another disorientation-driven experience. We're bombarded with visuals of Lego blocks, Slinkys, Hula-Hoops, Paddle Balls and marbles, before we come face to face with the ghost of Miss Parker (a projection on the wall). She peeks out from behind a giant Dungeon Master screen with an unsettling look of delight in her eyes. "You have failed your initiative," she whispers. We step out of the attraction and into night sky, but not without a cheap scare from a large mechanical dinosaur, known to a select few as Zoids Giant Zrk. Well, at least in death she finally learned how to enjoy play time.
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