Weird Al Retrospective: It's Still Billy Joel to Me (The Overrule of Three)

I was hoping to barrel through these before Camp Nanowrimo started, but life has a tendency to get in the way on my Diablo III time. So having four albums left to review before July 15th I'm breaking them up two and two. I apologize for any inconvenience. Ever. As of this moment all of the world's inconveniences are apologized for.



Running with Scissors

So now we come to the 'modern' era of Weird Al where he shaved the mustache and lost his glasses, and since he needed them to find them he had to get corrective eye surgery (I assume he was able to find his glasses after that). Al was approaching almost two decades in the business, which was pretty monumental for an artist the mainstream had continued mistaking for a one-hit wonder.

This was around the time that Al's wider appeal was being noticed. The first generation fans were grown up and having kids who were invariably going to be raised with a solid grasp on humor. VH1 took a real interest in Weird Al and treated us to the famous Behind the Music special, which was the first time anyone had seriously examined his career.

The Running with Scissors album was also a personal rite of passage for me in that I was finally able to see Al perform in concert. For whatever reason the Strand Theater in Shreveport, La. neglected to go through Ticketmaster which meant I had to do some real telephone/dial-up internet searching to find some tickets. Two of my conspirators and I crammed into the front seat of a pickup truck and drove four and a half hours across Louisiana to get to a theater that was less than half full (or more than half empty); but let me tell you those occupied seats had true Weird Al fans in them, probably also attending their first concert after going through the back alleys to get tickets.

The concert was electrifying. Al was phenomenal. The band was amazing. It was also my first real exposure to Ruben Valtierra who may be the only person in this world capable of upstaging Al at his own concert. When we applauded, we filled that place up with sound. We chanted, cheered, and sang in all the right places. And me being an introvert, it was one of those extremely rare circumstances where I truly felt like I fit in with the whole world around me. All that and I even got to shake hands with Jon Schwartz and Steve Jay.

That's all well and good, but how does the album he was promoting measure up? Well, funny I should pretend you asked that:

The Saga Begins: You know all that griping I did during Alapalooza when Al had to go all the way back to 1871 to find a song to parody for his opening track? When I found out he was using American Pie as his flagship for the new album I was getting ready to dust off the old megaphone. Well, it can’t be said that I’m not willing to reluctantly mutter under my breath that I was wrong. A timeless song just feels right for a Star Wars themed parody. Kind of like Yoda, it's not laugh-out-loud funny but more of a reaffirmation of nerd culture, and it gives Al an excuse to drag out his encore performance in concert; and if you're lucky enough to catch a showing that involves the 501st Legion on the stage then you'll never be satisfied with another rock concert shy of Blue Man Group.

My Baby’s in Love with Eddie Vedder: This song always gives me a chuckle. I have no idea why Al paired this subject material with zydeco but the dichotomy is a perfect anti-match. Does anyone know if local bands in New Orleans ever cover this song when audiences have had it with Mambo No. 5?

Pretty Fly for a Rabbi: Here we have a bizarre situation. The original song by The Offspring was actually funnier than Al’s parody of it. Not to say that the parody is bad, just sort of a puzzlement. In sixteen years I have yet to grow tired of Pretty Fly (For a White Guy), so I don't think Al could really have dropped the ball on this one. This song is just a bit of an odd man out, like the 1996 Doctor Who film.

The Weird Al Show Theme: Unlike some of Al's other short songs I'll give this one full marks for crossing the one minute line and for having more lyrics than R.E.M.'s The One I Love and a better plot than The Dark Knight Rises.

Jerry Springer: Yeah, I know. Al's covered the daytime talk show genre already, but man this is a thing of beauty! I think this song was where I began to realize just how much Al was challenging himself as a writer. If you're an Al fan you've probably had ideas for parodies and maybe even been under the misguided delusion that Al would welcome hearing them, but have you ever tried to follow through on writing one from beginning to end? If so, then you know the teeth grinding frustration of not being able to make that one joke fit the syllables, and rhyme, and sound like the line from the original. Now imagine doing that with a Barenaked Ladies song. Uh-huh? You still want to send Al your little Katy Perry idea for I Kicked a Goal? Didn't think so.

Germs: The word on the street is: Trent Reznor is another one of those artists who has refused Al parody permission, and get out of the street you moron. Well, what can you do? This apparently. This is one of those songs that didn't connect with me at first, but then one day it just hit me how spot on Al's recreation of Nine Inch Nails's style really is. There are some really talented comedians who don't get enough credit for their versatility, and rectifying that is something I believe our nation should really put at the top of its to-do list.

Polka Power!: You knew I wasn't going to make it to the end of the album without having some kind of negative criticism. My ONE complaint about this album is that the polka is a little weak. Usually Al's polkas will start in decent territory and end with a bang like Hooked on Polkas or come through the gate swinging and never let up like Polka Party!. This one is more akin to Polka Your Eyes Out in that it starts lukewarm and never leaves it, although ending on Closing Time (while making sense on paper) even brings lukewarm down to tepid levels. Eh, whatever.

Your Horoscope for Today: This is funny. This is really funny. Fortunately I was not reading the lyrics the first time I listened to it, so Sagittarius's horoscope caught me completely off guard and I did not stop laughing for about ten minutes. In the end, I've decided that I think this was a funnier song than One More Minute, which was something I'd spent fifteen years not believing in. Oh yeah, this song is also a Midnight Star as well as having the 'wordy bridge' trope that I introduced in my review of I'm So Sick of You last album. Boy, a lot's happening on this track.

It’s All About the Pentiums: When Mandatory Fun hits the shelves on July 15, it's my goal to have a review of it here on my blog the same day. Of course that puts the album at a disadvantage for any songs (such as this one) that take time to grow on me. When I first listened to this track I'd never heard the Puff Daddy, still haven't, and I just thought "Okay, it's another rap. Nothing special". But after a few months of processing the concept I fell in love with it. I can't think of any other song that has so effectively captured the notion of the 'nerd bully'. Back in the 80s being a nerd meant you spent much of your life pleading for sanctuary. Now that the world has become so digital, we're discovering that a percentage of nerds are as much brutes as the fiends who used to beat them up. It's an uncomfortably gratifying development.

Truck Driving Song: I seem to be yammering a lot about this album so let me try to brevity it up from here on out. Transvestitism is a weird song topic, even for Al, and based on where this song is located Al presumably considers this his weakest original. While it's not my favorite, it hardly seems to be a weak link on a nearly flawless album.

Grape Fruit Diet: This is a great song, even if the bulk of it is leftover lines from Fat. The original is a wonderful source for Al and I'm so glad he didn't let this one slip by. The scat section in particular elevates the parody to an artistic level. Grape Fruit Diet is Al's best 'final' parody since Theme From Rocky XIII.

Albuquerque: I literally have nothing to add to this song so I'm just going to let it speak for itself.

Conclusion:

I'm giving the polka a 2.5. Everything else on this incredible album get a 3. 35.5 out of 36 for a score of 99. An A+.



Poodle Hat

As usual I bought this album the day of, and to date I still don't understand the title. Some comment about the fashion industry I assume.

As of this posting I've never actually met Al. I've sent him a few fan letters and a wedding invitation (no, I wasn't expecting a response). I've been to six of his concerts and I'm delighted to say he was inches away from me during a performance of One More Minute when he reached across me with a fork. I certainly believe I've become close with many people in my life because of our mutual love of his work. But I've never really met him. And the more I think about it, the less important I think that is.

The reason being, I feel like I already know everything there is to know about "Weird Al" Yankovic in the sense of being Alfred Matthew Yankovic's public face. It's not to say that his spotlight persona is a character like Stephen Colbert, but it is a filtered side of his personality; the face he shows at work if you will. I know if I ever had the chance to shake his hand and introduce myself I would invariably be meeting Al at work. I would love the opportunity to meet the 'after work' side of Al but I know that's not going to happen. Like anyone strong enough to deal with the insanity of the entertainment industry, Al has the wisdom to keep his professional and personal life separate.

Poodle Hat however came out at a time when that separation was not always possible, both for reasons of joy and sadness. With no fanfare, Al married Suzanne Krajewski in 2001 and their daughter Nina was born in 2003. I first heard about any of this on the Ask Al page when someone asked him who all the people on the cover of the album were, and Al mentioned his pregnant wife. And my knee-jerk reaction was "When the hell did any of that happen?" I mean, the Behind the Music special had just declared Al as 'still alone'. I'll never believe reality television again.

I saw Al in concert twice during the Poodle Hat tour, before and after the loss of his parents to accidental carbon monoxide poisoning. If you want to talk about a professional 'work face', if you would never have known from that second concert anything had changed. I'm still in awe of him for continuing to perform during this period.

I ordinarily have a lack of empathy for the good and bad things that happen to people around me. People live, people die, everyone carries a picture of their niece that I don't want to see, nobody likes other people's politicians, or Michael Bay but they'll still pay to see his movies; I get it, I just don't care, I still have work and a student loan to pay. But the death of Al's parents really affected me. If you ever watch Weird Al in Concert from the previous tour, you'll see how wild the crowd goes when Al's parents take the stage. I think most of us felt like we knew them somehow.

I'm just very grateful that Al has a wife (who seems incredibly devoted) and daughter (who is simply adorable). He deserves a family, and knowing that he's a dad now warms my heart. I can't say I ever took much comfort in the awareness of Albuquerque, but knowing this video exists really does: https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=lJVqELzmjyQ

Couch Potato: This flagship song accurately sets the mood for the overall flavor of the album. It's another television show list (done that) but Eminem was the big thing at the time, so the Lose Yourself parody was almost a prerequisite. While the idea may have been recycled, Al makes up for it with his fully developed skill as a writer. And like I say, most of this album has the feel of Al using what he has to work with as best as he can, to hit and miss effect, but you can tell was still on a massively creative wave following Running with Scissors.

Hardware Store: This isn't a song. This is a stunt. The 'wordy bridge' trope begun with I'm So Sick of You and expanded on in Your Horoscope for Today comes to its ultimate realization here (at least I hope, my ego can't take an even harder tongue twister). Depending on how the new album comes together, one would almost make the case that this is Weird Al at his apex. To quote Frank Sinatra, "You'll never see the likes of this again." Aim for the stars kids.

Trash Day: Here's another one of those songs that initially left me feeling humdrum but grew on me after the twentieth time. Mostly it has to do with the original. The songs that are parodied on this album aren't bad songs, they're just kind of...the Hanna-Barbera cartoons of music; you give them attention because they happen to be on at the moment. Al honestly makes something out of nothing with the material, so you have to give him credit.

Party at the Leper Colony: Well this is sick humor isn't it? Thank God there was no video. While I don't think I should be encouraging this, the song is cute in its twisted way, and the jokes are funny. And it's a melody that doesn't overstay its welcome in my head. It's just that my inner child is curled up on the couch refusing to come to dinner.

The Angry White Boy Polka: (I've been waiting to do this one). By a tiny margin, this beats out The Alternative Polka for my top spot. Whereas The Alternative Polka sounded like a satire on the music of the time, this one actually seems to compliment lyrics with an almost melancholic mood. The theme carries through the whole medley, starting with the self-destructiveness of Last Resort, sliding into an accordion-laden depression with Last Night, coming to terms with its own sadness in Outside and finally finding its inner strength with the hyperactive finale. It's like all of these songs were cosmically meant to fit together in exactly this manner. And I don't think there has ever been more of a war-cry in a polka than "Bawitdaba da bang a dang diggy diggy diggy..."

Wanna B Ur Lovr: In his recent tours this has become the One More Minute replacement, and I'm delighted to say that a few years ago in Knoxville Al came into the audience and serenaded my wife with the line "I wanna be your love torpedo, are you picking up the subtle innuendo here?" I still haven't gotten over that. My hero sang to my wife. *grin* This song truly is hysterical, and it's obviously the Midnight Star of the album.

A Complicated Song: I like the idea of this. Apparently there wasn't a single idea Al could use to carry through the whole parody so he essentially went with three different parodies. The first verse makes the best transition from the original title, but unfortunately it goes into scatological humor. The second verse is the best, but the third goes into such absurd territory that it had to end the song.

Why Does This Always Happen to Me?: Kind of like You Don't Love Me Anymore, this song starts off sounding serious before it hits its punchline. Great joke. It builds into the second verse just fine. Now I'm not going to take off a full point for this, but the third verse has always bothered me. He's already told the same joke twice 'something tragic has befallen somebody else and I can't believe how much it inconveniences me'. The third time feels unnecessary. I think I would have liked it better if he'd reversed the formula where something really good happened to him like a huge job promotion, but then he's whining about having to move all of his STUFF into the bigger office with the window. *sigh* Al never asks me for my input.

Ode to a Superhero: Jurassic Park 2.0. This song is the weak link on the album. It just feels forced shoving a 2002 movie into a 1973 song. Even if Spider-Man was the better movie, it wasn't timeless like Phantom Menace.

Bob: Another thing that I hold against Ode to a Superhero is that it makes the album feel prematurely retro, causing the last two original songs to seem weaker than they are. You also have to get past the video to this song (which was a recycled joke of an homage that Al had already used in the video for UHF and only filmed because of Eminem pulling a Prince move), to appreciate the uniqueness on display. Apparently Al received a little resistance from his record label because they didn't believe his fans would know who Bob Dylan was. Seriously? Everybody knows who Bob Dylan is! He's that guy from that Pawn Stars episode! Good Lord.

eBay: This one disappointed me. It's not a problem with the writing, the concept is funny and Al does a good job with it. It's that the boy band pool was wide open and Al had to choose a slow one, and on top of that put it as the final parody. The overall pace of Poodle Hat has been noticeably slowing down since the polka, and the album really needed a kick of adrenaline before the last sendoff. Ah well.

Genius in France: Al does Frank Zappa. It's a spot on style parody, and just may have a new audience calling for a rutabaga. Like Spike Jones, Frank Zappa was one of those musicians who was very serious about comedic music, and with Al getting inside Zappa's head and unofficially deconstructing Jerry Lewis the result is a work of virtuoso craftsmanship.

Conclusion:

It's strange doing these reviews the way that I am, because I hadn't quite realized how good I think this album really is. Ode to a Superhero gets 2 points, while eBay and Why Does This Always Happen to Me? each get 2.5, because of the reasons I complained about earlier. (You're not just skipping to the scores are you?) The rest of the songs get 3 points each, and I'm awarding 1 point of awesomeness to Hardware Store because it was the spectacular equivalent of Al's sway pole routine on Circus of the Stars. 35 out of 36 points. 97. Another A!

Food Network Star Week Five

Let's do a quick recap of everything that's important to this week's episode.

1. Nicole seriously had never heard of Knott's Berry Farm? Here's a hint: it's a MAJOR theme park in California!

2. Emma's husband thought of proposing to her while he was catching crabs. That's a really terrible story. Never tell it again.

3. Chris got HUGE laughs with his Obama impression. HUGE laughs. Either the audience was paid off, or they all came straight from the same church service.

4. Every time Loreal 'Go Home' Gavin needlessly end her statements with "what?" you have to take a drink. That's not a rule, it's advice. It'll get you through her screen time.

5. We're not even halfway through this damned season.

I was kind of surprised that the judges let it slide when Loreal 'Go Home' Gavin made the innuendo with the piece of meat. It's further proof that they've given up. I was not surprised that Christopher went home, although I wasn't expecting how much Bobby Flay tried to defend him. Christopher was a good sport, and like he said almost making it to the halfway point is nothing to hang your head about (Well, in this season it is).

So Christopher was one of my predictions for being in the top three (Chad notwithstanding). So now I have to revise my bet. I'm still predicting Lenny and Nicole. Out of the remaining contestants Sarah and Reuben are useless, Chris is too unfocused and Loreal would actually make me stop watching the channel.

Wow, four weeks ago I would never have guessed I'd be backing Emma.

Weird Al Retrospective: Headline News (Forget About How Much Life Sucks)

I've been looking back over some of the old Ask Al's from his website at www.weirdal.com and I discovered that at least at one time he had a cap on how many songs he could include on a CD. Based on the format I've been using to grade the albums, the lack of twelve songs has been the most consistent detriment, although I'm also using a pretty extreme three point scale instead of a more flexible five (mostly because it's a lot easier to plow through the reviews at the escargot pace I've been going). Still, the scores have felt on the nose for me. So I guess I'm pretty good at manipulating data, huh?



Off the Deep End

For Weird Al fans, the three year period after UHF was an uncomfortable one. This was in the days prior to the internet so our information was gathered through magazines and newspapers, none of which seemed to focus on the pertinent story of whether or not our hero was continuing with his career.

On top of that, pop culture was going through a very dramatic change in sensibility. The tongue in cheek silliness of the 80's was dissipating and the cynical grunge phase of the 90's was building its hotels on Park Place. 'Alternative' music had pushed the mainstream aside, thus negating its own identity as being 'alternative'. Weird Al was still very much a product of the 80's, a culture quite comfortable with its own ridiculousness (except for 'The Artist' inconsistently known as Ego). The 90's gave rise to upcoming musicians who didn't seem quite as ready to lampoon themselves.

If I have my information correct (and I'm sure I do since I got it online somewhere, message board maybe) Al had the bulk of the album ready to go but he wasn't going to release it without a significant lead song lampooning something really current in pop culture. Enter Nirvana. Hey, this makes for a decent Segway. Why don't we talk about them right now?

Smells Like Nirvana: I always thought Nirvana was a good band, even if history has been overly generous to their significance. Regardless, Smells Like Teen Spirit came along at a point where the whole flavor of music had shifted dramatically into "We're really passionate about our bad mood". Al ran the risk of coming across as bullying the new kid by parodying this song, and wisely he goes for confusion instead of judgment. As a single, this song is great. Unfortunately it doesn't play well with the rest of the songs making for one of Al's most imbalanced albums. Of note: I don't know if Al ever took professional voice lessons, but somewhere along the way he learned the technique of pronouncing the hard consonants at the end of each sentence, which makes for a interesting dichotomy with the intentional slurring his words together throughout this song.

Trigger Happy: This may be the closest Al has ever gotten to making any kind of political statement in his music, and it's hard not to feel a little satisfied by it. I know with any issue there are points to both sides, but when it comes to gun control I haven't heard any defense of gun ownership that has made any sense to me. The argument just points back to people like owning guns and vehemently resent the notion of someone taking that pleasure away from them. Suffice to say, this song is beautiful. In fact, the phonetic sounds in the line "Got a brand new semi-automatic weapon with a laser site" just roll off your tongue in a majestic wave.

I Can't Watch This: In addition to a few 'greatest hits' compilations, Al's label has released The Food Album and The TV Album (to Al's chagrin), to sum up how often he revisits each concept. Fortunately with this song he's able to do some interesting things beyond merely listing TV shows; a couple of one-liners and a nice barrage of commercial snippets bring this parody together.

Polka Your Eyes Out: There are fans of this song who think it is Weird Al's unquestionable best polka. I don't think it's his worst, but I also don't think it's a three star polka. It just never takes on its own life like some of the other polkas do. Even with jigsawed choruses, some of his polkas feel like they weave together a bizarre narrative, whereas this one just comes off a the closing credits sequence for a documentary about the 80's.

I Was Only Kidding: This is one joke. It's a funny one, but it's in the title. There's also a use of Wayne's World's "Not!" which was already on everyone's last nerve. If the song were musically interesting it might have rescued itself, but it isn't and it doesn't. Wikipedia tells me this is a style parody of Tonio K. I don't know who that is, and this isn't making me want to do the research.

The White Stuff: I wouldn't have been caught dead giving any attention to New Kids on the Block at any age, much less my college period. But one of Weird Al's gifts is the way he can make me warm up a little to an artist or band that my ego would never have let into my clubhouse. I may still scowl a bit at the concept of boy bands, but I'll relent that sometimes their music isn't the worst thing to happen to our homeworld's already unstable relationship with Jodie Foster's space dad.

When I Was Your Age: This is a great song and I'm giving it full credit, but I've always wondered if John Cleese felt this song was more of an homage to the Four Yorkshiremen sketch or a rip-off.

Taco Grande: To this day I've never heard the original Gerardo song, but I imagine it's boring. The parody is thorough, and well written, but it's honestly being held back by a boring original song.

Airline Amy: This one is cute. I guess it's another song kind of about stalking, albeit in a non-threatening way as the narrator is misinterpreting Amy's doing of her job as something special in his favor. Of course from the lyrics I've always assumed that Amy is somehow aware of his affection towards her and isn't opposed to it. And I'm also assuming the "upright locked position" he wants to get her in is an innuendo and not a confession that he wants to chain her to his wall or something. I guess there's room for interpretation but I'm going to stand by the innocent mentality. And double-check the dosage on my Zoloft.

The Plumbing Song: Kind of like the New Kids on the Block song, I wasn't one to give Milli Vanilli much thought, but Al's parody elevates it into a more connectable terrain. But the coolest component is when The Plumbing Song goes where no Weird Al parody has gone before, into another song. I wish Al did this more often, because the transition into Blame it on the Rain(Drain) is seamless, and even a little exciting.

You Don't Love Me Anymore: This song is beautiful. At first you wouldn't recognize it as Weird Al. I think this song epitomizes just how mature of a sound the guy who used to scream "Another one rides the bus" has really become. So why in the hell am I giving it two points instead of the full three? Because of a fundamental problem with the lyrics. The unidentified woman of the narrative (hopefully not sweet Airline Amy) turns homicidal in the first verse. From then on the song, despite its three act structure, is merely belaboring the punchline. The six second bonus track Bite Me is a nice consolation prize, but You Don't Love Me Anymore fell short of being something truly great.

Conclusion:

We're still only at eleven tracks. All songs get 3 points except the polka get 2.5, Taco Grande and You Don't Love Me Anymore get 2 and I Was Only Kidding gets 1. The total score is 83, a B. Not bad.



Alapalooza

Let's just get this out of the way right now, this whole album feels like a B-side. It appeared in the record store with no warning (typically not a good sign) and really left me feeling a bit unsatisfied. Al had evidently recorded all of the original songs even before he'd finished the parodies for Off the Deep End and as such, Alapalooza comes off as...I don't know, maybe a bit of a dumping ground for the leftovers mixed with some hastily written parodies for the purpose of getting the album out there.

Which isn't to say that the originals are bad, quite the contrary. This is the first case of an album where Al's originals completely outshine his parodies. Truth be told, the 90's really wasn't giving Al a lot to work with and he can't be held accountable for that. I just remember being concerned that this album signified that the party I'd grown up on might have been over.

Jurassic Park: The first thing I did when I bought the CD was to look through the lyric booklet. And when I saw that MacArthur Park was the source material for this parody I grimaced. Since each of Al's albums serves as kind of a time capsule I was thinking, why even bother if you have to reach that far back for a match? And then I read the line "I cannot approve of this attraction, 'cause getting disemboweled always makes me kinda mad". Um...okay? That's, uh, supposed to be witty I suppose. I couldn't get past how sloppy the humor felt. I don't know, maybe it would have been better if Al had added lyrics to the John Williams theme. I knew I wasn't going into this album with optimism.

Young, Dumb, & Ugly: This song certainly summarized my feelings about the Beavis and Butt-head fanbase I found myself unable to escape from. This AC/DC style parody is slightly out of Al's range, but it's got a charm to it. It may not have developed the satirical bite to it that I would have liked, but it does its job.

Bedrock Anthem: *deep breath* There was a Flintstones movie on the way, and I'm convinced the whole purpose of this song was for Al to be included on the soundtrack. That might be considered a sell out; it definitely feels forced. As a parody, going from "Give it away" to "Yabba-dabba-doo" is a real stretch beyond disbelief. I know Al worked hard on the song, but it clearly didn't spring from any sort of inspiration other than a marketing move.

Frank's 2000" TV: This song is...meh. I know Al likes it enough to dust it off for his concerts on occasion, but it just doesn't do anything for me. I'm still waiting for that headlining song to grab me, and four songs in, it hasn't happened yet. Maybe it's just on the wrong album or in the wrong place, but I always skip this one.

Achy Breaky Song: What the hell is going on with the parodies on this album? The Billy Ray Cyrus song was stupid. Infectious, but stupid. And then Al writes a parody that essentially amounts to "This song is infectious, but stupid." I think I could have written this in middle school. Maybe my expectations have become too high on Al (I don't think so) but this feels a bit amateurish.

Traffic Jam: Finally something to celebrate. As often as Prince has reportedly turned down Al's parody requests, it's pretty kind that Al still remains supportive of his song style, hence this nod to Let's Go Crazy (although Al does it better, so bleah). It is truly one of the highlights on Alapalooza. I almost wonder at this point if it would have been better for Al to just release a whole album of original material. I would have bought it.

Talk Soup: Bam! The second of a One-Two-Punch from Al's originals. E! unofficially commissioned this song and then didn't use it, the dolts. Even though Al covered this joke already in multiple places, this song is a treasure. Even as outdated as it is, the concept applies even more to today's 'everybody wants to be famous' mentality. Why can't I find this in the karaoke club's binder?

Livin' in the Fridge: I think it was at this point my inner eleven year old gave up and walked out. The appeal of this parody is entirely dependent on the strength of the original Aerosmith song, and considering the fact that Al shoves this one to the back of the album is a solid indicator of just how unconfident he was in it.

She Never Told Me She Was a Mime: That's one of the funnier titles for a Weird Al song, but the execution only ever reaches that bar without going anywhere further. I don't have any ideas where it could have gone, and maybe that's the problem. The song starts with its punchline and then delivers the setup. Offhand I can't think of a case where that approach works.

Harvey the Wonder Hamster: That's cute that Al went through the trouble of recording this, but it doesn't count as a song. It's the parsley on the plate. In fact, Al should have written a song about parsley. I figured out what would have saved this album! A song about parsley! Oh yeah! Go me!

Waffle King: I mentioned this song as succeeding where Such a Groovy Guy failed. It stays funny because the Waffle King's ego never gets deflated. Musically, this song starts out in mediocre territory but it builds into a real sense of passion. Interestingly, this was supposed to appear on Off the Deep End. That is interesting, isn't it? I have nothing to add to that tidbit so why else would I have mentioned it if it wasn't interesting?

Bohemian Polka: I'll be blunt, this is Al's weakest polka. I don't hate it, but on an already weak album the polka isn't doing Al any favors. In all fairness the polka medleys are a legal hassle, and I'm sure putting a moratorium on them would grant Al an espresso shot of bliss, and if there was ever a single song that Al could see through in polka style from start to finish it's Bohemian Rhapsody. But the end result is like tofu that absorbed the sour taste from so much of the album it was on. And it would be another three years to finally get it out of my mouth.

Conclusion:

Three parodies and the polka get 2 points. Bedrock Anthem gets 1. Sorry but that's how weak I think it is. I'll dole out 2 points for Frank's 2000" TV and She Never Told Me She Was a Mime, and three points for the rest of the originals. 25 points out of 33 gives a score of 75, minus the 3 for the lack of a real twelfth song brings us down to a low score of 72, a C-. "It could have been worse, John. A lot worse."



Bad Hair Day

So I was in the record store one day, wandering over to the comedy sub-sub-section that always got swallowed by the New Age CDs, and browsed what I expected to be the offensively miniscule Weird Al stockpile pessimistically searching for a really cheap reissue of Polka Party! to replace the LP I owned which no longer had a compatible machine capable of retrieving the sound waves off of, and while I was engaged in my casual perusal I was taken aback by the unprecedented availability of a recently displayed symphonic anthology of which I had only just surmised I would become the unquestioning voluntary legal recipient. That almost never happens.

It had been another three years since Alapalooza and I'd really lost hope, still not quite grasping the concept of Al not throwing out a new album every year. Of course not having a CD player in my vehicle meant I had only the titles to go by as to what was included, and they weren't exactly telegraphing themselves.

This must have been when I first figured out that I was outgrowing popular music. I didn't know what was on the radio because I didn't listen. I'd given up on MTV because when they actually presented music it was either R&B (which I had as much disdain for as country twang) or rap (which had stopped being fun, as the tempos had slowed down to the point of essentially making it R&B). Basically I was going into this album blind, and a little apprehensive. And in the end I wasn't blown away, but I was much happier than I'd been three years prior.

Amish Paradise: When the Amish said no to technological progression I’m pretty sure the current state of TLC is specifically what they were aiming to avoid. But this song is a modern classic. By themselves the lyrics are funny, but when you add the brilliant video on top of it you have what may have been MTV’s final hurrah before giving up its identity forever. Al was back.

Everything You Know is Wrong: Can you really style parody They Might Be Giants? That band was practically in Al’s camp to begin with. Still, this makes for a solid second track that exists in its own world with its own rules and its own impact. Don’t ask questions. Just enjoy it.

Cavity Search: If there was ever going to be a song to put the ‘food parody’ to rest, this was it; which didn’t actually put the ‘food parody’ to rest, so implicitly there’s not going to be one. Forget I mentioned it. U2 was one of those bands that had managed to slip past Al in previous albums, but fortunately the oversight is corrected here. This song hits the mark pretty near the bullseye. I think it was just short by one Marathon Man reference. Alas.

Callin’ in Sick: When I get to the end of this blog series I might take a minute to tally up how many of Al’s songs involve an ordinary concept escalated to a deeply neurotic victory. But there is some truth being presented here. Having a day off work is nice, but taking one: now you're thinking with portals! Certainly deserving of a Nirvana-esc song.

The Alternative Polka: THIS is a polka. The accordion is an inherently funny instrument (in case I haven’t said that already) but when it’s playing songs that were meant to be taken seriously you almost have that ominous feeling that the clowns are conspiring to take over the circus. Usually Al’s polkas feel like a celebration of whatever is happening in music, but this one feels more like an assault, as if the 90’s finally got what it had coming to it. And deservedly so. Stupid Reality Bites 90s with its stupid unplugged Tomagatchis and stupid Tiny Toon Tarantino after school special. Stupid Alanis Morissette, acting like You Can’t Do That on Television was her show because of the ONE episode she was in. I’m sorry, but that decade just puts me in a dark place.

Since You’ve Been Gone: What can I say? Al crams a whole lot of humor into one minute and twenty-two seconds. I always thought it would be fun to gather three or four guys who could harmonize and burst into this song in the middle of the mall. I still won’t say this is funnier than One More Minute if only for the brevity, but man it’s tight.

Gump: Well this was a stroke of luck: a current movie that Al could connect to a current song. A good one too (the song, not the movie. Sorry Tom Hanks, but that honestly wasn’t an Oscar-worthy performance). Well, what do you expect from the stupid 90's? See? Here I go again! This is what the decade does to me. What took FOX so long to figure out that their animated show about the mutants would make a good movie? Okay, what were we talking about? Oh yeah, this is a fun song. And, um, yeah. Things and stuff.

I’m So Sick of You: I'm positive he was singing to the 90’s-okay I’m burying the hatchet now. This is a decent (enough) anti-love song, and it even started a new trope for Al that I’ll refer to as the ‘wordy bridge’. If that’s not self-explanatory (and it is, but I’ll humor you) it’s the point in any of Al’s songs where in between choruses he starts rattling off a bunch of words with no break in the syllables and no room to take a breath. Maybe we’ll see another example of this on the next album or two.

Syndicated Inc.: Jeez, Al didn’t even bother to write out the word ‘incorporated’. This has been a great two thirds of an album, but it comes to a halt with this song. Sure, it’s another one of Al’s list of TV show songs, but…that’s all it is. And the source material isn’t even that good. I don't remember, was Soul Asylum usually this bland? Well, I guess there’s no such thing as a perfect album. Particularly in the 90s -sorry, force of habit. Grant me this though: the decade was bookended by that road to nowhere Dick Tracy movie and Jar Jar freaking Binks.

I Remember Larry: I'm going to talk more about this in a moment, but for now I'll say that this is a dark comedy song that works despicably well and even has a hummable backwards message. Do THAT, Pearl Jam!

Phony Calls: Bleck. R&B. Well, at least I find Al's version tolerable, something I'm not going to be able to always say when I review Straight Outta Lynwood. I'll just accept this one as a two point parody and move on.

The Night Santa Went Crazy: This song is beautiful in its musical composition, although I think a lot of that has to do with Soul Asylum's song Black Gold which serves as the template for this style parody (arguably a little too close in similarity), so they did have better songs than the one Al parodied earlier. The problem is: I don't think it's funny. I know we're talking about fictional characters and a LOT of people love this song but the dark humor crosses the line into straight up tragedy. I Remember Larry worked because Larry deserved what he got. You didn't care about him, so his demise was funny. Santa's reindeer are bigger victims than Santa is, and seeing them slaughtered is not comedy, it's just cruel. The sweet spot on this concept would have been if Santa had acted like that employee who was doing everything he could to get fired, like hang the stocking inside the fireplace or leave the door wide open when he left. Santa going homicidal is sophomoric, and honestly Al should be past this phase. Oh, one more thing. In the extra gory version Santa is killed by the swat team instead of arrested. After what he did to the reindeer, why was this a problem on the main album?

Conclusion:

How about that? A full album! The first eight songs and I Remember Larry get full credit. 1 point for Syndicated Inc., 2 for Phony Calls and because the song is so pretty I'll even give The Night Santa Went Crazy 2 points. 32 out of 36 coming to 89. A B+. Man, what do you have to record to get an A in this class?

Food Network Star Week Four

I think I may have figured how to stay interested in this season, by counting how many times any of the three judges look like they're about to give up and walk out.

Unlike last week's episode, which felt more like a plug for Cutthroat Kitchen, this week's challenges provoked the contestants into demonstrating some of the talent (or lack of) that they would actually need as a food network star. Nicole started growing on me last week and I was glad to see that she's still making an impact. And Emma. I've been having some fun criticizing her, but she's showing signs of developing. I could be wrong about her, it's still too early of a call. She could just as easily have merely had a good week.

Lenny may have peaked. Yeah, he's going for the gusto, but I'm still rubbing my temples after that Payday commercial. I've also given Loreal a cute nickname, "Go Home".

As for the debatable elimination: it was between Christopher, who clearly didn't want to play along with the group, and Aryen, who's been consistently just okay. It's a tad odd to me that three out of four times the judges have eliminated a contestant other than the one the audience selects.

I understand the rationale for keeping Christopher on the show, even if I disagree with it. A Food Network Star has to demonstrate the ability to command a scene by themselves as well as be a team player, and be able to discern which way to lean as required by the situation. Christopher is a strong solo performer and a weak ensemble player. He's showing no signs of growth where he's weak, so why bother keeping him around? Chris has a similar problem, in that he made the commercial about him not the product.

But then Aryen has the opposite problem, she's a great team player but not a commanding soloist, and again there's been no real improvement. So again, why bother keeping her around?

I guess for me it would have amounted to not mattering which contestant was let go, but the truth was Aryen put forth more effort this week. And from that point, Christopher should have gone home.

Just put Chad in the competition already so I can start caring about the outcome.

Weird Al Retrospective: Good Old Days (Look, Orion's Bankrupt)

Man, I didn't realize I'd be writing four thousand words in the opening post of this project. Thanks for bearing with me. Welcome to part 2.


Polka Party!

So as I mentioned in the last post, there was pressure from the record label, and probably whatever fan contact Al was having, to speed release a new album every year. I remember in 1986 I hadn't heard anything new from Weird Al in MONTHS and was avidly checking the record store every chance I got. And then like magic, one day with no warning the album Polka Party! appeared on the rack, and I snagged it up expecting the next Dare to be Stupid.

Now let me repeat: comedy needs time to bloom. Don't believe me? Go catch a matinee of the next Not Another Scary Spartan Date Movie movie and tell me you're feeling anything other than "Well, there's five bucks that I'm never gonna see again."

This to say, I saw on the Behind the Music special on Weird Al (obviously on Weird Al, duh doy) that the band truly felt as if they had produced the best album they could under the time restraints. I'm inclined to agree. There actually is some great stuff on here. So keeping in mind a 'special circumstance' situation, I'm going to forego the penalty of fewer than twelve songs for this album.

Side 1

Living With a Hernia: This flagship song is a bit of an oddity. James Brown's Living in America was certainly well recognized but it wasn't exactly the 'in thing' in pop culture. Imagining Al's parody on paper, this doesn't really seem like an idea that will come together. But somehow through sheer gusto and a passable James Brown impression the end result proves to be much better than one could ever have expected.

Dog Eat Dog: This is a diamond in the rough. Al doing Talking Heads was meant to be; he's clearly having fun with this one and you can just feel the energy from it. Dog Eat Dog is as bizarre as it is down to earth, and definitely tops my list of Weird Al's style parodies.

Addicted to Spuds: In my experience, people who wouldn't immediately strike me as Al fans remember this song, which is another oddity considering it's from his worst selling album. I once sang this at karaoke in a room full of strangers, and to my astonishment every one of them was joining me on the chorus. Maybe it's the simplicity which makes it so easy to connect with.

Just One of Those Days: Now we come to the Midnight Star of the album, and it's one of the more forgettable songs in Al's portfolio. In fact, this is the oldest Weird Al song that I'm unable to sing the chorus of because it just doesn't leave an impression on my long-term memory. Mel Brooks once said that the quickest way to kill comedy is to try to be funny. I think he's right, even if he didn't always take his own advice. Al is trying to be funny with the song lyrics. And...nothing.

Polka Party!: This is a short polka medley, but it's a good one, my third favorite. Easily it's the most hyperactive polka from start to finish and it just feels like the second half of a Tex Avery cartoon where the character who has been taking the abuse finally starts to fight back until the whole opera house has erupted into a mass pie fight. If you've never given this album a chance I'd say at least track down this song for your polka medley playlist (you know you have one).

Side 2

Here's Johnny: Like the albums preceding it Polka Party! takes a bit of a downgrade in quality on side 2. The lead parody isn't bad, it's just okay, based on a just okay original song and using a just okay motif. I don't know why a passionate song about food is funnier than a passionate song about a television personality, but for whatever reason we're starting this side in 'meh' territory.

Don't Wear Those Shoes: I loved this song as a kid, but I have to concede that it's just not in the same league as Mr. Popeil. You can sense that Al is trying really hard to pull the album out of the muck, but he's scraping the bottom of the barrel for ideas. Again, it's not bad, but we're in hardcore mediocre territory now. You know, one solid parody could conceivably rescue this whole album. But it's not going to happen.

Toothless People: Did you know Weird Al did a parody of a Mick Jagger song? Yeah, this was a miss all around. I hate saying this, but the song is immature, basically mocking the elderly (always a million laughs). Al kind of got locked into doing this parody when he asked Jagger for permission before seeing how the song did on the charts. So kids, the moral here is, never do that.

Good Enough for Now: Here's an idea that almost came together. It's essentially a one note concept about settling for the one you're with, and if it didn't sound so generic it might actually have been a silver lining. It's fine as is. But, you know.

Christmas at Ground Zero: So how do you get out of an album like this? Are you familiar with the classic Marx Brothers film A Night at the Opera? Well dammit, you should be! The most famous sequence involved the brothers and faux Zeppo crammed into a tiny stateroom while a continuous line of people keep showing up, each with a different reason for needing to come inside. There's a fascinating moment where Groucho stops protesting the intrusions and starts encouraging them, presumably because he just wants to see the situation blow up. That may very well have been Al's mentality when he ended the album on this song. Understanding of course that this song was referring to the definition of 'ground zero' prior to the 9/11 attack, there's something charming about the horror of it; reminiscent of Dr. Strangelove.

Conclusion:

Look, I'm just going to rattle off the scores in order. 3,3,3,1,3,2,2,1,2,3. 23 out of 30 or a 77. C (based on a grace curve, it would have been a D if I'd factored in the lack of two songs.

But before we move on I just want to defend the album one last time. Comedy is harder than any other genre of entertainment. Expectations are higher and the payoff is significantly more unstable. This may be one of Al's least good albums but I guarantee if I pit it against We Can't Dance by Genesis using the same criteria, this album would take it down.



Even Worse

There’s actually something kind of fascinating about the symmetry with Al’s two Michael Jackson parodies. Eat it happened to catch the Jackson wave just as he was peaking as a performer, while Fat happened to catch the wave just as he began to fall. Jackson had been notably supportive of Al’s career, even donating the replica of the set he had shot his video for Bad on to Al’s Grammy winning parody video. Sadly, this would be pretty much the last time we’d be able to laugh with Michael Jackson as the pop icon became progressively more lost in his own self-perception.

Side 1

Fat: But enough about that. How does this stream of fat jokes hold up in the post-PC world? I’m not entirely sure. Musically it’s spot on, and it sounds amazing when Al performs it live. The one-liners certainly work. Even the overweight dancers Al had in his video seemed to respond to the song as if it were ultimately harmless. I’d like to think that the majority of overweight people find the song funny, maybe even empowering since I believe that was the intention. The song still works today as well as it did in the 80’s and I have yet to hear anyone say that their feelings were hurt by the lyrics, so I’ll give it a reasonably confident vote of approval.

Stuck in a Closet with Vanna White: I always like it when Al goes into hard rock territory. His ‘scream’ voice may not have the power of Lou Gramm, but he definitely has a range on him. While the song is a smidge too abstract to be a Midnight Star (Fat was a bit closer in nature) it does seem like a spiritual cousin.

(This Song’s Just) Six Words Long: Yes, we all know when Al sings the line it’s actually seven words. Get over it, nobody likes a Benedict (guess the reference for two points). It’s such a shame that no video came out of this song. Unless I’m overlooking something, this is probably Al’s first song to break the fourth wall. Exciting territory indeed.

You Make Me: Another abstract one like Stuck in a Closet. Not ‘ha ha’ funny but eponymously weird, and catchy as anything. And another fantastic live show song. As an audience member I felt like he was singing to us. Well, he was, obviously, but, like, about us, to us. You know what? Just shut up.

I Think I’m a Clone Now: So. Tiffany. Did you look her up? She showed up in the 80’s to audition for the role of Debbie Gibson. She remade late 60’s “Tommy James and the Shondells” song which hit #1 on the Billboard top 100 and gave Weird Al a really great parody for his Even Worse album. Boy, how often does something like that happen?

Side 2

Lasagna: This had to be a dream for Al, a popular song that didn’t require anyone’s permission. This song is made all the more unique by the musical restyling. I wonder if anybody’s used this song for a flash mob assault at Olive Garden.

Melanie: I guess by this point the album was just too family friendly. As such, we’re presented with the passionate lament by which all other stalking/suicide songs are measured. Dark humor is always a risk for a comedian, and most of the time you’d expect Al to place a song like this at the end of the album. Wisely, he chose to showcase it between two strong parodies, making it sort of the oddity on many fans’ ‘favorites’ compilations.

Alimony: Billy Idol. It’s so hard to take him seriously with that stage name even in the 80’s, but the guy had that Alice Cooper-like voice and a really timeless rock sound to where you can’t help but remember good ol’ William Michael Albert Broad with fondness. He remade late 60’s “Tommy James and the Shondells” song which hit #1 on the Billboard top 100 and gave Weird Al a really great parody for his Even Wor –wait, what? Did I just wander into Punxsutawney?

Velvet Elvis: Ugh. We were doing so well on this album. This song doesn’t feel inspired, it feels forced. This is like a really good open mic night that comes to an awkward lull when that one kid takes the stage to ramble about his relatives. Part of the problem is the song style. With the exception of Every Breath You Take, I’ve only been able to find The Police tolerable at best. But the other problem is that the song lyrics just aren’t interesting.

Twister: This is cool. It’s nice and short for when you’re just trying to fill up that cassette tape. It’s not really funny. I don’t know, did Milton Bradley pay for a commercial on this album? This might have worked better as the opening track for side 2, just to get it out of the way. In the spot where it is, it’s just giving me time to wonder where my damn polka medley is.

Good Old Days: Ye gods. I get what he’s going for here, and I’ll give him credit for trying to redirect sociopathic behavior through the easy listening style of James Taylor, but it just misses the mark somehow. And owing to the fact that Melanie hit the bullseye three songs prior, this song feels really unneeded. Comparing this to several of Tom Lehrer’s darker songs (I Hold Your Hand in Mine, My Home Town) Lehrer comes across as if he’s assaulting the musical genre, whereas Al seems to be trying to have it both ways; satirical and respectful. It just doesn’t work.

Conclusion:

The first eight songs get full credit, 24 points. 1 for Velvet Elvis, 2 for Twister and 1 for Good Old Days. 28 out of 33 which gives a score of 85, minus 3 overall points for the lack of a twelfth song (the polka no less *smite with a ball peen hammer*) bringing the total to 82, or a B.



UHF - Original Motion Picture Soundtrack and Other Stuff

Or UOMPSAOS for short. Hey! That anagrams into SUMO SOAP! Dibs!

Riding the second wave of creativity generated by the commercial and critical success of Even Worse, Al and his manager Jay Levey decided this would be the perfect time to produce a Weird Al movie. Of course backing studio Orion decided the middle of the most competitive blockbuster summer in history would be the perfect time to release said movie. I'm proud to say I saw UHF in the theaters three times and I only saw Batman once.

But SUMO SOAP is a wildcard in Al's discography. If we treat it as the soundtrack album it claims to be, then there's a scant soundtrack with a lot of really awesome bonus material, in fact I don't think there's a weak song on the album. But if we take as hard a look at it as any of Weird Al's albums we might get a more interesting result.

It's worth noting that SUMO SOAP was briefly released as a two sided album, but I think most of us bought it as a cd. So with that in mind, from here on out I'm placing a moratorium on the Side 1/Side 2 tags. A moment of silence please.

Money for Nothing/Beverly Hillbillies: There's an interesting reason as to why this song has this title, and if you ask really nicely I'll let you go online to look it up for yourself. So I came down fairly hard on The Brady Bunch for being little more than a rehash of the TV show's theme lyrics, but I'm allowing a free pass for this song because of context. In the movie, Al's character George Newman starts drifting into one of his daydream sequences and imagines himself singing The Beverly Hillbillies theme song to the tune of Money for Nothing, and the scene is electrifying. The bizarre layering of the song is that George Newman is not actually Weird Al (even though they have identical wardrobes). Al is essentially playing George Newman imagining himself as Weird Al. I find the surrealism applause worthy. Now admittedly if this song were presented as is on any other album I would be more critical, but this is a soundtrack album so the criticism is irrelevant.

Gandhi II: Now the same can't be said for the sequences lifted from the movie that simply don't translate well to audio. Like so much of the movie, the humor of the Gandhi II scene is primarily visual, and as such this winds up being an easily skipable track.

Attack of the Radioactive Hamsters from a Planet Near Mars: Perhaps this should have been the companion piece to Slime Creatures from Outer Space. The song is fun and catchy, and depending on your level of flexibility you can use this one as a track on your Halloween playlist.

Isle Thing: Now this is how you do a parody song about a TV show. Al hadn't quite found his 'rap voice' yet but it doesn't detract from the satirical summation of every episode of Gilligan's Island.

The Hot Rocks Polka: If you told me that Al's next polka was going to be a medley of songs all from the same band I would get a little grumpy, but this collage of The Rolling Stones comes together seamlessly. And the buildup at the end to Satisfaction is actually exciting. Al listened to his own instinct and it paid off.

UHF: This song is great. The first time I saw UHF I refused to leave the theater because I found the beat so infectious. Some people claim that this is a style parody of State of Shock by  The Jacksons and featuring Mick Jagger. That may be true, but the end result takes on a life of its own, and just makes me really passionate about watching television.

Let Me Be Your Hog: Okay, does this deserve full credit as a song? Yeah, it's funny, but it's sixteen seconds. I think when I grade this album I'm going to have to call it as a missing song. Sorry guys.

She Drives Like Crazy: The inspiration for some parodies like Eat It, seem to just fall into Al's lap, while others like Theme from Rocky XIII clearly take a little more brute force to make work. Then there's this one, which always struck me as one of Al's most clever catches in terms of songs that lend themselves well for his purposes. Even though his falsetto/Kermit the Frog vocalizations don't necessarily produce the best results She Drives Like Crazy is so well written that I can't really complain.

Generic Blues: This song is so funny that it almost ends the blues genre. Ever since One More Minute I'd been hoping beyond hope for a song that would top it. And while Generic Blues doesn't quite get there, it comes pretty damn close.

Spatula City: Unlike Gandhi II, this sound clip from UHF does translate pretty well into audio format. But it's still not technically a song, and I can't think of a time I've ever voluntarily included this on a Weird Al mix tape to listen to in the car. I'm probably splitting hairs, but I'd rather experience this sketch while watching the movie. I'll figure out how to grade it later.

Fun Zone: Weird Al's only instrumental piece, and it still feels like genuine Weird Al. I'm really glad this song exists. There's no better way to signal that Al's live concert is about to start than hearing this gem pouring through the speakers.

Spam: Yes. Is there a food in existence more deserving of Weird Al's treatment than spam? And the result is a thing of beauty. It starts with one of R.E.M.'s sillier songs gives it an absurd premise, and then continues to build it to the point of magnificence. All that's missing is a stoic Eric Idle in a harness and a bunch of Vikings.

The Biggest Ball of Twine in Minnesota: This song was once considered Weird Al's epic before Albuquerque. Considering how comedy tends to be destructive in its natural state, it really is wonderful to have this song, which is so infectiously optimistic that you can't help but feel alive by the final chorus. Al has had funnier songs to end his albums with, but I don't think there's ever been one quite so inspiring.

Conclusion:

So we actually have thirteen tracks on this album, but I really think of Let Me Be Your Hog as a fun bonus feature. So, here's what I'm going to do. Every real song including Fun Zone get full credit. I'm treating Gandhi II and Spatula City as a single track and only granting 2 points, which amounts to 32 out of 33 points, or a total score of 97. We're now missing a track, but because of Let Me Be Your Hog I'm only going to take off 2 points instead of the full 3, bringing SUMO SOAP up to 95, an A. Kungaloosh!

Weird Al Retrospective: The Saga Begins (The Original Trilogy)

So this is my first batch of retroactive reviews of Weird Al's discography leading up to the recently announced 14th album (apparently titled Mandatory Fun). As a lifelong fan I feel comfortable acknowledging my hero's misses as well as his home runs. If I step on a particular song that you love, I apologize, just know this is purely my opinion, and all I'm trying to do is completely change your opinion to match mine exactly and get a little recognition for my superior sense of enlightenment, and maybe take over the world later.


"Weird Al" Yankovic

Al's self titled debut album is easily the hardest one to review fairly. Looking just at the title, it's evident Al may not have considered that there would be a second album.

A brief history of Al's early days: he was an avid listener to The Dr. Demento Show. Already having mastered the accordion, Al would play his compositions into a tape recorder and mail them in to Dr. Demento, who considered them worthy of playing on his national radio show. The recording of Another One Rides the Bus was taken from a live performance on the show, where Al met Jon Schwartz, who would become Al's permanent drummer.

So basically the first album is a compilation of Al's college-type years/humor, and it shows. When you compare "Weird Al" Yankovic to his later albums (any of them, in fact) it's not much of a stretch to declare the latter as the winner. But again, that's hardly fair. It's like lambasting William Hartnell's performance as The Doctor for not being in color. So let's examine the tracks one by one and judge the album on its own merits.

Side 1

Ricky: Yes, this was back in the era of albums which had two sides (three if you're a Monty Python album). It was generally a good idea to kick off your side one with your strongest song and this album was no exception. Ricky is a solid parody; humorous, accessible, and unlike some of the other songs on this album is fully instrumental. And it even features an early appearance by voice acting royal Tress MacNeille.

Gotta Boogie: Just...no. The opening song on any Weird Al album is always a parody, i.e. the flagship song. The second song is always one of his originals, which tends to set the bar for the remainder of the album. This song sets the bar pretty low, and if you're listening to Al's music in chronological order, this would be your first impression of him on his own terms. *a moment to sigh*.

I Love Rocky Road: Mostly a bounce-back parody. This is certainly one of Al's classics, only slightly undermined by the inclusion of "Musical Mike" Kieffer, who is apparently thought of as a master of the squeaking sounds one makes with one's hands. Otherwise this song is a gem. Check Youtube to hear this song live (or go buy a ticket when Al and the band is touring).

Buckingham Blues: This one started as a parody of Jack & Diane but transformed into an original blues song when John Mellencamp refused the parody. The end result is kind of...eh, okay. It seems more interesting in the idea stage than in the execution. If Al did this song today I think he'd be a bit more thorough about finding the things that the royal family would sing the blues about.

Happy Birthday: There's an adage which states that comedy equals tragedy plus time, although I think it would be more accurate by replacing 'time' with 'distance'. The axiom may not nail down all comedy but it certainly defines the basis for dark humor. When you're starting out in comedy, it's easy to fall into the dark humor trap, as if anything normally sad is funny because "I don't really mean it". There are a few examples on this album where this concept fall flat, but Happy Birthday is not one of them. While I'm not saying it hits the sweet spot, the song works in a delightfully twisted way. I sort of imagine if Gonzo ever had a meltdown this is the kind of song that would play in his head. This should probably have been the second song on the album.

Stop Draggin' My Car Around: The very thing that worked in the favor of Happy Birthday seems to be working against this parody. I think Al's intention was to make this song funnier by overvocalizing the sadness of it, but I think he only succeeded in making it sadder than it was supposed to be.

Side 2

My Bologna: Like so many of Al's parodies about food, the humor lies in the treatment of the ordinary as if it's tonight's headliner. Once the absurd juxtaposition subsides, it boils down to the strength of the song being parodied to keep the listener interested. My Sharona is a fantastic song (probably about someone named Sharona), and while I'm not suggesting she's comparable to a piece of meat, replacing her with a deli item only serves to point out just how fantastic the song really is.

The Check's in the Mail: This makes me smile. Al might not have quite cracked his own songwriting sensibilities on this album, but this song is a good indicator that there's going to be some real quality original music from him in the future.

Another One Rides the Bus: As I mentioned, this is the live recording; basically Al being stripped down to the essentials. On the one hand I've always wanted to hear this parody rerecorded closer to Queen's musical styling, but on the other hand this version captures a kind of raw street performer energy that I don't think you can really reclaim once you're experiencing success. If Mickey Mouse was Weird Al, this song would be Steamboat Willie.

I'll Be Mellow When I'm Dead: So we're in the final quarter of the album which is typically the dumping ground for LPs, and my critical voice is feeling a bit more charge. I'm sure as an artist Al loves all of his children, but some of them just don't grow up to be anything of note. This song simply feels like padding. 12 songs is kind of the expected quota for a Weird Al album, and I don't think this one hurts anything, but it also doesn't do anything to keep the remainder of the album from bottoming out.

Such a Groovy Guy: This is another one that just makes me sad for the guy. Al revisits this concept later with Waffle King to greater effect because the protagonist in that song never becomes aware of his own narcissism. This guy, I don't want to laugh at him, I want to get him help. Maybe on What Not to Wear?

Mr. Frump in the Iron Lung: I'm sure this song worked in Weird Al's coffee house days since it centers around a sound gag produced with the accordion. On an album it's a bit on the creepy side. And this is the farewell impression for this record. Usually on a Weird Al album there's the flagship song, then the main body, and then the closing number which tends to feel like it's in a world of its own. Sometimes that world misses the mark, as in the case here.

Conclusion:

I've been trying to figure out how to score a Weird Al album, and I've decided to assume a twelve song track listing with a possible 3 points each. Four of the five parodies are loveable. Two originals are gems. That's 18 points. Two originals are indifferent for 4 points, and one parody is a misfire which would ordinarily be a single point, but the selection of the song parodied grants it an extra point (it works both ways, wait until I get to the Miley Cyrus) bringing the total up to 24. Then three originals are on the bottom with one point each bringing the total up to a rather appropriate 27 out of 36. Ignoring any tweaks I would give later albums for things like the lack of a polka medley gives "Weird Al" Yankovic a freshness score of 75. I guess on a ten point grading system that's a C.



"Weird Al" Yankovic in 3-D

Al's second album could be considered The Wrath of Khan to his first album's The Motion Picture, it is miles beyond in production value. Even from the cover, you feel like you're being pulled into an 80's sci-fi circus.

One of the things that has stayed with me the most about this album was the back cover where Al had photographs lined up of himself, lead guitarist Jim West, bass guitarist Steve Jay, and percussionist Jon "Bermuda" Schwartz. I never had to be told their names again, and each time one or more of them would pop up in one of Al's videos I would identify him to my mother, who always did such a wonderful job feigning interest.

In much the same way as Spike Jones had so many talented performers around him, Weird Al has the most amazing and versatile band members in music history. This was the album that really pulled it all together and set off this incredible phenomenon.

Side 1

Eat It: Here it is, the parody that would not be ignored even by the mainstream. Sometimes the right thing is in the right place at the right time, and for Weird Al this was it. Somewhere between Michael Jackson fever and the golden age of music videos, Al found his iconic first step on the moon. And why not? The song is just right in every regard. With certain throwbacks to the novelty feel of the first album (like the exaggerated vocalization and the not unwelcomed use of Musical Mike) combined with a seriously handled recreation of the original’s instruments, this was the song that defined him as a comedian but not a joke.

Midnight Star: What a great song! I never get tired of it. Midnight Star was the first of a particular trope of song which has almost become a permanent player on each subsequent album; which is to take a single concept and provide a seemingly endless series of absurd examples. For the rest of these blogs, I reserve the right to describe a song as the Midnight Star of its album. It’s worth noting that Al could have written the song from the perspective of “Look how stupid this is” but instead presents it with a sense of awe, giving it almost a heroic quality.

The Brady Bunch: Well, it wasn’t going to last. The original song is catchy but the parody lyrics are…well, I’ll just say it. Lazy. The first verse is promising enough, but the second verse is just the Brady Bunch theme song lyrics. Al was still growing as an artist, but this song feels like it was thrown together the night before the recording session.

Buy Me a Condo: I don’t really know how to react to this one. I’m still unclear on whether or not anything funny is happening here. I guess Al wanted do a light reggae song, although come to think of it I’ve never heard a real heavy song in that style. Maybe that’s the problem. It’s a little too true to form. You could play this on a cruise ship and nobody would ever think it was off a comedy album.

I Lost on Jeopardy: Man, I was traumatized by the video to the Greg Kihn song this was parodying. The first time MTV played the Weird Al video, I watched it merely halfway in the room just in case Al decided to draw too many elements from the original video, forcing me to run to my room and hide under the mattress. Again. But as my therapist/hypnotist pointed out about nine hundred times, the Weird Al version works really well with the music. It may not be laugh out loud funny, but it is wonderful in a more sedate manner, and it’s nice to have different flavors of comedy on the same album.

Polkas on 45: Ah yes. The polka medley. The first of many. Just for the record, “Weird Al” Yankovic is considered one of the world’s foremost virtuoso accordionists. So how does the original polka medley hold up today? Pretty well I’d say. I know there are some fans who are extremely passionate about this one, but I still feel like it didn’t quite take on its own life. You’ll see in the scoring that the polkas are always going to get at least two points of the possible three, because of their complexity, but I’m going to give this polka a two and a half. I’ll figure out how to do the math later.

Side 2

Mr. Popeil: This has never been one of my favorites but I’m not going to dock it points for that. It’s a solid B-52s style parody and I’m sure Ron Popeil is flattered by the immortalization. Al seems to be having a lot of fun with this song. Even though I don’t personally care for it I don’t know of anything wrong with the song so it gets full credit. The same thing is going to go for the next song. It's fine,
just not remarkable. In fact, I’m going to deliberately not remark about it.

King of Suede: See?

That Boy Could Dance: So, uh, I don’t get this one. Musically it’s not interesting. Lyrically it’s not interesting. I don’t know what inspired this song except perhaps a need to fill up side 2. Or maybe this was Al’s apology to the titular ‘groovy guy’ from the preceding album. I just really never got the point of this song.

Theme from Rocky XIII: You know, if it weren’t for this one song I might have gone my whole life without giving side 2 of this album any attention. This rocks. The original song is iconic, and the Weird Al version is a classic. And it’s odd in a way how this song was virtually ignored when the album came out in favor of Eat It and I Lost on Jeopardy. But we, the Al-maniacs, know. You know, now is a good time to mention that I’ve always been intrigued by how Al decides which parody winds up as the last one in the lineup. I assume there’s some intentionality behind it. On this album Theme from Rocky XIII feels like it’s in the correct slot.

Nature Trail to Hell: Well I’m glad that the previous song kept me listening to side 2, because just before the album ends and Al releases me back into my boring miserable life he grants me five minutes and fifty seconds of awesomeness. This is more awesome than Thriller, and Thriller was awesome; silly but awesome. Nature Trail to Hell is silly and awesome. I can’t explain why those two elements work together so magically here, but I can tell you that I’m searching the record collection in my mind palace (Beatles and Jim Steinman included) and I can’t think of a single moment in music as great as when Al screams “If you like the six o’clock news then you’ll love Nature Trail to Hell!” Maybe the climax to Gershwin’s Rhapsody in Blue. Maybe. When it’s done right.

Conclusion:

Okay, so how inflexible am I going to be about this whole twelve song rule? I mean, there's a lot of quality music here but honestly side 2 feels like it's missing something. I think instead of lopping a full three points off the actual score I'm going to take three off the final percentage. So five songs get full credit giving 15 out of 33 points. Make that six, I forgot I was going to give Mr. Popeil a break. So we're up to 18. King of Suede just wasn't interesting enough for a full score so 2 points. 2.5 for the polka. The Brady Bunch wasn't quite on the disliked level so I'll give it 1.5 (which makes my math a tad easier), and 1 point for each of That Boy Could Dance and Buy Me a Condo for 26 out of 33. But I'm also granting the option of a single awesomeness point for one song on an album as needed, in this case Eat It for its historical significance. 27 out of 33 (there's that number again!) which gives an 82 percentage, minus the three for a lack of a twelfth song puts us at 79, a C+.

Well, I'm kind of surprised myself, considering how much I love this album. I think I'm going to start trolling my own message thread in a bit.



Dare to be Stupid

Just don't give me the triple dog dare. This album could easily be subtitled 'Rise of the Originals' considering how much attention they got. Showtime broadcast a mockumentary in 1985 called The Compleat Al which meant there was a stronger push for music videos from this album, four to be exact. Three of them were for original compositions.

For those who weren't alive in the 1980's (which I imagine is most of the Roman Empire) MTV was our information source about music. We'd know there was a new album because we'd see the artist's latest video. So it was a fine time to be surprised by the sudden appearance of Al in full doctor's attire, announcing in song that there were more songs about food and television to be bought.

But on the downside, our attention span and patience became compromised, and every time a new song that we liked came out we thought "Al should do a parody of that! Like, right now!" And I admit in my younger days I didn't realize that comedy in particular takes a certain amount of time and care to blossom, and when combined with music my expectations were simply unrealistic.

All this to say, getting back-to-back Weird Al albums with this many gems on them kind of spoiled me.

Side 1

Like a Surgeon: In the mid 80's the only way to have topped Michael Jackson was to go after Madonna, and this couldn't have been better timed. There exists a certain grouping of diehard and casual fans who live and breathe by this song as the greatest thing ever, so much that they get mad when Al doesn't do this one in concert. But it is truly another one of his classics.

Dare to be Stupid: I don't know if Al meant this one to be his personal anthem when he wrote it, but in his most recent tour you could feel the already charged audience go into hyperdrive the moment they heard that familiar synthesizer. People used to think I was being funny when I said I listened to Weird Al for the music. Had they not heard this song? Oh, great. It's in my head now. Thanks a lot guys.

I Want a New Duck: Huh? You're having, uh, trouble with your...your duck? I don't get it. I will say that I like the tie in to the Peter and the Wolf album where Al actually does wind up getting a duck named Bruce, but for this album I'm just perplexed as to why this parody was written. I mean, there are some puns scattered around, but how did we go from I Want a New Drug to I Want a New Duck as an inspiration? You'd think I Want a New Rug would have been the more natural choice. Well, whatever.

One More Minute: This isn't just the Midnight Star of this album, this is arguably the funniest song ever written. If it's not evident, there was a real break-up behind this song which Al turned the pain of into something beautiful and timeless. Someone needs to tell Taylor Swift that her career has already been covered.

Yoda: You know how Bob Dylan wrote Blowin' in the Wind but fate decided that the song would forever be attached to Peter, Paul and Mary? (Do you know who Bob Dylan is? I probably should have led with that.) I think it's fair to say that the same fate revised the ownership of The Kinks's Lola to Weird Al. How did that happen? I don't know. I think there are maybe two jokes in the parody lyrics and the rest is plot synopsis. The Empire Strikes Back was five years old when this album was released, but it with absolutely no attention thrown to it, the fans decided that this would be Al's concert encore song. Tell you what, listen to it right now and tell me that you don't feel good. Then find a video of the Yoda Chant on Youtube and tell me that you don't feel like punching a stranger who's bigger than you and running away really fast. Go on. Dare to be stupid, you hooligan.

Side 2

George of the Jungle: Back already? How'd that work out for you? Lay down while I get the Tylenol. Oh, get this. Al's record label insisted that one song on this album be a cover. I know, right? Who did they think he was? Tiffany? Yeah, Tiffany. She was- I'll explain later. Well this was the song he chose. Yep. That's it, right there at the start of the second side of the album. Pretty catchy, huh? So, that's why that's there. Okay cool, the next one is starting.

Slime Creatures from Outer Space: I LOVE this song. Why wasn't this ever used for a Scooby-Doo chase scene? It's kind of a pity that this song seems to get lost on the B side of a really solid album, really through no fault of its own.

Girls Just Want to Have Lunch: No. It's the fault of this song that drags side B down. Again, with the record label; they insisted Al do a parody of a Cyndi Lauper song, which Al was fine releasing the album without it (weren't we all?). Although in retrospect, that would have amounted to an album with only three parodies, which may have been unforgivable. Don't get me wrong, I'd buy a Weird Al album if it was nothing but original material, but if I'm expecting parodies then I tend to grumble when I only get four on an album. So is a parody that Al's heart clearly wasn't in better than no parody? I say yes, but not by much.

This is the Life: Isn't this a cute song? This is the opening credit song for the movie Johnny Dangerously which was probably one of those spoof-ish movies that didn't really accomplish what it set out to do. And while this song isn't remembered with the fan fervor many others from this period are, there's a solid musical sophistication happening here.

Cable TV: For the longest time I didn't care for this song, and then one day it just started working for me. I still don't think it's a great song but I don't mind it. It's a good B side song.

Hooked on Polkas: Okay this is a three point polka. The best polkas have a feel of some kind of a journey, even if it's an abstract one. I've always imagined that there was a lesser known character in Arkham Asylum known as the Looney, who was never a criminal but just couldn't quite integrate into reality. And this is the song that plays in the Looney's head just before a major psychological breakthrough. Boy, you should see the video I've mapped out for it.

Conclusion:

I'm not going to factor George of the Jungle into this album, but it still leaves us one song short like last time. I'm also going to give the bonus point of awesomeness because of the way Yoda had such an impact. Seven songs at full score for 21, plus the 1 I just mentioned. 2 each for I Want a New Duck and Cable TV, and 1 for  Girls Just Want to Have Lunch. Hey! 27 points again! This time out of 30, for a total of 90, minus the 3 for a missing song and we're at 87. B.

Polka 'Round the Blog

I've been wanting to do this for a while now.

1983 was the year I turned eleven. I don't know what it is about that specific age in a boy's life, but I've heard it asserted that it is the oldest a boy can be while still believing in magic.

Somehow that feels true. At the age of eleven I was in fifth grade defending the existence of the Loch Ness Monster, accepting that my personal value was dictated by each nine week progress report card, and sensing that 'growing up' was simply not agreeing with me. And, I suppose like most eleven year old boys, I was subconsciously looking for that 'hero' figure to influence me, connect me with other like-minded people, and give some sense of identity in a world that was getting too big too fast.

That's when I heard about a song called Another One Rides the Bus.

It would be a few more years before I would actually hear the whole song, but knowing that such a song existed somehow resonated with my developing eleven year old brain. My parents had raised me on that very influential and experimental period of rock music that seemed to start in the mid-seventies and continue into the early eighties, and Queen was in the forefront of that track list. Their hit Another One Bites the Dust was EVERYWHERE and permanently ingrained in the public's mind. You could walk into a library (which was a quiet place back then) and vocally provide the musical setup of "Ba-da-DUM-DUM-DUM-(pause)" and get the whole room to respond in unison with the correct song title.

But I was never a mainstream kid. For whatever reason, God decided to grant me the fascination with the side entrance. If there's a front door and everyone is filing through it, and I spot an open window in the alley leading into the same building, that's where I'm going. It's not to bypass the line or get anywhere faster. It's just to have a different way of arriving at the destination. And just having the alternate yet equally acceptable response to "Ba-da-DUM-DUM-DUM-(pause)" magnetized me.

Throughout the next year I'd become aware of the existence of My Bologna, and catch the videos for Ricky and I Love Rocky Road, and still not make the connection that this was all the work of the same guy. It wasn't until Eat It that I was able to put a name and a face and a discography together in my head to understand who "Weird Al" Yankovic was.

He was my hero.

And you know what? Three decades later he still is.

I really feel privileged to have grown up along side the timelines of videogame history and Weird Al's career. It's the perfect foundation for a nerd. I'm still committed to fighting off the infestation of 'growing up', although I've been willing to embrace certain aspects of maturity. (Hey kids, your music today sucks. My generation is WAY cooler, so nyah nyah.) It's always comforting to see that every few years I can rely on Al to place his funhouse mirror in front of the Top 40 list and reimagine all too serious compositions with an accordion and a few gunshot sound effects.

Except I've noticed something with the past few albums. I'm having a certain amount of trouble connecting with them, mainly because I think a lot of todays music really does suck on a level of monotony and interchangeability.

And that got me wondering about the past albums I grew up loving. Did I love them more because I was a teenager and thus more relatable?

Well, Weird Al has announced his fourteenth album due on July 15th, and curiously I'm not excited. Back in the day I'd be drooling, but his past few albums have been a bit underwhelming to me. As such, I think this is the perfect occasion for me to revisit the albums of the past with a critical eye to determine what I feel is the overall quality of each one. So over the next however-long I'm going to blog my subjectively objective reviews to the timelessness/less of my hero's music.

Why would I do this to someone who has had such a wonderful impact on me? Because he's my hero and he can take it. I know there's nothing I can dish out that's going to make "Weird Al" Yankovic any less awesome than he's always been.

So put down that chainsaw and grab your twinkie wiener sandwiches because this is Al TV!

Food Network Star Week Three

After this blog I'm resolved to give up complaining about the contestant quality this season and just focus on the show as it's given. But I'm still going to get in my last hurrah, so here it comes.

Lenny is the only one who would have lasted more than a few weeks on any of the previous seasons. I really expect to see him in the final challenge and I'll even admit to being relieved when he wasn't sent home tonight. No one else is really showing solidarity. Some have it in the cooking chops, but I don't think any of them could have outlasted Penny from Season 7. Some have decent enough personalities, but I really believe either the network is presuming Chad is going to take the Star Salvation and trump everyone or they're simply as over the whole Food Network Star notion as I think the American Idol viewership was at Season 10.

I think we've seen so many Food Network Star winners go on to do very little that we're kind of used to the idea that the show is just about one competitor winning a competition and not really about choosing an ongoing face for the channel.

So with suitably lowered expectations, I'm predicting Lenny, Nicole and Christopher as the final challenge contestants. Lenny's already proven to have the strength and creativity to go the whole season, and he demonstrated a real sense of humility tonight when he wound up at the bottom. Nicole hasn't really had a bad showing yet and tonight she managed to keep her head above the water with several things pulling her down. And Christopher seems to be finding his screen rhythm, which he's been able to back up with cooking skills.

So as for the rest of them, here is my uninformed guess at the order in which they're going to be eliminated.

Next week: Chris. He's got a charm, but he's chaotic in front of the camera and he's showing no signs of growing. That charm is drawing too much attention to his mistakes.

Week five: Loreal. She struck a chord with the coaches the first week and hasn't been able to live up to that first impression since.

Week six: Probably one of the two who isn't really making much of an impression either way, Reuben or Aryen. The sad thing about Aryen is she's had some real opportunities to win me over and hasn't taken them.

Week seven: Emma seems to have Giada's support so I think Sarah will go that week. She hasn't really convinced me that she's ever watched the show before, but with the overriding sense of blandness coming from so many contestants I think the judges will tolerate her up until the seventh week.

Week eight: Emma. She had a good night tonight, but I really think this was the peak of her, but the show has made a habit of keeping someone who's peaked around for about a month longer.

Week nine: Whichever of Reuben or Aryen who wasn't eliminated in week six will finally go now. Assuming he or she has continued not making an impression, it will have kept them in the competition by not giving the judges a reason to cut them over the contestants of previous weeks. But by week nine they will need to provide a reason to keep them in the competition, a reason they don't have.

So, that's what I'm guessing based on what I see. I don't think there are going to be any upsets, scandals, chair throwing or angry fan write-ins, just a two month meander to the inevitable. It's kind of the Jurassic Park III of Food Network Star.