Six Children's Songs Way Cooler Than They Should Have Been

Here as adults, which most of us regrettably are, we find ourselves on occasion revisiting the much simpler yet full of endless possibilities realm of animation. I'm referring in particular to the dominant thread of western culture venomously known as 'family entertainment'. Perhaps we didn't fully think through the consequences of having our own children. Or perhaps we finally threw our hands up in surrender to that one friend who insisted that Cloudy with a Chance of Meatballs was an allegory for the housing crisis. Regardless, we all have blemishes on our personal browsing history that we feel may require some explanation should the world of Philip K. Dick be a few iPhone updates around the corner.

But do you ever find yourself watching a non-Disney Studio animated film or listening to an otherwise non-descript children's CD where you suddenly take notice of a particular song? Like, it's really good? And it didn't need to be? Because nothing's at stake?

Obviously "Under the Sea" and "Let it Go" were written with an eye out for that coveted Academy Award, so it makes sense that the writers really put something into their work. But there are some real gems of music hidden away in unexpected places, because the creators pulled out their 'A' game for no reason other than the sheer joy of it.

Here then are six examples of songs in children's films or on soundtracks that are way more awesome than they ever deserved to be.

6. The Girls of Rock and Roll -The Chipmunk Adventure (1987)

I'm opening with this one because the song was never written specifically for the film in question but it's source material, The Malibu Bikini Shop, has become nothing more than an answer to a trivia question (you're welcome). I daresay I was never a fan of Alvin and the (Other) Chipmunks, and I found sitting through their movie to be a bit of an endurance test.

But then this song happened. There was something magical about it. The rodents themselves may have had too much ego to take notice of the fact that they were performing in a temple in Athens, Greece; the virtual birthplace of modern culture. But that ultimately takes a backseat to the greatest girls vs. boys stalemate where everybody wins, and rock and roll fully embraces that literally anyone can be a rock star if they feel it badly enough.

5. Where There's a Whip, There's a Way! -The Return of the King (1980)

This song is unquestionably stupid, but I need to place it in context for those of you who aren't familiar with the animated classic. I'm sure you've seen Peter Jackson's Return of the King. Did you ever wonder if, maybe, the movie could have benefitted from more songs? Maybe a 'crack of doom' theme? Or a running motif about Frodo's missing finger? Or better yet, an inspirational chorus about how easy it is not to try! Yeah, you can't really blame them for doing what was expected in an animated feature, but you can't really keep from laughing either.

So imagine if halfway through the shooting of one of his films, Ed Wood had a horrible realization of where his talents lay, and instead of pulling the plug he opted to double down and really GO for it. That's this song. Not only does it present the orcs in an oddly sympathetic light, not only does it compel you to get out of your chair and march to it, not ONLY is it the one thing about this film that everyone will remember until the end of time; but the fairly high profile 1998 Hercules & Xena animated movie tried so hard to give the Titans a song worthy to stand in Where There's a Whip's shadow. And failed. And you call yourself a Titan!

4. Just For a Taste of Honey -Marie Cain; Winnie the Pooh: Take My Hand (1995)

I don't know who you are since you never leave me any comments, but odds are that you weren't inside Eeyore's head for six years like I was. And I'm not talking about dealing with depression, I mean literally inside a fiberglass donkey head with a chinstrap and headgear. For six years. Listening to freaking Kathie Lee Gifford sing the freaking Kanga-Roo Hop day in and day out.

This soundtrack was the music every single one of the Walt Disney World theme parks played as a backdrop to the creatures from the Hundred Acre Woods. Do you know how many damned lullabies there are on this CD? But then we'd get to the good section, starting with Randy Crenshaw's "Owl's Song" and ending with Marie Cain's "Just For a Taste of Honey".

Determination may not be the first adjective that comes to mind in describing silly old Winnipeg, but when you see him make up his mind he's as relentless as Jason Voorhees (probably the premise of the live-action movie Disney is planning). And this song summarizes an unbridled drive. And it's beautiful. If music theory has tropes, this song uses them flawlessly, from the chord composition to bridge. Music can be so utterly simple, yet so powerful.

3. The Ghost is Here -Scooby-Doo On Zombie Island (1998)

I seem destined to keep revisiting the Scooby-Doo franchise. I'm not complaining, just plugging some of my other blogs. But here's a little History Inc. for you uncultured hooligans. The first wave of Scooby took the Zoinks Generation from 1969 to the mid-eighties, which was the first real peak and crash of modern nerd culture. The Ghostbusters, the DeLorean, the Atari cartridge; you name it, it came and went. But then that generation grew up, and started infesting the system we'd been raised by. And many of the icons that mattered to us as kids suddenly found themselves upgraded.

Scooby-Doo is now a multi-million (possibly billion) dollar franchise, but in 1998 this was far from a sure thing. Part homage, part experiment, Scooby-Doo On Zombie Island treated us to a more thoroughly animated climax to a mostly off-camera mystery, followed by a time jump, a get-the-band-back-together sequence, and then a mystery solving montage set to this song. It's great for a few reasons. One, it's three solved mysteries in a span of about a minute. Two, it tells you everything you need to know about the characters, in case you're new to the premise. And three, it's an original song. A Scooby-Doo action song about the Scooby gang, demonstrating that not only is there still life in the old Mystery Machine but there's a whole new meta-layer with which we're going to be having quite a lot of fun over the next decade and beyond. And, oh yeah, four, the song does not leave your head. Ever.

2. Who Do You Think You Are? -Sandy Howell/Jennifer Cihi; Sailor Moon & the Scouts: Luna Rock (1999)

Ah, Sailor Moon. Every team-of-magical-girl story wants to be you. How in the Weird Sister hell did this ever work as well as it did? Even when the series failed, it still worked. Maybe that's the charm of it. Just like we're rooting for a heroine who winds up on her butt as often as her feet, we find ourselves cheering this anime dub of inconsistent quality on even as it falls apart.

The first CD from the show somehow MADE you like it, no matter how confused you were by the attachment. Luna Rock was even more of an oddity, with tracks ranging from uncontrollably danceable (I Want Someone to Love) to eye-gougingly inane (Daddy's Girl). But the apex has to be this bratty Sailor-snipe between Serena and Raye. It is a dumb concept that is executed with such finesse you can't help but take your hat off to it. Why, in the name of the moon, did this never appear in the series?

1. Parade Float -Jess Harnell; The Looney Tunes Show (2013)

A buddy of mine (and ex-Dungeon Master) once suggested that you could treat a commercial jingle as a company's charisma check. A successful roll would make you remember the product and to a certain degree not mind having the melody forever etched into your cranium (i.e. "Sometimes you feel like a nut"). But then there are those jingles that roll a natural one, like the Diesel Driving Academy. These are the epic songs that get you so pumped you feel like you need to go out and arm wrestle a bear.

I have driven multiple parade floats. None of them were large enough to contain my hatred of them, and as such I now hate the pavement beneath parade floats as well as any daffodils unfortunate enough to grow in the nearby vicinity. But the one thing that has ever temporarily stopped me from hating parade floats is this song.

The Looney Tunes Show was definitely more hit than miss, and it's strangely refreshing to see Daffy Duck "winning" purely on the grounds that he believes he is. And with a singer like Jess Harnell doing a damn fine Tom Jones emulation, singing the hell out of lyrics that can't decide if they're proud or humiliated by the titular vehicle, "Parade Float" manages to create its own reality where it is, in fact, the greatest thing imaginable.