Over the years I've amassed quite a collection of those 'tell-us-about-yourself-so-we-can-hack-your-passwords' questionnaires, because they just beckon me (see the most recent one here). I came upon this one a few months ago and stuck it in my saved folder, and then came upon it again while going through my saved folder to find something else (that's a GREAT story).
Anyway, my writer's block may be a permanent addition to my already unreliable cranium, but I thought I'd give this jump-start a shot. I usually try to answer in mostly snarky responses but a lot of these questions seem a bit more interesting to me, so I think I'll aim for a balance.
1. If someone wanted to really understand you, what would they read, watch, and listen to?
Me. There. That was easy. Okay, less wise-assed...reading my blog wouldn't be a bad idea, although I admittedly get to control the narrative. And I'm sure my therapist takes notes, so you can try breaking into her office. Probably the most accurate picture of me is what I write in the Dysthymia support group. I don't really have those Aha! moments where I'm reading someone else's words and thinking "This person gets me" but then again I have a really sour relationship with reading. Watch classic cartoons. Listen to the Pandora's Box album.
2. Have you ever found a writer who thinks just like you? If so, who?
No. The writers I've found have all figured out how to be successful.
3. List your fandoms and one character from each that you identify with.
I'm not going to do that, there's way too many of them. I'll repeat the Facebook challenge from a few years ago where they asked you to sum yourself up in three characters. I chose Gonzo the Great, Dr. Bob Hartley, and Linus van Pelt.
4. Do you like your name? Is there another name you think would fit you better?
I'd say I've gotten used to my name. I've never really given it much thought as to how I feel about it. I can't think of anything I'd rather be called instead. Fun fact, I refuse to wear my nametag at work because I hate hearing it from the mouths of strangers.
5. Do you think of yourself as a human being or a human doing? Do you identify yourself by the things you do?
Being feels like wasting (a human wasting?). For example, I'd rather be doing this questionnaire than just sitting here existing (and those are literally my two options). I'm a creature of story, and story has to have a plot.
6. Are you religious/spiritual?
Very much both, although my relationship with religion has been tenuous. I find God in many places, but it's very rare that a church is one of them.
7. Do you care about your ethnicity?
Do I what? Up until about 2016 I would have said no. But then a bunch of people who look like me sold their souls to maintain their power and it's no longer possible to not feel something about it. Resent is a type of care isn't it? In terms of heritage my Irish quarter is about the only one I have an affinity for.
8. What musical artists have you most felt connected to over your lifetime?
I have quite a few. My all time hero is Weird Al. Just a step down from him are Ann and Nancy Wilson with their fiery passion, and the equally passionate but more of a water element Roxette. Another step is Alice Cooper, Pat Benatar, The Offspring, and the perpetually audacious Jim Steinman. There are a lot more artists that I love and respect, but those are the ones I feel would cover my life's soundtrack.
9. Are you an artist?
By nature, yes. I'm a comedy writer, which isn't the first outlet people tend to think of as an artist's medium; but I can think of many examples where comedy crosses into art, and that's a spot on the Venn Diagram I'm always aiming for. Whether or not I get there is probably not up to me.
10. Do you have a creed?
No, should I get one? I had to look it up to see what exactly that meant, and apparently it goes back to the religious question. Basically I believe regardless of what faith we do or don't subscribe to, we all go to the same place when we die. I call the essence of this place God because I was raised in a Christian environment, but I don't think any particular religion has it right; we'll know when we get there. My personal relationship with God is through comedy, where pain can transform into connection.
11. Describe your ideal day.
I wake up uncharacteristically early and just feel good. The temperature is going to be between 50 and 70 degrees all day. I make a run out to McDonalds to surprise my wife with an Egg McMuffin. The morning is laid back, and I spend a couple of hours writing because I've had a creative spark. We grab a light lunch and then meet some friends at the state fair; ride most of the rides, pet some large quadrupeds. Then we grab a pizza and head over to someone's place to watch a movie, and get into a deeply existential debate about whether or not reality is an illusion. At that point there's an indoor thunderstorm and a pod controlled by our future selves arrives and takes us on a most excellent adventure to save all of humanity and form the ultimate band. Then maybe ice cream.
12. Dog person or cat person?
I was raised around dogs, and those floppy ears are just so cute, but I've also developed an affection for cats. I really want a pet fox, kind of both species combined.
13. Inside or outdoors?
I am not a fan of sunshine or insects.
14. Are you a musician?
In a very loose definition of the word. I don't seem to have the coordination to learn an instrument; I've tried cello, piano, and guitar. But I'm a singer and I'm fascinated by music theory, and I actually have written a handful of songs. I'd need a hell of a lot of help translating them to recorded form, but I'm comfortable adding songwriter to my list of hyphens.
15. Five most influential books over your lifetime.
As I mentioned before I'm not a heavy reader. The authors I've gotten the most out of are Lewis Carroll and Edgar Allan Poe, so let's go with Through the Looking Glass and EAP's Complete Works. The writing style I aim for is a combination of Richard Matheson and Gemma Halliday, so for them I'll pick The Legend of Hell House and Alibi in High Heels. And for the fifth, maybe one of the books on the history of Monty Python.
16. If you'd grown up in a different environment, do you think you'd have turned out the same?
I'm sure I'd have about the same mental health issues, but perhaps different stories of guilt for my therapist(s).
17. Would you say your tumblr is a fair representation of the "real you"?
I mean...I CAN, if it means that much to you. It's not true though. In fact I don't have a tumblr account. And off the top of my head I don't think I've ever been to one.
18. What's your patronus?
I had no idea what the hell you were talking about. A quick Google search later, it's the animal I call upon for protection. I'd want something large to block out the assault, but gentle enough to de-escalate the conflict. The Snuffleupagus.
19. Which Harry Potter house would you be in? Or are you a muggle?
Even back when Rowling's fans were lining up around the block for a chance to lick her I never gave a damn about the series. I'd be trying to get into Xavier's School.
20. Would you rather be in Middle Earth, Narnia, Hogwarts, or somewhere else?
Middle Earth and Hogwarts both have giant spiders, so that's a big f**k no to both. Narnia will at least dump me back into my life where I left it, so that's got an appeal. I think I'd get on better as an ambassador to the Moors in Maleficent.
21. Do you love easily?
Others, yes. Unfortunately I also get drained easily, so you're going to have to buy me dinner first.
22. List the top five things you spend the most time doing, in order.
Working, sleeping, monkeying around on the internet, driving, daydreaming. A couple of those aren't of my own volition, and I guess it explains why my writing output has been in such a drought.
23. How often would you want to see your family every year?
So we're specifically referring to the type of family that we don't already see year round. Ideally I'd get back to my childhood home twice a year, and not have to drive it.
24. Have you ever felt like you had a "mind-meld" with someone?
Nothing quite that defined. I've been on the same wavelength as others, but I don't think I've ever fully gotten in someone else's head. Or let anyone else in.
25. Could you live as a hermit?
Not for very long. If I'm stuck in a world of small talk I'd rather be by myself, but I have a need for a creative or philosophical conversation or I'll lose my damn mind.
26. How would you describe your gender/sexuality?
I'm Gen X, so for the longest time I wouldn't have given this any more thought than heterosexual male. I will say I wouldn't be surprised if a full genetic test identified more of a female brain in me based on where a lot of my interests are, who I tend to relate more to, and which Soulcalibur character I play (Ivy is the best). My sexuality is more accurately heteroromantic/demisexual ace. And for reasons I can't explain it's still kind of a sore subject.
27. Do you feel like your outside appearance is a fair representation of the "real you"?
Again I'm assuming this is more related to the previous question than whether or not the Scooby-Doo t-shirt I throw on every day is indicative of who I am (it is). I guess, more or less? I'm not exactly sure what the "real me" is referring to. Perhaps in a fantasy setting I'd see myself as kind of a Puckish type, if that helps. It doesn't? Oh, okay.
28. On a scale from 1 to 10, how hard is it for someone to get under your skin?
In the shallow end of the pool, very easy. It's much harder to get me to admit to it, but I find a lot of little things nerve grating. But underwater (I'm talking metaphorically by the way) I can tolerate just about anything.
29. Three songs that you connect with right now.
"Stars" by Roxette is my favorite song of all time; I've never heard loss conveyed so hopeful and remorseful simultaneously. "Dog & Butterfly" by Heart is about the purity of simple joy; I want it played at my funeral. And perhaps one day I won't connect with "Ravine" by Ace of Base, but I'm still not there.
30. Pick one of your favorite quotes.
“What we are is God's gift to us. What we become is our gift to God.” -- Eleanor Powell
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