I probably should have posted this one first. The Carousel is kind of a loose 'catch all' for any stories involving the characters Caris and Zelphina (Zel).
They've actually debuted in print in the anthology Summer Gothic in my short story 'Beachfront' which you can check out from libraries in the Birmingham area (or maybe...you know...buy, so editor and founder Jared Millet will consider doing another one). The term Carousel was suggested by one of the other writers Larry Hensley, who also has a wonderful short story in the collection.
A little character preview since you're here: Caris started out as my wife Ginny's character in a very short lived role-playing campaign. When that ended I think we both felt like there was a little more to develop with her, and she granted me her blessing to utilize Caris in my second year of nanowrimo, helping me develop her backstory for a modern setting.
Zel was left over from a previous campaign that had essentially engulfed my twenties and I still felt like I wasn't done with her. I always thought it would be fun to try out the paranormal fiction genre, given all the more potential for my style of humor by the fact that Zel is a demon with serious depression issues. Hence the partnership was born.
'Beachfront' was published before we'd decided the two women were in a relationship, but curiously I noticed that there were subtle elements in the story that just happened to work into the way they acted towards each other. I kind of interpreted that as the characters telling me as a writer that they wanted to go in a direction I hadn't intended. And it's probably good form not to argue with them.
So that's The Carousel. I have it in my head that wherever fictional characters go when writers don't need them on the page is a type of amusement park, and the metaphorical carousel is Caris and Zel's hub, with Caris saying "Ooh, we haven't tried the ostrich yet! Let's see where that takes us," and Zel still not quite figuring out how they wind up in places all over the country when the ride just goes around in a circle.
Check out the main page for more actual Carousel content.
Monday, March 31, 2014
The Carousel: Not in a Lodge (partial)
This is an excerpt from a short(ish) I was working on last year for a contest before my hard drive crashed and I lost the bulk of what I'd written, and still haven't worked up the nerve to go back and rewrite the rest of it. This was one of two sections I just happened to have saved in my e-mail at the time.
Not in a Lodge
Neither the cold autumn air seeping through the lower level of the lodge, nor the apprehension of his mother’s ruling that he should be in bed were keeping Jackson from the washroom. It was the number.
The hall, from Jackson’s six year old height, stretched for miles until the dead end between the room where Mr. Hutchenson was sleeping for the weekend, and room 102.
Room 102. As far away as it looked, the door loomed over Jackson as a monument of dare. Jackson didn’t dare. But the washroom was a sprint he would have to risk, no matter how much closer it brought him to that infernal door with its infernal number.
Jackson peered through the crack in his and his mother’s bedroom doorway, staring down the tunnel as if room 102 was capable of lunging at him. But he had to reach the washroom, and he needed the courage. He found it in the only place he knew to look. He covered his eyes with his hands and ran.
He scurried as quietly as he could, so as to not disturb Mr. Hutchenson or attract his mother. Or anything else. But Jackson had blindly estimated how far he should run, and when he stopped it occurred to him that even he hadn’t heard his own footsteps, or any sounds at all. Not Mr. Hutchenson’s snoring, not his mother’s self-supported ranting, and not even the sounds of the wilderness outside. Nothing.
Nothing,
except,
that.
The whimpering.
It was the whine of an animal in pain. Jackson heard it every night. His mother insisted it was coming from outside. His mother was lying. It came from room 102.
Jackson shifted his hands to cover his ears, trying to block the sound out. But he couldn’t. The whimpering didn’t get louder, but covering his ears only seemed to make it clearer.
Jackson had absent-mindedly opened his eyes trying to block the sound, only to discover he had missed the washroom completely. And room 102 was calling to him. Pleading. For help.
His feet moved.
The dead end of the hallway crept closer to Jackson, and the handle of the door to room 102 lifted his fingers, pulling them close enough to almost grasp the cold, dead metal in his hand, when his mother spun him around by his shoulder and yelled a whisper through clenched teeth.
“Damn it Jackson! What do I have to do to keep you away from this room?”
Jackson couldn’t answer, as the anger of his mother coupled with the realization that he’d nearly opened the door again was enough to cause his chin to quiver.
“Answer me!” She snarled. “What are you thinking?”
Again, he couldn’t answer, the tears overpowering his ability to hold them back. His mother allowed it to go on for a few moments before ordering him back to his bed. And then he lost it. The missed run to the washroom couldn’t wait any longer.
And she screamed.
“Do you really think there’s only one side to it?” Zelphina asked from the passenger seat as she unplugged the GPS unit. The lodge was a few minutes away in a straightish shot as the curvy road slithered through the wilderness. The tree line was already challenging the three o’clock sun for dominance, but Caris remained naively confident behind the wheel.
“That’s exactly what I think, Zel.” Caris suppressed a giggle to protect the sincerity of the debate’s preposterousness. “If we were talking about a recorded historical event then yes, I could understand why it’s unfair to presume the underdog’s motivations are unquestionably heroic while the figure in power has no validation for being inflexible; but we’re not. The story is a metaphor, controlled by an all-powerful writer slash illustrator who is clearly explaining how trying something new won’t kill you”.
“You’re talking about art,” said the red head. “Indirect communication. And to the chagrin of everyone who has ever dabbled in creativity, metaphor is at the mercy of the recipient; just as the audience decides if the comedian is funny. The critic judges the movie based on what the production team presented not what they intended to present.”
“Yes sweetie,” the blonde girl patted Zelphina’s thigh. “But you are in the extreme minority of readers who suggest Green Eggs and Ham is about harassment.”
“I never said ‘harassment’,” insisted Zelphina. “I said ‘obsession’. Sam had no business stalking the guy with the hat all over the county just to nag him into eating something he had refused over and over.”
The lodge appeared at the top of a hill a small distance away and Caris rolled her window up. “And you don’t think he was being just a little stubborn?”
“No, he was needlessly stubborn. But that wasn’t about a refusal to experiment. That was a defense against Sam’s invasive rambunctiousness. I really believe if Sam had walked up to him calmly at the beginning, apologized for interrupting the man with the hat’s newspaper, and politely offered a taste of the recipe explaining that the color of the food was no indication of a lesser quality, the man would have been much more open to the suggestion.”
“Honey, I see your point, but somehow I don’t think the book would have really flown off the shelf if the conflict had been resolved on the opening page.”
Caris turned the car onto the gravel path leading up the hill to the lodge, with the axles groaning at the terrain shift.
“Okay Zel, I know where this conversation took the wrong turn. You’re taking a Dr. Seuss story seriously, which was the opposite of what I was getting at.”
“What about The Butter Battle Book?”
“See? That’s what I’m talking about,” Caris lightly tickled Zelphina’s waist, causing her to squirm. “You don’t have to be allergic to lightening the mood. Look around us, sweetie. We’re surrounded by beauty.”
“We’re surrounded by creatures that want to eat us,” corrected Zelphina.
“Yes, but those creatures are beautiful if you just open up to appreciate them.”
“Caris, for bad or worse this is who I am.”
“I know.” Caris smiled sympathetically. “I’m not asking you to turn into me. I just think if you could try to filter out some of the pain in life instead of absorbing it you might be able to let in a bit of the world’s delight.”
“To what end?”
“No end,” said Caris. “Beauty is supposed to make you happy.”
“And then it’s gone.”
The tires bounced off an eroded gap in what used to be a well-traveled path up to the lodge, and Caris grinded her teeth as she steadied the vehicle’s trajectory.
“Memories last,” said Caris, regaining her ground, “Look at Marilyn Monroe. She’s still on magazine covers.”
“And how happy was she?”
“Zelphina, I am literally about to wreck this car searching for some semblance of cheer in you. Why do you resent beauty so much? I mean you think I’m beautiful, don’t you?”
Zelphina sighed. “I think that’s the societal consensus, yes.”
Caris pulled the car into the remains of a parking spot and turned off the ignition. “Okay, my self-esteem just felt a chill.”
“What do you mean?”
Caris turned in the driver’s seat to face Zelphina. “You find me attractive, right?”
“Caris, you’re 5’11” with a symmetrical face and a seventy percent waist to hip ratio. Why would you even need to ask that?”
Caris locked her fingers in Zelphina’s. “Zel, I get that a fragile ego is a foreign concept to you, but I’m a girl with baggage not so subtly fishing for a subjective compliment.”
Zelphina’s expression changed. “I’ve hurt your feelings again, haven’t I?”
Caris shrugged awkwardly. “I just want to know that you like me.”
“Caris, I love you from the depths of my being.”
“Yeah, I know. And thank you. But loving someone and liking them are two different things.”
Tawny peeked through the curtains in the window, surprised to see a car outside. She watched intently as two young girls stepped out of the vehicle. From a distance, they both appeared to be in their early twenties. The blonde was a few inches taller than the redhead, but either one of them could pass for a model. This was not the lodge’s usual clientele.
“Come on,” said Caris. “You must like something. What about kids?”
“I hate kids,” said Zelphina. “I hate people. And kids are people I’m told I have to like.”
“What about animals?”
“Animals are likable. They have no politics.”
The girls started up the wooden stairs. “Well let’s try holding on to that.” Caris grinned. “What do you like about animals?”
“They’re unbound. Unchained. Not mounted on a pedestal.”
Caris reached the door handle. “Isn’t that a beautiful image worth embracing?”
Zelphina nodded. “You’re right. It is.”
They pushed the doors open and came face to face with the head of a massive elk staring at them from the wall over the fireplace. Zelphina’s eye began to twitch.
“Well,” sighed Caris, “that’s the new face of my impeccably poor timing.”
Sunday, March 30, 2014
One Last About Me Questionnaire (September 2009 Edition)
1. What is your middle name?
Robert, and a little bit of added trivia, the number of
letters in my first, middle and last names increases by two letters. I hope
someday to be known as Dr. Sean Robert DeArmond Government Bullyragging
Radiotherapist Miscomprehension Superadministrator for this very reason.
2. How big is your bed?
We talked about this; you have to sleep on the couch while
you're here.
3. What are you listening to right now?
3. What are you listening to right now?
Right now as in when I was reading the question? I was
listening to the air duct. But now that I'm typing I'm listening to the keys
clack like Lord of the Dance.
4. What are the last 4 digits in your cell phone number?
4. What are the last 4 digits in your cell phone number?
9690. And if you're nice to me I'll give you the area code
so you'll only have a thousand possible numbers to try using to get a hold of
me.
5. What was the last thing you ate?
5. What was the last thing you ate?
Blueberry Pop-Tarts with frosting. Why they even make
Pop-Tarts without frosting is a quirk that has kept me from becoming
self-actualized.
6. Last person you hugged?
6. Last person you hugged?
My loving wife.
7. How is the weather right now?
7. How is the weather right now?
Perfect. It's one of those days where you can go outside in
anything and be comfortable. So why am I in the library filling out this questionnaire?
8. Who was the last person you talked to on the phone?
8. Who was the last person you talked to on the phone?
I honestly don't remember. So many of my phone recipients
tend to be recording devices.
9. The first thing you notice about the opposite sex?
9. The first thing you notice about the opposite sex?
They've scored more points in Scattergories than the
behemoths I got stuck playing with.
10. Favorite type of Food?
Why is 'food' capitalized? Let's see, favorite type. So
we're not into specifics. I'll say the type that tastes good which doesn't
require a whole lot of preparation or cleaning.
11. Do you want children?
11. Do you want children?
To go away? Yes.
12. Hair color?
12. Hair color?
An anagram for 'oral choir'.
13. Do you wear contacts?
13. Do you wear contacts?
Not yet, but we'll see how these online questionnaires
affect my long term vision.
14. Favorite holiday?
Halloween. People are oddly nicer to each other dressed as vampires than carolers.
14. Favorite holiday?
Halloween. People are oddly nicer to each other dressed as vampires than carolers.
15. Favorite Season?
Another capital letter in the wrong place. Did these
questions start out in German? Autumn.
16. Have you ever cried over a love lost?
16. Have you ever cried over a love lost?
Yes, many times.
17. Last Movie you watched?
The last Movie I watched wasn't so much a Movie but a documentary about Movies.
17. Last Movie you watched?
The last Movie I watched wasn't so much a Movie but a documentary about Movies.
18. What books are you reading?
I usually don't read books. I prefer to see Movies, although
this Season there aren't many Movies I'm interested in and the Movie Food is
overpriced.
19. Piercings?
19. Piercings?
None, and unless I get stabbed by a rapier it's going to
stay that way.
20. Favorite Movie?
20. Favorite Movie?
I'd hoped my sarcasm would have taken care of this capitalization
issue. I go back and forth among Contact, Dead Again, Xanadu, and Loony Tunes:
Back in Action.
21. Favorite college football team?
21. Favorite college football team?
I still maintain that football is an epidemic to
which I luckily have an immunity.
22. What were you doing before filling this out?
22. What were you doing before filling this out?
Man, I was doing the most awesome things ever! But I stopped
to fill this out because I knew how important it was to you.
25. Favorite animal?
25. Favorite animal?
Did two questions just get censored? The snuffleupagus.
26. Favorite drink?
26. Favorite drink?
Dr. Drink, performed by pretty much any player except
Publix.
27. Favorite flower?
27. Favorite flower?
Probably the carnation. But I really just like to walk
around in the cooler.
28. Have you ever loved someone?
I kind of thought question 16 covered this, but absolutely. I have the most wonderful wife in the world. And implicitly, you don't. So nyah nyah.
28. Have you ever loved someone?
I kind of thought question 16 covered this, but absolutely. I have the most wonderful wife in the world. And implicitly, you don't. So nyah nyah.
29. Who would you like to see right now?
The guy at the computer opposite me. It would mean I have
x-ray vision and that would give me a sense of superiority.
30. What color are your bedroom walls?
30. What color are your bedroom walls?
I don't actually have a bedroom so I'm going to lie and say
that each one is a different color. I'm a devotee of the Rubik's Cube.
31. Have you ever fired a gun?
31. Have you ever fired a gun?
No chance for that. I've never had a gun work for me.
32. Do you like to travel by plane?
32. Do you like to travel by plane?
I guess. I'm really waiting for the crunk-car to hit the
market.
33. Right-handed or Left-handed?
33. Right-handed or Left-handed?
Right-handed, which places me in the ruling class. How about
bringing me some coffee.
34. If you could go to any place right now where would you go?
I'd like to go to the video game museum that I believe is in
one of the states that begins with an I.
35. Are you missing someone?
35. Are you missing someone?
Nope. There's just me and I'm here, so everyone's accounted
for.
36. Do you have a tattoo?
36. Do you have a tattoo?
No, and if I did I wouldn't give it to you.
37. Do you still watch cartoons on Saturday mornings?
I usually stay up too late on Friday nights watching cartoons to get up in time.
37. Do you still watch cartoons on Saturday mornings?
I usually stay up too late on Friday nights watching cartoons to get up in time.
38. Are you hiding something from someone right now?
I'm hiding my irritation with the library patron behind me
from the whole world. Except for you, that is.
39. Are you 18?
Not anymore. In fact last week I started my third eighteen year cycle. Now get off my lawn you hooligan.
39. Are you 18?
Not anymore. In fact last week I started my third eighteen year cycle. Now get off my lawn you hooligan.
40. What is the wallpaper on your cell phone?
I give up. What is the wallpaper on my cell phone?
41. Are you afraid of the dark?
41. Are you afraid of the dark?
Yes. It's jarring every time I blink.
42. Favorite hangout:
Since I no longer have access to Disney Quest, I suppose I
hang out online the most. It's the only place in town you can find a good
pointless questionnaire.
43. 3 things you can't live without?
43. 3 things you can't live without?
Well gravity keeps my feet on the ground, welcomed or not.
Time keeps me moving forward, forcibly I might add. The third thing is a deep
dark secret that I'll only share on a national talk show.
44. Favorite songs?
Thank you, pandora.com
has been sticking me with a bunch of eighties covers that grate on my nerves.
I'll take Stars by Roxette, The Monster is Loose by Meat Loaf, I Choose by The Offspring,
and the top five Weird Al polka medleys.
45. What are you afraid of?
45. What are you afraid of?
That you're going to charge my account for the
aforementioned songs.
46. Are you a giver or a taker?
I hate taking without giving back, which is my fundamental issue with Santa Claus.
46. Are you a giver or a taker?
I hate taking without giving back, which is my fundamental issue with Santa Claus.
47. What are your nicknames?
I have two, but they're both spelled and pronounced the same as my actual name to make them easier to keep track of.
48. What is your dad's middle name?
49. What do you sleep in?
The arms of my loved one.
50. Stuck on a deserted island, and can only bring one thing?
50. Stuck on a deserted island, and can only bring one thing?
Who, you or me? I'll bring a boat. You bring the pizza.
51. Favorite TV commercial?
51. Favorite TV commercial?
There was a Duracell one from Germany
and a guy in a tuxedo that's left a lasting impression on my innocent brain.
and a guy in a tuxedo that's left a lasting impression on my innocent brain.
52. First thing you'll save in a fire?
Money on my heating bill.
53. What is your favorite color?
Blue, which is why Inky was my favorite Pac-man ghost
monster.
54. What are the things you always bring with you?
54. What are the things you always bring with you?
Riches in my heart and hope in my wallet.
55. What did you want to be when you were a kid?
On weekdays a fraggle. On weekends a dinosaur.
55. What did you want to be when you were a kid?
On weekdays a fraggle. On weekends a dinosaur.
56. What do you usually do when the alarm turns on?
Flip it off.
57. What color is your bed sheet?
I'm repainting it indigo.
58. Who do you want to meet?
I'd like to meet any of the Pythons, particularly Eric Idle since he's my favorite and he lives in
59. What do you think about before you go to bed?
How long is this indigo paint going to take to dry?
About Me Questionnaire (Thanksgiving 2008 Edition)
Your heart is racing,
who are you standing next to?
A hospital staff with an artificial means of keeping my body alive until my heart is done with the race.
Are you easily scared by horror movies?
If the movie succeeds at being a horror movie, yes.
Do you still turn to your parents for advice or comfort?
I've turned to my dad for money, which I found comforting (and it came with advice).
If someone gave you 100 dollars, would you spend or save it?
I'd save it until I spent it.
Are you hiding something important from someone?
I tend to hide my disappointments from the world. I'm sure the world doesn't find it that important.
Have you ever had a pet fish?
My family used to have an aquarium.
Are you taller than 5 feet?
By nine and a half inches, give or take stair flights.
What were you doing at 9 this morning?
It's not nine yet, I'll probably still be working on this extensive survey.
Can you admit when you're wrong?
Yes. Can everyone else admit when I'm right?
Do you like to argue?
Debate, yes. Argue, my time is being wasted.
Is there a meaning behind your profile song?
Only that it means I don't have a profile song.
Is it possible for you to be pregnant?
No it's not. Just admit I'm right and don't argue with me.
Describe your life in one word?
Fulfilling.
Do you cuss a lot?
Mostly in traffic.
Is there a guy that knows everything or mostly everything about you?
I have some friends who know the basics, sure.
Do you trust all of your friends?
They wouldn't be my friends if I didn't.
Have you ever gotten a sunburn so bad it hurt to move?
Yeah and it was followed by a period of unending itching.
Do you like country music?
As a genre, no. But a few songs work for me.
What were you doing last night at midnight?
I was with Ginny in front of the computer. I was nowhere near the watch factory.
Are you good at giving directions?
If I actually know how to get to where the person wants to go then yes.
Rent a movie or go to the movies?
I prefer being in the theater.
If you could seek revenge on someone, would you?
No, I wait for revenge to come to me.
Bonfire or fireplace?
Man, I haven't been to a bonfire in decades. Thanks for bumming me out.
Do you like to be reassured that you're cared about?
As long as it doesn't cost me anything.
Do you clean when you're upset?
Cleaning MAKES me upset.
Do you miss the way things used to be?
When I didn't have to clean and I got to go to bonfires? Actually I'm much happier now.
Who was the last person to call you?
My dad. I missed his call and I called him back, if you're keeping score.
Do you like hugs or do you freak when people hug you?
I'll take a hug from anyone who wants to give one. It's when they talk to me that I freak.
Done anything illegal lately?
I ran a red light a few moths ago.
Are you single or taken?
Taken, engaged, and complete.
Has your family ever kept a big secret from you?
Yes, but I can't tell you. It's a secret.
What are your worst scars from?
Emotionally? From living. Physically? From a diving board incident.
Are you wearing any jewelry?
Just the sparkle in my eyes, which is making it really hard to see the keyboard.
Something you do a lot?
Show my support to jayisgames.com by playing playing every free room escape I can get my grubby hands on.
What's something that bothers you about boys? girls?
Boys hide their vulnerability. Girls hide their strength.
Who was the last person you had a phone call with that lasted longer than 7 minutes?
My dad.
Do you currently like anyone?
'Like', like LIKE, or 'like' like like? Man, that word looks weird after seeing it so many times.
If you could change your eye color, what would it be?
Purple. With a hint of red.
Has anyone ever told you that you have pretty eyes?
Yes, but I'm sure I'd get it a whole lot more if they were purple with a hint of red.
Will you be in a relationship in four months?
I'll be in a marriage in four months, which implies a relationship.
At the moment are you more warm or cold?
Freezing.
What are you doing right now?
Shivering and stalling on answering this question so I can point out that it is now exactly 9 in the morning. There! It's 9! I'm also glancing back at the Thanksgiving Day parade.
Do you prefer warm or cold weather?
Warm.
If the year consisted of only one season, which would you choose?
Autumn. It's usually the right temperature.
Do you hate being alone?
I don't hate it, I'm actually an introverted only child. But I'd much rather be with Ginny.
What is one thing you would love to happen today?
I'd love the weather to warm up.
When will you next be in school?
When I have a kid.
what were you doing at2 am ?
Lying awake in bed wondering what I would be doing the next morning at 9.
Last person to text you?
I don't have a cell phone, so anyone who texts me is going to be disappointed by my unresponsiveness.
Do you currently have a hickey?
No, and I'm not going to check because it's freezing in here.
What's a bad habit you have?
Filling out surveys instead of trying to solve the homeless problem.
A hospital staff with an artificial means of keeping my body alive until my heart is done with the race.
Are you easily scared by horror movies?
If the movie succeeds at being a horror movie, yes.
Do you still turn to your parents for advice or comfort?
I've turned to my dad for money, which I found comforting (and it came with advice).
If someone gave you 100 dollars, would you spend or save it?
I'd save it until I spent it.
Are you hiding something important from someone?
I tend to hide my disappointments from the world. I'm sure the world doesn't find it that important.
Have you ever had a pet fish?
My family used to have an aquarium.
Are you taller than 5 feet?
By nine and a half inches, give or take stair flights.
What were you doing at 9 this morning?
It's not nine yet, I'll probably still be working on this extensive survey.
Can you admit when you're wrong?
Yes. Can everyone else admit when I'm right?
Do you like to argue?
Debate, yes. Argue, my time is being wasted.
Is there a meaning behind your profile song?
Only that it means I don't have a profile song.
Is it possible for you to be pregnant?
No it's not. Just admit I'm right and don't argue with me.
Describe your life in one word?
Fulfilling.
Do you cuss a lot?
Mostly in traffic.
Is there a guy that knows everything or mostly everything about you?
I have some friends who know the basics, sure.
Do you trust all of your friends?
They wouldn't be my friends if I didn't.
Have you ever gotten a sunburn so bad it hurt to move?
Yeah and it was followed by a period of unending itching.
Do you like country music?
As a genre, no. But a few songs work for me.
What were you doing last night at midnight?
I was with Ginny in front of the computer. I was nowhere near the watch factory.
Are you good at giving directions?
If I actually know how to get to where the person wants to go then yes.
Rent a movie or go to the movies?
I prefer being in the theater.
If you could seek revenge on someone, would you?
No, I wait for revenge to come to me.
Bonfire or fireplace?
Man, I haven't been to a bonfire in decades. Thanks for bumming me out.
Do you like to be reassured that you're cared about?
As long as it doesn't cost me anything.
Do you clean when you're upset?
Cleaning MAKES me upset.
Do you miss the way things used to be?
When I didn't have to clean and I got to go to bonfires? Actually I'm much happier now.
Who was the last person to call you?
My dad. I missed his call and I called him back, if you're keeping score.
Do you like hugs or do you freak when people hug you?
I'll take a hug from anyone who wants to give one. It's when they talk to me that I freak.
Done anything illegal lately?
I ran a red light a few moths ago.
Are you single or taken?
Taken, engaged, and complete.
Has your family ever kept a big secret from you?
Yes, but I can't tell you. It's a secret.
What are your worst scars from?
Emotionally? From living. Physically? From a diving board incident.
Are you wearing any jewelry?
Just the sparkle in my eyes, which is making it really hard to see the keyboard.
Something you do a lot?
Show my support to jayisgames.com by playing playing every free room escape I can get my grubby hands on.
What's something that bothers you about boys? girls?
Boys hide their vulnerability. Girls hide their strength.
Who was the last person you had a phone call with that lasted longer than 7 minutes?
My dad.
Do you currently like anyone?
'Like', like LIKE, or 'like' like like? Man, that word looks weird after seeing it so many times.
If you could change your eye color, what would it be?
Purple. With a hint of red.
Has anyone ever told you that you have pretty eyes?
Yes, but I'm sure I'd get it a whole lot more if they were purple with a hint of red.
Will you be in a relationship in four months?
I'll be in a marriage in four months, which implies a relationship.
At the moment are you more warm or cold?
Freezing.
What are you doing right now?
Shivering and stalling on answering this question so I can point out that it is now exactly 9 in the morning. There! It's 9! I'm also glancing back at the Thanksgiving Day parade.
Do you prefer warm or cold weather?
Warm.
If the year consisted of only one season, which would you choose?
Autumn. It's usually the right temperature.
Do you hate being alone?
I don't hate it, I'm actually an introverted only child. But I'd much rather be with Ginny.
What is one thing you would love to happen today?
I'd love the weather to warm up.
When will you next be in school?
When I have a kid.
what were you doing at
Lying awake in bed wondering what I would be doing the next morning at 9.
Last person to text you?
I don't have a cell phone, so anyone who texts me is going to be disappointed by my unresponsiveness.
Do you currently have a hickey?
No, and I'm not going to check because it's freezing in here.
What's a bad habit you have?
Filling out surveys instead of trying to solve the homeless problem.
About Me Questionnaire (Sometime in the Summer of 2008 Edition)
24 deep questions that will really tell you
something about me
1. What is more difficult for you, looking into someones eyes when you are telling someone how you feel, or looking into someones eyes when they are telling you how they feel?
It's more difficult when I'm talking about me simply because my eyes tend to wander a lot.
2. Think of the last time you were REALLY angry.
Okay, done. Now what?
3. You are on a flight fromHonolulu Chicago
Who do you call?
How about the Air Force's fire department.
4. You are at the doctor's office and she has just informed you that you have approximately one month to live.
What do you do?
I'd quit my jobs and max out my credit cards traveling.
5. You can have one of the following two things: trust/ love.
Thank you. I'll take trust for now and come back for love later.
6. You are walking down the street on your way to work. There is a dog drowning in the canal on the side of the street...do you save it?
Yes. You never know when a dog in danger is going to turn out to be a member of royalty from a faraway land.
8. Your best friend confesses that he/she has feelings for you more then just friendship. He/she is falling in love with you.
What do you do/say?
I'd reassure them that I'd be their best friend through the whole process of them getting over those feelings.
9. Think of the last person who you know that died. You have the chance to give them 1 hour of life back, but you have to give one year of your life.
Do you do it?
Hang on, I've got a calculator here. There are 8,760 hours in a non-leap year. So you want to know if I think that someone else's life is 8,760 times more valuable than mine? It's not going to happen.
10. Are you the kind of friend that you would want to have as a friend?
Yes and I can't have me. Thanks for bringing me down.
11. Does love = sex?
Ooh, algebra. No. Love equaling sex is a rumor people incapable of love concocted.
12. Your boss tells your co-worker that he/she has to let them go because of work shortage, and they are the newest employee. You have been there much longer. Your co-worker has a family to support and no other means of income.
Do you go to your boss and offer to leave the company?
No.
13. When was the last time you told someone HONESTLY how you felt regardless of how difficult it was for you to say? What did you have to tell the person? Was it difficult?
A couple of months ago I told my roommate how badly my throat was hurting. And that was really hard to say because, as I mentioned, my throat was hurting.
14. What would be (or what was) harder for you to tell a friend, you love them or that you do not love them back?
That I don't love them back. I usually wait until they're not really listening to make it easier.
15. What do you think would be the hardest thing for you to give up? Why would it be hard to lose?
Aside from necessities like water, air, and jayisgames.com? My creativity. Ironically I don't have a creative answer as to why it would be hard to lose.
16. Excluding romantic love, when was the last time you told someone you loved them? Who were they to you?
Ginny, at around 12:30 AM today. She's an angel.
17. What is love?
You wait until now to ask? Love is a choice.
18. Imagine. It is a dark night, you are alone, it is raining outside, you hear someone walking around outside your window.
Who do you wish was there with you?
My dalmatian. See actually I'm on the third floor, so it's probably my roommate out on the balcony.
19. Would you give a homeless person CPR if they were dying?
If it looked like the CPR would help, yeah.
21. You are holding onto your grandmothers hand and the hand of a newborn that you do not know as they hang over the edge of a cliff. You have to let one go to save the other.
So many assumptions. In an attempt to take this question seriously, as a human I'd be more inclined to preserve the life that's valuable to me, which I suspect is supposed to be the grandmother (ignoring that both of my grandmothers are already dead). Now based on physics, a newborn weighs about eight pounds give or take. If I can't pitch the damn thing behind me with one hand I seriously doubt I'll be able to hold onto my apparently now living grandmother. The bottom line is, this is never going to happen. But if I were in a similar situation I wouldn't have time to factor in ethics or priorities. I'd merely be reacting based on capability.
22. Are you old fashioned?
I'm thirty-five which I don't call old and my clothes are never trendy so I'm not really fashioned either. I think things that work or make sense do so regardless of which generation comes up with them.
23. When was the last time you were nice to someone and did not expect anything back?
Isn't that the summary of customer service?
24. Which would you choose, love with a guarantee of a broken heart, or never loved at all?
"Given the option of living in jars
Or a lifetime of trials and woe,
I'll handle the strain and I'll handle the scars
And I'll leave here with something to show."
1. What is more difficult for you, looking into someones eyes when you are telling someone how you feel, or looking into someones eyes when they are telling you how they feel?
It's more difficult when I'm talking about me simply because my eyes tend to wander a lot.
2. Think of the last time you were REALLY angry.
Okay, done. Now what?
3. You are on a flight from
Who do you call?
How about the Air Force's fire department.
4. You are at the doctor's office and she has just informed you that you have approximately one month to live.
What do you do?
I'd quit my jobs and max out my credit cards traveling.
5. You can have one of the following two things: trust/ love.
Thank you. I'll take trust for now and come back for love later.
6. You are walking down the street on your way to work. There is a dog drowning in the canal on the side of the street...do you save it?
Yes. You never know when a dog in danger is going to turn out to be a member of royalty from a faraway land.
8. Your best friend confesses that he/she has feelings for you more then just friendship. He/she is falling in love with you.
What do you do/say?
I'd reassure them that I'd be their best friend through the whole process of them getting over those feelings.
9. Think of the last person who you know that died. You have the chance to give them 1 hour of life back, but you have to give one year of your life.
Do you do it?
Hang on, I've got a calculator here. There are 8,760 hours in a non-leap year. So you want to know if I think that someone else's life is 8,760 times more valuable than mine? It's not going to happen.
10. Are you the kind of friend that you would want to have as a friend?
Yes and I can't have me. Thanks for bringing me down.
11. Does love = sex?
Ooh, algebra. No. Love equaling sex is a rumor people incapable of love concocted.
12. Your boss tells your co-worker that he/she has to let them go because of work shortage, and they are the newest employee. You have been there much longer. Your co-worker has a family to support and no other means of income.
Do you go to your boss and offer to leave the company?
No.
13. When was the last time you told someone HONESTLY how you felt regardless of how difficult it was for you to say? What did you have to tell the person? Was it difficult?
A couple of months ago I told my roommate how badly my throat was hurting. And that was really hard to say because, as I mentioned, my throat was hurting.
14. What would be (or what was) harder for you to tell a friend, you love them or that you do not love them back?
That I don't love them back. I usually wait until they're not really listening to make it easier.
15. What do you think would be the hardest thing for you to give up? Why would it be hard to lose?
Aside from necessities like water, air, and jayisgames.com? My creativity. Ironically I don't have a creative answer as to why it would be hard to lose.
16. Excluding romantic love, when was the last time you told someone you loved them? Who were they to you?
Ginny, at around 12:30 AM today. She's an angel.
17. What is love?
You wait until now to ask? Love is a choice.
18. Imagine. It is a dark night, you are alone, it is raining outside, you hear someone walking around outside your window.
Who do you wish was there with you?
My dalmatian. See actually I'm on the third floor, so it's probably my roommate out on the balcony.
19. Would you give a homeless person CPR if they were dying?
If it looked like the CPR would help, yeah.
21. You are holding onto your grandmothers hand and the hand of a newborn that you do not know as they hang over the edge of a cliff. You have to let one go to save the other.
So many assumptions. In an attempt to take this question seriously, as a human I'd be more inclined to preserve the life that's valuable to me, which I suspect is supposed to be the grandmother (ignoring that both of my grandmothers are already dead). Now based on physics, a newborn weighs about eight pounds give or take. If I can't pitch the damn thing behind me with one hand I seriously doubt I'll be able to hold onto my apparently now living grandmother. The bottom line is, this is never going to happen. But if I were in a similar situation I wouldn't have time to factor in ethics or priorities. I'd merely be reacting based on capability.
22. Are you old fashioned?
I'm thirty-five which I don't call old and my clothes are never trendy so I'm not really fashioned either. I think things that work or make sense do so regardless of which generation comes up with them.
23. When was the last time you were nice to someone and did not expect anything back?
Isn't that the summary of customer service?
24. Which would you choose, love with a guarantee of a broken heart, or never loved at all?
"Given the option of living in jars
Or a lifetime of trials and woe,
I'll handle the strain and I'll handle the scars
And I'll leave here with something to show."
About Me Questionnaire (May 2008 Edition)
The phone rings.. what's the ring tone?
The single most intrusive mood ruining series of electronic beeps in musical history
Who is your last text from?
I haven't received my first text yet. How should I be able to predict who my last text is going to be from?
Which friends of yours did you see today?
All of my close personal friends at two different jobs as well as many of their regular patrons and customers.
Favorite drink?
Dr. Pepper. It's a defined personality type that Carl Jung forgot to mention. Implicitly I also enjoy Mr. Pibb
Does the person you like know that you like them?
That I like those drinks? I'm pretty sure we've discussed that topic.
Where are you right now?
In the library. Internet is once again unavailable in my apartment.
If you HAD to kiss the last person you kissed, would you?
Okay my brain just fell out of my head interpreting this question. You're telling me to think back to the most recent person I've kissed. You're assuming (correctly) that the kiss was administered voluntarily, and you're asking me to imagine that the kiss had been in some way mandatory. And now you're asking me if I would have rebelled against authority and refused or gone through with a kiss that I clearly would have done anyway. Yeah, I think I'm going to call this question blatherskitic.
Favorite gadget in the kitchen?
The wire whip. It's fun to say.
How is your hair?
Doing quite well. It thanks you for your interest.
Any complaints?
Plenty. Why? You need an extra one?
Last time you had a sleepover?
At night.
Latest you stayed up in the past week?
I think it was around one thirty Tuesday morning.
What are you doing?
Still compiling my list of complaints.
Have you been in a car accident?
Yes! Thank you! I can put that on my list.
What is the last thing you said aloud?
I asked a librarian if Katie was still here.
Who's the 1st person on your missed calls list?
It's still up for grabs.
What did the last text message you received say?
Fine, I'll make something up. It said "Life is like a bowl of cereal. You'll always meet some flake wherever you go."
Last time you went to church?
I think it was in 2000.
Story behind your MySpace song?
Sadly I have no Myspace song. And now I'm without a corresponding story.
Do you care if people hate you for no reason?
I guess it's better than them having a reason.
DESCRIBE YOUR:
Wallet?
Existing several degrees below its full potential.
Eyes?
Blue and piercing (and a little out of focus in the right one).
Life?
Uncertain but thankfully in motion.
WHAT ARE YOU:
A mammal. Oh, sorry. I thought that was a question.
Doing this weekend to come?
Working three places and complaining about it. (That's number 83 on my list).
Wearing?
A Disney T-Shirt, a pair of shorts and tennis shoes.
Don't you like them?
Wanting?
Three wishes.
Listening to?
Library patrons debating cartesian dualism.
What do you smell like?
A well-showered wombat.
Do you sleep naked?
Not usually. I have a roommate with an attorney.
Do you like seafood?
Absolutely. Particularly salmon.
Do you remember your dreams?
Frequently.
Last kiss?
Well I certainly hope it's not the last one.
Do you have tattoo's?
No but I have a few freckles.
Do you speak another language other than English?
Yes, but I don't understand a word of what I'm saying in it.
What did you do last night?
Swam.
Who do you hate?
At the moment nobody, but I'm about to get on the road so we'll see.
Orange
I prefer apple juice to an orange. It's easier to drink.
The single most intrusive mood ruining series of electronic beeps in musical history
Who is your last text from?
I haven't received my first text yet. How should I be able to predict who my last text is going to be from?
Which friends of yours did you see today?
All of my close personal friends at two different jobs as well as many of their regular patrons and customers.
Favorite drink?
Dr. Pepper. It's a defined personality type that Carl Jung forgot to mention. Implicitly I also enjoy Mr. Pibb
Does the person you like know that you like them?
That I like those drinks? I'm pretty sure we've discussed that topic.
Where are you right now?
In the library. Internet is once again unavailable in my apartment.
If you HAD to kiss the last person you kissed, would you?
Okay my brain just fell out of my head interpreting this question. You're telling me to think back to the most recent person I've kissed. You're assuming (correctly) that the kiss was administered voluntarily, and you're asking me to imagine that the kiss had been in some way mandatory. And now you're asking me if I would have rebelled against authority and refused or gone through with a kiss that I clearly would have done anyway. Yeah, I think I'm going to call this question blatherskitic.
Favorite gadget in the kitchen?
The wire whip. It's fun to say.
How is your hair?
Doing quite well. It thanks you for your interest.
Any complaints?
Plenty. Why? You need an extra one?
Last time you had a sleepover?
At night.
Latest you stayed up in the past week?
I think it was around one thirty Tuesday morning.
What are you doing?
Still compiling my list of complaints.
Have you been in a car accident?
Yes! Thank you! I can put that on my list.
What is the last thing you said aloud?
I asked a librarian if Katie was still here.
Who's the 1st person on your missed calls list?
It's still up for grabs.
What did the last text message you received say?
Fine, I'll make something up. It said "Life is like a bowl of cereal. You'll always meet some flake wherever you go."
Last time you went to church?
I think it was in 2000.
Story behind your MySpace song?
Sadly I have no Myspace song. And now I'm without a corresponding story.
Do you care if people hate you for no reason?
I guess it's better than them having a reason.
DESCRIBE YOUR:
Wallet?
Existing several degrees below its full potential.
Eyes?
Blue and piercing (and a little out of focus in the right one).
Life?
Uncertain but thankfully in motion.
WHAT ARE YOU:
A mammal. Oh, sorry. I thought that was a question.
Doing this weekend to come?
Working three places and complaining about it. (That's number 83 on my list).
Wearing?
A Disney T-Shirt, a pair of shorts and tennis shoes.
Don't you like them?
Wanting?
Three wishes.
Listening to?
Library patrons debating cartesian dualism.
What do you smell like?
A well-showered wombat.
Do you sleep naked?
Not usually. I have a roommate with an attorney.
Do you like seafood?
Absolutely. Particularly salmon.
Do you remember your dreams?
Frequently.
Last kiss?
Well I certainly hope it's not the last one.
Do you have tattoo's?
No but I have a few freckles.
Do you speak another language other than English?
Yes, but I don't understand a word of what I'm saying in it.
What did you do last night?
Swam.
Who do you hate?
At the moment nobody, but I'm about to get on the road so we'll see.
I prefer apple juice to an orange. It's easier to drink.
About Me Questionnaire (April 2008 Edition)
who do you wish you could start
over with?
The cast of The Poseidon Adventure. Once you know Roddy McDowell you know everyone who's ever done anything ever.
Where was your default picture taken?
The photographer took it from the Stardome Comedy Club, and I took it from their myspace page.
Have you ever dyed your hair.
I've spray painted my hair (and subsequently most of my room).
Your current relationship status?
Well by definition my current relationship, being current, would have an implied 'active' status. But thanks for giving me a chance to clear that up.
Do you like the color green?
I may as well. Somebody's got to.
What color is your bedroom?
I don't have a bedroom at this time so let's pretend it's green.
What did you do yesterday?
Nothing that I regret.
What's the first thing you would do with 5 million dollars?
Exchange a hundred of it for twenties.
Excited for the weekend?
Oh yes! Go weekend! Go! Go!
What color socks are you wearing?
The same color as my bedroom. I'm all about coordination.
What are you listening to?
A droll voice in my head with a slight cockney accent reading the question to me.
Want to go to Heaven?
Right now?
Have you ever crawled through a window?
Many times. And I've come down through a ceiling at least once.
What do you spend most of your money on?
Impulse items like electricity and rent.
Who do you want to win American Idol?
Rupert, from Survivor.
Is there a secret you have never told your parents?
Yes, but I acted it out through improvisational dance instead.
Do you like yourself?
Look, I'm right here reading this. Can you ask me that when I'm not around?
What objects are around you right now?
A barrel full of marmalade, a rocking chair, and an igloo. Five bonus points if you can guess where I am.
Name a person you hate?
Okay, I've decided to name him Pachinko.
Are you looking forward to tomorrow?
Oh jeez, was that when we were supposed to go to the shriner's circus?
Are you wearing make up?
No, but if I were, I'd still say no.
What were you doing last night atmidnight ?
Exactly atmidnight ? I believe I was
saying the word 'caramel'.
Are you left handed?
No, and I probably never will be.
Who did you last cuddle with and where?
My girlfriend, and I'm fairly certain it was somewhere in the southwestern portion of theunited states
What is the last thing you thought about?
You make it sound like I'm never going to think of anything again. A rhinoceros. Just popped into my head.
Can you make yourself cry?
No, but I can make myself lunch. Small steps.
What did you do today?
Woke up. Transported a pair of snakes. Thought about a rhinoceros.
Have you ever had your nails done?
If nails were truly ever done the manicurist would be out of a job.
Have you ever kissed someone whose name starts with a k?
No, why? Was I supposed to do that before I clocked out?
What are you looking forward to next month?
Having every single object from my old apartment moved into my new place in pristine condition without so much as a mild snag.
Have you ever liked someone who treated you like crap?
No. No. Of course not. That kind of thing only happens to other people.
Is your current hair color mostly your natural color?
Yes. It's spray painted non-existent green.
Has someone ever borrowed something from you and never returned it?
Yeah, but I got even by not wanting it back.
Do you fall for people easily?
Sure, it's a pretty simple request. Gravity does most of the work.
Everything happens for a reason?
Let's find out. BLAHLUBBAWOONYAHUH!!! No, there was really no reason for that. Wait, except to prove a point. Damn!
Do you love someone?
Yes.
Something you do a lot?
Put a pan on my head and run around in the parking lot screaming "the redcoats are coming". That and making things up.
Angry at anyone?
You know, these questions aren't complete sentences anymore.
Do you wanna see somebody right now?
Oh is this one of those pranks where the girl from The Ring pops up on the screen?
What's the first thing you notice about the opposite sex?
They're all female.
Where is your last ex?
In the deep recesses of my memory.
Do you still watch kiddy movies or tv shows?
Yes but with my eyes closed during the scary parts.
What are you drinking right now?
I think it's some sort of drink.
Do you speak any other language?
Nein, ich habe nichts gelernen. How many mistakes was that?
Do you like the rain?
The Roxette song? Yeah, it's one of my twenty-five favorites by them.
What are you thinking about right now?
I just can't seem to get past that rhinoceros.
What should you be doing right now?
Feeding the poor.
Who is the last person to make you smile?
My roommate. But she made me do it at gunpoint.
A fact about the person you like?
She's very intelligent.
What happened at10:00 am today?
Central time? The world continued rotating.
Are you wearing anything you borrowed from someone?
I guess this T-shirt isn't 'borrowed' anymore.
Something you just don't understand?
Adam Sandler's career.
What is the last thing someone bought you?
My supervisor at the library bought us all pizza.
When was the last time you saw number 3 on your top friends?
I've glanced over my top friends a few times and I still don't see the number 3.
Where did you last eat?
Schlotzky's. Give or take a few spelling errors.
Do you know anyone in jail/prison?
I think we all have this natural fear that we exist in a prison of some sort, even if it's nothing more than a mental metaphor. And this illusory containment prevents us from achieving our true potentials. Thus, in order for us to become genuinely self-actualized each of us must, in our own manner, overcome our fake jail, or if you will hokey pokey. And that's what it's all about.
What are your plans for the weekend?
Oh boy, do I have plans for the weekend? Diabolical plans. The weekend will never be the same once I'm done with it. I'll start with laundry. Mwuh ha ha ha!
What book are you reading right now?
You honestly think I can read a book and type at the same time? Brother. Let me find a book. Here we go. "Origami on the Flip Side". Happy?
Do you go to the gym?
Just to lay around and eat potato chips.
How close to you does your #1 live?
I haven't sorted my friends, so Tom, who evidently dominates myspace, is still in my #1 spot. The guy could be anywhere.
Do you like your school?
Now that I'm not enrolled anymore. Sure. No hard feelings.
The cast of The Poseidon Adventure. Once you know Roddy McDowell you know everyone who's ever done anything ever.
Where was your default picture taken?
The photographer took it from the Stardome Comedy Club, and I took it from their myspace page.
Have you ever dyed your hair.
I've spray painted my hair (and subsequently most of my room).
Your current relationship status?
Well by definition my current relationship, being current, would have an implied 'active' status. But thanks for giving me a chance to clear that up.
Do you like the color green?
I may as well. Somebody's got to.
What color is your bedroom?
I don't have a bedroom at this time so let's pretend it's green.
What did you do yesterday?
Nothing that I regret.
What's the first thing you would do with 5 million dollars?
Exchange a hundred of it for twenties.
Excited for the weekend?
Oh yes! Go weekend! Go! Go!
What color socks are you wearing?
The same color as my bedroom. I'm all about coordination.
What are you listening to?
A droll voice in my head with a slight cockney accent reading the question to me.
Want to go to Heaven?
Right now?
Have you ever crawled through a window?
Many times. And I've come down through a ceiling at least once.
What do you spend most of your money on?
Impulse items like electricity and rent.
Who do you want to win American Idol?
Rupert, from Survivor.
Is there a secret you have never told your parents?
Yes, but I acted it out through improvisational dance instead.
Do you like yourself?
Look, I'm right here reading this. Can you ask me that when I'm not around?
What objects are around you right now?
A barrel full of marmalade, a rocking chair, and an igloo. Five bonus points if you can guess where I am.
Name a person you hate?
Okay, I've decided to name him Pachinko.
Are you looking forward to tomorrow?
Oh jeez, was that when we were supposed to go to the shriner's circus?
Are you wearing make up?
No, but if I were, I'd still say no.
What were you doing last night at
Exactly at
Are you left handed?
No, and I probably never will be.
Who did you last cuddle with and where?
My girlfriend, and I'm fairly certain it was somewhere in the southwestern portion of the
What is the last thing you thought about?
You make it sound like I'm never going to think of anything again. A rhinoceros. Just popped into my head.
Can you make yourself cry?
No, but I can make myself lunch. Small steps.
What did you do today?
Woke up. Transported a pair of snakes. Thought about a rhinoceros.
Have you ever had your nails done?
If nails were truly ever done the manicurist would be out of a job.
Have you ever kissed someone whose name starts with a k?
No, why? Was I supposed to do that before I clocked out?
What are you looking forward to next month?
Having every single object from my old apartment moved into my new place in pristine condition without so much as a mild snag.
Have you ever liked someone who treated you like crap?
No. No. Of course not. That kind of thing only happens to other people.
Is your current hair color mostly your natural color?
Yes. It's spray painted non-existent green.
Has someone ever borrowed something from you and never returned it?
Yeah, but I got even by not wanting it back.
Do you fall for people easily?
Sure, it's a pretty simple request. Gravity does most of the work.
Everything happens for a reason?
Let's find out. BLAHLUBBAWOONYAHUH!!! No, there was really no reason for that. Wait, except to prove a point. Damn!
Do you love someone?
Yes.
Something you do a lot?
Put a pan on my head and run around in the parking lot screaming "the redcoats are coming". That and making things up.
Angry at anyone?
You know, these questions aren't complete sentences anymore.
Do you wanna see somebody right now?
Oh is this one of those pranks where the girl from The Ring pops up on the screen?
What's the first thing you notice about the opposite sex?
They're all female.
Where is your last ex?
In the deep recesses of my memory.
Do you still watch kiddy movies or tv shows?
Yes but with my eyes closed during the scary parts.
What are you drinking right now?
I think it's some sort of drink.
Do you speak any other language?
Nein, ich habe nichts gelernen. How many mistakes was that?
Do you like the rain?
The Roxette song? Yeah, it's one of my twenty-five favorites by them.
What are you thinking about right now?
I just can't seem to get past that rhinoceros.
What should you be doing right now?
Feeding the poor.
Who is the last person to make you smile?
My roommate. But she made me do it at gunpoint.
A fact about the person you like?
She's very intelligent.
What happened at
Central time? The world continued rotating.
Are you wearing anything you borrowed from someone?
I guess this T-shirt isn't 'borrowed' anymore.
Something you just don't understand?
Adam Sandler's career.
What is the last thing someone bought you?
My supervisor at the library bought us all pizza.
When was the last time you saw number 3 on your top friends?
I've glanced over my top friends a few times and I still don't see the number 3.
Where did you last eat?
Schlotzky's. Give or take a few spelling errors.
Do you know anyone in jail/prison?
I think we all have this natural fear that we exist in a prison of some sort, even if it's nothing more than a mental metaphor. And this illusory containment prevents us from achieving our true potentials. Thus, in order for us to become genuinely self-actualized each of us must, in our own manner, overcome our fake jail, or if you will hokey pokey. And that's what it's all about.
What are your plans for the weekend?
Oh boy, do I have plans for the weekend? Diabolical plans. The weekend will never be the same once I'm done with it. I'll start with laundry. Mwuh ha ha ha!
What book are you reading right now?
You honestly think I can read a book and type at the same time? Brother. Let me find a book. Here we go. "Origami on the Flip Side". Happy?
Do you go to the gym?
Just to lay around and eat potato chips.
How close to you does your #1 live?
I haven't sorted my friends, so Tom, who evidently dominates myspace, is still in my #1 spot. The guy could be anywhere.
Do you like your school?
Now that I'm not enrolled anymore. Sure. No hard feelings.
Are you taken?
Like, abducted? I probably wouldn't have internet access but
thanks for checking on me. I suppose I'm not technically taken but I never
pursue more than one relationship at a time. So consider me as unavailable.
Are you happy?
Are you happy?
In general? There's always a semblance of imperfections in
my life that I've learned to tolerate, but I've certainly made a grand advance
in the past decade.
When did you first french someone?
When did you first french someone?
It was probably around 6:15
in the afternoon. I was a senior in college and it was actually a very
melancholic kiss.
When did you first have sex?
When did you first have sex?
My gender was established on my date of birth.
Oral?
Oral?
No they actually wrote it down. It's on my birth
certificate.
Have you ever been drunk?
Have you ever been drunk?
Yes but pretty rarely. My most recent binge was two years
ago.
How do you feel about others being drunk?
How do you feel about others being drunk?
With one exception everyone close to me is responsible
enough to know their limits. So I guess I've never really thought much about
it.
What do you think about PDA?
What do you think about PDA?
I think there are degrees of appropriateness based on the
setting. A ballroom dance, for example, is a bit more conducive to romantic
gestures than a miniature golf tournament.
Have you ever been in love?
Have you ever been in love?
Yes, although I've spent more time in whatever you call the
'in love' hangover that follows it.
Will you love again?
Will you love again?
Aphrodite is an uncooperative mistress. I find it's
beneficial to not try predicting her moods.
How old were you when you got your first kiss?
How old were you when you got your first kiss?
16. Although technically I instigated it so that would be
the first one I gave. My first purely received would be 17.
Where did this kiss take place?
Where did this kiss take place?
A bench outside Tara
High School
Did you like it?
Did you like it?
The kiss or Tara High
School Tara
so I had no real feelings against the place. The kiss on the other hand was
really, really awkward.
Where are your favorite places to be kissed?
Where are your favorite places to be kissed?
Well one is in Baton Rouge Shreveport
Are pecks sweet or boring?
Are pecks sweet or boring?
Are those my only two choices? I think any welcomed kiss is
sweet.
Do you like biting?
Do you like biting?
I enjoy it. But I've already called no hiting, kicking or
hair pulling.
What is better, EXPECTED kiss or spontaneous kiss:
What is better, EXPECTED kiss or spontaneous kiss:
Well the fact that 'expected' is entirely capitalized
suggests a certain bias from the question's writer. I'm sure an expected kiss
on the lips is statistically better than a spontaneous one on the kneecap. I
think I'm going to vote for the suspenseful kiss, where you're expecting it but
you don't know when.
Do you have a boyfriend/girlfriend?
Do you have a boyfriend/girlfriend?
I have someone that I really like.
Ever kissed someone out of pity/just to get them to stop badgering you?
Ever kissed someone out of pity/just to get them to stop badgering you?
Yeah, it didn't work. And I just felt cheap. I also kissed
someone just to get my mom to stop badgering me. Had a long talk with my
therapist about that one.
Would you ever kiss a drunk person that you knew wouldn't kiss you sober?
Would you ever kiss a drunk person that you knew wouldn't kiss you sober?
No, on account of it being a violation.
Kissed someone you didn't really like just to make someone else jealous?
Kissed someone you didn't really like just to make someone else jealous?
Not jealous. But I've had a few whorish moments.
How do you feel about making out with someone with no strings attached?
How do you feel about making out with someone with no strings attached?
If the kiss doesn't have an effect what's the point of it?
How was your last kiss?
Spiritual.
How was your last kiss?
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